Reply to Kids out of the house 8+ hours a day

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My parents put me in aftercare and before care, same as your schedule. It was fine at the time bc it's all I knew. But I always longed for spending more time with them. Basically that experience is what made me never want to work FT as a mom though I did have to work part-time and she was I childcare ~6hrs/day until starting school.[/quote]putting you in after/before care wasn’t the problem if you feel this way. It was the time they neglected you between aftercare and before care and then on the weekends, that has led to your trauma. [/quote]

I’m not the poster you’re replying to but I felt similarly to her. You don’t realize that the limited time my parents had between aftercare and before care and on the weekends was necessary for them to do the myriad of other things they had to do to take care of us (grocery shop, clean the house, cook, run errands etc). And they also needed a little time to themselves which they rarely took, since they were exhausted all the time. They were not neglecting me— they just had no flexibility to live less frazzled lives and definitely did not make enough to pay for help. I hated coming home to an empty house and would have loved knowing my mom was home, even if she was in a home office mostly, because it just felt so much less lonely when a parent was home even if I didn’t interact much with them as a sullen teen/ preteen. I loved the days when she got off work early or had a holiday and was home before me— there was always a candle lit and a small snack waiting and maybe some old timey music on the cd player. [/quote]I am sorry you felt so alone! But there is a way to do this and have your kids feel loved and not lonely. It usually means the parents are always acting for the the common good of the family and many of the chores and errands include the kids. Prioritizing family meal times even if it means parents are getting off work at 6 pm and doing work after the kids go to bed. If two parents who work out of the house want it to work, it can work. I promise you that![/quote]

Why are you denying this PP's lived experience, that it isn't just about quality time but also some level of quantity and daily routine? Maybe that can't be achieved for everyone, maybe some kids don't need or want that. But certainly for some that is tough and it's strange to just say it's not.[/quote]

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