No rest for the weary moms

[Anonymous]

A lot of people are nitpicking OP’s specific situation but her point still stands.

After the holidays, meetings and deliverables often ramp up, and if you’re not on a team or company with a good work-life balance culture, it’s tough to be like “hey guys I’m gonna peace out for a few extra days after my 2-week vacay”.

Should it be that way? NO! But the reality is, it is that way in many orgs, and unless you’re in a senior leadership role, you can’t change that. You just have to go along, or hope your infrequent instances of “slacking” don’t count against your career progression.

One thing OP and other young moms (including myself) should realize is: kids get sick and get their adults sick, which means families may have to miss out on picture-perfect things. Holidays, school events, snow days. But the good thing is - there’s always next year!

Second thing is - kids should be taught to entertain themselves without screens. We went out a lot Monday and Tuesday, not much at all yesterday and today because of the cold, but I didn’t feel guilty because my kids were reading, crafting, doing worksheets, and playing together all day, with only a little bit of screen time. And it is *not* parentification to ask a 9yo to entertain their siblings for a few days while schools are closed, mom is sick, and dad is working. It is teaching them that pitching in and being a good citizen is important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell are you cooking if you have the flu?

Honestly I use every convenience imaginable when I am sick and still have to be responsible for my kids. That means convenience food, paid help in every possible way etc…and if need be my kids can be on electronics/watch tv all day. And I don’t feel bad about it at all.

Me too, especially if it’s a snow day. I’d be using Uber eats, rover, instacart, you name it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then they don't get to sled and you don't do laundry. Prioritize what actually needs to be done. You can wear dirty clothes and have bored kids on tablets while you recover and do some semblance of work.

This. Prioritize, OP. And, yes, it is hard and I sympathize. But also, you’re making it even harder.

I also have massive anxiety about messes and own dogs who J need to walk in addition to having kids, so I get it! That said, I agree with the above. Take the kids outside for activity for an hour or two 30 minute sessions or have them walk the dog with you two. Try to combine activities. Ask your children to pick up too. 4 is old enough for clean up to be reasonable. With food just stick to a rotation of PB&J, grilled cheese, mac and cheese, or pizza (takeout) with plenty of veggies or fruit and lots of water. My husband has a higher paying and more visible job, so I understand. That said, at some point he needs to help so you can work or you should just take turns calling out sick. This shouldn’t all fall on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people are nitpicking OP’s specific situation but her point still stands.

After the holidays, meetings and deliverables often ramp up, and if you’re not on a team or company with a good work-life balance culture, it’s tough to be like “hey guys I’m gonna peace out for a few extra days after my 2-week vacay”.

Should it be that way? NO! But the reality is, it is that way in many orgs, and unless you’re in a senior leadership role, you can’t change that. You just have to go along, or hope your infrequent instances of “slacking” don’t count against your career progression.

One thing OP and other young moms (including myself) should realize is: kids get sick and get their adults sick, which means families may have to miss out on picture-perfect things. Holidays, school events, snow days. But the good thing is - there’s always next year!

Second thing is - kids should be taught to entertain themselves without screens. We went out a lot Monday and Tuesday, not much at all yesterday and today because of the cold, but I didn’t feel guilty because my kids were reading, crafting, doing worksheets, and playing together all day, with only a little bit of screen time. And it is *not* parentification to ask a 9yo to entertain their siblings for a few days while schools are closed, mom is sick, and dad is working. It is teaching them that pitching in and being a good citizen is important.

Sorry, I must have missed her point.

Also, if you refuse to take sick leave when you’re sick then you are partially responsible for that work-life balance culture.

[Anonymous]

Screen time! This is why screens were invented. You are running a marathon. Gotta pace yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people are nitpicking OP’s specific situation but her point still stands.

After the holidays, meetings and deliverables often ramp up, and if you’re not on a team or company with a good work-life balance culture, it’s tough to be like “hey guys I’m gonna peace out for a few extra days after my 2-week vacay”.

Should it be that way? NO! But the reality is, it is that way in many orgs, and unless you’re in a senior leadership role, you can’t change that. You just have to go along, or hope your infrequent instances of “slacking” don’t count against your career progression.

One thing OP and other young moms (including myself) should realize is: kids get sick and get their adults sick, which means families may have to miss out on picture-perfect things. Holidays, school events, snow days. But the good thing is - there’s always next year!

Second thing is - kids should be taught to entertain themselves without screens. We went out a lot Monday and Tuesday, not much at all yesterday and today because of the cold, but I didn’t feel guilty because my kids were reading, crafting, doing worksheets, and playing together all day, with only a little bit of screen time. And it is *not* parentification to ask a 9yo to entertain their siblings for a few days while schools are closed, mom is sick, and dad is working. It is teaching them that pitching in and being a good citizen is important.

Sorry, I must have missed her point.

Also, if you refuse to take sick leave when you’re sick then you are partially responsible for that work-life balance culture.

Yeah I don't think this is her point. And she never said that her job has that kind of a bad culture. I do have a job with that kind of a bad culture but after 9 years as a working mom, I care a lot less and definitely take sick days when I am sick because at the end of the day, they can't fire you for taking sick leave and someone's temporary annoyance really doesn't matter. If you refuse to take leave when you need to be off, you are part of the problem. People who WFH and try to never take a day off are a big part of why a lot of companies are swinging in the other direction on telework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate this style of obnoxious martyr mom.

X10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate this style of obnoxious martyr mom.

X10000

+1. I also don’t understand the pass for the husband. Mine has the “big job” in our family too and I cover for him a lot, but he also knows that when the $hit hits the fan (like illness and snow days at once) it’s all hands on deck. He would never abandon me like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate this style of obnoxious martyr mom.

X10000

+1. I also don’t understand the pass for the husband. Mine has the “big job” in our family too and I cover for him a lot, but he also knows that when the $hit hits the fan (like illness and snow days at once) it’s all hands on deck. He would never abandon me like this.

It's totally ridiculous. Guarantee you this guy was not busy every second of the day. Or if he is at such high level he must have some control over his schedule. He just doesn't want to be there. Terrible for the kids to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sick, stuck at home with my kids and trying to work at the same time. I am drowning. DH is trying to help but after being more or less off for the past 2 weeks with the kids winter break he is also super busy with work and can't take much time off.

So I am stuck taking kids out sledding, getting winter clothes on and off a zillion times, doing the loads of laundry, making food, doing dishes and walking the dog. Oh and I get to do all of this while sick and trying to actually get some work done to.

Life just isn't made to help out the working mom. Vent over while I go cry into my coffee and try not to throw up.

I’m sorry, I remember having those type of days when the kids were younger and being out of my mind exhausted with it all. I still just feel like it’s all so unfair…the work load for moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate this style of obnoxious martyr mom.

X10000

+1. I also don’t understand the pass for the husband. Mine has the “big job” in our family too and I cover for him a lot, but he also knows that when the $hit hits the fan (like illness and snow days at once) it’s all hands on deck. He would never abandon me like this.

It's totally ridiculous. Guarantee you this guy was not busy every second of the day. Or if he is at such high level he must have some control over his schedule. He just doesn't want to be there. Terrible for the kids to see.

Some of us have DHs who are not that hands on. I think those who do lucked out, for me it would be an extra burden and emotional expenditure to get DH to do certain tasks. I personally am very resentful and it will probably take me years to get over the workload that I’ve had to take on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate this style of obnoxious martyr mom.

X10000

+1. I also don’t understand the pass for the husband. Mine has the “big job” in our family too and I cover for him a lot, but he also knows that when the $hit hits the fan (like illness and snow days at once) it’s all hands on deck. He would never abandon me like this.

WTF? It sounds like her husband is just not an idiot and as such understands that taking the kids *sledding* was absolutely NOT a priority. He most likely wanted to just park the kids in front of screens all day, and that’s totally reasonable and also (most likely) totally unacceptable to his martyr wife.