So you let your kids read at the dining table

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We allow it. No devices, but books are fine. It's not every meal, but I'll never say no to a kid's nose in a book.

While it may be better for the brain, it is every bit just as rude to be engaged in a book as a device. And every bit as distracting with the potential to cause delays even if you are alone. There are indeed many times when it would be better parenting to say "no to a kids nose in a book".

Maybe better parenting to YOU. Not better parenting to every kid or every situation. MYOB.

This is why kids are mostly brats and uncivilized these days. Manners used to be pretty universally understood and it mattered that we brought up kids with good manners. Now everyone is so unique they can't possibly learn manners.

Fine, but when they are expected to know these things don't be surprised if they lose opportunities.

While you are right there is no point fighting this battle. People don't care about manners anymore and love repeating "you do you" as if it's an original sentiment. Kids who are well mannered will stand out more though and will have advantages as a result..

Discouraging reading just to prove to randoms that your kids have "manners" (which apply to far more than just reading) is incredibly short sighted. Kids who are avid readers are more likely to be successful in life and have fewer mental health issues. Your version of manners is probably not going to do that. But at least your dumb kids will get praised by other boomers for sitting at the table looking bored AF!

So no reading at the dinner table means discouraging reading? With those critical thinking skills (and trashy tone) it doesn't sound like you are much of a reader yourself.

"Trashy tone"? OK lol. I was an avid reader as a kid, and encourage my children to read as much as possible. I don't really GAF if that bothers randos on the internet.

I both encourage my kids to read as much as possible, and teach them that the dining room table is not the right place to do so. It's nor either or. You can be a fullsome parent and teach both.

Exactly!!!!! I think so many of DCUM parents are highly insecure and allow this kind of thing out if fear. I never allowed it at the dinner table and my child loves to read.

It seems a lot more like the manners crew are afraid their kids will grow up to be "low class" if they're allowed to read at the table sometimes.

No, no. You are the definition of low class if you allow this while worrying whether your nails or a piece of clothing will make you look low class.

I don't do that.

Yeah, the manners arguers are just making up random things now…

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We allow it. No devices, but books are fine. It's not every meal, but I'll never say no to a kid's nose in a book.

While it may be better for the brain, it is every bit just as rude to be engaged in a book as a device. And every bit as distracting with the potential to cause delays even if you are alone. There are indeed many times when it would be better parenting to say "no to a kids nose in a book".

Maybe better parenting to YOU. Not better parenting to every kid or every situation. MYOB.

This is why kids are mostly brats and uncivilized these days. Manners used to be pretty universally understood and it mattered that we brought up kids with good manners. Now everyone is so unique they can't possibly learn manners.

Fine, but when they are expected to know these things don't be surprised if they lose opportunities.

While you are right there is no point fighting this battle. People don't care about manners anymore and love repeating "you do you" as if it's an original sentiment. Kids who are well mannered will stand out more though and will have advantages as a result..

Discouraging reading just to prove to randoms that your kids have "manners" (which apply to far more than just reading) is incredibly short sighted. Kids who are avid readers are more likely to be successful in life and have fewer mental health issues. Your version of manners is probably not going to do that. But at least your dumb kids will get praised by other boomers for sitting at the table looking bored AF!

So no reading at the dinner table means discouraging reading? With those critical thinking skills (and trashy tone) it doesn't sound like you are much of a reader yourself.

"Trashy tone"? OK lol. I was an avid reader as a kid, and encourage my children to read as much as possible. I don't really GAF if that bothers randos on the internet.

I both encourage my kids to read as much as possible, and teach them that the dining room table is not the right place to do so. It's nor either or. You can be a fullsome parent and teach both.

Exactly!!!!! I think so many of DCUM parents are highly insecure and allow this kind of thing out if fear. I never allowed it at the dinner table and my child loves to read.

.

Corrected this for you: I think so many of DCUM parents who are highly insecure and forbid this kind of behavior out of fear. I allow it because my children love to read and it has not damaged the family dynamic. In fact it can enrich it.

Nice gaslighting. You're insecure because you think setting a boundary during 20 min of dinner is somehow going to mean that Larlo will hate reading, not achieve his best academically, etc. Make sense now?

[Anonymous]

At home, sure, sometimes. Not all the time. It's also okay if we're out at a restaurant and the grownups are chatting with kid just sitting there bored for long stretches of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We allow it. No devices, but books are fine. It's not every meal, but I'll never say no to a kid's nose in a book.

While it may be better for the brain, it is every bit just as rude to be engaged in a book as a device. And every bit as distracting with the potential to cause delays even if you are alone. There are indeed many times when it would be better parenting to say "no to a kids nose in a book".

Maybe better parenting to YOU. Not better parenting to every kid or every situation. MYOB.

This is why kids are mostly brats and uncivilized these days. Manners used to be pretty universally understood and it mattered that we brought up kids with good manners. Now everyone is so unique they can't possibly learn manners.

Fine, but when they are expected to know these things don't be surprised if they lose opportunities.

While you are right there is no point fighting this battle. People don't care about manners anymore and love repeating "you do you" as if it's an original sentiment. Kids who are well mannered will stand out more though and will have advantages as a result..

Discouraging reading just to prove to randoms that your kids have "manners" (which apply to far more than just reading) is incredibly short sighted. Kids who are avid readers are more likely to be successful in life and have fewer mental health issues. Your version of manners is probably not going to do that. But at least your dumb kids will get praised by other boomers for sitting at the table looking bored AF!

So no reading at the dinner table means discouraging reading? With those critical thinking skills (and trashy tone) it doesn't sound like you are much of a reader yourself.

"Trashy tone"? OK lol. I was an avid reader as a kid, and encourage my children to read as much as possible. I don't really GAF if that bothers randos on the internet.

I both encourage my kids to read as much as possible, and teach them that the dining room table is not the right place to do so. It's nor either or. You can be a fullsome parent and teach both.

Exactly!!!!! I think so many of DCUM parents are highly insecure and allow this kind of thing out if fear. I never allowed it at the dinner table and my child loves to read.

.

Corrected this for you: I think so many of DCUM parents who are highly insecure and forbid this kind of behavior out of fear. I allow it because my children love to read and it has not damaged the family dynamic. In fact it can enrich it.

Nice gaslighting. You're insecure because you think setting a boundary during 20 min of dinner is somehow going to mean that Larlo will hate reading, not achieve his best academically, etc. Make sense now?

DP. I mean you can make up whatever story you want, I guess, but it doesn't make any sense. The kids who want to read at the table are generally kids who love reading, and kids who love reading in elementary are generally doing fine academically. I let my kid read at the table because it makes her happy. I'm not worried about her test scores, she's doing great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who allow it when eating as a family, I'd be curious to know how this works in practice?

Multiple kids reading while parents talk? One kid reading while others stare at their plate? Are the readers engaging with others sporadically?

(I'd also be curious to know whether toddlers are/were allowed to come and go from the table during meals.)

I have an only child who is 8. He sometimes reads when it’s the two of us. It’s actually a great time for us to talk about reading and help him for better scaffolding of info. This is from yesterday:

*both eating*

“Hey mom, when was the Civil War? Is it the early modern period?”

“Oh, are you thinking of Middle Ages vs modern? Well, the Middle Ages and the knights / black plague stuff you were reading was, what, 1400s?”

“Yes like 1300, 1400s.”

“The Civil War is hundreds of years after that. 1860s.”

“So before WWI.”

“Yep. You’re really into your book huh?”

“Yes!… What do you think would be more important in war, tools or more men?”

“I’m not sure, what do you think? What’s the context?”

Etc etc

And I share something from what I’m reading.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We allow it. No devices, but books are fine. It's not every meal, but I'll never say no to a kid's nose in a book.

While it may be better for the brain, it is every bit just as rude to be engaged in a book as a device. And every bit as distracting with the potential to cause delays even if you are alone. There are indeed many times when it would be better parenting to say "no to a kids nose in a book".

Maybe better parenting to YOU. Not better parenting to every kid or every situation. MYOB.

This is why kids are mostly brats and uncivilized these days. Manners used to be pretty universally understood and it mattered that we brought up kids with good manners. Now everyone is so unique they can't possibly learn manners.

Fine, but when they are expected to know these things don't be surprised if they lose opportunities.

While you are right there is no point fighting this battle. People don't care about manners anymore and love repeating "you do you" as if it's an original sentiment. Kids who are well mannered will stand out more though and will have advantages as a result..

Discouraging reading just to prove to randoms that your kids have "manners" (which apply to far more than just reading) is incredibly short sighted. Kids who are avid readers are more likely to be successful in life and have fewer mental health issues. Your version of manners is probably not going to do that. But at least your dumb kids will get praised by other boomers for sitting at the table looking bored AF!

So no reading at the dinner table means discouraging reading? With those critical thinking skills (and trashy tone) it doesn't sound like you are much of a reader yourself.

"Trashy tone"? OK lol. I was an avid reader as a kid, and encourage my children to read as much as possible. I don't really GAF if that bothers randos on the internet.

I both encourage my kids to read as much as possible, and teach them that the dining room table is not the right place to do so. It's nor either or. You can be a fullsome parent and teach both.

Exactly!!!!! I think so many of DCUM parents are highly insecure and allow this kind of thing out if fear. I never allowed it at the dinner table and my child loves to read.

.

Corrected this for you: I think so many of DCUM parents who are highly insecure and forbid this kind of behavior out of fear. I allow it because my children love to read and it has not damaged the family dynamic. In fact it can enrich it.

Nice gaslighting. You're insecure because you think setting a boundary during 20 min of dinner is somehow going to mean that Larlo will hate reading, not achieve his best academically, etc. Make sense now?

Nobody is insecure… Nobody has posted saying they allow table reading because OTHERWISE LARLO WILL FAIL ZOMG!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would depend on why they wanted to read. I remember being forced to sit at the table with my parents to "be a family" but then they spent the whole time talking about their work to each other and we weren't really allowed to say anything. And they took forever to finish. It was super boring and did not make us a better family. They probably would not have allowed me to read, but it never occurred to me to ask.

I experienced the bolded too. It was awful, and my mother seemed to be trying to live out some sort of Donna Reed fantasy. My dad would just drone on and on about his boring work.

This makes me wonder how our kids will reflect on our family dinners. They are usually part of the conversation or we play games like I Spy at dinner (they’re young), but occasionally if there’s a big thing at work it is largely a parent conversation about work. Or, more recently there’s a lot of talk about tile because we’re starting a renovation. Of course they’re bored during those conversations, but I figure it doesn’t hurt them to sit bored and polite at the table for 10-15 minutes. I wonder if that’s what they’ll remember about family dinner though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would depend on why they wanted to read. I remember being forced to sit at the table with my parents to "be a family" but then they spent the whole time talking about their work to each other and we weren't really allowed to say anything. And they took forever to finish. It was super boring and did not make us a better family. They probably would not have allowed me to read, but it never occurred to me to ask.

I experienced the bolded too. It was awful, and my mother seemed to be trying to live out some sort of Donna Reed fantasy. My dad would just drone on and on about his boring work.

This makes me wonder how our kids will reflect on our family dinners. They are usually part of the conversation or we play games like I Spy at dinner (they’re young), but occasionally if there’s a big thing at work it is largely a parent conversation about work. Or, more recently there’s a lot of talk about tile because we’re starting a renovation. Of course they’re bored during those conversations, but I figure it doesn’t hurt them to sit bored and polite at the table for 10-15 minutes. I wonder if that’s what they’ll remember about family dinner though.

I think it's important to engage your kids during dinner but also just as important for the kids to see how you and your husband talk to each other. They are learning valuable things (provided it's cordial).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would they be at the table if they weren't eating? How do you eat dinner while reading?

I live alone and often read while eating. It's not hard.

I do too but if I’m with people it’s rude

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At breakfast and lunch, it's always fine. Sometimes at dinner if it feels right, but it's not every day. Sometimes I'll also take my daughter out to a diner and we'll both bring books and read.

I’m sorry that’s as bad as seeing all these kids in restaurants with iPads in their faces. Unless it’s McDonald’s or somewhere similar I can’t see why anyone would drag books in. I’ve never seen it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At breakfast and lunch, it's always fine. Sometimes at dinner if it feels right, but it's not every day. Sometimes I'll also take my daughter out to a diner and we'll both bring books and read.

I’m sorry that’s as bad as seeing all these kids in restaurants with iPads in their faces. Unless it’s McDonald’s or somewhere similar I can’t see why anyone would drag books in. I’ve never seen it.

No one gives a damn what you think is bad.

[Anonymous]

Allowing reading at the dinner table to stave off boredom is supremely entitled and will not serve your children well. They should be able to either engage in conversation, or sit and eat while others talk, or be mindfully engaged in their own meal if they are solo. This really isnt any worse than devices. Its about attention span and allowing space for mindful participation, which no one wants to do ever in an family it seems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Allowing reading at the dinner table to stave off boredom is supremely entitled and will not serve your children well. They should be able to either engage in conversation, or sit and eat while others talk, or be mindfully engaged in their own meal if they are solo. This really isnt any worse than devices. Its about attention span and allowing space for mindful participation, which no one wants to do ever in an family it seems.

My parents let me read during dinner and I can do all of those things.

[Anonymous]

Not during a family dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At breakfast and lunch, it's always fine. Sometimes at dinner if it feels right, but it's not every day. Sometimes I'll also take my daughter out to a diner and we'll both bring books and read.

I’m sorry that’s as bad as seeing all these kids in restaurants with iPads in their faces. Unless it’s McDonald’s or somewhere similar I can’t see why anyone would drag books in. I’ve never seen it.

No one gives a damn what you think is bad.

People do care about your manners and judge. Is this news to you? Do you live on a deserted island?