Why are women so triggered about men dating younger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women can sense a man who wants to be with them just because they are a good ATM. Men are not. This is why stupid men always end up with women who will make them modify their will so they could be the primary beneficiary. Yet older men brag about dating much younger women who in most cases are in for their financial benefit.

I think this “modify the will” stuff is the gravamen of it. Resources. Two people marry, have kids, one of them dies — the money goes to the spouse. No issue. No one questions this. It then goes to the kids. Two marry, have kids, divorce, DH remarries a younger woman. They have kids, they don’t have kids—either way, that financial safety the wife in the first scenario enjoys isn’t necessarily there. Because the kids from marriage #1 and obligations are there. So they have to fight for it. If they end up having kids with DH they will fight hard. So of course they “make them modify their will so they can be the primary beneficiary.” This is natural, but can get very complicated and bitter. Especially if DW#1 doesn’t have her own resources.

[Anonymous]

Most women prefer a tall man. Most of them will not get one.

Most men prefer a P.Y.T. Most of them will not get one.

Crying and and complaining about the unfairness of these preferences is not going to make them go away.

Both men and women need to accept this reality and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because there is a lot of negativity towards older women coming from those same men. Read this forum: post menopausal, low L, crazy, cat lady etc. As if they forgotten that they used to admire and married those same women 20 years ago. It sucks when out of a sudden half of humanity considers you second sort citizen just because you aged. Men feel like they are invincible, can offload inconvenient old wife AND the kids and start completely anew. And they brag about it.

Women are still economically less privileged, and age discrimination post 40 is real at workplace. Many end up devoting their best years to families only to be kicked to the curb by employers, husbands, and out of a sudden become invisible.

Younger women rush get their slice of this pie, and often bully ex wives on this forum and with their partners. A of it is economical completion for men’s resources (which they often accumulated with direct support and huge sacrifices of the first wives).

The government should pay US mothers to have kids because women are still unprotected class in this country.

I am a man and I completely agree with everything you said.

NP. Thank you. I am married to a man like you and I hope your kind is actually the majority.

To OP’s question, the only large age difference relationship I have had the chance to observe closely is a friend of mine who married a man 25 years her senior. He was a hot shot in international politics (some DCUM posters would surely know his name), married her when she was 22 and he 47. He cheated on her constantly, including while she was giving birth to their second and third children. Now he’s late 60s and has health issues, and the rest of her youthful years will be spent caring for him. She looks like Jennifer Lopez without exaggerating, literally has an ivy PhD, is an incredibly kind friend and devoted mom. I feel awful for her, and she has never had the courage to leave because of the kids. Maybe she will now but I’ve given up talking to her about it.

When I hear of age gap relationships like this, it makes me very sad. Maybe some are “true love” but the majority is just users taking advantage of young women.

I blame him. A 47 years old man should not marry a 22 years old woman. They are incompatible in almost every area. The men in my circles aren't stupid enough to remarry such much younger women and worse have kids with them. It's just insanity. Yes young women are beautiful. But it doesn't make older women less beautiful. Folks nobody will look youthful forever so it's really weird to compare the look of a 45 years old woman to that of a 25 years old woman. The same argument goes for men. I was looking at old pictures of my 25 years old self and I couldn't stop snoring the broad shoulders 6 pack smooth skin lol. I don't look horrible at 46 but it's not a fair comparison.

Of course it does. Everything is relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's not a lot of public acknowledgment that when men marry women 20, 30 years younger, it's not good for society in general. It's not good for kids to have fathers that much older (for many reasons, including genetics). It's not good for the women who end up being widowed in their 50s. But mostly it's just not a good thing 1/2 of the population feels that their value as a person is so tied to something essentially meaningless.

We like to think that our value on the dating market should not be so heavily weighted in favor of something trivial.

I am surprised that conservatives don't call this out more often or talk about this. The fact that families in general suffer when there's such a disparity in ages, and that there are millions of older women who are all alone because they married old men. It benefits rich older men to marry young women but the whole female population pays a price when this becomes common.

Welcome to the world of men under 6 feet tall.

No, the 6 foot rule is imaginary. It only exists in the heads of men who want to believe their lack of success is due to their height when really it's other reasons. Look around, you'll see lots of short men-- sometimes very short-- successfully dating or married.

That poster said "our value on the dating market should not be so heavily weighted in favor of something trivial." The "something trivial" being age. How is that any different from a man's height?

Women place men taller than 6' on a pedestal. Men place women under the age of 30 on a pedestal. Seems fair to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's not a lot of public acknowledgment that when men marry women 20, 30 years younger, it's not good for society in general. It's not good for kids to have fathers that much older (for many reasons, including genetics). It's not good for the women who end up being widowed in their 50s. But mostly it's just not a good thing 1/2 of the population feels that their value as a person is so tied to something essentially meaningless.

We like to think that our value on the dating market should not be so heavily weighted in favor of something trivial.

I am surprised that conservatives don't call this out more often or talk about this. The fact that families in general suffer when there's such a disparity in ages, and that there are millions of older women who are all alone because they married old men. It benefits rich older men to marry young women but the whole female population pays a price when this becomes common.

Welcome to the world of men under 6 feet tall.

No, the 6 foot rule is imaginary. It only exists in the heads of men who want to believe their lack of success is due to their height when really it's other reasons. Look around, you'll see lots of short men-- sometimes very short-- successfully dating or married.

So is men's preference for younger women also imaginary?

No, I don't think so. I see lots of men dating younger women. But I also see lots of short men succeeding romantically, so I don't think the 6 foot rule is real. It's certainly not a bright line. I think being under 5'6" is a disadvantage but anything above that is good. Nobody ever rejected a good man for being only 5'10 or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's not a lot of public acknowledgment that when men marry women 20, 30 years younger, it's not good for society in general. It's not good for kids to have fathers that much older (for many reasons, including genetics). It's not good for the women who end up being widowed in their 50s. But mostly it's just not a good thing 1/2 of the population feels that their value as a person is so tied to something essentially meaningless.

We like to think that our value on the dating market should not be so heavily weighted in favor of something trivial.

I am surprised that conservatives don't call this out more often or talk about this. The fact that families in general suffer when there's such a disparity in ages, and that there are millions of older women who are all alone because they married old men. It benefits rich older men to marry young women but the whole female population pays a price when this becomes common.

Welcome to the world of men under 6 feet tall.

No, the 6 foot rule is imaginary. It only exists in the heads of men who want to believe their lack of success is due to their height when really it's other reasons. Look around, you'll see lots of short men-- sometimes very short-- successfully dating or married.

So is men's preference for younger women also imaginary?

No, I don't think so. I see lots of men dating younger women. But I also see lots of short men succeeding romantically, so I don't think the 6 foot rule is real. It's certainly not a bright line. I think being under 5'6" is a disadvantage but anything above that is good. Nobody ever rejected a good man for being only 5'10 or whatever.

It's the same thing with a woman's age. All things equal, a 25 yo woman has an advantage over a 32 yo woman the same way a 6'4 man has an advantage over a 5'9 man. That doesn't mean a 32 yo woman or a 5'9 man are doomed. It only means that tall men and younger women are generally considered more desirable.

[Anonymous]

The age/height comparison is a good one because it triggers two of the biggest insecurities in each sex.

[Anonymous]

I think it's because most women have been getting hit on by old men since we were preteens. It was gross then, and it's gross now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because I feel like the women are getting taken advantage of. And yes, most of us remember being in our 20s and getting the pervy attention of much older men.

It’s equivalent to bow a lot of men marry a foreign woman who will be subservient to them- cook for them, don’t talk back.

You could not be more wrong. This is one of the dumber copes that older women claim.

The younger, hotter person always has more power in the relationship.

Even one of the good guy simps above confirmed this when he says he tries to date older women who would be out of his league if they were the same age or younger.

Does the young, hot woman without a visa and greencard have power?

No idea. THat's not the type I match with on dating apps. As often as not, they come from wealthy families (they have to in order to attend a private college in DC).

[Anonymous]

I think I am squicked out by young women dating older men because I have a college age daughter. The idea of her with someone who is DH’s (her father’s) age is disturbing. I know these men of my age have a maturity and cynicism that comes with age. Your 20’s are such a special time when you are filled with the possibilities of life. I would love for her to discover that on her own or with someone who is at a similar mental place. Men like my husband, who are mentally centered, comfortable with their age, and appropriately balanced would not actually be interested in her any more than I am interested in my son’s buddies. They are 21 or so years old but all I see is 8 year olds coming over after soccer.

[Anonymous]

6' is not enough. That's just a basic prerequisite. Next you need a descent weight to go with the height. 6'0 120 lbs or 6'0 320 lbs they will put you in the same category with the 5'6 short king.

Once you clear the bar for height and weight you have other important tests to pass. College education (sometimes the pedigree of the college you went to), your job (they don't want a low level staff making $50k), your salary (it better be high). Then they look at your personality. Do you make them laugh? Are you kind? (Best green flag imo) Etc etc.

The point I want to make is that women have preferences just like men. Just don't tell that their standards are too high sometimes. You just have to accept their preferences are universal preferences that people just have to accept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because honestly, I think men are largely attracted to looks. It's depressing to accomplish so much only to realize that what men find most attractive is physical beauty-- and probably someone who doesn't challenge them or carry any baggage.
For me, I like interesting, complex, successful men who are more seasoned, but it's not mutual.
Women become "invisible' to men after a certain age, no matter their accomplishments, intellect or conversation--and if you haven't experienced, it just wait for it.

Yes. There are outliers and men care about personality and how they "click" with you but for the most part clicking means how physically attracted they are to you. It is sad that all the wisdom, perspective, experience and depth as a person (even purely maternal things like raising several kids or being a SAHM) that you gain as you age don't mean much to men and in fact can go against you. Men like to say this is pure biology but I don't buy it, I think that's a small part of it and a bigger part is that men are driven to use women as status symbols, related to their looks. It's part of our culture and we all buy into it. But the young women who make this trade off for money regret it in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I am squicked out by young women dating older men because I have a college age daughter. The idea of her with someone who is DH’s (her father’s) age is disturbing. I know these men of my age have a maturity and cynicism that comes with age. Your 20’s are such a special time when you are filled with the possibilities of life. I would love for her to discover that on her own or with someone who is at a similar mental place. Men like my husband, who are mentally centered, comfortable with their age, and appropriately balanced would not actually be interested in her any more than I am interested in my son’s buddies. They are 21 or so years old but all I see is 8 year olds coming over after soccer.

A realistic age gap is more like 30/23, 33/26, 41/32, 46/35. I'm not sure why people rush to the extremes where it's an old man dating a woman the same age as his granddaughter.

Young is relative. Men prefer to date younger but the age floor rises as they themselves age. A 48 year old man dating a 37 year old woman feels he's doing rather well. When that man was 37, his floor may have been 27.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because honestly, I think men are largely attracted to looks. It's depressing to accomplish so much only to realize that what men find most attractive is physical beauty-- and probably someone who doesn't challenge them or carry any baggage.
For me, I like interesting, complex, successful men who are more seasoned, but it's not mutual.
Women become "invisible' to men after a certain age, no matter their accomplishments, intellect or conversation--and if you haven't experienced, it just wait for it.

Yes. There are outliers and men care about personality and how they "click" with you but for the most part clicking means how physically attracted they are to you. It is sad that all the wisdom, perspective, experience and depth as a person (even purely maternal things like raising several kids or being a SAHM) that you gain as you age don't mean much to men and in fact can go against you. Men like to say this is pure biology but I don't buy it, I think that's a small part of it and a bigger part is that men are driven to use women as status symbols, related to their looks. It's part of our culture and we all buy into it. But the young women who make this trade off for money regret it in the long run.

But what about that sweet, caring and gentle 5'5 man whose experience and depth as a person don't mean much to women because they can't get over his height? Many years ago, there was a news program where women were given a choice between a tall gym teacher and a short millionaire who had written a best-selling book.

I find it funny that women get extremely hurt at the notion of being written off by the men they desire because of their age but have no sympathy for men being written off by the women they desire because of their height.

[Anonymous]

Older women have no problem mocking men with small d**k or men who have performance issues. On this very forum women tell each other to make sure the old guy a woman is dating can keep it up if not to run the other way.