Insults or hurtful words you can’t forget

[Anonymous]

My DH told me he was no longer attracted to me and didn’t want to sleep with me because I gained weight. I’m 5’6 and went from 130 lbs to 140 lbs due to steroid treatment for a flare up of my chronic illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t want to wear hijab as a teenager or college student, and my religious Muslim father would make a disgusted sound (very audible, not under his breath) every single time I left or entered the house.

Compared to his religious peers, that's extremely tolerant. He didn't put you death or physically restrain you.

That is not common in our part of the Muslim world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH told me he was no longer attracted to me and didn’t want to sleep with me because I gained weight. I’m 5’6 and went from 130 lbs to 140 lbs due to steroid treatment for a flare up of my chronic illness.

I can relate and I’ve had disordered eating since it’s awful I’m 5’8 130 which is thin on my frame and I still have his words go through my head daily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all need to go to therapy and do deep work on yourselves if you're still gutted from throw away comments from otherwise loving parents

Abusive parent has entered the chat!

Meh. While I agree with the PPs saying it's unlikely the "throw away comments" came from parents who were truly "otherwise loving", carrying your childhood dysfunction like a cross into your adulthood does strongly suggest a need to find a professional to help you put it down.

Yes, that happened to some of us, AND we can let it go and be rid of the weight of it. Adults are responsible for how they behave and react, even if/when it means we need to get help adjusting our behaviors and reactions because we didn't get what we needed as kids. It isn't abusive to point that out.

It's almost like you can't read the title of the thread, astonishing in this day and age!

[Anonymous]

My spouse told me I embarrassed him at a party. F you spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP - I am going to go with the spirit of the thread. What are words you can’t forget.

When my husband (at the time) got drunk and told me that he “f**ked up by choosing me”.

I would like to say that was the beginning of the end, but it was just a greatest hits moment. There were a lot of comments that were made to make me feel like I should be grateful that he was still around (“I should have left you [insert time]”) and I realized that it is not my fault he didn’t make that choice. And staying and making me feel bad was not the high road. So I decided that I would make the decision and leave for myself. We own our choices.

Good for you! I hope you are heaps happier now without his anchor weighing you down.

[Anonymous]

My ex-partner, days after I had been in a serious car accident, and while she was having an affair: I wish you had died in the accident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a black teacher within the DMV. I hear racial slurs all the time directed towards myself, other teachers and other students. I can’t tell you how many times I got called a n*** teacher or a black monkey. It is absolutely disgusting and makes me sick. Even coming from children, it hurts. They will look you dead in the eye and say it.

I don't believe you.

[Anonymous]

I forgot all of them. All came from people who are not quite well in the head. I don't take what they said seriously. It is much harder to be them than to hear their insults.
I have simply distanced myself as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teenager when I heard my father laugh on the phone with a coworker and I mentioned to my mom that it sounded so phony and weird. Without missing a beat she said, "Daddy stopped laughing the day you were born."

Oh, and when I had to wear a baseball hat for my job at an ice cream shop, so I put my hair in a braid and pulled it through the hole on the hat. On my way to work my mother told me it looked "like a log of sh*t."

You forgot to tell us that part about how you NEVER speak to your mom anymore.

Well, she's dead, so I guess I don't speak to her anymore, yes. But I moved all the way across the country and basically only visited like 2 or 3 times in 16 years, and when she died, I was mourning that we'd never have the chance to have a better relationship than we did, rather than getting to mourn missing who she was.

\

I feel this a lot. When my narcissistic mom passed I mourned not having the mom or relationship I needed but I did not mourn the loss. Too many hurtful things said and done. I distanced myself and my kids from her.

[Anonymous]

My alcoholic exH screamed “you’re not worth getting sober for” as he walked out on me and three crying kids who he screamed “kids we are getting divorced” to out of nowhere, then left me with three sobbing kids 11 and under. Good times!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all need to go to therapy and do deep work on yourselves if you're still gutted from throw away comments from otherwise loving parents

Shut up-no one asked you. Hurry on to your therapist appt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all need to go to therapy and do deep work on yourselves if you're still gutted from throw away comments from otherwise loving parents

Abusive parent has entered the chat!

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all need to go to therapy and do deep work on yourselves if you're still gutted from throw away comments from otherwise loving parents

Abusive parent has entered the chat!

Meh. While I agree with the PPs saying it's unlikely the "throw away comments" came from parents who were truly "otherwise loving", carrying your childhood dysfunction like a cross into your adulthood does strongly suggest a need to find a professional to help you put it down.

Yes, that happened to some of us, AND we can let it go and be rid of the weight of it. Adults are responsible for how they behave and react, even if/when it means we need to get help adjusting our behaviors and reactions because we didn't get what we needed as kids. It isn't abusive to point that out.

I think it's tiresome that you assume we haven't sought professional help and are still carrying it around "like a cross". I can't forget the words, but that doesn't mean I'm still broken by them. Those words were transformative and gave me agency.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I forgot all of them. All came from people who are not quite well in the head. I don't take what they said seriously. It is much harder to be them than to hear their insults.
I have simply distanced myself as much as possible.

Completely depends on the age you were insulted and abused. If it happens later in life it is easier to process like this. If it happens in early - middle childhood it is more difficult because you were completely dependent on your abuser parent and formed your core identity with that abuse. It isn’t impossible to become happy and functioning but you can’t write it off and forget it as easily.