What I learned from the returning freshman this week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The information is useful but some of the summaries have an undertone of entitlement. I’m a graduate of two of those schools and my kid is attending one of them. No one is begrudging those kids their accomplishments. Kudos to the kids whose hard work landed them at those schools. The point is, they worked so hard to get there and it’s sad if they feel if their experience is just “meh”. They don’t know how lucky they are.

It can be difficult to remember the privilege when you expect it. Some elite students need to get out of their colleges and take a look at the average state institution and realize the amount of resources given to them. Had this moment with my own DS complaining about the dining hall food-which serves them steaks, shrimp, pho, etc.

Such a valid point, and something to remember and point out for December break.

It’s good to remember your privilege and be grateful for what you have, but kids at elite schools are also allowed to be unhappy and express that. I think some of what they are feeling is anticlimax. They’ve been told over and over how lucky they are and how great it is, but then they get there and there’s bad food, a difficult roommate, stress, troubles: it’s just life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I talk to my kid once a week and hung out with him over Thanksgiving, but I cannot begin to summarize even his own experience like this, let alone his friends.

I wonder if this is chatgpt generated?

OP - oh lord. Its definitely not AI - all me.

I hung out with my kid (and friends) many times all week.....it was great. The girls and guys were very open about the good and bad. Think many (most?) of them miss their high school bubble.

Clearly, I missed the mark here with this summar. I thought it was fascinating. Guess, I was wrong.

It's anecdotal but still interesting.

A few years ago a New Yorker writer wrote that UMC people obsess about college admissions like Jane Austen obsessed about suitable economically-favorable marriage matchmaking. I found that quite apropos. Both obsessions are motivated by status and economic worries.

It's gossipy but there are some obvious incentives for understanding conditions on the ground.

I also like to ask people about their experiences. Why is college sacred vs. a vacation experience? It sure costs more.

this is really interesting. would love to see that article if you have a link?

PP. Found it. It was The Atlantic, not the New Yorker. Unless a New Yorker writer alluded to it. Reddit covered it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Foodforthought/comments/naau0u/how_college_became_a_ruthless_competition/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While OP’s post wouldn’t influence me to mention the feedback to DC (as many have said, this is a cast study of one kid per the schools mentioned) nor would it change the trajectory of where DC is applying, I thought it was an interesting read (and yea, to the PP who mentioned their privilege is showing - sure - so many top schools, and a number of “meh’s” but maybe some of that is our collective faults for putting these T20 schools on a built up pedestal during application time so how could the experience live up to all the crazy hype… but I digress).

OP there’s nothing inherently wrong with your post and when kids are back from break I always ask them all how they’re doing, how it’s going etc. and it’s interesting to hear others experiences.

I also see the crabby “why do non DC people post here?” are out, as if our kids’ going through the college application experience is different outside of your bubble… I hate to tell you but you all complain about the same sh*t we do as parents in this process. I could be posting this from the moon right now and it would be the same. Get over yourselves.

People in the DMV are too smart and level headed to pay any attention to this weird garbage and can’t imagine (1) posting this ridiculousness or (2) taking any of this into account in navigating the college selection process.

It. Is. Just. Plain. Weird.

So maybe that’s why some of us are so touchy that non-DMV people who really do appear to be coming from another planet in terms of thinking are posting here

As I opened with in my post - I’m taking none of it into account. That doesn’t mean I think it’s a pointless post. And people in DC aren’t level headed. If you were you’d realize you aren’t any better or more knowledgeable about this process than parents in other metro areas. You’re a snob and insufferable. Cry more.

[Anonymous]

OP- plz ignore the weird haters on here! I enjoyed your post and would have liked to see more. Thanks for compiling it. These little glimpses and anecdotal data are SO important. Classes, size, rankings, blah blah… but this is the kind of thing you find on unigo and it’s really important to take into account. Vibe matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay. Case Western: has made some really great friends, hates Cleveland, he found a spot behind the library to go to cry in private, has gone to the orchestra seven times, has only left campus three times, really gets along well with his roommate (he's jewish and liberal and was worried, but they sat watching the election results and cried together), is getting a C in chemistry and the professor screams at people if they go to office hours, the frats are either known for being losers or roofie-ing people so doesn't want to join, was waitlisted at NorthWestern senior year so thinking of trying to transfer there, the food in the dining halls is TERRIBLE, all the girls seem like they're at college to find a boyfriend to turn into a husband and move way too fast.

So sorry to hear this. I wish I could put him in touch with my son, who loves music and is enjoying Case. I hope things get better for your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- plz ignore the weird haters on here! I enjoyed your post and would have liked to see more. Thanks for compiling it. These little glimpses and anecdotal data are SO important. Classes, size, rankings, blah blah… but this is the kind of thing you find on unigo and it’s really important to take into account. Vibe matters.

Totally agree! People here are so weird.

[Anonymous]

From what I'm gathering from my kids and what their friends say - Notre Dame is good; so is McGill; Harvard is miserable; Cornell is a better experience than this semester's news stories would suggest; Vanderbilt is good, but you need to be "on" all the time; Rice is good, but Houston is sketch; the STEM kids at UMD are getting a good education and competing with the Cornell and Rice students in terms of subject matter; and Penn is not living up to it's reputation as a work hard/play hard school. Neither is Northwestern. No play.

And the high school friends seem to like Penn State.

[Anonymous]

Not surprised the Bucknell kid already secured an internship as a freshman. The collaboration between the career services office and the rabid alumni network is second to none. If you can pull at least a 3.0 and put a modicum of effort into networking -- and career services will literally take you by the hand and guide you through it if you just show up -- it's virtually impossible to graduate without at least one good job offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not surprised the Bucknell kid already secured an internship as a freshman. The collaboration between the career services office and the rabid alumni network is second to none. If you can pull at least a 3.0 and put a modicum of effort into networking -- and career services will literally take you by the hand and guide you through it if you just show up -- it's virtually impossible to graduate without at least one good job offer.

I spent time with four Bucknell kids and they said the same thing! They are having a wonderful experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- plz ignore the weird haters on here! I enjoyed your post and would have liked to see more. Thanks for compiling it. These little glimpses and anecdotal data are SO important. Classes, size, rankings, blah blah… but this is the kind of thing you find on unigo and it’s really important to take into account. Vibe matters.

OP here.
Thanks for your (and a few others) posts.
I'll compile the rest if I can think of them later. Schools like: CU-Boulder; USC; CMC; Amherst and BC come to mind. Think I mentioned most of the others already but I have to go back and read and remember who was here.

And if others have heard feedback this week, I think its actually really great to share anecdotally info about the "social climate/vibe", so please post and ignore the haters.

As for some of the earlier comments: yes, there's def some privilege you sensed in this commentary. And, most of these kids are full pay. And, I agree they should be more grateful. Remember these are their honest commentary to each other (if I eavesdropped) or to me, when I asked.

I think, as another poster mentioned, these are smart kids who worked they tail off in HS, enroll at these great schools that are "supposed to be" the holy grail, and maybe, they don't live up to the hype. I think that is really true here, if I can be honest.

Weirdly the academics are not difficult - not one person mentioned that (and neither did my kid when i asked how friends say the schoolwork is). But i think the social vibe (the finding your people, the atmosphere (and I'm not talking about drinking) but hanging around in small groups where you don't have to present yourself constantly in a way that's "exhausting" (their words)) is what they referenced being surprised by. By all accounts many of them thought they'd "made" it with their college choices.
But the adjustment has been hard. Many of them lamented HS being over and wishing they had a "5th year". Maybe that's the covid year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From what I'm gathering from my kids and what their friends say - Notre Dame is good; so is McGill; Harvard is miserable; Cornell is a better experience than this semester's news stories would suggest; Vanderbilt is good, but you need to be "on" all the time; Rice is good, but Houston is sketch; the STEM kids at UMD are getting a good education and competing with the Cornell and Rice students in terms of subject matter; and Penn is not living up to it's reputation as a work hard/play hard school. Neither is Northwestern. No play.

And the high school friends seem to like Penn State.

This is really good. and some of it, confirms what I hear as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay. Case Western: has made some really great friends, hates Cleveland, he found a spot behind the library to go to cry in private, has gone to the orchestra seven times, has only left campus three times, really gets along well with his roommate (he's jewish and liberal and was worried, but they sat watching the election results and cried together), is getting a C in chemistry and the professor screams at people if they go to office hours, the frats are either known for being losers or roofie-ing people so doesn't want to join, was waitlisted at NorthWestern senior year so thinking of trying to transfer there, the food in the dining halls is TERRIBLE, all the girls seem like they're at college to find a boyfriend to turn into a husband and move way too fast.

He will not be able to transfer to NU if he can’t get an A in chem. The grades matter more than anything in transferring.

[Anonymous]

I do think Covid is a factor in socialization issues.

And I think dating is more complex if you aren't into surveying options at a drinking party.

I thnk teenage boys need some lessons on how to invite girls to harmless 1:1, not really a date, type situations like grabbing coffee after class. I only hear about guys who are "rizzlers" with too much interest, pervs who have gotten sanctioned by the peer group, a few going steady guys, and a lot of normal nice boys who don't date because "girls bring drama".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think Covid is a factor in socialization issues.

And I think dating is more complex if you aren't into surveying options at a drinking party.

I thnk teenage boys need some lessons on how to invite girls to harmless 1:1, not really a date, type situations like grabbing coffee after class. I only hear about guys who are "rizzlers" with too much interest, pervs who have gotten sanctioned by the peer group, a few going steady guys, and a lot of normal nice boys who don't date because "girls bring drama".

what is a rizzler?

[Anonymous]

This post makes me sad.

It's time to live your own life.