What I learned from the returning freshman this week

[Anonymous]

Late to the thread. As the parent of a HS senior, I also appreciate the reports from the front lines. Too bad some people have to trash things.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it was so much the topic that set off the negative reactions to this post as it was the optics. Privileged kids. Top colleges. First world complaints. And a mature adult who was intentionally taking down notes from the kids’ conversations and then sharing them on this forum. Everyone values information, but it’s the context Re: when, how, who we get this information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP please calendar this for an update in December 2025. Thanks in advance.

OP here:
Sorry. I don’t think I will. I don’t understand the anger and vitriol.

If others can report disruptive “trolls” and agitators, perhaps this will get back on track.

Hit the “report” button for the offending posts.

[Anonymous]

Well people can hate but this post is getting a ton of traction. Sooooo

[Anonymous]

Late to the thread too. I loved this post and the people criticizing it are likely one (or a handful) of completely odd DCUM loners.
It's the same crowd on here who think it's bizarre to have a conversation or relationship with one's teenage kid.

I have 3 high school teens and often have a full house of teenagers. These kids (by the dozen) have been to my house hundreds of times. I've known many of them since they were 4 or 5. When they come back from college I fully expect I'll get the debrief about their college experience. And yes, I have a life: a good marriage, friends, job, parents, pets, church, etc.

OP (or others), please post more if you have them!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for posting, I shared with my senior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on other posts here, I thought these observations might help others. I overheard a lot of these (yes, eavesdropping on multiple conversations, and some they told me directly. Don't judge.) Please include your own if you also learned anything this week?

Kids are freshmen at various universities, from a non-DMV selective/well-known private HS (small graduating class - approx. 100):


Yale: Its what I expected. Go to NYC more than I thought. I've met a lot of kids from similar private schools across the country. Classes are really interesting. Love my professors.

Harvard: Yes, we do go to MIT to socialize. More striverish than I expected. But Im keeping an open mind. Classes are ok.

Penn: Miserable. Can't get into frat parties. Social dynamics are driven by cliques that formed in New York high schools.

Williams: Social life dominated by bratty NY douchebags. Its kind of ehh. Thought it would be more intellectual tbh.

Duke: Less work than expected; way more fun than expected. Not dreading going back to school. Feels like home.

Northwestern: It's meh; not much of a social life; taking mid-terms every 2 weeks. What I expected though.

UChicago: Econ classes are tough but everything else is really manageable. Very very fun. Very social. Hazing so far involves bottlecaps.

Cornell: Its cold and gray. And a lot of drinking. Worried about rush. And hazing. Social life is exhausting - constantly reaching out to people to make plans. Nothing is organic.

Vanderbilt: Great fall. Love love the football weekends. School is much harder than I thought. Social life can be cliquey and sometimes exhausting.

Michigan: It's amazing. Yes, it's big. But it's amazing. Did I say its big? Oh and the hazing is scaring us.

Emory: Its pretty boring. Thinking about transferring. Everyone is pre-med. And leaves campus A LOT. Not much to do on campus.

Georgetown: Can be socially exhausting as everyone is super extroverted and always "putting themselves out there". A lot of money everywhere. Maybe sharp-elbowed in a passive-aggressive way. Smart social assertive normal kids.

UCLA: love the weather, but its kind of hard to find your people. And sometimes it feels like I go to school at an outdoor mall.

WashU: started out kind of slow and miserable. Much better. Great professors.

Wake: Exceeded expectations. I wasn't excited to go. But its been really really great. No social pressure bc of how the freshmen are grouped together with housing and classes; I cannot relate to all the comments about college being "socially exhausting". Can't wait to get back to my people there.

Wisconsin: weirdly more social pressure than expected; constantly texting folks to make plans for meeting up (dining halls, library, working out) as its not natural because of how spread out everyone is. Its socially exhausting.

Indiana (Kelley): Love my school, love my major, love my people. Found my place.

Tulane: my roommate hasn't gone to class yet this year. There are only 8 people who attend my stats class regularly (in a class of 80). I may transfer.

U-Miami: Have a great tan. Very fun. But its more work than people think.

Bucknell: School isn't hard. Very social. Already have an internship. Go out 3-4 nights a week. Can't wait to get back.

NYU: loving the city. Classes are as expected. But love the city.

Wesleyan: a little too activist, purple-haired protest vibe but its better now. First few weeks were hard. Classes are great though. And schoolwork isn't hard.


I know Im forgetting others.

A lot of this stuff rings true for my Freshman. Bucknell comment though surprised me though because I have heard that socially if you are a boy it is hard because you can’t get in frats freshman year unless you already know someone. This is not an issue for girls though. This is social issue for boys at schools where rush is sophomore year seems to be a common issue at greek heavy schools so not just Bucknell so this is something to consider.

On hazing front for those who have rushed have heard zero horror stories. Actually the opposite. Frats/sororities seem to be hyper sensitive on hazing. This is a good thing. Also pledge period seems to be very short now and again to avoid hazing. More stories about wearing suits and study hours. Some schools don’t allow any drinking during pledge period so again a good thing. I still think communication with your kids to be super careful and not be bullied into drinking if that somehow happens but again seems like this is more the exception than rule.

I also have heard more housing issues at schools where you can pick your roommate. This surprised me. Maybe expectation bar is lower if you know you are assigned? Maybe schools’ matching systems have something to it where they can predict who will get along? From what I know now, not a good idea to live with a friend from hs freshman year.

Food at all the schools seems to be good and way better than what I recall. I am hearing food for varied diets so good there.

Oh and if you had a tense Senior year reminder that it gets better. I am surprised at how mature my kid has become because they were very mouthy senior year. I was told not to call too much at college etc. Well surprise surprise my kid calls everyday and has become pleasant. I was advised to be calm when they go to college and things will even out by parents of older kids. They were right. The soiling the nest senior year is a real thing but these kids grow up if you give them space.

Good luck to senior parents!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- plz ignore the weird haters on here! I enjoyed your post and would have liked to see more. Thanks for compiling it. These little glimpses and anecdotal data are SO important. Classes, size, rankings, blah blah… but this is the kind of thing you find on unigo and it’s really important to take into account. Vibe matters.

OP here.
Thanks for your (and a few others) posts.
I'll compile the rest if I can think of them later. Schools like: CU-Boulder; USC; CMC; Amherst and BC come to mind. Think I mentioned most of the others already but I have to go back and read and remember who was here.

And if others have heard feedback this week, I think its actually really great to share anecdotally info about the "social climate/vibe", so please post and ignore the haters.

As for some of the earlier comments: yes, there's def some privilege you sensed in this commentary. And, most of these kids are full pay. And, I agree they should be more grateful. Remember these are their honest commentary to each other (if I eavesdropped) or to me, when I asked.

I think, as another poster mentioned, these are smart kids who worked they tail off in HS, enroll at these great schools that are "supposed to be" the holy grail, and maybe, they don't live up to the hype. I think that is really true here, if I can be honest.

Weirdly the academics are not difficult - not one person mentioned that (and neither did my kid when i asked how friends say the schoolwork is). But i think the social vibe (the finding your people, the atmosphere (and I'm not talking about drinking) but hanging around in small groups where you don't have to present yourself constantly in a way that's "exhausting" (their words)) is what they referenced being surprised by. By all accounts many of them thought they'd "made" it with their college choices.
But the adjustment has been hard. Many of them lamented HS being over and wishing they had a "5th year". Maybe that's the covid year?

OP here. Yes, there is privilege here. I did address it earlier (see above).
Sorry I didn't spend hours trying to decode precisely what they meant in more of a novella, bc Im sure that would have gone over well!!

[Anonymous]

This is absurd. You're making sweeping assumptions based on your kid’s high school friends, who all probably share the same background. That doesn't prove anything.

Anonymous wrote:They were all here.....
it wasn't that hard. I thought I'd share bc I thought it was interesting. Maybe its bc I know these kids?

Good thing I didn't post the rest!!!
I'll see about deleting this if you all really think its irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

OP wasn’t trying to prove anything and was just sharing what they heard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is absurd. You're making sweeping assumptions based on your kid’s high school friends, who all probably share the same background. That doesn't prove anything.

Anonymous wrote:They were all here.....
it wasn't that hard. I thought I'd share bc I thought it was interesting. Maybe its bc I know these kids?

Good thing I didn't post the rest!!!
I'll see about deleting this if you all really think its irrelevant.

Op isn't making sweeping anything. She shared the experiences of 20 kids and didn't claim anything else.

You and others who are taking this so seriously that you're assaulting her character are seriously unhinged.
You need a lesson in reading comprehension and a tranquilizer.

[Anonymous]

Op os engaged in writing fiction. Which I guess is fine but people are insane to give it credence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Late to the thread. As the parent of a HS senior, I also appreciate the reports from the front lines. Too bad some people have to trash things.

Basically, this. Thanks, OP.

[Anonymous]

It is not fiction. I saw same themes/different poster. Anyway why are people sensitive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I talk to my kid once a week and hung out with him over Thanksgiving, but I cannot begin to summarize even his own experience like this, let alone his friends.

I wonder if this is chatgpt generated?

OP - oh lord. Its definitely not AI - all me.

I hung out with my kid (and friends) many times all week.....it was great. The girls and guys were very open about the good and bad. Think many (most?) of them miss their high school bubble.

Clearly, I missed the mark here with this summar. I thought it was fascinating. Guess, I was wrong.

The other posters are crazy. If you had asked for this information for any of those schools in a separate post, people would have been happy to provide it, as has happened a zillion times on this forum. I'm not sure why everyone jumped on you like you're some kind of creepy spy. Maybe they don't hang out with their kids' friends?