Can a young teen wear sneakers to a formal wedding? Ankle support?

[Anonymous]

lol at you believing that your teen daughter is wearing converse sneakers for “the ankle support”. They support your ankles about as much as a pair of socks. She is trolling you because she wants to wear sneakers , which is the middle school fashion, but is not appropriate for a black tie event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lol at you believing that your teen daughter is wearing converse sneakers for “the ankle support”. They support your ankles about as much as a pair of socks. She is trolling you because she wants to wear sneakers , which is the middle school fashion, but is not appropriate for a black tie event.

This exactly. I can’t believe how many of you think the ops position is acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What medical condition does she have that requires “ankle support?”

Not OP. Not relevant to the thread. If you're curious about conditions that require "ankle support", google it or start a new thread.

I'm a NP and think the question is relevant because OP said her DD has "weak ankles" and needs ankle support and that's why she's looking at sneakers.

I'm with the (surprisingly few) posters who think you respect the dress code and don't wear sneakers. There are plenty of non sneaker options with support and that would look appropriate at black tie. Your hosts asked you to respect their dress code; it's polite to do so, and it's not like it is a great hardship or morally offensive to you to do so. Age 13 is old enough to understand this and understand that sometimes you don't get to do what you want in life.

Go buy her a pair of orthotic ballet flats or whatever. Not expensive. https://www.aerosoles.com/collections/sale-flats/products/catalina-2

We all think she should respect the dress code. Wearing a nice dress with sneakers is a totally acceptable adjustment and does not violate the dress code. Especially for a 13 year old who would not be expected to have formal footwear anyway!

She's 13 and not 8. She doesn't need "formal footwear" but she needs something without a white rubber sole and laces. There is no world where sneakers are "a totally acceptable adjustment" that does not violate a black tie dress code. You're stretching to justify this.

If you want to be someone who obviously disregards the dress code, that's fine. People do it all the time. But acknowledge that that's what you're doing.

I think there's a very easy, very obvious, non offensive, and inexpensive way to abide by the dress code (cheap, supportive ballet flats or mary janes). And it's one that could serve as a teaching moment to daughter while you are at it. I can't imagine a kid by age 13 not being able to accept this message from their parent without push back. "We wear different clothes for a wedding than for school". If kid pushes back, you have bigger problems.

She’s 13, exactly. A child. Of course a child can wear comfortable shoes. Anyone offended by that is the one who is stretching, and looking for reasons to be insulted.

Nowadays the “rules” for footwear are changing anyways as people (both men and women) realize it is silly to squeeze your feet into uncomfortable dress shoes. Most younger people are viewing footwear as something that needs to be functional or at the very least, not harmful.

Cheap flats are not a solution if the goal is ankle support, but that is beside the point.

I see this as a teaching moment too, one where we talk about what the real point of a dress code is, why it is important to be respectful, and how we will accomplish that through her complete look AND appropriate behavior at the ceremony and reception. Plus, an opportunity to validate her in listening to her body and making a responsible choice to not exacerbate an existing problem.

Omg I can’t wait to see what your treasure of a daughter is like at age 20 with these values.

Ah yes, hang on to your pearls. She and her peers will be walking around in sneakers. How will they ever function in society

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are making some ridiculous excuses. Do you not recognize the difference between a barmitzvah, red carpet event or high school homecoming (where sneakers are the norm) and an actual black tie event? The norms of black tie have not changed that much; the expectation is still formal, not sneakers. Grown men and women are not wearing sneakers to black tie weddings “just because”.

Neither should OPs daughter.

No, I don't distinguish between a bar/batmitzvah or a red carpet event where the code is "black tie". I don't know any high school homecoming that has a black tie dress code so can't speak to it. Nor do I want to.

Black tie events used to be limited to the very wealthy for whom it wasn't an issue to follow expensive, rigid dress codes. It's a new millenia and fashion is changing. It's clear you don't like it but we don't have to conform to the silly, privileged, confining rules of old in order to be dressed appropriately for an event. Seriously! It's more ridiculous to be wearing a pair of strappy heels than demure sneakers - and certainly a lot less comfortable and stable. Focus on looking good in a dress that fits appropriately than what someone is wearing on their feet!

Serena Williams at the Met Gala with her DH in the white tux with black tie behind her. Even the jackets don't have to be black any more but I don't hear you bltching about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all are making some ridiculous excuses. Do you not recognize the difference between a barmitzvah, red carpet event or high school homecoming (where sneakers are the norm) and an actual black tie event? The norms of black tie have not changed that much; the expectation is still formal, not sneakers. Grown men and women are not wearing sneakers to black tie weddings “just because”.

Neither should OPs daughter.

No, I don't distinguish between a bar/batmitzvah or a red carpet event where the code is "black tie". I don't know any high school homecoming that has a black tie dress code so can't speak to it. Nor do I want to.

Black tie events used to be limited to the very wealthy for whom it wasn't an issue to follow expensive, rigid dress codes. It's a new millenia and fashion is changing. It's clear you don't like it but we don't have to conform to the silly, privileged, confining rules of old in order to be dressed appropriately for an event. Seriously! It's more ridiculous to be wearing a pair of strappy heels than demure sneakers - and certainly a lot less comfortable and stable. Focus on looking good in a dress that fits appropriately than what someone is wearing on their feet!

Serena Williams at the Met Gala with her DH in the white tux with black tie behind her. Even the jackets don't have to be black any more but I don't hear you bltching about that.

Met Gala is literally not a black tie event. It is a fashion event on a red carpet.

Bar mitzvah's are for 13 year olds, and the fashion is thus driven.

Black tie is black tie. Just because you want to say that times are changing doesn't mean that the black tie dress code has changed to sneakers.

I personally hate black tie. I am not a pearl clutcher. But if someone says "i'd like to invite you over, and these are the terms of my invite" then you respectfully do your best to abide by those terms -and teach your kids to do the same. Or skip it.

But don't tell your 13 year old that her "feelings" override perfectly reasonable etiquette.

[Anonymous]

You can get laces in lush gorgeous colors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I can't find her exact dress online, but it's fine for a 13 year old. Sort of like this but a little liver and a little higher cut neckline with more substantial shoulders
https://www.jjshouse.com/a-line-off-the-shoulder-tea-length-chiffon-lace-homecoming-dress-with-beading-022170654-g170654

Wow, I was so curious as I was reading the comments.

This dress is gorgeous. Please don't kill it with sneakers.

And absolute, HARD NO to Crocs.

This dress calls for ballet-type shoes. Surely she can get through a wedding wearing those?

You are aware that Crocs makes ballet-flat types of shoes in a variety of styles, right?

Here’s just one example. I’m curious about your “HARD NO” — especially when the alternatives include Converse Hi-Tops.



https://www.zappos.com/p/womens-crocs-brooklyn-flat-black-high-shine/product/9972430/color/1069953

These croc flats look nice. OP look into these.

[Anonymous]

Croc flats and if she needs ankle supports get an ankle wrap from the drug store.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all are making some ridiculous excuses. Do you not recognize the difference between a barmitzvah, red carpet event or high school homecoming (where sneakers are the norm) and an actual black tie event? The norms of black tie have not changed that much; the expectation is still formal, not sneakers. Grown men and women are not wearing sneakers to black tie weddings “just because”.

Neither should OPs daughter.

No, I don't distinguish between a bar/batmitzvah or a red carpet event where the code is "black tie". I don't know any high school homecoming that has a black tie dress code so can't speak to it. Nor do I want to.

Black tie events used to be limited to the very wealthy for whom it wasn't an issue to follow expensive, rigid dress codes. It's a new millenia and fashion is changing. It's clear you don't like it but we don't have to conform to the silly, privileged, confining rules of old in order to be dressed appropriately for an event. Seriously! It's more ridiculous to be wearing a pair of strappy heels than demure sneakers - and certainly a lot less comfortable and stable. Focus on looking good in a dress that fits appropriately than what someone is wearing on their feet!

Serena Williams at the Met Gala with her DH in the white tux with black tie behind her. Even the jackets don't have to be black any more but I don't hear you bltching about that.

Met Gala is literally not a black tie event. It is a fashion event on a red carpet.

Bar mitzvah's are for 13 year olds, and the fashion is thus driven.

Black tie is black tie. Just because you want to say that times are changing doesn't mean that the black tie dress code has changed to sneakers.

I personally hate black tie. I am not a pearl clutcher. But if someone says "i'd like to invite you over, and these are the terms of my invite" then you respectfully do your best to abide by those terms -and teach your kids to do the same. Or skip it.

But don't tell your 13 year old that her "feelings" override perfectly reasonable etiquette.

Yeah, you definitely are a pearl clutcher. You'd rather have someone decline an invitation to an event rather than have them show up in footware that doesn't meet your criteria. Think about it.

[Anonymous]

Flats for the ceremony and pictures.
Brand new sneakers for the reception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all are making some ridiculous excuses. Do you not recognize the difference between a barmitzvah, red carpet event or high school homecoming (where sneakers are the norm) and an actual black tie event? The norms of black tie have not changed that much; the expectation is still formal, not sneakers. Grown men and women are not wearing sneakers to black tie weddings “just because”.

Neither should OPs daughter.

No, I don't distinguish between a bar/batmitzvah or a red carpet event where the code is "black tie". I don't know any high school homecoming that has a black tie dress code so can't speak to it. Nor do I want to.

Black tie events used to be limited to the very wealthy for whom it wasn't an issue to follow expensive, rigid dress codes. It's a new millenia and fashion is changing. It's clear you don't like it but we don't have to conform to the silly, privileged, confining rules of old in order to be dressed appropriately for an event. Seriously! It's more ridiculous to be wearing a pair of strappy heels than demure sneakers - and certainly a lot less comfortable and stable. Focus on looking good in a dress that fits appropriately than what someone is wearing on their feet!

Serena Williams at the Met Gala with her DH in the white tux with black tie behind her. Even the jackets don't have to be black any more but I don't hear you bltching about that.

Met Gala is literally not a black tie event. It is a fashion event on a red carpet.

Bar mitzvah's are for 13 year olds, and the fashion is thus driven.

Black tie is black tie. Just because you want to say that times are changing doesn't mean that the black tie dress code has changed to sneakers.

I personally hate black tie. I am not a pearl clutcher. But if someone says "i'd like to invite you over, and these are the terms of my invite" then you respectfully do your best to abide by those terms -and teach your kids to do the same. Or skip it.

But don't tell your 13 year old that her "feelings" override perfectly reasonable etiquette.

Yeah, you definitely are a pearl clutcher. You'd rather have someone decline an invitation to an event rather than have them show up in footware that doesn't meet your criteria. Think about it.

I mentioned declining the invite because of the absurdity of it. Just buy the ballerina flats and be done with it. No need to decline and no need to wear sparkle high tops and piss off great aunt Ethel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all are making some ridiculous excuses. Do you not recognize the difference between a barmitzvah, red carpet event or high school homecoming (where sneakers are the norm) and an actual black tie event? The norms of black tie have not changed that much; the expectation is still formal, not sneakers. Grown men and women are not wearing sneakers to black tie weddings “just because”.

Neither should OPs daughter.

No, I don't distinguish between a bar/batmitzvah or a red carpet event where the code is "black tie". I don't know any high school homecoming that has a black tie dress code so can't speak to it. Nor do I want to.

Black tie events used to be limited to the very wealthy for whom it wasn't an issue to follow expensive, rigid dress codes. It's a new millenia and fashion is changing. It's clear you don't like it but we don't have to conform to the silly, privileged, confining rules of old in order to be dressed appropriately for an event. Seriously! It's more ridiculous to be wearing a pair of strappy heels than demure sneakers - and certainly a lot less comfortable and stable. Focus on looking good in a dress that fits appropriately than what someone is wearing on their feet!

Serena Williams at the Met Gala with her DH in the white tux with black tie behind her. Even the jackets don't have to be black any more but I don't hear you bltching about that.

Met Gala is literally not a black tie event. It is a fashion event on a red carpet.

Bar mitzvah's are for 13 year olds, and the fashion is thus driven.

Black tie is black tie. Just because you want to say that times are changing doesn't mean that the black tie dress code has changed to sneakers.

I personally hate black tie. I am not a pearl clutcher. But if someone says "i'd like to invite you over, and these are the terms of my invite" then you respectfully do your best to abide by those terms -and teach your kids to do the same. Or skip it.

But don't tell your 13 year old that her "feelings" override perfectly reasonable etiquette.

The Met Gala isn't black tie but the overwhelming majority of attendees are in black tie attire - or are you saying so many are over-dressed? Bar mitzvahs aren't just for 13 year olds. They're for family and community - not really different than weddings. Both are important, transitional events in one's life that are celebrated.

It's unfortunate you value form over function and more interested in a perfect Insta pic. Besides, I'm not interested in buying something my kid would only wear one time.

[Anonymous]

Get her some chunky Mary Janes as a compromise.

[Anonymous]

As long as her dress is black tie appropriate, yes, sneakers are fine. This is within current style and is age appropriate. Just like if Great Grandma wore a long dress with orthotic shoes instead of stilettos. No one is going to care what shoes she is wearing. You want her to feel good about what she is wearing, be comfortable, and enjoy herself

[Anonymous]

Of course, after looking at some of the comments/links, I went down the rabbit hole of blinged out and custom canvas shoes. Wow! I'm inspired! I've got a black tie wedding to go to in October and I'm totally doing it! I need to figure out the laces because I don't like the jarring contrast on some of them, but, WOW!