Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!

[Anonymous]

Wow, bunch of mean people on here tonight. Go to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my husband explicitly what I wanted several weeks ago. We also discussed our Father’s Day plans in the same discussion.

I would love for him to intuit that I need to sleep in, want breakfast from this particular bakery, and want it delivered to me in bed before we go to see my sister and her children, then he takes off with our kids to see his mother while I relax with my sister. But it’s really unlikely that he’ll do so and frankly I’m in my 30s and don’t need to settle for some kind of half-assery, so my make my wishes known up front.

I think people are really different on this. I don’t really have any wishes other than that DH think about what might (realistically) make me happy.

Yeah that’s just it. I’m not setting some arbitrary “you think about what will make me happy” metric. He could think for hours and get it wrong. Why set a test when the only person who is impacted by the results is me?

It isn’t a test. He couldn’t think for hours and get it wrong.
If he thought about it for an hour, then he would get it right. Because him thinking about it IS what I want.
There is nothing for me to tell him to do. I can buy my own breakfast from a particular bakery or even have it delivered if I don’t want to get out of bed. No need for a middle man. I want him to think about me. I would rather have something that isn’t my favorite that he genuinely thought about and thought I would like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my husband explicitly what I wanted several weeks ago. We also discussed our Father’s Day plans in the same discussion.

I would love for him to intuit that I need to sleep in, want breakfast from this particular bakery, and want it delivered to me in bed before we go to see my sister and her children, then he takes off with our kids to see his mother while I relax with my sister. But it’s really unlikely that he’ll do so and frankly I’m in my 30s and don’t need to settle for some kind of half-assery, so my make my wishes known up front.

I think people are really different on this. I don’t really have any wishes other than that DH think about what might (realistically) make me happy.

Yeah that’s just it. I’m not setting some arbitrary “you think about what will make me happy” metric. He could think for hours and get it wrong. Why set a test when the only person who is impacted by the results is me?

It isn’t a test. He couldn’t think for hours and get it wrong.
If he thought about it for an hour, then he would get it right. Because him thinking about it IS what I want.
There is nothing for me to tell him to do. I can buy my own breakfast from a particular bakery or even have it delivered if I don’t want to get out of bed. No need for a middle man. I want him to think about me. I would rather have something that isn’t my favorite that he genuinely thought about and thought I would like.

Np I get this. It’s the whole nothing for Mother’s Day, mom’s stocking is always empty at Christmas, etc thing that can happen to moms who typically organize and execute holidays and family traditions. And I get that people can buy their own things or plan their own birthdays and all that but it is hard to have a spouse that often doesn’t consider you. I know holidays and special occasions can often highlight this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband 5 minutes ago: "I was thinking that in order to avoid the Mother's Day crowds, we should go out to dinner tonight, wherever you want to go" and then walks upstairs to take a nap. IT IS SATURDAY AFTERNOON AND YOU ARE ASKING ME TO PLAN MY OWN MOTHER'S DAY DINNER FOR THIS EVENING? I want to cry.

You are not his mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband 5 minutes ago: "I was thinking that in order to avoid the Mother's Day crowds, we should go out to dinner tonight, wherever you want to go" and then walks upstairs to take a nap. IT IS SATURDAY AFTERNOON AND YOU ARE ASKING ME TO PLAN MY OWN MOTHER'S DAY DINNER FOR THIS EVENING? I want to cry.

You are not his mother

Clearly, he thinks he should celebrate her or he wouldn’t have been talking to her about going out for Mother’s Day. He doesn’t want to look like a jerk who did nothing for her, but he also doesn’t want to actually do anything, so he’s hoping she’ll just take care of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my husband explicitly what I wanted several weeks ago. We also discussed our Father’s Day plans in the same discussion.

I would love for him to intuit that I need to sleep in, want breakfast from this particular bakery, and want it delivered to me in bed before we go to see my sister and her children, then he takes off with our kids to see his mother while I relax with my sister. But it’s really unlikely that he’ll do so and frankly I’m in my 30s and don’t need to settle for some kind of half-assery, so my make my wishes known up front.

I think people are really different on this. I don’t really have any wishes other than that DH think about what might (realistically) make me happy.

Yeah that’s just it. I’m not setting some arbitrary “you think about what will make me happy” metric. He could think for hours and get it wrong. Why set a test when the only person who is impacted by the results is me?

It isn’t a test. He couldn’t think for hours and get it wrong.
If he thought about it for an hour, then he would get it right. Because him thinking about it IS what I want.
There is nothing for me to tell him to do. I can buy my own breakfast from a particular bakery or even have it delivered if I don’t want to get out of bed. No need for a middle man. I want him to think about me. I would rather have something that isn’t my favorite that he genuinely thought about and thought I would like.

This is more how I feel about a child than my spouse. This is how people get vacuums for Christmas and golf clubs for their birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my husband explicitly what I wanted several weeks ago. We also discussed our Father’s Day plans in the same discussion.

I would love for him to intuit that I need to sleep in, want breakfast from this particular bakery, and want it delivered to me in bed before we go to see my sister and her children, then he takes off with our kids to see his mother while I relax with my sister. But it’s really unlikely that he’ll do so and frankly I’m in my 30s and don’t need to settle for some kind of half-assery, so my make my wishes known up front.

I think people are really different on this. I don’t really have any wishes other than that DH think about what might (realistically) make me happy.

Yeah that’s just it. I’m not setting some arbitrary “you think about what will make me happy” metric. He could think for hours and get it wrong. Why set a test when the only person who is impacted by the results is me?

It isn’t a test. He couldn’t think for hours and get it wrong.
If he thought about it for an hour, then he would get it right. Because him thinking about it IS what I want.
There is nothing for me to tell him to do. I can buy my own breakfast from a particular bakery or even have it delivered if I don’t want to get out of bed. No need for a middle man. I want him to think about me. I would rather have something that isn’t my favorite that he genuinely thought about and thought I would like.

Then you should be less of an angry b, which you obviously are, sorry for stating the obvious. You literally need to soften up in your personal relationship. Smile more. I see this with so many, there should be a softer you around your dh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked my mom if she wanted to go for a nice lunch today as she knew tomorrow I couldn’t do anything because of kids sports (I’m single and kids play club sports so we aren’t even in our home state tomorrow). She brought my Dad and his brother without asking. $230 for lunch.

Omg that is terrible! So sorry. HMD to you. I hope someone treats you well today!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband 5 minutes ago: "I was thinking that in order to avoid the Mother's Day crowds, we should go out to dinner tonight, wherever you want to go" and then walks upstairs to take a nap. IT IS SATURDAY AFTERNOON AND YOU ARE ASKING ME TO PLAN MY OWN MOTHER'S DAY DINNER FOR THIS EVENING? I want to cry.

I think your husband is ridiculous. What did you end up doing?

[Anonymous]

I booked a restaurant for Mother’s Day brunch probably five weeks ago. Bought my own gift too. To me, if the kids dress up and are well behaved and I splurge on something nice for myself, I really don’t care if my husband sidnt plan it and feel no resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I booked a restaurant for Mother’s Day brunch probably five weeks ago. Bought my own gift too. To me, if the kids dress up and are well behaved and I splurge on something nice for myself, I really don’t care if my husband sidnt plan it and feel no resentment.

This is the way to go ladies. Just stop sulking and move on.

[Anonymous]

So far my husband is treating it as a normal sunday. He’s in bed asleep. I’m up with my 8 year old getting her ready for church. No reservations have been made nor have i been asked where I want to go or what I want to do today. Im also pretty sure he didn’t mail a gift or card to his mother in time (he ran to the post office last night to drop something off). My mom is dead so this is a hard day for me anyway and one holiday where I can’t step in and do things for his mom for him. But Im not going to sulk although it’s annoying AF.

After church I’ll order something from a cafe for brunch and pick it up myself .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone just lower or eliminate your expectations right now and everything will be fine.

Your expectations about someone whose mother isn’t you?

[Anonymous]

I don’t get these expectations for husband either, you are not his mother. It only makes sense if the husband also has demands for farther’s day, so it’s a reciprocal thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get these expectations for husband either, you are not his mother. It only makes sense if the husband also has demands for farther’s day, so it’s a reciprocal thing.

I will never understand this. You are the mother of his children. Why wouldn't he want to do something nice?