Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my husband explicitly what I wanted several weeks ago. We also discussed our Father’s Day plans in the same discussion.

I would love for him to intuit that I need to sleep in, want breakfast from this particular bakery, and want it delivered to me in bed before we go to see my sister and her children, then he takes off with our kids to see his mother while I relax with my sister. But it’s really unlikely that he’ll do so and frankly I’m in my 30s and don’t need to settle for some kind of half-assery, so my make my wishes known up front.

I think people are really different on this. I don’t really have any wishes other than that DH think about what might (realistically) make me happy.

[Anonymous]

I forgot to order flowers for my mom until today. So yes, they will be Mother’s Day Monday flowers.

We aren’t doing anything as far as I know. Not sure that we ever have (and I’m not upset about that).

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the reminder OP! It's not too late for me to order a gift!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my husband explicitly what I wanted several weeks ago. We also discussed our Father’s Day plans in the same discussion.

I would love for him to intuit that I need to sleep in, want breakfast from this particular bakery, and want it delivered to me in bed before we go to see my sister and her children, then he takes off with our kids to see his mother while I relax with my sister. But it’s really unlikely that he’ll do so and frankly I’m in my 30s and don’t need to settle for some kind of half-assery, so my make my wishes known up front.

I think people are really different on this. I don’t really have any wishes other than that DH think about what might (realistically) make me happy.

Yeah that’s just it. I’m not setting some arbitrary “you think about what will make me happy” metric. He could think for hours and get it wrong. Why set a test when the only person who is impacted by the results is me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my husband explicitly what I wanted several weeks ago. We also discussed our Father’s Day plans in the same discussion.

I would love for him to intuit that I need to sleep in, want breakfast from this particular bakery, and want it delivered to me in bed before we go to see my sister and her children, then he takes off with our kids to see his mother while I relax with my sister. But it’s really unlikely that he’ll do so and frankly I’m in my 30s and don’t need to settle for some kind of half-assery, so my make my wishes known up front.

This sounds so demanding.

Given a choice between “seeming demanding” and being disappointed, I’m happy to seem demanding to you. I never have to complain on the internet about my husbands choices on Mothers Day.

[Anonymous]

I don’t expect my DH to do anything for Mother’s Day. I’m not his mother. I hope he’ll call his mom tomorrow but I’m not in charge of that either and don’t tell him to call her. It’s their relationship, not mine. I do expect my kids to honor the day somehow—a hug, a homemade card, being sweet to me, that’s all it takes.

But I can say this because my DH is generally a very thoughtful and kind person. If he was always a jerk, maybe that would annoy me even more on days like Mother’s Day where there’s more expectation that people will treat you well. My DH treats me well every day so Mother’s Day is NBD.

[Anonymous]

I thought I was super low maintenance. Every year I say (and mean) that all I want is a card from each person and to NOT COOK. I usually see my own mom too but expect to plan that. I had planned an activity for one child which my husband knew about for this afternoon and on Friday he let me know that was the only time he could take both kids shopping. I reiterated that I really don’t want anything and had set up an activity with one kid as a special 1:1 time. He (probably accurately) said the kids would want to get me something and it was too late to order something. So we compromised on cutting our activity a little short and me delivering that child to the shopping location. Which I did and then he got cranky with me because I couldn’t figure out how to make the timing work for him to make dinner and he had apparently been planning on that but had not communicated that he needed time to do so and I apparently was not being grateful enough. Anyway we got a fast dinner delivered and he apologized for being rude earlier. So I think overall I am happy enough.

Apparently the kids want to make me breakfast in bed which DH is not excited about but I feel loved. I have wonderful kids and a mostly good DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This will be my first mother's day posy divorce. Should I expect something from my ex? I have the kids tomorrow. I am currently dating and he is single still. I just hope he helped the kids plan something for me.

If he were the sort of person who was this considerate, he probably wouldn't be your ex.

[Anonymous]

Expectations are premeditated resentments.

Ask for what you want. Communicate. If you don't, and you don't get what you want, part of that is on you.

Sorry it's not a romantic tryst forever. If you have young kids, expect very little for many years.

On the plus side, if your mom or MIL is the sort to be petty and demanding about it being "her day" without communicating, you're welcome to call her and nothing more.

It's just another day, y'all. If your happiness hangs on how you're treated on Mother's Day, you may have bigger problems in your marriage/life.

[Anonymous]

This is why it is such a fail to have Father's Day the month after Mother's Day. It should be reversed!!! Fathers Day wiuld be the perfect reminder to plan for Mother's Day. Arrrgh!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why it is such a fail to have Father's Day the month after Mother's Day. It should be reversed!!! Fathers Day wiuld be the perfect reminder to plan for Mother's Day. Arrrgh!!!

Or if you’re petty, it’s good the way it is: you can decide how much/little to do for Father’s Day based on what he did for Mother’s Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why it is such a fail to have Father's Day the month after Mother's Day. It should be reversed!!! Fathers Day wiuld be the perfect reminder to plan for Mother's Day. Arrrgh!!!

Or if you’re petty, it’s good the way it is: you can decide how much/little to do for Father’s Day based on what he did for Mother’s Day.

Or if you’re clever it’s how you never ever have to spend Mother’s Day with your MiL

“Oh definitely let’s do Mother’s Day brunch with your mom and then on Father’s Day for your golf outing I’ll tell my dad to join you at 9?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone just lower or eliminate your expectations right now and everything will be fine.

If you haven’t already explicitly communicated your wishes, this is definitely the way to go.

[Anonymous]

It's a fake, Hallmark Holiday, and I don't want anything but to spend time with my family (teens). Sometimes the kids will wash/vacune my car for Mother's Day, but that would be icing on the cake - I don't need it. And if any of them (kids or spouse) spends a penny on flowers or a card I will be angry with them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a fake, Hallmark Holiday, and I don't want anything but to spend time with my family (teens). Sometimes the kids will wash/vacune my car for Mother's Day, but that would be icing on the cake - I don't need it. And if any of them (kids or spouse) spends a penny on flowers or a card I will be angry with them

Right? I can’t believe people get so worked up about this BS fake “holiday”.