How do you deal with family criticism?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah. Then make it clear that your kid felt a strong connection to their school, while also making it clear that your kid knew about other options (and didn't just pick the first school where there was a fun tour).

Especially if you can point out things they were drawn to, like "Jane loved the new high-tech science building at School X, plus the fact that she could double-major in neuroscience and Japanese."

If Rude Person mentions Elite School X, say "Oh, sure, we looked into it* — but Chosen School was the best match."

(*even if you never actually toured)

Helpful, thanks. It's definitely a very specific program they can't get at the other schools. Which...they know and still disagree with, but whatever.

This is a useful fact to throw back at the rude people: "So why do you think DC should apply to a school that doesn't offer their major?"

They think DC's future career plans are beneath them, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I wasn't clear that DC didn't even APPLY to the higher tier schools, because they weren't interested. These friends and family can't wrap their minds around that. So it's less of them not understanding modern admissions and more of them not understand why DC would self-select into a "lessor" school. And I really have no idea how to reply to that beside, "That's what they wanted." Which clearly isn't working.

I don’t believe you.

I believe OP, bc we had a really hard time finding reaches for my kid. She applied to only one reach under urging from counselor. The rest targets or safeties. Sometimes it’s like this. Believe it or don’t.

That’s not the part I don’t believe. I don’t believe she’s getting this much flack from so many family members and friends. I just don’t buy it. I’ve said this in the past and ruffled her feathers and she reported me and had it deleted, but I think much of this is in her head.

You don't believe an lesser Ivy admit would get crap from family about not even bothering to apply to HYP? What planet do you live on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC's top choice college was a "lessor" school in a particular group - think Cornell vs. Harvard or Connecticut College vs. Amherst, or Nebraska vs. Northwestern, something like that. They were accepted and are THRILLED beyond words, but more than one family member and friend has said some really nasty things to us about the acceptance. We're incredibly proud and trying to gracefully deflect the comments, but people are digging in their heels and saying the equivalent of, "Well, what about Harvard? It's not too late to apply, you know."

Could use some specific wording here. "This school is perfect for them, and we're very proud of their achievement" isn't shutting them down.

"Who's going to pay for Harvard? You?" (insert whatever the school is they're comparing it to)

or

"Well if you're offering to pay for her college, then we're open to your input. Otherwise, we are not."

[Anonymous]

OP here. Since I'm being accused of lying, for whatever it's worth, the higher tier school they're harping on is West Point. Yes, people do get weird about it because of its history and low acceptance rate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Actually, i'm so proud of DC for investing the time and effort to find a school that seems to have the best fit of exactly what they're looking for, and not just following the herd to the colleges with the most applications or the lowest acceptance rates."

Snarky. I love it.

t

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell those family members to EAD. What's so hard about that?

Maybe if it's a drunk uncle you're not close with, but not if it's your kid's well-meaning but tactless grandparent. Would you really tell your own mom to EAD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell those family members to EAD. What's so hard about that?

Maybe if it's a drunk uncle you're not close with, but not if it's your kid's well-meaning but tactless grandparent. Would you really tell your own mom to EAD?

Probably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Since I'm being accused of lying, for whatever it's worth, the higher tier school they're harping on is West Point. Yes, people do get weird about it because of its history and low acceptance rate.

So kiddo got into like Air Force or Coast Guard Academy? Honestly just tell them to eff off. Congrats!

[Anonymous]

West Point is such a niche school though. It is so easy to say something like, “DC has decided the service commitment after graduation is too much” or “DC doesn’t want to join the military after all.”

[Anonymous]

Stop telling people. For those who want to comment just say over and over "Gemma's going to SUNY Albany and is very excited."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:West Point is such a niche school though. It is so easy to say something like, “DC has decided the service commitment after graduation is too much” or “DC doesn’t want to join the military after all.”

They're still joining the military. Just had zero interest in the Army. "But they can commission into any service!"

I know. We just need to stop explaining. It's getting easier thanks to the great advice in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Our take has always been “Thank you for your input on school X, however DD is not interested. As for her acceptance into school Y, it is her top choice. We are all thrilled and proud of her.” We will then shift the conversation to the college move prep, our plans as empty nesters.

[Anonymous]

“We have great faith in Suzy’s judgement, and are thrilled that she has found a school that is such a perfect fit for her.”

“We must not share the same set of criteria, because Doug and I could not be more thrilled about Suzy’s choice.”

“I am sorry that you do not share our enthusiasm about Suzy’s choice, but we won’t let that ruin this exciting time for her.”

“Thanks, but Suzy is set for next year. It would be great if you could join in on our enthusiasm.”

“I don’t know how much you know about Lessor U, but we think Suzy is going to thrive there.”

[Anonymous]

“Suzy did have great options, but we think she is the best judge of what is right for her.”

[Anonymous]

"It's her life, her choice, so SHUT UP, LOSER."