When the estate breaks the family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back. Estate has a lawyer and has had the same one since the will/trust were created. Now to make you all scream this has been going on for over 7 years. Parent was making monthly payments to sibling for more than their mortgage payment when alive. We never questioned it since that was parent's money and decision. Upon death House Sibling lost it and feels siblings should support the family. Both parents gainfully employed and one works in Big Law so anytime estate lawyer writes a letter or makes a move House sibling gets lawyer to write letter threatening everyone. Executor sibling has let this go on so long is now worried about being sued (rightfully so).

Yes I know the relationships are broken. I think it is now a mental illness with House Sibling. I haven't had contact in years so not sure but from early communication House Sibling really feels that parent support the family lifestyle and that siblings should continue that after death of parents. Last letter from their lawyer proposed siblings paying House sibling to remove estate from deed. It makes no sense but judge keeps saying to work it out privately.

This would change everything for me. House Sibling is not paying his very good attorney and the firm has powerful connections. I would walk away. You will pay attorneys and forensic accountants, you will have continual stress. I would stop the bleeding.

Ugh. It’s just wrong for the greedy sibling to walk away with the house plus the cash, all because it’s too expensive to get them to do the right thing. I’ve been in a similar situation with a greedy sibling (not as much money involved as in OP’s family) and it is annoying that someone can walk away with things they are not entitled to simply by acting like jerks.

House sibling should have to reimburse the estate for the lawyer fees involved in getting House Sibling to follow the law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back. Estate has a lawyer and has had the same one since the will/trust were created. Now to make you all scream this has been going on for over 7 years. Parent was making monthly payments to sibling for more than their mortgage payment when alive. We never questioned it since that was parent's money and decision. Upon death House Sibling lost it and feels siblings should support the family. Both parents gainfully employed and one works in Big Law so anytime estate lawyer writes a letter or makes a move House sibling gets lawyer to write letter threatening everyone. Executor sibling has let this go on so long is now worried about being sued (rightfully so).

Yes I know the relationships are broken. I think it is now a mental illness with House Sibling. I haven't had contact in years so not sure but from early communication House Sibling really feels that parent support the family lifestyle and that siblings should continue that after death of parents. Last letter from their lawyer proposed siblings paying House sibling to remove estate from deed. It makes no sense but judge keeps saying to work it out privately.

This would change everything for me. House Sibling is not paying his very good attorney and the firm has powerful connections. I would walk away. You will pay attorneys and forensic accountants, you will have continual stress. I would stop the bleeding.

Ugh. It’s just wrong for the greedy sibling to walk away with the house plus the cash, all because it’s too expensive to get them to do the right thing. I’ve been in a similar situation with a greedy sibling (not as much money involved as in OP’s family) and it is annoying that someone can walk away with things they are not entitled to simply by acting like jerks.

House sibling should have to reimburse the estate for the lawyer fees involved in getting House Sibling to follow the law.

Excellent suggestion!

OP, a new lawyer and perhaps a change of probate judge will get the process moving again. Your sib really sucks and thinks they can bully and wear you all down. Your parent might have caved to them but also looked out for the rest of you with the deed. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Deaths and inheritances break apart families. It happened in mine multiple times.

- Maternal grandma died, leaving different amounts across 3 adult kids - 2 siblings stopped speaking to 1 who received more
- Paternal grandpa (his second marriage) died, leaving money to his kids from first marriage and second wife, some of the kids resented wife receiving money - relationship forever damaged
- XH's maternal grandma died, left equal amounts across 3 adult kids, 2 siblings got very greedy - XH's parent's view of other siblings forever damaged

[Anonymous]

I’m wondering why House Sibling’s parents gave so much to HS in the first place. Did something terrible happen to HS as a kid or young adult? Since they didn’t do this for the other sibs and HS seems to have ample resources it’s puzzling.

Is 7 years length of time the estate’s been open or did they buy the house 7 years ago?

[Anonymous]

I think it's how long probate has been pending. HouseSib thinks they can outlast the others.

Perhaps they were low earners at the time with school debt and had the chutzpah to ask? But parent wanted to be fair so did not gift cash or gift house in will?

The current attorney may not be aggressive enough for the situation. With litigious folks involved they need to be scrupulous in following the law. Since things have been at a stalemate with the current judge, he or she may not be the right fit to move forward either. A lot of $ changes hands in probate court, and the status quo has certainly benefitted HouseSib.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if you could find an outside buyer for the estate's portion / portion of collective siblings other than house sib. Perhaps not, because it's a headache, but somebody unrelated could probably get more traction, plus the others would be clear of it.

Also, wonder whether OP bringing a "friendly" suit against executor would unblock things.

Absent that, agree the estate's lawyer needs to get aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Sadly OP here and not a troll. Definitely dribbling out info sorry about that. I am actually just exhausted by it all and hoped there would be ideas here we haven't thought through. The lawyers truly suck. The executor sibling has enabled this for so long that the other siblings (me included) have had to hire our own lawyer. I haven't been close to House Sibling in years, none of us have actually but I think a PP nailed it with borderline personality married to a Big Law narcissist.

I am in the position to wait them out to sell or refinance. Other siblings aren't and if I think about it long enough it is enraging. Parent was clear in will about wishes and not picking one child over another. It really has come down to this one sibling holding up the entire estate.

Thanks for thinking through it. Will update in the next 1-20 years when we figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back. Estate has a lawyer and has had the same one since the will/trust were created. Now to make you all scream this has been going on for over 7 years. Parent was making monthly payments to sibling for more than their mortgage payment when alive. We never questioned it since that was parent's money and decision. Upon death House Sibling lost it and feels siblings should support the family. Both parents gainfully employed and one works in Big Law so anytime estate lawyer writes a letter or makes a move House sibling gets lawyer to write letter threatening everyone. Executor sibling has let this go on so long is now worried about being sued (rightfully so).

Yes I know the relationships are broken. I think it is now a mental illness with House Sibling. I haven't had contact in years so not sure but from early communication House Sibling really feels that parent support the family lifestyle and that siblings should continue that after death of parents. Last letter from their lawyer proposed siblings paying House sibling to remove estate from deed. It makes no sense but judge keeps saying to work it out privately.

This would change everything for me. House Sibling is not paying his very good attorney and the firm has powerful connections. I would walk away. You will pay attorneys and forensic accountants, you will have continual stress. I would stop the bleeding.

Ugh. It’s just wrong for the greedy sibling to walk away with the house plus the cash, all because it’s too expensive to get them to do the right thing. I’ve been in a similar situation with a greedy sibling (not as much money involved as in OP’s family) and it is annoying that someone can walk away with things they are not entitled to simply by acting like jerks.

House sibling should have to reimburse the estate for the lawyer fees involved in getting House Sibling to follow the law.

there’s the rub - people CAN get more than they deserve by being greedy jerks. But what happens is that they destroy relationships and it is their fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back. Estate has a lawyer and has had the same one since the will/trust were created. Now to make you all scream this has been going on for over 7 years. Parent was making monthly payments to sibling for more than their mortgage payment when alive. We never questioned it since that was parent's money and decision. Upon death House Sibling lost it and feels siblings should support the family. Both parents gainfully employed and one works in Big Law so anytime estate lawyer writes a letter or makes a move House sibling gets lawyer to write letter threatening everyone. Executor sibling has let this go on so long is now worried about being sued (rightfully so).

Yes I know the relationships are broken. I think it is now a mental illness with House Sibling. I haven't had contact in years so not sure but from early communication House Sibling really feels that parent support the family lifestyle and that siblings should continue that after death of parents. Last letter from their lawyer proposed siblings paying House sibling to remove estate from deed. It makes no sense but judge keeps saying to work it out privately.

This would change everything for me. House Sibling is not paying his very good attorney and the firm has powerful connections. I would walk away. You will pay attorneys and forensic accountants, you will have continual stress. I would stop the bleeding.

Ugh. It’s just wrong for the greedy sibling to walk away with the house plus the cash, all because it’s too expensive to get them to do the right thing. I’ve been in a similar situation with a greedy sibling (not as much money involved as in OP’s family) and it is annoying that someone can walk away with things they are not entitled to simply by acting like jerks.

House sibling should have to reimburse the estate for the lawyer fees involved in getting House Sibling to follow the law.

there’s the rub - people CAN get more than they deserve by being greedy jerks. But what happens is that they destroy relationships and it is their fault.

It’s his power within and ability to manipulate the system coupled with the attitude you’re describing. OPs family could well lose even though they shouldn’t.

[Anonymous]

As a Probate lawyer, you need an attorney specializing in estate litigation to move this along. I'm surprised the Estate's lawyer is still involved and has withdrawn - too much of a headache.

Second, I'm surprised any probate judge has been letting this go on for 7 years. Most jurisdictions want estates administered in 3 years in DC, 2ish in Maryland and 16 months in Virginia. If an estate has been dragging on for 7 years with some weird quirk (and a sibling refusing to move out of the house isn't one), a good judge would be calling everyone before them to figure out how to get this resolved or at least give the aggrieved parties some ability to push this process through.

Lastly and unfortunately, the Estate's cost and expenses are borne by all the beneficiaries (including the obstinate one) so there is very little ability to get them to move off their position because they only feel a reduced impact on their inheritance.

[Anonymous]

My hot take is that all the siblings are being greedy here. If your parents were alive you wouldn’t be fighting over their money, but now that they’re dead you ALL feel so freaking entitled that you’re destroying your relationships with each other.

However you were supporting yourself before the inheritance came into play, just keep doing that and consider any money coming your way as a bonus to be grateful for, which is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My hot take is that all the siblings are being greedy here. If your parents were alive you wouldn’t be fighting over their money, but now that they’re dead you ALL feel so freaking entitled that you’re destroying your relationships with each other.

However you were supporting yourself before the inheritance came into play, just keep doing that and consider any money coming your way as a bonus to be grateful for, which is what it is.

So just let the one sibling get away with stealing from the estate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My hot take is that all the siblings are being greedy here. If your parents were alive you wouldn’t be fighting over their money, but now that they’re dead you ALL feel so freaking entitled that you’re destroying your relationships with each other.

However you were supporting yourself before the inheritance came into play, just keep doing that and consider any money coming your way as a bonus to be grateful for, which is what it is.

It has been going on for 7 years so that is what we are all doing. No one feels entitled to anything but keeping the estate on the deed of House Sibling's house is something that has to be resolved. One sibling had cancer last year (doing fine thankfully). I can't imagine if something happens to a sibling then we are dealing with nieces and nephews regarding this too? What if something happens to House Sibling? The House Sibling spouse isn't named in the will or part of the estate now we would have to deal with that person? What if they stop paying the mortgage or property taxes?

For the probate judge, we have had the same judge the entire time. Just keeps doing continuances which is so frustrating. Not a giant or complex estate. Everything has been liquidated except for this one piece. I am hoping at the next hearing he will order mediation.

[Anonymous]

Hire a real estate attorney and force a sale of their house as majority tenants. House sibling wants to play stupid games then they can win the prizes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My hot take is that all the siblings are being greedy here. If your parents were alive you wouldn’t be fighting over their money, but now that they’re dead you ALL feel so freaking entitled that you’re destroying your relationships with each other.

However you were supporting yourself before the inheritance came into play, just keep doing that and consider any money coming your way as a bonus to be grateful for, which is what it is.

It has been going on for 7 years so that is what we are all doing. No one feels entitled to anything but keeping the estate on the deed of House Sibling's house is something that has to be resolved. One sibling had cancer last year (doing fine thankfully). I can't imagine if something happens to a sibling then we are dealing with nieces and nephews regarding this too? What if something happens to House Sibling? The House Sibling spouse isn't named in the will or part of the estate now we would have to deal with that person? What if they stop paying the mortgage or property taxes?

For the probate judge, we have had the same judge the entire time. Just keeps doing continuances which is so frustrating. Not a giant or complex estate. Everything has been liquidated except for this one piece. I am hoping at the next hearing he will order mediation.

I'd talk to your lawyer about requesting a new judge, OP.

I suspect there may be some tie between BigLaw spouse/firm and current judge. Unusual to allow things to go on for so long.