"N-word" passes? (apologies in advance)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My high schooler came home announcing he was given a n-word pass by his black friends. He at the record straight- he does not have a pass and better never use that word. It’s frustrating to teach your kids how offensive that word is only for them to be around other kids that use is regularly. I wish that word would go away.

Don't be frustrated, be educated.
How do black people use the word? To claim it, denote a shared historical experience, and change its power.
How do non-black people use the word? To demean black people.

Get out of here with your 1961-era ignorance.

What? And what is your 2024 version of this?

NP. In 2024, no one should be using it. It is demeaning at best, racist at worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My high schooler came home announcing he was given a n-word pass by his black friends. He at the record straight- he does not have a pass and better never use that word. It’s frustrating to teach your kids how offensive that word is only for them to be around other kids that use is regularly. I wish that word would go away.

Don't be frustrated, be educated.
How do black people use the word? To claim it, denote a shared historical experience, and change its power.
How do non-black people use the word? To demean black people.

Get out of here with your 1961-era ignorance.

+1

How does that even make sense that PP? On this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone else's child talked about being handed or seeing others at school pass out "N-word" passes? What should we do---inform school leadership?

I don't know what that is but I'd for sure let the school know if that's where it's taking place. Our school would take that very seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to guess this involves black kids giving their non-black friends permission to use the word (sort of like a “you’re invited to the cookout” type thing?).

My elementary kids have not brought this up, but I plan to tell them that even if said while singing a song, or a friend says it’s okay, it’s just not a good idea. You never know who is recording and you don’t want that to become a word that you are comfortable saying (it’s not like a curse word where an occasional slip will be forgiven). Out of all the words in the dictionary I know my white kids will survive if they just refrain from ever using this one.

I agree with a PP who said to notify the school admin. This needs to get addressed, I’d be worried these kids aren’t understanding the full gravity of its meaning.

What? How old are your kids? You said Elementary so I'm hoping only K if you haven't addressed this with them. You think they're going to bring it up? Are you also going to wait until they ask you about safe sex? OMG. Also, to say it isn't a good idea is...trivializing it quite a bit, don't you think? And you never know who is recording you? So the main point here is it's not a great idea to say it because you don't want to get caught in case someone is recording you. That's the message you're going with? Whenever your kids bring it up with you? I can't even.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wildly inappropriate. Nobody should be saying the n-word at all, except Black separatists. N-word is a consolation prize for being outside mainstream society.
Anyone who wants to be a part of mainstream society, Black or non-Black, shouldn't use it.

White parents are telling their kids not to use the n-word. What about black parents?

My kid said a friend gave him an “n-card” and it was so confusing for him because he felt like his friend had more say in it than we did because he was black.

Teach your child American history and about the black experience in America. If your child sees his peers as having more authority than you, then, added with him courting use of the n word, you have a serious problem on your hands.

We say “don’t use the n-word because it’s derogatory”.

Black friend says “you’re cool, it’s ok to use it”.

It’s confusing for young kids.

You need to impress upon him the seriousness of that word when uttered through a white person's mouth. I cannot believe that you have no way of conveying the seriousness of the situation. If your kid uses that word and someone (other than his stupid friend) hear it and takes offense, your kid could face a range of outcomes including, but not limited to, being labelled a racist, being the kids version of cancelled or even getting the beat down of a lifetime. Show him images of Emmit Till, victims of lynchings, KKK marches, crosses burning and help him connect the dots of why the n word is not acceptable for him to use.

I agree with the beginning and end of your post wholeheartedly. But the middle? That the downside to using it is your kid getting in trouble? Come on. How about because of the effect it would have on those who heard it? Not the effects on your precious white kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wildly inappropriate. Nobody should be saying the n-word at all, except Black separatists. N-word is a consolation prize for being outside mainstream society.
Anyone who wants to be a part of mainstream society, Black or non-Black, shouldn't use it.

White parents are telling their kids not to use the n-word. What about black parents?

My kid said a friend gave him an “n-card” and it was so confusing for him because he felt like his friend had more say in it than we did because he was black.

Teach your child American history and about the black experience in America. If your child sees his peers as having more authority than you, then, added with him courting use of the n word, you have a serious problem on your hands.

We say “don’t use the n-word because it’s derogatory”.

Black friend says “you’re cool, it’s ok to use it”.

It’s confusing for young kids.

You need to impress upon him the seriousness of that word when uttered through a white person's mouth. I cannot believe that you have no way of conveying the seriousness of the situation. If your kid uses that word and someone (other than his stupid friend) hear it and takes offense, your kid could face a range of outcomes including, but not limited to, being labelled a racist, being the kids version of cancelled or even getting the beat down of a lifetime. Show him images of Emmit Till, victims of lynchings, KKK marches, crosses burning and help him connect the dots of why the n word is not acceptable for him to use.

No shit. It is still confusing for kids.

It's really not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my child came to me, I would say DO NOT THAT WORD. It never sounds ok for a white person to say it even in context. I’d rather they be the dorky white kid who won’t say it than one who uses it ever

Yeah, but explain WHY. Otherwise it's meaningless. This is why the PP's kids find it so "confusing."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wildly inappropriate. Nobody should be saying the n-word at all, except Black separatists. N-word is a consolation prize for being outside mainstream society.
Anyone who wants to be a part of mainstream society, Black or non-Black, shouldn't use it.

White parents are telling their kids not to use the n-word. What about black parents?

My kid said a friend gave him an “n-card” and it was so confusing for him because he felt like his friend had more say in it than we did because he was black.

Teach your child American history and about the black experience in America. If your child sees his peers as having more authority than you, then, added with him courting use of the n word, you have a serious problem on your hands.

We say “don’t use the n-word because it’s derogatory”.

Black friend says “you’re cool, it’s ok to use it”.

It’s confusing for young kids.

Troll score: 2 out of 5

Not OP and not a troll. And my kid doesn’t use the n-word. But it was very confusing for him to understand when he was younger.

Is he equally confused when teachers say be quiet and his talkative friends say the opposite.

Parent your kid. Stop making excuses.

What excuses? We did explain to him. He doesn’t use the word. I just said he was confused back then when his friend told him this and then we told him it was very bad.

It was 3rd grade. He had never heard the word before and he didn’t know the history. He came home all excited that his friend gave him a “gift”. But we explained it and he was confused why his friend said this. He was young and didn’t understand all of the history and modern complexities around race.

You didn't think your kid wouldn't have been exposed to that by 3rd grade? I swear some of you people live in lalaland. How do you not discuss things that are going on with your kids? My oldest is in fourth grade, but we've discussed bad words, racism, sexism, religious persecution, and a whole host of other topics since they were little. We're white, by the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My high schooler came home announcing he was given a n-word pass by his black friends. He at the record straight- he does not have a pass and better never use that word. It’s frustrating to teach your kids how offensive that word is only for them to be around other kids that use is regularly. I wish that word would go away.

Don't be frustrated, be educated.
How do black people use the word? To claim it, denote a shared historical experience, and change its power.
How do non-black people use the word? To demean black people.

This is perfectly said. This is how I explained it to my kids and they've never been frustrated or confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wildly inappropriate. Nobody should be saying the n-word at all, except Black separatists. N-word is a consolation prize for being outside mainstream society.
Anyone who wants to be a part of mainstream society, Black or non-Black, shouldn't use it.

White parents are telling their kids not to use the n-word. What about black parents?

My kid said a friend gave him an “n-card” and it was so confusing for him because he felt like his friend had more say in it than we did because he was black.

Teach your child American history and about the black experience in America. If your child sees his peers as having more authority than you, then, added with him courting use of the n word, you have a serious problem on your hands.

We say “don’t use the n-word because it’s derogatory”.

Black friend says “you’re cool, it’s ok to use it”.

It’s confusing for young kids.

You need to impress upon him the seriousness of that word when uttered through a white person's mouth. I cannot believe that you have no way of conveying the seriousness of the situation. If your kid uses that word and someone (other than his stupid friend) hear it and takes offense, your kid could face a range of outcomes including, but not limited to, being labelled a racist, being the kids version of cancelled or even getting the beat down of a lifetime. Show him images of Emmit Till, victims of lynchings, KKK marches, crosses burning and help him connect the dots of why the n word is not acceptable for him to use.

I agree with the beginning and end of your post wholeheartedly. But the middle? That the downside to using it is your kid getting in trouble? Come on. How about because of the effect it would have on those who heard it? Not the effects on your precious white kid.

I wrote the response in question. The suntext of the first and last sentences is what you noted, how it affects black people. The middle section was a bit of pathos, to appeal to dumd white people in hopes they will take it seriously and convince their kids (and them) to never say the word in any context, for any reason.

[Anonymous]

^^subtext

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see why the passes would be attractive to kids. The word has almost magical powers. The kid giving the pass has access to the power and can grant it, and the kid receiving the pass can try it out without fear.

Really? Because I don't see it. But I've never wanted to use that word, so I guess to each their own.

+1. Without fear? Why would someone want to try it out? And wait until someone films a kid using the word and sends it out on their phone. I would not accept anyone's permission to be racist. Because I'm not.

I would guess most people here are adults who would not like to use the word. I hope. But we are talking about kids—the same kids who respond to “don’t touch that” by touching the thing. The same kids who are testing boundaries. You tell them not to say something, and it gives extreme power to the word. It’s like Voldemort. What will happen? Something? Nothing? I just don’t blame kids for acting like kids.

These kids are not asking for permission to “be racist” if I’m understanding correctly. They’re not giving passes to call someone that word. The Black kids (at least I hope it’s only Black kids) are “allowing” the white/non-Black kids to say a forbidden word out loud.

To be clear, of course I tell my kids to never ever say it and warn them of the potential consequences.

You all are missing the point, big time. (I also can't believe you just likened the word to Voldemort, but ok).

Don't simply tell your kids not to say the word. EXPLAIN TO THEM WHY WE DO NOT DO IT. My kids got the concept pretty young. Maybe yours are dim, but I think more likely you're only saying "don't say the word, you could get in trouble," which is (a) missing the point and (b) doesn't work. Do YOU even know what the word means and why you shouldn't say it? (Hint, it's not so you don't get canceled).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wildly inappropriate. Nobody should be saying the n-word at all, except Black separatists. N-word is a consolation prize for being outside mainstream society.
Anyone who wants to be a part of mainstream society, Black or non-Black, shouldn't use it.

White parents are telling their kids not to use the n-word. What about black parents?

My kid said a friend gave him an “n-card” and it was so confusing for him because he felt like his friend had more say in it than we did because he was black.

Teach your child American history and about the black experience in America. If your child sees his peers as having more authority than you, then, added with him courting use of the n word, you have a serious problem on your hands.

We say “don’t use the n-word because it’s derogatory”.

Black friend says “you’re cool, it’s ok to use it”.

It’s confusing for young kids.

You need to impress upon him the seriousness of that word when uttered through a white person's mouth. I cannot believe that you have no way of conveying the seriousness of the situation. If your kid uses that word and someone (other than his stupid friend) hear it and takes offense, your kid could face a range of outcomes including, but not limited to, being labelled a racist, being the kids version of cancelled or even getting the beat down of a lifetime. Show him images of Emmit Till, victims of lynchings, KKK marches, crosses burning and help him connect the dots of why the n word is not acceptable for him to use.

I agree with the beginning and end of your post wholeheartedly. But the middle? That the downside to using it is your kid getting in trouble? Come on. How about because of the effect it would have on those who heard it? Not the effects on your precious white kid.

I wrote the response in question. The suntext of the first and last sentences is what you noted, how it affects black people. The middle section was a bit of pathos, to appeal to dumd white people in hopes they will take it seriously and convince their kids (and them) to never say the word in any context, for any reason.

I think the point sticks better if you explain why it shouldn't be said. Telling someone not to do something because they'll get in trouble is...not particularly effective. I mean, see shoplifting, lying, cheating, etc. It also explains why kids think getting a "pass" means it's ok to say it. That's why they're so frustrated, as one PP put it.