S/o Passive aggressive gifts you have received (or given!)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom ONLY gives passive aggressive gifts. She has never given me a gift, that I can remember, that wasn't really just encouragement to do something she wants me to do that I either don't want to do or want to choose on my own. Gift cards to the more conservative clothing stores she shops at but knows I don't, or a gift card to her hair salon (which isn't even where I live). One of those Facebook devices for video chats so that I will video chat with her "more often." Self-help books about dating, dieting, career when she feels I am not doing well enough in these departments.

You can't get upset about any of it because she'll start crying and say she only meant it kindly and only wants to help. You just have to smile and say thank you. I once did get upset, when she gave me a set of self-help books and a dress that literally matched a dress she owns and wears often, for my 40th birthday. Like I opened it and it made me cry, because some part of me actually thought she might give me a gift that wasn't entirely about her for once. She was so mad. But I just couldn't hold it in.

I was a chubby student and my mother gave me a scale which I had to unwrap in front of my whole extended family and she then made me weigh myself in front of everyone. But she goes to church a lot so that makes her kind and loving!

[Anonymous]

My ILs give me a candle every year with my name misspelled on the card. I can’t smell so don’t have candles, and I’ve been married to their son for 15 years … is passive way to remind me I’m last priority after their daughters

[Anonymous]

I’m not proud of this but in my 20s I decided to end a friendship with a friend from HS. She became highly judgmental and difficult to be around while she was at college and I couldn’t take it anymore. I sent her a knife set from her wedding registry, didn't attend the wedding, and we never spoke again.

My mother just gave me Liz Cheney’s book at Christmas and told me. She’s beginning to show signs of dementia or I would have been very offended LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom ONLY gives passive aggressive gifts. She has never given me a gift, that I can remember, that wasn't really just encouragement to do something she wants me to do that I either don't want to do or want to choose on my own. Gift cards to the more conservative clothing stores she shops at but knows I don't, or a gift card to her hair salon (which isn't even where I live). One of those Facebook devices for video chats so that I will video chat with her "more often." Self-help books about dating, dieting, career when she feels I am not doing well enough in these departments.

You can't get upset about any of it because she'll start crying and say she only meant it kindly and only wants to help. You just have to smile and say thank you. I once did get upset, when she gave me a set of self-help books and a dress that literally matched a dress she owns and wears often, for my 40th birthday. Like I opened it and it made me cry, because some part of me actually thought she might give me a gift that wasn't entirely about her for once. She was so mad. But I just couldn't hold it in.

I was a chubby student and my mother gave me a scale which I had to unwrap in front of my whole extended family and she then made me weigh myself in front of everyone. But she goes to church a lot so that makes her kind and loving!

Or self- absolved! LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is an mean spirited person in general, but she likes to keep up appearances so until I simply refused to accept any gifts one of the many ways she liked to exercise her demons was with passsive aggressive gifts. I have posted about this before.

For years in early adulthood she would claim she emailed me a gift card, but I never recieved it. Like lucy at the football I would let her know I didn't get it because I don't like to think of someone wasting money. I would check junk. There would be this back and forth and it would never arrive until i finally just ignored those emails and she would involve my mom. My mother always felt there was some mistake even though she knew my sister had a dark side.

When I had mt first kid she sent me an ebay gift of a bunch of baby clothes with stains and holes. I also have received broken necklaces, a broken vase, chocolates after I lost a lot of weight due to prevent diabetes, and a baking cookbook both because I was trying to prevent diabetes (high sugar baked goods0, but also she said I now had to bake for her any time she was in town-I am not a baker.

Every gift or non-gift turned into thank you not being enough and complaints to my mother to try to suck her into drama about how I wasn't appreciative. When I was stupid enough to defend myself my mother always was of the opinion a gift is something good even if it's a bunch of stained clothes with holes.

My sister has so many friendship and dating relationships explode, but my mother just sees her as an innocent victim. I have distanced myself because I figure it's only a matter of time before she sends me something like a dead rabbit and I have way too much life stress to hear about her latest drama.

So sorry about this PP.

This is definitely the most passive aggressive "gift giving" (in quotes as the nonexistant gift cards weren't actually even gifts) on this thread. And as you say clearly symptomatic of a bigger problem on your sister's part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not proud of this but in my 20s I decided to end a friendship with a friend from HS. She became highly judgmental and difficult to be around while she was at college and I couldn’t take it anymore. I sent her a knife set from her wedding registry, didn't attend the wedding, and we never spoke again.

My mother just gave me Liz Cheney’s book at Christmas and told me. She’s beginning to show signs of dementia or I would have been very offended LOL

I would give this a read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think unless the person truly deserves it (like the affair story), better to just stop gift giving then to be passive aggressive.

A friend of mine had twin boys, one with SN and was overwhelmed so when MIL visited the house was not clean enough for MIL's liking. So for Christmas that year the MIL gave her a carpet steamer and cleaning supplies. So rude. Does she want the mother of her grandchildren to just fall apart or have a nervous breakdown?

That's beyond evil! Twins + SN, the MIL should have been cleaning for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I donated money for chicks and goats to people in low-income countries in the name of my selfish, materialistic family members. They never acknowledged the gifts.

So you are saying you are a passive aggressive AH then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An ant farm

I love ant farms! I would also love the STEM gift. Most of these don't seem bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not proud of this but in my 20s I decided to end a friendship with a friend from HS. She became highly judgmental and difficult to be around while she was at college and I couldn’t take it anymore. I sent her a knife set from her wedding registry, didn't attend the wedding, and we never spoke again.

My mother just gave me Liz Cheney’s book at Christmas and told me. She’s beginning to show signs of dementia or I would have been very offended LOL

I would give this a read.

I want to read it, too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I donated money for chicks and goats to people in low-income countries in the name of my selfish, materialistic family members. They never acknowledged the gifts.

So you are saying you are a passive aggressive AH then?

I’m not the OP of this response but I did similar to my MIL. Plus, she made periodic rude comments about how we spent money and ridiculed the fact that I donated money and goods to homeless shelters. She’s lucky I got her anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother and his wife once shipped me 10 empty plastic diet coke bottles with crochet covers and a dollar store black ball as a "bowling set" for our 4 year old's Christmas gift. They were heavily into environmental recycling at the time.
They tried something similar for his birthday gift and me/ wife took it back to post office and refused delivery, had it marked " return to sender".
We have gone none contact with them for about 5 years now.

They're better off without you. They sound quirky and oddball, but you sound totally over the top rude returning their gift.

I can't imagine a 4-year-old who wouldn't like this. And think of the time and thought they put into it!

One of my most prized possessions is a rigatoni angel covered with glitter, made by my aunt.

[Anonymous]

I had planned to breastfeed my first and was doing great and EBFing. I had taken a leave from work and was loving it. My MIL was openly upset and thought that this would mean she wouldn’t be able to babysit. On one of the first visits to our house to see the baby, she brought a set of bottles; she thought I should have them “just in case”. A couple weeks later we received a package from a family friend, one of MIL closest friends. It included another set of bottles and a note, “These bottles are my favorite and I thought you should have them, too!”

[Anonymous]

I once got a shirt from my sister with a note saying “now you can wear something other than those ugly shirts you always wear.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once got a shirt from my sister with a note saying “now you can wear something other than those ugly shirts you always wear.”

My mother has done something similar!