Do you ever take a PTO day without telling spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's silly on his part.

Equally silly on her part for hiding something so inconsequential. As a guy I wouldn’t want to be with someone that felt they couldn’t tell me they were taking a day to themselves. Nor would I want to be the guy that my spouse didn’t feel comfortable telling me this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I take off all the time without talking to each other. We have so many chores, so many appointments for the kids and so many errands that we'd never just take off to relax. We take plenty of vacations, but I can't imagine taking a day off to just hang at home and do nothing. I also can't waste my dh's time either. If he's taking off, he also has a mile long list to get done.

Same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I both work FT outside the home. I took the day off without mentioning it to him and he “caught” me when he emailed something to my work email address and got my out of office response. Now his feelings are hurt because he says if I’d told him he could have also taken the day off and spent the day together.

I wasn’t up to anything nefarious, just wanted a quiet day with the house to myself and I love him, but his idea of how to spend the day wouldn’t match mine. TBH I thought everyone did this sometimes - am I wrong?

I have. It was glorious. I have plenty of leave. If I had said I was taking a day I would had been asked to do a bunch of things like take in dry cleaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I (OP) talked to a friend about this and she said that not only do she and her husband do this, they once inadvertently did it on the same day! She came home from Target and found her DH on the couch watching some soccer match. They had a laugh about it.

Do they like pina coladas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I both work FT outside the home. I took the day off without mentioning it to him and he “caught” me when he emailed something to my work email address and got my out of office response. Now his feelings are hurt because he says if I’d told him he could have also taken the day off and spent the day together.

I wasn’t up to anything nefarious, just wanted a quiet day with the house to myself and I love him, but his idea of how to spend the day wouldn’t match mine. TBH I thought everyone did this sometimes - am I wrong?

Girl, DH probably has done this several times for March Madness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn’t tell him because he’d get offended I didn’t want him around and/or he’d expect me to be doing something “productive” (like chores that otherwise have to get done evenings and weekends). I just wanted to spend the day in bed, in my sweats, eating chips and watching awful daytime TV while scrolling DCUM and other mindless internetting! I didn’t pretend to go to work. He has a longer commute so leaves earlier than I do. I worked out this AM and took the kids to school as usual, then returned home.

You have to still see that as a lie of omission. Since you didnt say anything and knew he left before you, you knew he wouldnt "notice" so you didnt have to tell him outright.

I dont think Id appreciate my spouse behaving like this. "if she doesnt specifically ask, I dont have to tell" feels wrong in a marriage (in mine at least).

Yes, I (OP) agree it’s a lie of omission. If I thought I could just say “hey, taking the day off to veg on the couch” and his response would be “cool, enjoy” I would!

this is the larger problem, op