I think I win the Thanksgiving 2023 petty vents already

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.

SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.

Sorry your brother is a bad host! I've dropped the rope with my in-laws for the most part (I do clean the house, make a grocery list for my husband to pick up so we have plenty of food in the house, and help him think through meal planning for the visit), but I'm sure my in-laws think I am a bad hostess. The reality is I can only care so much so I do help with some of the planning that I care about (clean house and a food plan for the visit).

What makes you think my brother is a bad host?!
There isn’t much hosting required in the first place. It’s not like they are providing a three course meal on arrival and a fully ready guest bedroom lol. But even the bare minimum - bring the sheets and make some tea and maybe slice some cheese? Is now demonstratively left to my brother.
I don’t really care, it’s their family, but it just looks funny and eyeroll worthy

Your needs seem very specific. We don’t have tea in our house so if you showed up and “required” tea and cheese, you’d be out of luck.

These are just examples. Don’t get stuck on them. You can substitute with coffee and cake if you prefer. It’s something that I know they have and eat, and is easy to make. That is all.

Your hosts have provided a clean home, clean towels and sheets, free lodging, and apparently have tea, cheese, coffee and cake in their well-stocked pantry. If you want a cup of tea or a slice of cake, get off your lazy, ungrateful arse and go get some!

[Anonymous]

I was pissed when someone showed up to my house an hour early, but NINE HOURS EARLY?! Oyyy no thanks

[Anonymous]

Hey tea lady, are you coming from the airport in a cab?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally get it OP. what is it with old people and this obsession about traffic? They have all the time in the world.

I am telling you, it’s anxiety.
-not OP

And I am telling you, they could have picked up the phone and sent a text explaining they were anxious about traffic and were making an early start. That text or call could have included assurances they would get their own lunch and would not expect to be entertained.

It’s understandable to have anxiety. It’s not OK to make your anxiety someone else’s problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.

SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.

Sorry your brother is a bad host! I've dropped the rope with my in-laws for the most part (I do clean the house, make a grocery list for my husband to pick up so we have plenty of food in the house, and help him think through meal planning for the visit), but I'm sure my in-laws think I am a bad hostess. The reality is I can only care so much so I do help with some of the planning that I care about (clean house and a food plan for the visit).

What makes you think my brother is a bad host?!
There isn’t much hosting required in the first place. It’s not like they are providing a three course meal on arrival and a fully ready guest bedroom lol. But even the bare minimum - bring the sheets and make some tea and maybe slice some cheese? Is now demonstratively left to my brother.
I don’t really care, it’s their family, but it just looks funny and eyeroll worthy

So let me get this straight, you recognize what your SIL is doing - since that is the typical advice given when someone has the issue of their husband not pulling their weight when it comes to his family visiting - and yet, you’re judging her for it? Maybe your brother should step up and she wouldn’t feel the need to so clearly draw lines.

The funny thing is that her husband mommy tracked to take care of all the projects she thinks need to be done with the kids. It’s their family so who cares, but now this, and yes, it looks funny.

Quite evidently, you do.

With each post, you reveal that this is a you problem, not a her problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.

SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.

Why does the woman have to do the hosting? How sexist is it that you cant have your own brother make you a cup of tea or give you sheets?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally get it OP. what is it with old people and this obsession about traffic? They have all the time in the world.

Their eyes don’t work well, they live in areas without traffic and don’t have experience with it, they have anxiety, their reflexes are diminished, on and on and on

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally get it OP. what is it with old people and this obsession about traffic? They have all the time in the world.

Their eyes don’t work well, they live in areas without traffic and don’t have experience with it, they have anxiety, their reflexes are diminished, on and on and on

+1.

Ok fine. Instead of showing up unannounced, they could have gone somewhere for breakfast and done some shopping. They are prioritizing themselves over everyone else. OP should invite them to come over on Thanksgiving Day next year and not on days when they are still working. W
I think she is handling it the right way though - close the door and go to work - business as usual. These little annoyances really add up overtime especially when it’s consistent.

[Anonymous]

Wow these vents make me realize how awesome my ILs are. The one time they arrived in our area early (traffic not as bad as we all thought, making a 6 hr drive only 4 hours) they called us from the Starbucks in our town and said they were early and wanted to get coffee and look at newspapers for a while to rest up from the drive and could they bring us a coffee drink or something when they came to our house later?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.

SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.

What’s wrong with your brother that he’s not offering you tea or making you comfortable? Is he a quadriplegic, or what? Why do you expect hospitality from someone with a vagina and not your brother, hmm?

Oh, he does. It’s just that it’s so obvious how she is now “leaving everything to him”, it’s eyeroll worthy.
She then eases up and becomes herself (I.e. does some things when she is around and leaves others to her DH/my brother when it’s convenient for them) but it’s just funny how she tries to be this modern woman who is letting her husband take responsibility for his family by leaving until tea is served lol

You don’t like her, she doesn’t like you. So you’re the hero in this story and she’s the villain, why?

I wouldn’t say we don’t like each other. She just decided she won’t bring the sheets or make tea on the first day! Maybe I offended her but I think she just decided to be this new woman lol
Again, she was never the only one serving on everyone else. We all do a bit of something. It’s just those first couple hours, maybe even an hour that looks weird.

But yeah I don’t show up early.
What I am saying is - it’s the elderly anxious people. Ok they showed up early. Be friendly for 5 minutes, leave, maybe make an easy lunch, that’s it. I don’t get what this is all about. Unless they truly expect to be served on, hand and foot.

Honestly you are not making any sense. You are noticing that it’s your brother who is bringing you sheets instead of his wife and that is eye roll worthy? What am I missing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.

SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.

What’s wrong with your brother that he’s not offering you tea or making you comfortable? Is he a quadriplegic, or what? Why do you expect hospitality from someone with a vagina and not your brother, hmm?

Oh, he does. It’s just that it’s so obvious how she is now “leaving everything to him”, it’s eyeroll worthy.
She then eases up and becomes herself (I.e. does some things when she is around and leaves others to her DH/my brother when it’s convenient for them) but it’s just funny how she tries to be this modern woman who is letting her husband take responsibility for his family by leaving until tea is served lol

You don’t like her, she doesn’t like you. So you’re the hero in this story and she’s the villain, why?

I wouldn’t say we don’t like each other. She just decided she won’t bring the sheets or make tea on the first day! Maybe I offended her but I think she just decided to be this new woman lol
Again, she was never the only one serving on everyone else. We all do a bit of something. It’s just those first couple hours, maybe even an hour that looks weird.

But yeah I don’t show up early.
What I am saying is - it’s the elderly anxious people. Ok they showed up early. Be friendly for 5 minutes, leave, maybe make an easy lunch, that’s it. I don’t get what this is all about. Unless they truly expect to be served on, hand and foot.

Honestly you are not making any sense. You are noticing that it’s your brother who is bringing you sheets instead of his wife and that is eye roll worthy? What am I missing?

Clearly she thinks only people with vaginas should do household hosting. Her precious brother mustnt be disturbed when his slave wife is available

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't your DH be the one to "deal with them" anyway? When my MIL comes to visit, the timing etc doesn't stress me because she is DH's cross to bear. Makes her sound like a bad thing, I know, which she's not. She's just his responsibility rather than mine.

SIL here. I like to believe I am not high maintenance but I do require being given the sheets and maybe a cup of tea and some food on arrival (o visit my brother once a year).
We always used to have a good relationship with my SIL, but I think she started “making me my brother’s responsibility” lately (maybe for the last couple of years?)
It looks weird and makes her look like a bad host and unfriendly person.
I am not a super hostess myself but it doesn’t bother me to make my guest comfortable and offer tea and maybe some snacks or food. I don’t get it when people act all put out by such huge tasks.

This is not meant as an argument with OP or PP, just an observation. It’s not that hard to be a minimally good host. Not serving hand and foot on anyone but just being friendly and providing initial basic supplies.

What’s wrong with your brother that he’s not offering you tea or making you comfortable? Is he a quadriplegic, or what? Why do you expect hospitality from someone with a vagina and not your brother, hmm?

Oh, he does. It’s just that it’s so obvious how she is now “leaving everything to him”, it’s eyeroll worthy.
She then eases up and becomes herself (I.e. does some things when she is around and leaves others to her DH/my brother when it’s convenient for them) but it’s just funny how she tries to be this modern woman who is letting her husband take responsibility for his family by leaving until tea is served lol

You don’t like her, she doesn’t like you. So you’re the hero in this story and she’s the villain, why?

I wouldn’t say we don’t like each other. She just decided she won’t bring the sheets or make tea on the first day! Maybe I offended her but I think she just decided to be this new woman lol
Again, she was never the only one serving on everyone else. We all do a bit of something. It’s just those first couple hours, maybe even an hour that looks weird.

But yeah I don’t show up early.
What I am saying is - it’s the elderly anxious people. Ok they showed up early. Be friendly for 5 minutes, leave, maybe make an easy lunch, that’s it. I don’t get what this is all about. Unless they truly expect to be served on, hand and foot.

Honestly you are not making any sense. You are noticing that it’s your brother who is bringing you sheets instead of his wife and that is eye roll worthy? What am I missing?

Stop engaging with this poster. It's bringing down this thread.

[Anonymous]

If a guest arrived early I would be irritated.

Family is family. My inlaws can make themselves at home and settle in. They can make lunch, or help clean up, etc. I just go to my office and work uninterrupted until I'm finished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow these vents make me realize how awesome my ILs are. The one time they arrived in our area early (traffic not as bad as we all thought, making a 6 hr drive only 4 hours) they called us from the Starbucks in our town and said they were early and wanted to get coffee and look at newspapers for a while to rest up from the drive and could they bring us a coffee drink or something when they came to our house later?

You are lucky. I plan on being this kind of MIL one day. I’m grateful for learning what not to do from my MIL. Never assume DIL wants you to do her laundry, never do it anyway when DIL says please don’t, never then proceed to go find where DIL hid it in her bedroom and do it anyway.

[Anonymous]

This is why I love American culture. That OP can be arguably in the right here. If a Chinese daughter in law did this she’d be never forgiven.

Signed , a proud Chinese American who loves the concept of boundaries.