Inheritance Question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you asked your parents why they are considering changing their plan from a 50/50 split to now giving more to your sibling? It sounds like something has changed and I don't think there is anything wrong with asking the question, if they have opened the topic with you.

They said our financial situation is better than sibling's, therefore we shouldn't get as much.

Has your sibling always been favored by your parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here... would you consider financial situations? Sibling A has made no effort to save and has made many life decisions that have put them in a lesser financial situation (though far from destitute). Sibling B makes a decent income (but not extravagant) but lives very frugally and has saved since the first job out of college when they made a very meager salary.

Sibling A is also child free and Sibling B is not.

Curious the thoughts on this?

In this situation I would still divide evenly. I might take a portion of As funds and give it directly to the kids when they reach a certain age.

Give it all away.

Following up on this, I don’t have energy if other siblings would complain not getting enough, not right percentage or whatever. I’d rather parents give anything they have to charity for the illnesses they had when they were alive or the hospitals that helped them so other families can benefit. If they still want to leave $ anything to kids, I have told them to skip me totally- I want no part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you asked your parents why they are considering changing their plan from a 50/50 split to now giving more to your sibling? It sounds like something has changed and I don't think there is anything wrong with asking the question, if they have opened the topic with you.

They said our financial situation is better than sibling's, therefore we shouldn't get as much.

My family give my lazy sister more bc she "has a harder time." It pisses me off and has affected our relationship. She's not stupid. She's not disabled. She's lazy and has expected things to be given to her, and my parents indulge her.

My sister and I do not speak. And my parents should expect no help from me as they get older. My sister can handle it.

Op here. So sibling is not lazy, just chose a different path that yielded a different financial situation. Some of it is job choice, some of it is not prioritizing saving.

For us, we haven’t always made good money, honestly that’s pretty recent and we are mid 40s. And all we’ve changed since is how much we save. But we saved as much as we could, even when we made not much. We have sacrificed a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure. I would leave my child, who has some health issues, a lot more than the one who doesn't.

Also, I would consider their life circumstances outside of health.

This is so stupid. My uncle did this, he earmarked a much larger share for his son who had a low paying job and kids and a small amount to his successful daughter. Successful daughter gets diagnosed with prolonged terminal illness at 48. Unable to work any longer, all the families finances were drained. Her brother has retired early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom’s estate will be divided equally among siblings when she passes and she is now mentally incapacitated so nothing will change at this point. We siblings all live in different cities and moved her where I am bc they had no intentions of stepping up in any caregiving capacity. In my future estate planning, I will set aside a sizable amount for whomever has taken on my eldercare responsibilities, should that situation come to pass.

This. My mom has taken on most responsibilities for her mom (who is rich and refuses to move into assisted living/nursing). My mom's siblings all live within 10 minutes of their mom, yet only one uncle really helps. The other two do very occasional and they are all splitting, although she keeps changing her mind. My retired uncle told me she could change it (she cant she has dementia) when she said she wanted to give it to her favorite son. I reminded him how she wanted openly said she wanted to give her entire estate to my 4-year-old and I ignored it and he needed to buzz off. Its already done and she can't change it in her state.

It is frustrating to see my mom who still works full time do the majority of the work when one sibling and husband are retired (and wealthy), another WFH and takes every Friday off, etc rarely help.

My mom can't see her grandkids much because her siblings refuse to help with their mom (she wasn't awful either they are all just self-involved imo). None of them have grandkids. and she'll get the same as her siblings.

This is not about inheritance though. Your mom should be compensated by her mother for her service. This should be communicated to all the siblings. Open discussions need to occur about what's happening.

[Anonymous]

Sister has been financially irresponsible her whole life. I have been frugal. I am sure my parents will give her more in the end "to make up for" her circumstances.

I am also the one they turn to for various fixes, searches, paperwork, etc. I am sure when the time comes, it will be up to me to settle any accounts or do caregiving. She will be AWOL or incapable.

For those who say it is none of a kid's business what parents choose to with their money, would you really not resent this?
If they chose to give it all to a charity, I'd have zero problem with that.
If they choose to favor one kid, while expecting the "good" kid to do all the work, that is harder to take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i have a mentally-ill brother who lives with my mom in her paid off house -- (I live in DC with my husband and kids in a house we love). My parents really wanted to divide it all 50/50 but I insisted that they just leave him the house, and divide the other assets to make it equal for me. (So, my mother divided up the money such that I get a bit more than half). I think she also put the house in a trust and made it such that if something happens to my brother, the house would then pass to me.

Similar in our case, my SIL who has health issues and is single lives in the downstairs apartment of my in laws’ house. We told in laws that they should leave the house to SIL and then split everything else up evenly.

[Anonymous]

My brother was the golden child growing up and his lifestyle was subsidized by my parents into his 40’s (and he always made more money than I did and spent more too). My mom decided several years ago to write me into her will equal to the extra money they gave him the majority of his life. After that equalization payment (her words) everything else is split 50/50. She disclosed this to him when she changed the will and he agrees with the decision. Turns out he assumed I was getting equally taken care of all those years.

[Anonymous]

I'd go 50/50, and the only way I'd alter that is to split it 40/40 and then give the last 20 directly to the grandkids, passing the parents entirely.

Or another way to do it is to have the grandkids be beneficiaries on one account to be split, while the rest of the estate is split evenly between the siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming everyone in the family gets along, is there any compelling reason to not divide an inheritance between 2 siblings 50/50?

Some families divide the inheritance equally among the grandkids. There are Latin names for these patterns, "per stirpes" (divide among 1st generation siblings) vs. something like "per capita" but I'm not sure that's it because my grandparents did per stirpes.

[Anonymous]

I'm helping a parent right now amend his will from equal distribution across 4 children to just 2. Actions, or non-actions, have consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming everyone in the family gets along, is there any compelling reason to not divide an inheritance between 2 siblings 50/50?

Some families divide the inheritance equally among the grandkids. There are Latin names for these patterns, "per stirpes" (divide among 1st generation siblings) vs. something like "per capita" but I'm not sure that's it because my grandparents did per stirpes.

"per stirpes" = dividing by descendant lines (so each branch of the family gets the same amount, and grandchildren with more siblings get less money than grandchildren with fewer siblings)

"per capita" makes sense, I guess, but in my great uncle's will, it was called "share and share alike." (Kinda bummed out my cousin, who was sure the estate was being divided per stirpes).

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids. As of now, I would divide evently. They are kids. I could see giving a struggling child more or if there was a grandchild wirh special needs. If one child was very wealthy, I may think that child doesn’t need our money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i have a mentally-ill brother who lives with my mom in her paid off house -- (I live in DC with my husband and kids in a house we love). My parents really wanted to divide it all 50/50 but I insisted that they just leave him the house, and divide the other assets to make it equal for me. (So, my mother divided up the money such that I get a bit more than half). I think she also put the house in a trust and made it such that if something happens to my brother, the house would then pass to me.

Similar in our case, my SIL who has health issues and is single lives in the downstairs apartment of my in laws’ house. We told in laws that they should leave the house to SIL and then split everything else up evenly.

In a situation with mentally ill spouse, I would want my ill sibling to take all. When he died, my kids could take back the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here... would you consider financial situations? Sibling A has made no effort to save and has made many life decisions that have put them in a lesser financial situation (though far from destitute). Sibling B makes a decent income (but not extravagant) but lives very frugally and has saved since the first job out of college when they made a very meager salary.

Sibling A is also child free and Sibling B is not.

Curious the thoughts on this?

Stop being cryptic. Just tell us what’s going on.