Inheritance Question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom’s estate will be divided equally among siblings when she passes and she is now mentally incapacitated so nothing will change at this point. We siblings all live in different cities and moved her where I am bc they had no intentions of stepping up in any caregiving capacity. In my future estate planning, I will set aside a sizable amount for whomever has taken on my eldercare responsibilities, should that situation come to pass.

This. My mom has taken on most responsibilities for her mom (who is rich and refuses to move into assisted living/nursing). My mom's siblings all live within 10 minutes of their mom, yet only one uncle really helps. The other two do very occasional and they are all splitting, although she keeps changing her mind. My retired uncle told me she could change it (she cant she has dementia) when she said she wanted to give it to her favorite son. I reminded him how she wanted openly said she wanted to give her entire estate to my 4-year-old and I ignored it and he needed to buzz off. Its already done and she can't change it in her state.

It is frustrating to see my mom who still works full time do the majority of the work when one sibling and husband are retired (and wealthy), another WFH and takes every Friday off, etc rarely help.

My mom can't see her grandkids much because her siblings refuse to help with their mom (she wasn't awful either they are all just self-involved imo). None of them have grandkids. and she'll get the same as her siblings.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I’d have a conversation about this with them. I’d let them know it’s not really about the money itself, but more about how they are favoring sibling A over you and rewarding them for being irresponsible and penalizing you for making good financial decisions. Tell them what they choose to do will affect not only your memories of them, but your relationship with your sibling.

Does your sibling spend more time with them? Help them out around the house/take them to the drs/etc? Could that really be the reason that they want to leave that sibling more? As a reward for helping out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here... would you consider financial situations? Sibling A has made no effort to save and has made many life decisions that have put them in a lesser financial situation (though far from destitute). Sibling B makes a decent income (but not extravagant) but lives very frugally and has saved since the first job out of college when they made a very meager salary.

Sibling A is also child free and Sibling B is not.

Curious the thoughts on this?

If Sibling A has no children and Sibling B does have children, it sounds like Sibling B is patting themselves on the back for being a parent, and thus needing to have different financial plans than Sibling A when the choice to have children is not a better or more correct choice than remaining childfree, but merely a personal preference.

My guess is that OP is Sibling B and is angling for more of the inheritance for OP's children and is using Sibling A's financial situation as justification for why the grandparents should give more money to B for the grandkids.

Nope. Should be 50/50. Sibling B then could give their kids any potion of their 50% share if they wish. Why would it come from sibling A’s 50% share? They are not sibling A’s kids.

Op here. We’d be totally fine with that and what we told was going to be the case and now they’re changing to give sibling A more

Generally speaking that sort of move wrecks the relationship between A & B. My sister and I were similar and my dad gave my sister (A) a lot of supports while he was alive (paid some of her bills, tuition for her two masters degrees, etc), but in his will everything was split. I didn’t begrudge him the money he gave her while he was alive, but it would have been a wedge between us if he had done something different with his will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I’d have a conversation about this with them. I’d let them know it’s not really about the money itself, but more about how they are favoring sibling A over you and rewarding them for being irresponsible and penalizing you for making good financial decisions. Tell them what they choose to do will affect not only your memories of them, but your relationship with your sibling.

Does your sibling spend more time with them? Help them out around the house/take them to the drs/etc? Could that really be the reason that they want to leave that sibling more? As a reward for helping out?

If this is the case they should make those payments now, or make a record of an owed amount, some monthly amount in payment for the support, then pay that out of the estate and split the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I’d have a conversation about this with them. I’d let them know it’s not really about the money itself, but more about how they are favoring sibling A over you and rewarding them for being irresponsible and penalizing you for making good financial decisions. Tell them what they choose to do will affect not only your memories of them, but your relationship with your sibling.

Does your sibling spend more time with them? Help them out around the house/take them to the drs/etc? Could that really be the reason that they want to leave that sibling more? As a reward for helping out?

Op here. No, sibling lives 1000s of miles away and we are local. Sibling hasn’t come to see them in person for a couple years.

[Anonymous]

I’ve posted before. My In Laws created their final wills when they were in their 70s.

When the second passed, the grandchildren were 19-29. The adult kids were successful and not in need of funds.

The way the will was written 5% went to each grandchild. The balance was split evenly among the deceased’s children.

We have all talked about being happy that the grandkids could use the money for launching.

I do not know what would have happened if any of the decedent’s children had passed — and if the per stirpes portion would have gone to the grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you asked your parents why they are considering changing their plan from a 50/50 split to now giving more to your sibling? It sounds like something has changed and I don't think there is anything wrong with asking the question, if they have opened the topic with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you asked your parents why they are considering changing their plan from a 50/50 split to now giving more to your sibling? It sounds like something has changed and I don't think there is anything wrong with asking the question, if they have opened the topic with you.

They said our financial situation is better than sibling's, therefore we shouldn't get as much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming everyone in the family gets along, is there any compelling reason to not divide an inheritance between 2 siblings 50/50?

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you asked your parents why they are considering changing their plan from a 50/50 split to now giving more to your sibling? It sounds like something has changed and I don't think there is anything wrong with asking the question, if they have opened the topic with you.

They said our financial situation is better than sibling's, therefore we shouldn't get as much.

My family give my lazy sister more bc she "has a harder time." It pisses me off and has affected our relationship. She's not stupid. She's not disabled. She's lazy and has expected things to be given to her, and my parents indulge her.

My sister and I do not speak. And my parents should expect no help from me as they get older. My sister can handle it.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea what my parents will do, but I have told them they should leave more to my brother that does much more to help them than I am able to do (I live far away) or my other brother (who lives close by but is not very involved in their care). But I also do not feel any entitlement to any of their wealth.

[Anonymous]

My parents did equal shares but I have one brother who has a disability and can’t work. What my other siblings and I do is provide annual gifts to my brother so he can live comfortably. It’s not a huge amount but we know it really helps and we can afford it. We are all pretty close and I’m sure my parents felt we’d look after each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here... would you consider financial situations? Sibling A has made no effort to save and has made many life decisions that have put them in a lesser financial situation (though far from destitute). Sibling B makes a decent income (but not extravagant) but lives very frugally and has saved since the first job out of college when they made a very meager salary.

Sibling A is also child free and Sibling B is not.

Curious the thoughts on this?

In this situation I would still divide evenly. I might take a portion of As funds and give it directly to the kids when they reach a certain age.

+1

I would leave the money straight to the kids, to be received after age 30. Since you asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you asked your parents why they are considering changing their plan from a 50/50 split to now giving more to your sibling? It sounds like something has changed and I don't think there is anything wrong with asking the question, if they have opened the topic with you.

They said our financial situation is better than sibling's, therefore we shouldn't get as much.

My family give my lazy sister more bc she "has a harder time." It pisses me off and has affected our relationship. She's not stupid. She's not disabled. She's lazy and has expected things to be given to her, and my parents indulge her.

My sister and I do not speak. And my parents should expect no help from me as they get older. My sister can handle it.

Yeah, lazy does not get a pass. If someone has not worked, that is on that person, not everyone else. But if all the siblings have worked full time, and are physically able, they should be left equal amounts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here... would you consider financial situations? Sibling A has made no effort to save and has made many life decisions that have put them in a lesser financial situation (though far from destitute). Sibling B makes a decent income (but not extravagant) but lives very frugally and has saved since the first job out of college when they made a very meager salary.

Sibling A is also child free and Sibling B is not.

Curious the thoughts on this?

In this situation I would still divide evenly. I might take a portion of As funds and give it directly to the kids when they reach a certain age.

Give it all away.