Why don’t kids share bedrooms anymore? Why is it considered shocking or abusive to suggest that kids could share one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it's super creepy to have kids of the opposite sex sharing a bedroom. And since kids grow up, well, do the math.

Can you do the math for me? Im not sure I follow. Are you saying that children of the opposite sex who share a room will start having sexual relations with each other when they grow up?

I'm not that PP but I think it's creepy cause it's then that kids really get into masturbating so it just gets awkward, though sure, kids discover this at earlier ages. I say this as a girl who was quite... er, hormonal in my teens. Glad I had my privacy.

DP to add that girls can often do this discreetly, but boys, well, they aren't as discreet, TBH

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's abusive to have kids share a room but I will admit that my own experience sharing with my older sister (who HATED it, and took it out on me) contributed to a decision to not have another kid because it would require doubling up.

It's not abusive for kids to share (families used to live in one room altogether for goodness sake, let's not be precious) but it is harder on the kids not to have privacy and if they do share, you need to make an effort to ensure that it's fair and that one child isn't dominating the space or using the shared space an excuse for cruelty, like my sister did. She used to lock me out of our room if I got up to pee in the middle of the night, or I'd come home and she'd have stripped my bed of sheets and tell me I needed to sleep on the couch. My parents not only didn't say anything to her, but the reprimanded me for "annoying" big sis.

Obviously we would have handled a shared room differently, but the memory is scarring and made me queasy about the idea of forcing it on our existing daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As a foreign parent living here with children, what shocked me most (apart from the gun thing, and the healthcare thing) is that the American Dream suggest each child should have their own bedroom... but then come school field trips, and it's 4 to a room, with 2 to a bed. And then college, with tiny dorms and several kids per room. In my home country, where siblings often shared bedrooms, no one is expected to share beds on field trips, and there are no campuses with shared dorms - students get rentals, with one person per room.

The USA is a wonderful country in general, but certain things about it don't make sense.

OMG this. Adults sharing rooms in college is so foreign to me. How do they have any privacy?

Most of them don't have a problem with it. I don't remember now, but it seemed fine. There are even co-ed floors and bathrooms at some colleges. People go walking down the hall with only their towel on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As a foreign parent living here with children, what shocked me most (apart from the gun thing, and the healthcare thing) is that the American Dream suggest each child should have their own bedroom... but then come school field trips, and it's 4 to a room, with 2 to a bed. And then college, with tiny dorms and several kids per room. In my home country, where siblings often shared bedrooms, no one is expected to share beds on field trips, and there are no campuses with shared dorms - students get rentals, with one person per room.

The USA is a wonderful country in general, but certain things about it don't make sense.

OMG this. Adults sharing rooms in college is so foreign to me. How do they have any privacy?

Both of my now-adult kids had lots of issues with their college roommates, as did many of their friends. I attribute the rise in problems to the fact that most had never shared a room before, so they didn't have experience with compromise on lights out, levels of quiet and neatness, etc. I wouldn't be surprised if more dorms in the future are built with tiny individual rooms rather than doubles being the norm.

[Anonymous]

My kids (girl and boy) shared bedrooms until they were 8 and 10 which is when we purchased a larger home. Good thing we did as our daughter became a women and needed that privacy from her brother.

[Anonymous]

My kids (7 and 3) typically have their own room but shared during a trip to grandmas house and it was a nitemare. They kept talking/arguing until 1030pm and were awake at the crack of dawn. Normally neither naps anymore but they kept falling asleep in the car and were generally grumpy the entire week. Never again if we can avoid it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids (7 and 3) typically have their own room but shared during a trip to grandmas house and it was a nitemare. They kept talking/arguing until 1030pm and were awake at the crack of dawn. Normally neither naps anymore but they kept falling asleep in the car and were generally grumpy the entire week. Never again if we can avoid it.

If they shared all the time, they would get used to it. My boys shared a room for 8 years (from 2/4 to 10/12) and were fine. Now they have separate rooms, and I'm glad the older especially has more privacy. But they would be fine continuing to share. They figured out how to respect each other's space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's abusive to have kids share a room but I will admit that my own experience sharing with my older sister (who HATED it, and took it out on me) contributed to a decision to not have another kid because it would require doubling up.

It's not abusive for kids to share (families used to live in one room altogether for goodness sake, let's not be precious) but it is harder on the kids not to have privacy and if they do share, you need to make an effort to ensure that it's fair and that one child isn't dominating the space or using the shared space an excuse for cruelty, like my sister did. She used to lock me out of our room if I got up to pee in the middle of the night, or I'd come home and she'd have stripped my bed of sheets and tell me I needed to sleep on the couch. My parents not only didn't say anything to her, but the reprimanded me for "annoying" big sis.

Obviously we would have handled a shared room differently, but the memory is scarring and made me queasy about the idea of forcing it on our existing daughter.

That's terrible. Sorry you had to deal with that. That is definitely something your parents should have used as a teaching opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because it's super creepy to have kids of the opposite sex sharing a bedroom. And since kids grow up, well, do the math.

You are really weird. No, it’s not creepy for my kids to share a room.

[Anonymous]

You don't know anyone who lives in NYC, do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids share a bedroom. But they can bike/walk places with their friends like to get ice cream or go to the movies. When they’re a bit older they can ride the metro (a couple blocks away) with friends into the city. They have tons of friends on our street, because our neighborhood is fairly dense (close-in suburb).

We don’t have $2m+ to buy a large house here. But I think overall they really like their freedom and lifestyle here, and wouldn’t trade it for their own bedroom out in Centreville or wherever.

same deal with us. not worth ripping apart their and our lives for just a bit more space. we just have more money for vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids share a room. We live in a 4 br house but have 2 home offices taking up 2 of the bedrooms.

This seems pretty selfish.

I agree. Why can't one of the home offices be in your bedroom? And have the camera face the wall so it isn't obvious.

I don't have this setup but don't understand why its selfish. Its only selfish if you think kids sharing a room is a bad thing. Why should a child's perceived need for personal space trump a parent's need to have a work space that supports them doing their job in an effective and efficient way? There are definitely outliers, but in general I would think it preferable to have siblings sleeping in the same room than to have a parent trying to work effectively in the same room that they sleep in and share with a spouse.

+1

I would absolutely set it up the way PP has if I were in that situation.

On a related note, my sister and I shared a bedroom growing up and we have lots of fond and some funny memories of the time we spent in our shared space. We are close as adults fwiw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As a foreign parent living here with children, what shocked me most (apart from the gun thing, and the healthcare thing) is that the American Dream suggest each child should have their own bedroom... but then come school field trips, and it's 4 to a room, with 2 to a bed. And then college, with tiny dorms and several kids per room. In my home country, where siblings often shared bedrooms, no one is expected to share beds on field trips, and there are no campuses with shared dorms - students get rentals, with one person per room.

The USA is a wonderful country in general, but certain things about it don't make sense.

Where are kids sharing beds on overnight field trips?

The dorm thing is about money. You can get a single room but it costs more.

High school DECA trip to state's, as one example. --np

Also - high school orchestra trip. 4 boys, 2 beds. Luckily they had an (unexpected) sofa bed in the room too. They were away 4 nights and DS said they rotated with 1 person sleeping on the floor each night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because it's super creepy to have kids of the opposite sex sharing a bedroom. And since kids grow up, well, do the math.

Hunh?? you are so super creepy and a pervert!!

[Anonymous]

Kids of the opposite sex should not share rooms once puberty starts to hit. It’s just not right. No respect for one’s well-being or privacy.