Ex planned birthday party without me

[Anonymous]

It’s posts like this that I’m going to reference in someone’s future inevitable “my husband doesn’t do the dishes WWYD??” post, and every response is to get divorced. Divorce sucks, most especially for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re divorced & my assistant handles scheduling & visit transition

This is unforgivable. Why bother to have a relationship with your child that you palm off on your assistant. Not a question !

DP. The assistant seems to handle logistics around visits, presumably with the ex, not the actual…visits.

The only “unforgivable” thing would be if a parent forced their child to negotiate and handle said logistics.

Even if the assistant is the one who picks the kid up and handles transport…I don’t know, doesn’t seem like a horrific thing to me.

[Anonymous]

The father isn’t a di*k or sh*tty for planning a party without his ex. What he does on his time with their children is completely up to him.

In this scenario, there was a precedent. Depending on the circumstances, advising the ex that you’re changing the precedent would be best. But We don’t know the circumstances around that precedent, nor why it was changed and without advising the other parent.

In any and all cases, this couple is divorced and the party wasn’t about excluding the ex (which is how it seems like it’s being perceived) but to highlight the son’s birthday.

[Anonymous]

I got excluded 2 years in a row from my child's birthday party. It's emotional abuse. If they want to have a party on their own, they should not even tell you about it. What you don't know doesn't hurt you. What you do know and are excluded from does hurt you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got excluded 2 years in a row from my child's birthday party. It's emotional abuse. If they want to have a party on their own, they should not even tell you about it. What you don't know doesn't hurt you. What you do know and are excluded from does hurt you.

How do they not tell you about it? Are you proposing that the kids don't tell you? Or that you might accidentally invite the same kid to two parties?

[Anonymous]

I don't care if the kids tell me there's a party. The ex sent an invitation so I would see it (and feel bad) but it was addressed to my kid, not me. He could throw a party every year if he wants to, either the weekend before or after the birthday. If all the friends are invited and bring gifts, they aren't going to want to attend another party for the same kid. It makes the kid feel I'm less than if I don't throw a party or get invited. I can't celebrate with them in a way that will top a party. I don't even care about parties really, and as kids age, they don't have big parties as much. It's just a way for the ex to emotionally abuse me. I don't feel the need to compete. It's just awkward and seems like it's all for the ex to be the hero and make me out to be the zero to alienate affection.

[Anonymous]

He's playing mental games with you. Have your own party, don't mention it to him, don't invite him. Make your's cooler than his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't care if the kids tell me there's a party. The ex sent an invitation so I would see it (and feel bad) but it was addressed to my kid, not me. He could throw a party every year if he wants to, either the weekend before or after the birthday. If all the friends are invited and bring gifts, they aren't going to want to attend another party for the same kid. It makes the kid feel I'm less than if I don't throw a party or get invited. I can't celebrate with them in a way that will top a party. I don't even care about parties really, and as kids age, they don't have big parties as much. It's just a way for the ex to emotionally abuse me. I don't feel the need to compete. It's just awkward and seems like it's all for the ex to be the hero and make me out to be the zero to alienate affection.

Take your kid to an intimate cool occasion. Let your ex pick up the tab for the party guests, you can spend your bucks on something that excites the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say thank you for planning it then show up and enjoy the time with your child.

This. Don’t sweat this. Save your energy. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say thank you for planning it then show up and enjoy the time with your child.

Yes, do that. Show up with a big present for your kid and a fake cast around your foot. Thank the GF loudly for planning it. Be very gracious and pleasant. Say hello to all your old friends. Don't let them sense any tension between you and the two clowns, Take lots of pictures and put it on social media even as the party progresses. Take pictures with the birthday kid and all the friends. And do not lift a finger to help (point at your cast and tell them that you have sprained your foot). Think of ex your ex and his gf as your event planners who are doing all the labor. Also, do not pay them a dime for hosting the party.

Sure, if you want to everyone gossiping about you behind your back about how obviously bothered you are. This sounds so over-the-top fake, like an SNL skit. Everyone would see right through this phony act. Loudly thanking the GF, running around taking pictures and chatting with everyone, fake smiles and laughter. You'll look like an idiot.

OP, what's the update? Did you go to the party?

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like he's more than moved on from you and just wants to start his own family. What's wrong if he wants to have a birthday party with his kids and his new partner? It shouldn't even bother you if he wants to exclude you from his personal family, because that will just make his current partner uncomfortable. Just because you both have children together, DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE ALL STILL A FAMILY. When there is a divorce and kids involved, those kids now have TWO households and TWO separate families. The husband doesn't have to invite you to his house or his household's events just because you are the mother of his kids. Get a grip and move on. Make your OWN parties for your kids. The husbans is no longer with YOU. YOU need to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me like he's more than moved on from you and just wants to start his own family. What's wrong if he wants to have a birthday party with his kids and his new partner? It shouldn't even bother you if he wants to exclude you from his personal family, because that will just make his current partner uncomfortable. Just because you both have children together, DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE ALL STILL A FAMILY. When there is a divorce and kids involved, those kids now have TWO households and TWO separate families. The husband doesn't have to invite you to his house or his household's events just because you are the mother of his kids. Get a grip and move on. Make your OWN parties for your kids. The husbans is no longer with YOU. YOU need to move on.

Oh, honey. How’s life now that your boyfriend is finally divorced? Not quite as blissful as you’d imagined? Reality bites.