Middle-class, reasonable, not extravagant retirement plans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am early 30s and have no idea. I rent. I’m a teacher. I put over 1,000 a month to retirement (pension/ additional savings in separate account) and it still doesn’t feel like enough. I hate that I always feel behind but I cannot afford to do more.

If you stay a teacher, your pension/retirement is really strong. You're probably doing fine retirement-wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are going to retire at 70 - DH and I both have cerebral jobs. We are going to sell our house and move in with our son - he and his wife have an inlaw apartment that is a perfect size for what DH and I want in an older stage of life. Their house is in a great area with tons to do, good hospitals and we are active people who hopefully won't have mobility issues. Our two DD's live ten minutes and a half hour from DS so we'll be pretty close to all the kids.

Gosh sounds enmeshed. Anyone else have tips without mental health baggage?

Not sure why you think that. We'll have our own entrance, and own kitchen and living space. It's like an apartment that's attached to his house. We get along very nicely with all our kids and we all enjoy spending time together. Dh and I have couple friends and our own friends. We each volunteer and have hobbies. We'll have plenty of time for all that plus for our kids. Right now they rent out the apartment. When we are a year or six months away from moving in, they're going to do some upgrades.

I don't know why everyone is giving you such a hard time. I think this sounds great. (I'm the kid, not the parent. I would be happy if my in laws did this, too, not just my own parents.)

I am the poster who said above that I have a great relationship with my parents but would still never do this. Have you actually experienced living with your parents, as an adult with your own spouse and children, for an extended period of time? We did this during Covid - stayed in the same (large) house - and it drove me crazy after a month!

We have an in-law suite and our parents stayed there for 9 months between when they sold their house and their new one was built. It was lovely! We were all very clear on boundaries--they wouldn't just come up into our portion of the house unexpectedly and we (even the kids) wouldn't go into their suite without notice--so no 'just knocking' on their door or whatever---we would just text a lot. They had their own entrance/kitchen/bathroom/sitting room and car. I could easily do it again.

[Anonymous]

My block a “trade up block” I say average “new” homeowner is 50-55. I bought my house when I was 55 myself.

A few on my block refinanced or bought in 2021 and for most the mortgage is done between 80-85 and a few people who refinanced the mortgage is fine between 85-100.

Middle class people generally are loaded in retirement. Much more than rich people. My 82 year old MIL makes way more than here salary when working thanks to SS rising each year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not the PP, but why do so many if you believe living with/near kids is so horrible? Our parents (mine and spouse's) both moved to less than 2 miles from us and it's great! Our children have a relationship with both sets of grandparents, and we see each other as frequently, or infrequently, as our busy lives allow.

We actually like each other and get along, as it should be. And when the time comes that they need more care, I will be honored to do so, as my parents raised me and spouses parents raised him, and it is the very least we can do.

For all of you horrified by this, I feel sorry for you and your families. And, BTW, what is your plan? To languish in an assisted living/continuing care facility when you are older? Now that's sad

I think the horrified reaction is really sad too. We don't live near our parents/in-laws but my parents moved to live near my sister when they retired (liked the climate and golfing options better there). It was great for them. My parents helped out babysitting when the kids were little and then my sister helped as my parents got older and health failed. Dad died a couple years ago and shortly before that they chose to purchase a house with my sister so now mom lives with her and her two teens (she's divorced). I guess if you have toxic parents/in-laws it's not a great option but there's a lot of great things about having family close. DH and I really debating moving near all of them when we had young children but we really love our life here and it wouldn't have been a good career move.

DH and I plan to downsize our SFH to a townhome in the same area once our kids are launched but if they settle elsewhere I absolutely want to move near them when/if there are grandchildren. That would be the only reason IMO for us to leave the DC area. Our friends are here, our church, our volunteer engagements, etc. I see no reason to leave the area otherwise.

[Anonymous]

This is my parents. They both worked union jobs and have modest pensions. My dad also as social security and waited past the first eligibility to take it, but didn’t wait max time for the largest payout. They have a bit of money in a 401k as well that they won’t touch until they have to.

They sold their paid off house in a LCOL area to live in a townhouse near me in NoVa with a small mortgage - their choice. Their TH has appreciated a lot since they bought it in 2016 and I think if the need comes, they will be able to sell it and move to a 1-2 bd condo near me. I wish I could hit the lottery and buy them a 1 level house closer to me - they are 25 min away. We can’t buy and renovate a whole rambler for them, but we can pay off their TH and cover a monthly condo fee in an elevator building where they can use Uber and public transit when the time comes to stop driving.

Their expenses are minimal. Their hobbies are church volunteerism, some book clubs, and activities at the rec center. They have enough money to go out to eat a few times a week, go to concerts at Wolf Trap, and see a few shows a year at the Kennedy center.

I’m an only child, so when when time comes for a condo or assisted living, we’ll consult with a financial planner and attorney to determine the best way to structure it so we don’t go bankrupt funding end of life care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not the PP, but why do so many if you believe living with/near kids is so horrible? Our parents (mine and spouse's) both moved to less than 2 miles from us and it's great! Our children have a relationship with both sets of grandparents, and we see each other as frequently, or infrequently, as our busy lives allow.

We actually like each other and get along, as it should be. And when the time comes that they need more care, I will be honored to do so, as my parents raised me and spouses parents raised him, and it is the very least we can do.

For all of you horrified by this, I feel sorry for you and your families. And, BTW, what is your plan? To languish in an assisted living/continuing care facility when you are older? Now that's sad

I think the horrified reaction is really sad too. We don't live near our parents/in-laws but my parents moved to live near my sister when they retired (liked the climate and golfing options better there). It was great for them. My parents helped out babysitting when the kids were little and then my sister helped as my parents got older and health failed. Dad died a couple years ago and shortly before that they chose to purchase a house with my sister so now mom lives with her and her two teens (she's divorced). I guess if you have toxic parents/in-laws it's not a great option but there's a lot of great things about having family close. DH and I really debating moving near all of them when we had young children but we really love our life here and it wouldn't have been a good career move.

DH and I plan to downsize our SFH to a townhome in the same area once our kids are launched but if they settle elsewhere I absolutely want to move near them when/if there are grandchildren. That would be the only reason IMO for us to leave the DC area. Our friends are here, our church, our volunteer engagements, etc. I see no reason to leave the area otherwise.

I am going to third this. My parents moved to be close to their grandkids and it’s fantastic. My kids have active, involved grandparents with whom they are making memories and building a relationship. We have healthy boundaries and we see them often, but don’t feel it’s intrusive or a burden. I’m glad they can enjoy this time now and build a life here with me instead of being abruptly plucked from the only life they have ever known and dumped in an assisted living home in another state, too far for me to visit more than once a month or moved close to me when they are immobile and dependent and have no one but me. I have had multiple coworkers go through the really tough months or years of end of life elder care with parents who are a 4+ hr drive or a flight away and it sounds so stressful. I want to be able to take my parents to critical appointments and be present when they need me.

[Anonymous]

My parents are retired in the DC exurbs in a nice house which cost $400k.

They live off of their social security check. They have about $500k in retirement and another $400K in savings. They still owe a decent amount on their mortagage, but the monthly payment is manageable.

My parents never made 6 figures, so their needs/expectations for a nice lifestyle are very different that folks who made a large income.

My parents travel to visit family, and do a trip to Europe maybe once every 3 years.

They will not be able to afford years of assisted living if it comes to that. But siblings will likely help out if needed.

I think this is not the right forum for this question - people here can’t seem to imagine living on $200k, much less not saving millions to retire.

[Anonymous]

My parents live on $2300/month in SoCal. They eat out a few times a week but too old to do much else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are retired in the DC exurbs in a nice house which cost $400k.

They live off of their social security check. They have about $500k in retirement and another $400K in savings. They still owe a decent amount on their mortagage, but the monthly payment is manageable.

My parents never made 6 figures, so their needs/expectations for a nice lifestyle are very different that folks who made a large income.

My parents travel to visit family, and do a trip to Europe maybe once every 3 years.

They will not be able to afford years of assisted living if it comes to that. But siblings will likely help out if needed.

I think this is not the right forum for this question - people here can’t seem to imagine living on $200k, much less not saving millions to retire.

I'm the OP and I appreciate this response. Honestly, your parents are living my retirement goals for the most part except I'd like our home to be paid off and I do worry about end of life care a bit, but I also feel like that's one of those things where you could spend millions on it if you have it and also you could wind up in a pretty crap facility paid for by Medicare. Most of us will wind up in an in between situation, where we have some money but not enough to afford top of the line care, and then you just hope for relatively good health and write a really good living will so you don't wind up a vegetable.

Having enough to cover your expenses, travel a bit, do a couple hobbies, and live near enough to kids to see grandkids sounds good. I'm impressed your parents have found a way to do that even while still paying a mortgage, and in a part of the country where housing is expensive.

Most middle class people would be able to live as your parents do without feeling like they are missing out, I think. That sounds like a decent life to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my parents. They both worked union jobs and have modest pensions. My dad also as social security and waited past the first eligibility to take it, but didn’t wait max time for the largest payout. They have a bit of money in a 401k as well that they won’t touch until they have to.

They sold their paid off house in a LCOL area to live in a townhouse near me in NoVa with a small mortgage - their choice. Their TH has appreciated a lot since they bought it in 2016 and I think if the need comes, they will be able to sell it and move to a 1-2 bd condo near me. I wish I could hit the lottery and buy them a 1 level house closer to me - they are 25 min away. We can’t buy and renovate a whole rambler for them, but we can pay off their TH and cover a monthly condo fee in an elevator building where they can use Uber and public transit when the time comes to stop driving.

Their expenses are minimal. Their hobbies are church volunteerism, some book clubs, and activities at the rec center. They have enough money to go out to eat a few times a week, go to concerts at Wolf Trap, and see a few shows a year at the Kennedy center.

I’m an only child, so when when time comes for a condo or assisted living, we’ll consult with a financial planner and attorney to determine the best way to structure it so we don’t go bankrupt funding end of life care.

Again, this sounds great. I like the idea of buying a townhouse in an area where it might appreciate a bit -- this is not something people talk about a lot with middle-class retirement (the main goal tends to be eliminating mortgage expense by staying in the home you own or selling and downsizing) and it's a smart way to approach it if you can find somewhere to buy that is affordable but up-and-coming. People on these boards scoff at townhomes but they make a lot of sense for retirees who are still very mobile (don't need single level) but don't want to be spending time and money on a yard and tons of upkeep since they are usually lower maintenance than SFHs.

[Anonymous]

Retirement is a boomer concept that no longer applies, you work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my parents. They both worked union jobs and have modest pensions. My dad also as social security and waited past the first eligibility to take it, but didn’t wait max time for the largest payout. They have a bit of money in a 401k as well that they won’t touch until they have to.

They sold their paid off house in a LCOL area to live in a townhouse near me in NoVa with a small mortgage - their choice. Their TH has appreciated a lot since they bought it in 2016 and I think if the need comes, they will be able to sell it and move to a 1-2 bd condo near me. I wish I could hit the lottery and buy them a 1 level house closer to me - they are 25 min away. We can’t buy and renovate a whole rambler for them, but we can pay off their TH and cover a monthly condo fee in an elevator building where they can use Uber and public transit when the time comes to stop driving.

Their expenses are minimal. Their hobbies are church volunteerism, some book clubs, and activities at the rec center. They have enough money to go out to eat a few times a week, go to concerts at Wolf Trap, and see a few shows a year at the Kennedy center.

I’m an only child, so when when time comes for a condo or assisted living, we’ll consult with a financial planner and attorney to determine the best way to structure it so we don’t go bankrupt funding end of life care.

Again, this sounds great. I like the idea of buying a townhouse in an area where it might appreciate a bit -- this is not something people talk about a lot with middle-class retirement (the main goal tends to be eliminating mortgage expense by staying in the home you own or selling and downsizing) and it's a smart way to approach it if you can find somewhere to buy that is affordable but up-and-coming. People on these boards scoff at townhomes but they make a lot of sense for retirees who are still very mobile (don't need single level) but don't want to be spending time and money on a yard and tons of upkeep since they are usually lower maintenance than SFHs.

I think townhouses are often a bad idea for retirees as they often have SO many steps, and often at a slightly steeper pitch than usual. One injury or mobility issue (even if you're generally fit) and you lose access to a lot of your house. I think a condo in a building with an elevator makes more sense if you're going to go that route.

[Anonymous]

If DH and I have work travel or late nights, they stay over to help

They help you. And what do you do to help them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If DH and I have work travel or late nights, they stay over to help

They help you. And what do you do to help them?

I'm not the PP, but I can answer this. What she's doing to help her parents is keeping them engaged and active with their grandkid(s).

[Anonymous]

This recent article in the Post is relevant to this topic:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2023/03/18/senior-care-costs-too-high/

Makes me worried about my parents. They live in a different area but don’t really have enough saved. Dad is finally retiring at 70 but may still work part time. They sold their house a couple years ago but for various reasons didn’t make much money from it, they rent in an over 55 community which I guess they can afford now but not sure long term. No long term care insurance. I suspect things will be ok until they’re not.