Why are some people so bothered by unmedicated birth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is answering OP’s question. Why do you care how anyone else’s labor and delivery went?

If you feel confident that you made the right choice for your body at the time, why do you care if someone else made a different choice, had a different experience, or plans to make a different choice?

Unless someone explicitly asks you about your experience and then insults your choice, why are you so angry and defensive?

Many people have answered. No one actually cares if you had an unmedicated birth. It’s just obnoxious when those who did go on about it and act self righteous about it. You’re also the one assuming that those of us who had a medicate are defensive - does indeed reek of superiority on your part.

[Anonymous]

I couldn’t care less about how anyone else gives birth or gave birth. Literally could not care less. Which is why I eyeroll at the super granola I had birth in my bathtub with four doulas and 837 Chinese candles surrounding me types. Because they won’t stop telling me about their birth journey. I don’t care!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the same reason people are annoyed when other women lose weight, go vegan, run a marathon, or any other number of things that take some effort and planning over a sustained period of time. It’s something most people CAN do, and most people choose not to.

A lot people are insecure about their choices and react defensively when other people make different choices because they don’t understand the difference between people living out their own adventure around them and people living AT them. They assume someone having a positive experience with their own different choice somehow negates or minimizes their own positive experience with their choice. Similar to marathon running or your new diet, if you don’t make it your whole personality, it shouldn’t be an issue.

Lol you think an unmedicated birth is some accomplishment comparable to a marathon.

For many people it’s a choice that they spend months doing squats and yoga, practicing meditation, and preparing for. Just like a marathon - most people can do it if they choose to spend their time and energy that way. And just like a marathon, not everyone who starts finishes.
But that’s not the point.

The point is why do you care how I spend my time? Why does it make you angry if I chose to give birth differently than you did?

Because I didn’t get a choice. I meditated and practiced and my body didn’t perform because giving birth is a bodily function like pooping or vomiting, it’s involuntary and not something you can control mentally and not the same as an athletic performance you train for. But sanctimonious women such as yourself like to use it to validate yourselves as though your effort and preparation was the sole factor in your success instead of the million factors that just happened to fall your way like baby’s size, position, pelvic bone anatomy, age, collagen type, tailbone position, stretch of your pelvic floor muscles, contraction strength, baby’s tolerance of labor, baby’s heart rate, not getting an infection, contraction strength, not bleeding to death, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is answering OP’s question. Why do you care how anyone else’s labor and delivery went?

If you feel confident that you made the right choice for your body at the time, why do you care if someone else made a different choice, had a different experience, or plans to make a different choice?

Unless someone explicitly asks you about your experience and then insults your choice, why are you so angry and defensive?

Many people have answered. No one actually cares if you had an unmedicated birth. It’s just obnoxious when those who did go on about it and act self righteous about it. You’re also the one assuming that those of us who had a medicate are defensive - does indeed reek of superiority on your part.

Because anyone with a medically complicated birth knows that there is little to no choice when complications arise, and you don’t and won’t shut up about your superiority.

[Anonymous]

It’s like the old trope about “how can you tell if someone went to Harvard?” “They’ll tell you”.

I know many women who have had un medicated births and I have never once in my life asked someone if they had an epidural or not. I’ve definitely never asked someone if they gave birth at home or not but I know that about some women too. Why? I’ve never asked!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is answering OP’s question. Why do you care how anyone else’s labor and delivery went?

If you feel confident that you made the right choice for your body at the time, why do you care if someone else made a different choice, had a different experience, or plans to make a different choice?

Unless someone explicitly asks you about your experience and then insults your choice, why are you so angry and defensive?

Why are you telling people your birth was unmedicated in the first place?

[Anonymous]

For some women, giving birth without pain relief or medical intervention = the most macho hardcore version of womanhood possible.

Others might argue that the most bad@&$ thing you can do as a mother is asking a doctor to cut your baby out of your body to save its life. While you remain fully awake and aware of what is going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is answering OP’s question. Why do you care how anyone else’s labor and delivery went?

If you feel confident that you made the right choice for your body at the time, why do you care if someone else made a different choice, had a different experience, or plans to make a different choice?

Unless someone explicitly asks you about your experience and then insults your choice, why are you so angry and defensive?

How would I know anything about your birth?

Everybody has made it clear it’s the insinuation that it’s better or some major accomplishment that is the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is answering OP’s question. Why do you care how anyone else’s labor and delivery went?

If you feel confident that you made the right choice for your body at the time, why do you care if someone else made a different choice, had a different experience, or plans to make a different choice?

Unless someone explicitly asks you about your experience and then insults your choice, why are you so angry and defensive?

I don't care and I wish people would tell me about it.

[Anonymous]

I think they are insecure - and with that chip on their shoulder they view others as self-righteous. And some actually are self-righteous, but not all.

When I hear of FTM saying they plan an unmedicated birth - I say bless your heart.

I have 3 kids - one with epi and two without. I asked for an epi with the 2nd, but had the baby before I could get it - and then with number 3 - I almost had her in the car. I told the midwife on call that I was on my way and trying not to give birth in car, and that I couldn't walk to L&D. She met me at the door with a wheel chair, wheeled me up, ripped off my clothes and said - there's the head. We did my intake while I was holding the baby.

No two labors are created equally - the reason I almost had #3 in the car was because I was waiting for it to get as painful as with #2 and it never did. My labor with #2 was extremely painful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are usually self-righteous about it.

+1 who is bothered? Only if you go around talking about how this is SOOO important to you or "bragging" about it after are you even going to get reactions. I have tons of friends with birth and I don't even know whether most used an epidural or not. No one is going on and on about it unless there was something traumatic.

If you are getting reactions it's because you are being off-putting or self-congratulatory. And probably very naive as to the range of circumstances people experience, and just the preferences they have which are all valid as well.

I knew I didn't want pain from Day 1 but I'm not talking about it to.people IRL like that's super interesting or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because sometimes it seems like women are more concerned about their birth experience than they are about the health of their baby. You can't see why some would be bothered by that?

Prioritizing an unmedicated birth is not at the expense of their babies health. Do you really see these things as being at odds?

It absolutely can be if it's THE priority (rather than just a preference). So for example people who don't want to be induced, even if that is the medical recommendation, because once you use Pitocin you are more likely to need an epidural for the pain, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or birth that is not augmented medically? It’s like there are those who are offended that women would like to have as few interventions as possible and see this approach as self-righteous or naively idealistic.

I think they’re put off by women who act like this is an optimal way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the same reason people are annoyed when other women lose weight, go vegan, run a marathon, or any other number of things that take some effort and planning over a sustained period of time. It’s something most people CAN do, and most people choose not to.

A lot people are insecure about their choices and react defensively when other people make different choices because they don’t understand the difference between people living out their own adventure around them and people living AT them. They assume someone having a positive experience with their own different choice somehow negates or minimizes their own positive experience with their choice. Similar to marathon running or your new diet, if you don’t make it your whole personality, it shouldn’t be an issue.

Lol you think an unmedicated birth is some accomplishment comparable to a marathon.

For many people it’s a choice that they spend months doing squats and yoga, practicing meditation, and preparing for. Just like a marathon - most people can do it if they choose to spend their time and energy that way. And just like a marathon, not everyone who starts finishes.
But that’s not the point.

The point is why do you care how I spend my time? Why does it make you angry if I chose to give birth differently than you did?

Because I didn’t get a choice. I meditated and practiced and my body didn’t perform because giving birth is a bodily function like pooping or vomiting, it’s involuntary and not something you can control mentally and not the same as an athletic performance you train for. But sanctimonious women such as yourself like to use it to validate yourselves as though your effort and preparation was the sole factor in your success instead of the million factors that just happened to fall your way like baby’s size, position, pelvic bone anatomy, age, collagen type, tailbone position, stretch of your pelvic floor muscles, contraction strength, baby’s tolerance of labor, baby’s heart rate, not getting an infection, contraction strength, not bleeding to death, etc.

Yup, all of this*. It’s the height of arrogance to assume that childbirth is entirely within your control - and, IME, women who choose to deliver unmedicated often have that belief. There’s a crap ton of luck involved.

*there’s a crap ton of luck involved in athletic performance, too, at least in being very successful at it. Plenty of people train hard and don’t win, often for reasons outside of their control.

[Anonymous]

It just seems so dumb to be in massive pain for no reason when it can easily be avoided.