NOT redshirting an August birthday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s dumbing kids down, letting a kid repeat a year with younger kids and not be challenged, in the name of ensuring you have a boy who is the biggest and oldest in a class because he’s like a full year older in some cases. For what reason? Being able to push the kids who go on time off the slide? Or be the first picked for teams in gym class? Some of the kids in my son’s 1st grade and daughter’s 3rd grade classes were spring kids held back and there are more than a year older than my kids who I sent on time.

This. To be clear, I am not against redshirting when it is merited. You can absolutely assess kindergarten readiness, and there are kids who are not ready, either cognitively or socio-emotionally. I think another year of preschool for those kids, to work on those skills and set them up for success (and by success, I mean the ability to meet grade-level goals, not the ability to dominate over the entire class) is a great idea. I don't even think it has to be limited to

But it's selfish to hold back a kid who is otherwise ready just because of his late birthday or size. In every class, some kids will be younger. Some kids will be smaller. It's part of the normal variation and it's fine. When you redshirt for these reasons, what you are really saying is "I want someone else's kid to be the youngest, I want someone else's kid to be the smallest." Okay, but where does that end? Let your kid go to school with the children his own age, and have some faith in him that he will figure it out.

+1. I totally agree. Unless you have a child with developmental and academic delays, let them go to school on time. Let them learn new content, be challenged, gain new skills. I think some parents really infantilize their kids, and that’s more about them not wanting to let kids grow up than the kid being ready to go to actual school. My cousin was red shirted a few years ago because his parents thought it was the right thing because they had heard people discussing it so much, and is now the oldest in his third grade classroom. He told my sister that some kids tease him that he is “dumb” because he was held back and is so much older than pretty much everyone. He is doing fine academically but she wishes she had just sent him on time because this side of the social stuff wasn’t even on her mind and now it has become a thing for my nephew.

[Anonymous]

No regrets here for redshirting a simmer birthday boy. Have never read a single convincing argument that we should have made a different decision no matter how many dooms day scenarios people try to come up with here. He’s not the oldest, not the biggest, not bullied and will still be 18 at graduation like his fall bday siblings. He’s where he needs to be.

[Anonymous]

Whenever there’s a discussion about redshirting here there’s the suggestion that boys’ and girls’…development, maturity, ability to sit still, etc…are fundamentally different.

I’m not sure…I think we need to genuinely revisit that idea. Certainly that observation is repeated and canonized as truth. Is that really true biologically? Or have we socialized them that way? Or do teachers and parents merely perceive them that way?

Studies of kids brains reveal that there is no neurological difference between boys and girls and that there is more variation between each child than between the two sexes generally. So…no boy brain/girl brain. But, it seems possible, even likely, that boys and girls have different needs at different times—perhaps due to some physiological triggers, like hormones. But if this is true, we need to learn more about it, and we need to figure out how to meet boys where they are, for a lot of reasons, right? Like, if these differences persist throughout childhood…is it possible, (I know, I know, in a world set up by men for men….)that we are not doing right by our boys?

Boys are generally floundering in our education system—more girls than boys attend college, graduate school, etc. Redshirting seems like the easiest solution, but if boys as a group are struggling, we’re not solving the problem by redshirting. Boys are born year-round and boys in general are not doing as well in school.

So…redshirt, don’t redshirt….but I think we’ve got a bigger problem to solve here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sent my August bday boy. His best friend is an August bday boy who was held back. They’re all friends. I don’t think any of us have regrets.

When it was time for K, I said to myself - is there any actual reason to hold him back or would I be doing it for competitive reasons? There was no actual reason to hold him back. I felt he had been there / done that with preschool and would like not gain much from an additional year.

He has a lot of grit, which I attitude to trying to keep up when he was younger but idk - maybe he’s just like that.

YMMV.

+1. It doesn’t really matter much in the end. I do feel like the people who redshirted fell into 1 of 2 buckets. First bucket was people did it because even though the child was developmentally ready, they were anxious/insecure/competitive and felt this would give their kid an advantage. Second bucket was people whose kids had some not-yet-fully-understood delays. These kids all ultimately ended up with SN diagnoses of various flavors and while the parents had hoped the extra year would confer “readiness” the kids still had the same challenges a year later and the parents needed to address the needs directly.

My own kids were summer bday preemie twins. They were very academically ready for K and would have been bored with an extra preschool year. One did have mild SNs but he was not the only K kid who couldn’t sit still on the rug for extended periods of time. They’re older now and I don’t have regrets at all. They have a few friends a year older and you can’t really tell the difference. Most of the summer bday kids in our school went on time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No regrets here for redshirting a simmer birthday boy. Have never read a single convincing argument that we should have made a different decision no matter how many dooms day scenarios people try to come up with here. He’s not the oldest, not the biggest, not bullied and will still be 18 at graduation like his fall bday siblings. He’s where he needs to be.

It's silly to hold back for things like genetics. Some kids will naturally just be smaller. No one has given me a single reason to hold back except severe/documented developmental delays that you are better off spending that year in intensive therapies, which most of these situations are not.

They will start college at 19. Thats not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent my August bday boy. His best friend is an August bday boy who was held back. They’re all friends. I don’t think any of us have regrets.

When it was time for K, I said to myself - is there any actual reason to hold him back or would I be doing it for competitive reasons? There was no actual reason to hold him back. I felt he had been there / done that with preschool and would like not gain much from an additional year.

He has a lot of grit, which I attitude to trying to keep up when he was younger but idk - maybe he’s just like that.

YMMV.

+1. It doesn’t really matter much in the end. I do feel like the people who redshirted fell into 1 of 2 buckets. First bucket was people did it because even though the child was developmentally ready, they were anxious/insecure/competitive and felt this would give their kid an advantage. Second bucket was people whose kids had some not-yet-fully-understood delays. These kids all ultimately ended up with SN diagnoses of various flavors and while the parents had hoped the extra year would confer “readiness” the kids still had the same challenges a year later and the parents needed to address the needs directly.

My own kids were summer bday preemie twins. They were very academically ready for K and would have been bored with an extra preschool year. One did have mild SNs but he was not the only K kid who couldn’t sit still on the rug for extended periods of time. They’re older now and I don’t have regrets at all. They have a few friends a year older and you can’t really tell the difference. Most of the summer bday kids in our school went on time.

The special needs kids make sense but only if you are going to get them help during the year you hold them back. Ignoring the issues and holding them back isn't going to fix anything, just make them a year older and a year lost in treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever there’s a discussion about redshirting here there’s the suggestion that boys’ and girls’…development, maturity, ability to sit still, etc…are fundamentally different.

I’m not sure…I think we need to genuinely revisit that idea. Certainly that observation is repeated and canonized as truth. Is that really true biologically? Or have we socialized them that way? Or do teachers and parents merely perceive them that way?

Studies of kids brains reveal that there is no neurological difference between boys and girls and that there is more variation between each child than between the two sexes generally. So…no boy brain/girl brain. But, it seems possible, even likely, that boys and girls have different needs at different times—perhaps due to some physiological triggers, like hormones. But if this is true, we need to learn more about it, and we need to figure out how to meet boys where they are, for a lot of reasons, right? Like, if these differences persist throughout childhood…is it possible, (I know, I know, in a world set up by men for men….)that we are not doing right by our boys?

Boys are generally floundering in our education system—more girls than boys attend college, graduate school, etc. Redshirting seems like the easiest solution, but if boys as a group are struggling, we’re not solving the problem by redshirting. Boys are born year-round and boys in general are not doing as well in school.

So…redshirt, don’t redshirt….but I think we’ve got a bigger problem to solve here.

The focus is also on girls to do all the cool things and there are now more programs and extra's specifically for girls than boys so our boys don't get the same opportunities or encouragement in school.

Also, some kids, boys or girls, just need extra support. Instead of holding them back or ignoring it either support them or get them the support they need. Its not just up to the school system but also parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: the majority of people who can afford to, do. The people who can’t spend a lot of time creating narratives to justify not doing it

This is definitely not true, except maybe in some specific schools or locations. And even if it is true, it just shows that people use their privilege to give their kids an advantage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent my August bday boy. His best friend is an August bday boy who was held back. They’re all friends. I don’t think any of us have regrets.

When it was time for K, I said to myself - is there any actual reason to hold him back or would I be doing it for competitive reasons? There was no actual reason to hold him back. I felt he had been there / done that with preschool and would like not gain much from an additional year.

He has a lot of grit, which I attitude to trying to keep up when he was younger but idk - maybe he’s just like that.

YMMV.

+1. It doesn’t really matter much in the end. I do feel like the people who redshirted fell into 1 of 2 buckets. First bucket was people did it because even though the child was developmentally ready, they were anxious/insecure/competitive and felt this would give their kid an advantage. Second bucket was people whose kids had some not-yet-fully-understood delays. These kids all ultimately ended up with SN diagnoses of various flavors and while the parents had hoped the extra year would confer “readiness” the kids still had the same challenges a year later and the parents needed to address the needs directly.

My own kids were summer bday preemie twins. They were very academically ready for K and would have been bored with an extra preschool year. One did have mild SNs but he was not the only K kid who couldn’t sit still on the rug for extended periods of time. They’re older now and I don’t have regrets at all. They have a few friends a year older and you can’t really tell the difference. Most of the summer bday kids in our school went on time.

The special needs kids make sense but only if you are going to get them help during the year you hold them back. Ignoring the issues and holding them back isn't going to fix anything, just make them a year older and a year lost in treatment.

So holding kids back doesn't give them an advantage? I think you area confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: the majority of people who can afford to, do. The people who can’t spend a lot of time creating narratives to justify not doing it

This is definitely not true, except maybe in some specific schools or locations. And even if it is true, it just shows that people use their privilege to give their kids an advantage.

Yes, of course they do. Everyone wants to give their kid whatever advantages they can/

[Anonymous]

My late November boy started school on time with everyone else who was born in his year. He did more than just fine and is currently at Stuyvesant in NYC. He scored pretty high on the SHSAT and PSAT and a standout in debate.
If he wants to take a gap year before college (something I would heartily support), he won't feel as if he's older than his classmates.

[Anonymous]

My opinion on this has changed entirely having now had a kindergartener. The academic expectations are high and so are the behavioral ones. Every single boy in my DD’s class, including the ones who were held back, struggles with behavior. Kids are expected to attend all day in a way that I don’t think most new five year olds are capable of. Giving the gift of time can’t hurt!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's just the circles you run in? When my friends / neighbors have a kid in August or September the attitude is "You're so lucky! They'll just make the cutoff!"

Redshirting an August baby in DC will cost you, what, $20,000 in childcare? Crazy.

+1. This. I know a woman who was induced with twins to have her babies on August 30. That’s a ton of money saved on daycare.

[Anonymous]

You still have a lot of time to decide. We have a mid September girl who is 3.5. Shes come a long way in a year. My only question mark last year was maturity. I realize she was only 2 at the time but the preschool kept making comments like she was behind in that area... Anyway she's gotten much better marks for behavior this year so I think she'll end up ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No regrets here for redshirting a simmer birthday boy. Have never read a single convincing argument that we should have made a different decision no matter how many dooms day scenarios people try to come up with here. He’s not the oldest, not the biggest, not bullied and will still be 18 at graduation like his fall bday siblings. He’s where he needs to be.

It's silly to hold back for things like genetics. Some kids will naturally just be smaller. No one has given me a single reason to hold back except severe/documented developmental delays that you are better off spending that year in intensive therapies, which most of these situations are not.

They will start college at 19. Thats not normal.

Meh, there is no "normal" about college entry age. That's your hang up.