I want to put my son up for adoption

[Anonymous]

He is terrified of losing you. That’s why he’s acting out. Many hospitals have support groups and other resources. May be listed on their website or ask your doctor or your son’s school’s counselor. I’m sorry you are both going through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the ideas and the empathy. I do have a friend or two I can reach out to. It’s embarrassing, but it would be helpful as I finish active treatment. He does have a counselor and sees her regularly. I don’t know what they talk about since he’s past the age where she has to tell me. I just don’t know where I got this kid with no empathy.

Sounds like the kid of a parent who has no empathy for the fact that he is a kid who is afraid he may lose the only parent and family he has.

Way to kick someone when they’re down. Sounds like a post by someone with no empathy or attunement and who has never had to face any real adversity. If you had ever been a single parent and ill with cancer (or if you had any common sense) you would understand that there is zero bandwidth for anything but focusing on getting through surgery and aftermath. She has no one to help her. No one to help her take care of her son. And mastectomy is very disabling for weeks.

OP, is there anyone who can come live with you for a month or two to help you through the surgery and aftermath just to provide some stability so you can focus on surviving and healing? Even if you have to hire someone like a college student or live-in aide it will be worth it. Also, if you have friends, talk to them. I went through this last year (with a younger kid) and my good friend offered for moth of us to live with her on her big beautiful house.

OP never said she had a mastectomy.

When someone says they are having surgery for cancer that usually means mastectomy. Sure maybe it’s a lumpectomy followed by chemo and/or radiation but it’s still a big deal especially if there is axillary lymph node dissection which it sounds like is her situation.

Can’t understand people like you who are set on gaslighting people in difficult circumstances.

No it doesn't. I had breast cancer surgery, which meant the removal of some tissue, followed by nothing.
We don't know what stage OP's cancer is.

What we know is that OP sounds like a drama queen and likely troll.

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP is being a drama queen. It happens to be that teenagers are dramatic, and breast cancer is dramatic. She's not under reacting.

She needs help

[Anonymous]

I don't know that you can put him up for adoption but you can make him ward of the state. I hope things can approve for you soon I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Drop him off at his father's doorstep I don't care if he's not been involved up until now he needs to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is being a drama queen. It happens to be that teenagers are dramatic, and breast cancer is dramatic. She's not under reacting.

She needs help

OMG - I have a 15 year old and it is hellish without the cancer and no spouse to support. Going through puberty during the pandemic really messed a lot of youth up beyond the normal teenage roller coaster ride.

OP I am so sorry. This must be so painful and stressful for you.

Your DS sounds terrified of losing you and angry about the uncertainty around your health condition.

There are facilities that specialize in teens who have mental health issues/ self harm/ substance abuse issues/ and/or eating disorders. They use DBT/ CBT individual and family therapy and are often covered by medical insurance.

Newport Academy has many locations around the US and three different levels of care
Residential (but it can be hard to prove your child needs residential level of care to insurance companies)
Partial hospitalization (8:30-3:30)
Intensive outpatient (3:30-7)

There are others in the area.

The therapeutic boarding schools a PP mentioned are often not covered by insurance but worth exploring.

I am sorry for everything you are dealing with. I hope you and your son can secure good therapists who yiu connect with and that your friends or colleagues try and make life easier for you.

Wishing you love, light, healing and courage for the journey ahead.

[Anonymous]

Good luck, OP. I know it's hard to have any optimism in your situation. I think the advice to get help through a school counselor, family of his friends if he has any, or a cancer support group are good. Sometimes even strangers like on nextdoor.com will rally around someone in need if you can muster the courage to ask for help. Someone has to step up to the plate to help out, and I hope for you and your son that happens soon. There are people out there who I'm sure would like to help you.

[Anonymous]

https://www.umfs.org/services/residential-treatment/leland-house/

If you are in Fairfax County this may be helpful....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious post. I'm a single mom of a 15 year old DS. I have breast cancer and he's just been awful. He rages around and I don't know what to do. Do I have any recourse? His dad isn't an option, neither are my parents.

You’re a single mom, have cancer and he’s terrified. It’s coming out as anger. Therapy stat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious post. I'm a single mom of a 15 year old DS. I have breast cancer and he's just been awful. He rages around and I don't know what to do. Do I have any recourse? His dad isn't an option, neither are my parents.

You’re a single mom, have cancer and he’s terrified. It’s coming out as anger. Therapy stat!

Therapy won’t change any of the facts. She needs concrete support.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m a hospice chaplain and have a patient dealing with a nearly identical situation. But she is dying. Her 16 year has become absolutely intolerable. He is violent both to himself and to her. Talk to your doctor. You need to get a social worker involved if possible. Your child is experiencing anticipatory grief. Even if your chances of recovery are near 100%. Kids don’t use logic when faced with scary situations. The anger you see is almost certainly fear. He probably needs to be inpatient for a while.

I am so sorry. Wishing you a full recovery. And sending you and your child so much love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the ideas and the empathy. I do have a friend or two I can reach out to. It’s embarrassing, but it would be helpful as I finish active treatment. He does have a counselor and sees her regularly. I don’t know what they talk about since he’s past the age where she has to tell me. I just don’t know where I got this kid with no empathy.

Sounds like the kid of a parent who has no empathy for the fact that he is a kid who is afraid he may lose the only parent and family he has.

Way to kick someone when they’re down. Sounds like a post by someone with no empathy or attunement and who has never had to face any real adversity. If you had ever been a single parent and ill with cancer (or if you had any common sense) you would understand that there is zero bandwidth for anything but focusing on getting through surgery and aftermath. She has no one to help her. No one to help her take care of her son. And mastectomy is very disabling for weeks.

OP, is there anyone who can come live with you for a month or two to help you through the surgery and aftermath just to provide some stability so you can focus on surviving and healing? Even if you have to hire someone like a college student or live-in aide it will be worth it. Also, if you have friends, talk to them. I went through this last year (with a younger kid) and my good friend offered for moth of us to live with her on her big beautiful house.

OP never said she had a mastectomy.

When someone says they are having surgery for cancer that usually means mastectomy. Sure maybe it’s a lumpectomy followed by chemo and/or radiation but it’s still a big deal especially if there is axillary lymph node dissection which it sounds like is her situation.

Can’t understand people like you who are set on gaslighting people in difficult circumstances.

No it doesn't. I had breast cancer surgery, which meant the removal of some tissue, followed by nothing.
We don't know what stage OP's cancer is.

What we know is that OP sounds like a drama queen and likely troll.

And you sound like a nasty b

[Anonymous]

Please don’t be embarrassed, OP. All parents have their struggles with their children. If people say they don’t they are lying. If I was your friend and you’d reached out to me I would not judge, I would just want to help.

Sending you lots of support and love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drop him off at his father's doorstep I don't care if he's not been involved up until now he needs to be.

Yup. I agree with this. I don't care if "he's not an option."

[Anonymous]

I have not read the entire thread and I admit, my children are all much younger.

That said, my heart goes out to you both.

I've had several mom friends over the years that have unofficially "adopted" teen boys in that age range. Truth be told, lots of people have a bit of a hero complex and would probably love to help. I'm not certain of all the details because these were never exactly close friends, but all seemed to work out for the best and the young men did better in a different environment.

Please focus on your health and happiness and I hope it all works out swiftly and smoothly.