Second date or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I would have HATED him walking me to my car - like he is trying to prolong the date, trying to get invited back to my place. I already said goodby, so goodbye!!

- 40 yo female

Agree with this.

I could see this point. But I still think the right thing to do if offer to walk her her car, if she would like. Then she has the freedom to accept or politely decline

[Anonymous]

The walk to the car in my case has led to side hugs and sex in the back seat.

It's never creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My now DH didn’t wait with me for my cab home from DC on the 3rd date and I *almost* dumped him for not being gentlemanly. But rather than doing something rash, the next time he contacted me I let him know (nicely) that I didn’t appreciate that and felt unsafe. He felt so bad and never made that mistake again, and he still doesn’t like me telling that story after all these years (I think it’s funny now!) because he feels so bad. I’m sooo grateful now I didn’t dump him because he is actually an amazing, protective husband but I think he legit didn’t think about it at the time.

I’d say if you think he’s a good guy otherwise, speak up! And if he doesn’t correct himself, then dump him. Some men are capable of rising to standards, if you just let him know what they are.

My husband did not wait for my Uber at the end of our second date. Just left me standing on the street waiting while he dashed off to the metro. He still is not very gentlemanly or protective or well mannered. Like he will get in the car and get settled in and buckled in while I am waiting outside the car, locked out, waiting for him to unlock it so I can get in (yes I have addressed this with him many times - he thinks I’m being dumb to care).

So, it could be a red flag. I find this part of my husband very annoying and it makes me feel a little uncared for.

My DH is very gentlemanly, protective, and well mannered, but he occasionally forgets to unlock all of the doors when he unlocks his own. I don't wait patiently, I start tapping on the window in increasingly loud and annoying taps. He gets the hint pretty quickly .

I do that to, and he acts annoyed, like I shouldn’t care that I’m standing outside the car while he’s getting all comfortable and settled in. It’s bizarre. At this point I feel like he’s almost making a point of not unlocking the door to prove he doesn’t need to do what I ask.

My husband is generally protective but not always well-mannered. He started this nonsense and I started carrying the spare set of keys.
He also will walk ahead of me and is an aggressive driver. We do better at home together than out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My now DH didn’t wait with me for my cab home from DC on the 3rd date and I *almost* dumped him for not being gentlemanly. But rather than doing something rash, the next time he contacted me I let him know (nicely) that I didn’t appreciate that and felt unsafe. He felt so bad and never made that mistake again, and he still doesn’t like me telling that story after all these years (I think it’s funny now!) because he feels so bad. I’m sooo grateful now I didn’t dump him because he is actually an amazing, protective husband but I think he legit didn’t think about it at the time.

I’d say if you think he’s a good guy otherwise, speak up! And if he doesn’t correct himself, then dump him. Some men are capable of rising to standards, if you just let him know what they are.

My husband did not wait for my Uber at the end of our second date. Just left me standing on the street waiting while he dashed off to the metro. He still is not very gentlemanly or protective or well mannered. Like he will get in the car and get settled in and buckled in while I am waiting outside the car, locked out, waiting for him to unlock it so I can get in (yes I have addressed this with him many times - he thinks I’m being dumb to care).

So, it could be a red flag. I find this part of my husband very annoying and it makes me feel a little uncared for.

My DH is very gentlemanly, protective, and well mannered, but he occasionally forgets to unlock all of the doors when he unlocks his own. I don't wait patiently, I start tapping on the window in increasingly loud and annoying taps. He gets the hint pretty quickly .

I do that to, and he acts annoyed, like I shouldn’t care that I’m standing outside the car while he’s getting all comfortable and settled in. It’s bizarre. At this point I feel like he’s almost making a point of not unlocking the door to prove he doesn’t need to do what I ask.

I had a gf where I always let her into the car first. Opened her door, closed it. Then went to the driver's side. She still dumped me with no explanation. I don't think women want to be treated well, they just want to complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mistake - "Drinks turned into dinner." If the date was to meet for drinks, then that’s where you should’ve ended it. You need to learn how to conduct yourself with men if you have certain expectations of how they will treat you. You were too available, plain and simple.

No to date #2. He doesn’t respect you. Do better next time. Stay true to yourself. I don’t care if you’re starving. If the date is for drinks, have your drink or 2 then leave! I don’t care if the conversation is so good or he is so fine. Leave when the originally planned date is done. All this post-game analysis is you knowing you messed up, but trying to pin it on him.

If you’re true to yourself, you’ll find the one.

Wtf? Plenty of drinks dates turn into dinner. Especially if you’re sitting at the bar portion of a restaurant where it’s easy to order food! Why leave if you both are having a good time?! An abrupt exit would be bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mistake - "Drinks turned into dinner." If the date was to meet for drinks, then that’s where you should’ve ended it. You need to learn how to conduct yourself with men if you have certain expectations of how they will treat you. You were too available, plain and simple.

No to date #2. He doesn’t respect you. Do better next time. Stay true to yourself. I don’t care if you’re starving. If the date is for drinks, have your drink or 2 then leave! I don’t care if the conversation is so good or he is so fine. Leave when the originally planned date is done. All this post-game analysis is you knowing you messed up, but trying to pin it on him.

If you’re true to yourself, you’ll find the one.

This poster has been on the internet reading too much girl-game content. I’d agree if he asked her for a netflix date or sex right after dinner, but this is so benign and a yellow flag at best. If she won’t put constraints on her time for dinner, how can you expect him to? Dude isn’t a mind reader. How could he not respect her if she never made her standards known? Especially when 90% of women in this market don’t have that standard at all.

My father taught me a long time ago that it is a mistake to expect a man to be your husband before he’s your husband. There *is* an element of teaching men how you expect to be treated, now whether you want to do that or not is on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mistake - "Drinks turned into dinner." If the date was to meet for drinks, then that’s where you should’ve ended it. You need to learn how to conduct yourself with men if you have certain expectations of how they will treat you. You were too available, plain and simple.

No to date #2. He doesn’t respect you. Do better next time. Stay true to yourself. I don’t care if you’re starving. If the date is for drinks, have your drink or 2 then leave! I don’t care if the conversation is so good or he is so fine. Leave when the originally planned date is done. All this post-game analysis is you knowing you messed up, but trying to pin it on him.

If you’re true to yourself, you’ll find the one.

This poster has been on the internet reading too much girl-game content. I’d agree if he asked her for a netflix date or sex right after dinner, but this is so benign and a yellow flag at best. If she won’t put constraints on her time for dinner, how can you expect him to? Dude isn’t a mind reader. How could he not respect her if she never made her standards known? Especially when 90% of women in this market don’t have that standard at all.

My father taught me a long time ago that it is a mistake to expect a man to be your husband before he’s your husband. There *is* an element of teaching men how you expect to be treated, now whether you want to do that or not is on you.

Haha. Probably true. The point is, take it step by step. A person’s time is valuable. She just met this man and already she is investing valuable time on him. Men pick up on this stuff. Wise women will know what I’m talking about. Invest in yourself. Value yourself (not saying be selfish) and you’ll see high quality men (and people in general) gravitate toward you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The walk to the car in my case has led to side hugs and sex in the back seat.

It's never creepy.

Aren't you concerend about CCTV and cameras in the garage parking lot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My now DH didn’t wait with me for my cab home from DC on the 3rd date and I *almost* dumped him for not being gentlemanly. But rather than doing something rash, the next time he contacted me I let him know (nicely) that I didn’t appreciate that and felt unsafe. He felt so bad and never made that mistake again, and he still doesn’t like me telling that story after all these years (I think it’s funny now!) because he feels so bad. I’m sooo grateful now I didn’t dump him because he is actually an amazing, protective husband but I think he legit didn’t think about it at the time.

I’d say if you think he’s a good guy otherwise, speak up! And if he doesn’t correct himself, then dump him. Some men are capable of rising to standards, if you just let him know what they are.

My husband did not wait for my Uber at the end of our second date. Just left me standing on the street waiting while he dashed off to the metro. He still is not very gentlemanly or protective or well mannered. Like he will get in the car and get settled in and buckled in while I am waiting outside the car, locked out, waiting for him to unlock it so I can get in (yes I have addressed this with him many times - he thinks I’m being dumb to care).

So, it could be a red flag. I find this part of my husband very annoying and it makes me feel a little uncared for.

Her dumping you has nothing to do with you opening her door for her. She may have appreciated your good manners but not felt you were a romantic fit. You’ve got to know this, c’mon.
My DH is very gentlemanly, protective, and well mannered, but he occasionally forgets to unlock all of the doors when he unlocks his own. I don't wait patiently, I start tapping on the window in increasingly loud and annoying taps. He gets the hint pretty quickly .

I do that to, and he acts annoyed, like I shouldn’t care that I’m standing outside the car while he’s getting all comfortable and settled in. It’s bizarre. At this point I feel like he’s almost making a point of not unlocking the door to prove he doesn’t need to do what I ask.

I had a gf where I always let her into the car first. Opened her door, closed it. Then went to the driver's side. She still dumped me with no explanation. I don't think women want to be treated well, they just want to complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My now DH didn’t wait with me for my cab home from DC on the 3rd date and I *almost* dumped him for not being gentlemanly. But rather than doing something rash, the next time he contacted me I let him know (nicely) that I didn’t appreciate that and felt unsafe. He felt so bad and never made that mistake again, and he still doesn’t like me telling that story after all these years (I think it’s funny now!) because he feels so bad. I’m sooo grateful now I didn’t dump him because he is actually an amazing, protective husband but I think he legit didn’t think about it at the time.

I’d say if you think he’s a good guy otherwise, speak up! And if he doesn’t correct himself, then dump him. Some men are capable of rising to standards, if you just let him know what they are.

My husband did not wait for my Uber at the end of our second date. Just left me standing on the street waiting while he dashed off to the metro. He still is not very gentlemanly or protective or well mannered. Like he will get in the car and get settled in and buckled in while I am waiting outside the car, locked out, waiting for him to unlock it so I can get in (yes I have addressed this with him many times - he thinks I’m being dumb to care).

So, it could be a red flag. I find this part of my husband very annoying and it makes me feel a little uncared for.

Her dumping you has nothing to do with you opening her door for her. She may have appreciated your good manners but not felt you were a romantic fit. You’ve got to know this, c’mon.
My DH is very gentlemanly, protective, and well mannered, but he occasionally forgets to unlock all of the doors when he unlocks his own. I don't wait patiently, I start tapping on the window in increasingly loud and annoying taps. He gets the hint pretty quickly .

I do that to, and he acts annoyed, like I shouldn’t care that I’m standing outside the car while he’s getting all comfortable and settled in. It’s bizarre. At this point I feel like he’s almost making a point of not unlocking the door to prove he doesn’t need to do what I ask.

I had a gf where I always let her into the car first. Opened her door, closed it. Then went to the driver's side. She still dumped me with no explanation. I don't think women want to be treated well, they just want to complain.

She may have appreciated your politeness and still felt you were not a good romantic fit. Politeness does not equal automatic connection, obviously and I’m sure was completely unrelated to why she dumped you. I imagine your negative generalization of all women and chip on your shoulder will be a barrier to dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I would have HATED him walking me to my car - like he is trying to prolong the date, trying to get invited back to my place. I already said goodby, so goodbye!!

- 40 yo female

This.

[Anonymous]

Can you be just a friend ?
Go out for coffee and see what will happen.
Show up with minimum makeup and sweatpants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The walk to the car in my case has led to side hugs and sex in the back seat.

It's never creepy.

Aren't you concerend about CCTV and cameras in the garage parking lot?

Being watched is the best part!

[Anonymous]

Op, you are thinking too much into this. Communicate if it was so important to you. he wouldn't about it and probably though you could be one of those independent, liberal women that don't need any help.

I think it is fine for you to go on a second date with him. Just let him know politely what you thought of his gesture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah I would have HATED him walking me to my car - like he is trying to prolong the date, trying to get invited back to my place. I already said goodby, so goodbye!!

- 40 yo female

This.

+100.

I think OP is thinking that everyone is going to figure out what's going on in her head. I wonder how many dates she sabotage in this way? OP, if your reasons are something else then use them to not go on a second date instead of asking us to do it for you.