Baby shower MONEY TREE invitation...really??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wanted to chime in and say I don't find the dollar dance thing offensive-especially given it's a tradition and we're talking about a dollar. The cash tree I think it put out hoping you can rake in big bucks and I have yet to find any evidence it is some tradition going back many years in a culture.

Cash gifts are totally fine as long as they are not expected. We have heard from on these posts about the Korean and Jewish tradition and that did not offend me in the least becomes nobody is told to give money, it's just a tradition among those close to the family.

I attended a wedding where the bride had some kind of lace apron and danced around in a circle for guests to toss in money and, believe me, bulging envelopes and $100 bills were what was being "tossed" into her lace apron. Frankly, I would have been humiliated to have done this but it as an ethnic wedding. Only men were allowed to contribute as the bride gave each of them a kiss. It was obvious that a goodly sum was expected--nothing less than $100.00.

Sounds more like a veiled lap dance.

[Anonymous]

Well, it was pretty common to have a money tree at an Italian-American wedding or bridal shower (this before national registries), but I never heard of it for a baby shower. I must be hanging around cheap people though since the "tree" usually held $1s - $20s. Serious money was put in a card and slipped to the groom or put the bride's bag.

I can't imagine why the invitation would have this mentioned though unless there is an ethnic connection for this custom and the organizers wanted guests to know.

I don't have a problem with it - if that's what the lady wants. Guests should always feel free to give whatever makes them comfortable. The party is for fun. OP: If this has turned you off so much, give a gift at the office and decline.

[Anonymous]

This was good advice: http://weddings.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Wedding_Shower_Money_Tree_Ideas

A faux pas to print, but not necessarily to verbally mention. I think of this an old custom - back in the days when newly married people needed the money to set up their own household and move away from their parents. The last one I saw was 6 years ago - and they had envelopes. It was a chance to write a small note of good wishes - and contribute a small amount of money - since the wishes were for love, happiness and prosperity. You also brought a real gift.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in CT, basically a burb of NYC. We had many Italian neighborhoods around us. At the Italian weddings I went to, the bride and groom would circulate among the guests, going from table to table, with a special "bag" the bride carried, made out of white satin, embroidered with pearls, etc. She would place envelopes from the guests in the bag. Envelopes full of money. Everyone knew that bringing such an envelope was expected.

It wasn't on the invitation. But yes it seemed to me, even as a kid, as a fancy way to shake down your guests. And it did seem cultural to me - never seen it at a non-Italian wedding. So make of that what you will.

[Anonymous]

Goodfellas. That's the wedding scene.

My best friend had a dollar dance at her wedding. Her husband is Polish. I had to
wear this awful apron and collect money while all the creepy uncles danced with her. Their idea of dancing was to keep spinning her around until she was almost ill. Her husband had to come in and put a stop to it. It was definitely a cultural thing. Still thought it was kind of gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wanted to chime in and say I don't find the dollar dance thing offensive-especially given it's a tradition and we're talking about a dollar. The cash tree I think it put out hoping you can rake in big bucks and I have yet to find any evidence it is some tradition going back many years in a culture.

Cash gifts are totally fine as long as they are not expected. We have heard from on these posts about the Korean and Jewish tradition and that did not offend me in the least becomes nobody is told to give money, it's just a tradition among those close to the family.

I attended a wedding where the bride had some kind of lace apron and danced around in a circle for guests to toss in money and, believe me, bulging envelopes and $100 bills were what was being "tossed" into her lace apron. Frankly, I would have been humiliated to have done this but it as an ethnic wedding. Only men were allowed to contribute as the bride gave each of them a kiss. It was obvious that a goodly sum was expected--nothing less than $100.00.

Sounds more like a veiled lap dance.

It's might nice of you to knock other culture's traditions, isn't it? Feel good about yourself?

[Anonymous]

It's might nice of you to knock other culture's traditions, isn't it? Feel good about yourself?

It's not just one other culture. Lots of cultures commodify women's sexuality. And it sucks.

[Anonymous]

ey PP: It really is true about being Italian re: money and food! At my wedding, my Italian friends and family gave me money for gifts (so yes, I had to have a bag to put the cards in) and my non-Italian friends and family got something off the registry. I never thought of it as a shake-down. It is a custom. I do the same - for Italians or a very close friend, I give money. Otherwise, I use the registry.

Still, it's pretty tacky to mention the money tree in the invite to the shower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Giving money is acceptable and expected for a lot of events in my Italian family. Money and food seem to be the answer for anything from a birth to a death.

It is just the way we do things. American culture is way too uptight about money.

I disagree with this. You are comparing 'the way you do things' in your family and culture, with another scenario altogether. Growing up some cultures see money as a gift etc. and that is just fine. People in new situations (most likely) need money. But if you are hosting a party and have to tell everyone to bring money for a tree or whatnot, you are no longer dealing with people 'in the know' who automatically "know" to bring money as a gift. I don't think it's about being uptight with money.

Cultures aside, I would think of it as odd, grab a gift, grab a $20, and go. A party is a party, and for all you know it might not be her idea at all but maybe a sister (or brother!) or hostess who insists on having the tree thing.

I'm from what some would call "Southern Culture", and we always always always buy gifts and bring food. For just about everything. It never crosses my mind to give money. When I married my Korean Husband, his family thought it was so weird that I bought gifts, and didn't give money. They always give money for everything, that is what the gift is. I don't see anything wrong with that at all, it is expected and the way they were raised. There are long standing traditions with this process. I still buy a small present and give money though, I can't pass up the chance to buy cute baby toys, haha!
On the flip side, my family would give me the "What in the world is this" look if I gave money as a birthday present or whatnot, but again, thats just the way my family does things.

Persinally though, I don't like to see those types of things on invites, it makes me feel bad and I feel backed into a corner to give money, or that they really need money or something.

[Anonymous]

I think people are missing the obvioius here: what you are all really reacting to is the unstated : that only people who need money given to them at a wedding or for an expected baby are poor or lower down on the socio-economic scale, that is why they need money more than gifts. People call these "traditions" tacky or low-class because it orginates when a cultural group is lower class economically speaking. We all know that many ethnic groups who were once identified as mostly poor immigrants, like Italian-Americans (mostly peasants) or Korean-Americans (often refugees), are often now quite well off financially and certainly now longer part of the lower economic rung but, the old traditions stand. To groups of American who were here "before" these various ethnic groups arrived with their different traditions, such behavior was very much out of the norm and regarded with distaste. Each new large group of immigrants deals with their own form of this bias: bringing a tradition or way of behavior that Americans who are second, third, etc.. generation find gross or distatseful or appalling. We are all just suppossed to be less ignorant of our own biases than the WASPs of the 1900s. So, while it may be tacky for a Mayflower WASP descendant to have a money tree or money dance, it is not for an Italian-American.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people are missing the obvioius here: what you are all really reacting to is the unstated : that only people who need money given to them at a wedding or for an expected baby are poor or lower down on the socio-economic scale, that is why they need money more than gifts. People call these "traditions" tacky or low-class because it orginates when a cultural group is lower class economically speaking. We all know that many ethnic groups who were once identified as mostly poor immigrants, like Italian-Americans (mostly peasants) or Korean-Americans (often refugees), are often now quite well off financially and certainly now longer part of the lower economic rung but, the old traditions stand. To groups of American who were here "before" these various ethnic groups arrived with their different traditions, such behavior was very much out of the norm and regarded with distaste. Each new large group of immigrants deals with their own form of this bias: bringing a tradition or way of behavior that Americans who are second, third, etc.. generation find gross or distatseful or appalling. We are all just suppossed to be less ignorant of our own biases than the WASPs of the 1900s. So, while it may be tacky for a Mayflower WASP descendant to have a money tree or money dance, it is not for an Italian-American.

Wrong. Koreans in Korea, even those that are well-off, still give money at major events and as gifts. It has little to do with being a poor immigrant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are missing the obvioius here: what you are all really reacting to is the unstated : that only people who need money given to them at a wedding or for an expected baby are poor or lower down on the socio-economic scale, that is why they need money more than gifts. People call these "traditions" tacky or low-class because it orginates when a cultural group is lower class economically speaking. We all know that many ethnic groups who were once identified as mostly poor immigrants, like Italian-Americans (mostly peasants) or Korean-Americans (often refugees), are often now quite well off financially and certainly now longer part of the lower economic rung but, the old traditions stand. To groups of American who were here "before" these various ethnic groups arrived with their different traditions, such behavior was very much out of the norm and regarded with distaste. Each new large group of immigrants deals with their own form of this bias: bringing a tradition or way of behavior that Americans who are second, third, etc.. generation find gross or distatseful or appalling. We are all just suppossed to be less ignorant of our own biases than the WASPs of the 1900s. So, while it may be tacky for a Mayflower WASP descendant to have a money tree or money dance, it is not for an Italian-American.

Wrong. Koreans in Korea, even those that are well-off, still give money at major events and as gifts. It has little to do with being a poor immigrant.

No, you just missed the trajectory of logic. Many of the Koreans who immigrated to the U.S. in the 1950s were poor when they arrived. They gave cash/money instead of gifts/presents at events where Americans would tarditionally give a gift or present. Whether the money was given because it is a Korean tradition (in this case, yes), or because the young couple or expecting parents were poor (yes again but for more than just Koreans) Americans associate the giving of cash in such incidences as a tradition or habit of the "poor" or lower class." Many immigrants who have arrived on America's shores, or crossed the borders, have come for a better way of life and better opportunities because such is not available in the country where they were born. This country really is one of the few places in the world where your socio-economic status is not permanent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in CT, basically a burb of NYC. We had many Italian neighborhoods around us. At the Italian weddings I went to, the bride and groom would circulate among the guests, going from table to table, with a special "bag" the bride carried, made out of white satin, embroidered with pearls, etc. She would place envelopes from the guests in the bag. Envelopes full of money. Everyone knew that bringing such an envelope was expected.

It wasn't on the invitation. But yes it seemed to me, even as a kid, as a fancy way to shake down your guests. And it did seem cultural to me - never seen it at a non-Italian wedding. So make of that what you will.

But the difference is that it wasn't on the invite. It's kind of like wedding gifts. Everyone knows it is expected, but it's still not considered appropriate to write "please bring me gifts" on the invite.

[Anonymous]

I find it funny that people try to equate certain immigrants of yesteryear with "poor" or "distasteful".

Who said WASPs have all the fun? In fact, by the looks on their faces, they are having none of the fun -
none of the money OR sex - HAHAHAHA!

I thought this area was supposed to be educated? Seems not.

[Anonymous]

"The cash tree I think it put out hoping you can rake in big bucks and I have yet to find any evidence it is some tradition going back many years in a culture. "

Do you get out much?