Baby shower MONEY TREE invitation...really??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all of you knocking the "dollar dance" at weddings, it is very much a cultural thing. Know your audience.

In DC, that means know that everyone will be offended by everything you do or don't do, if it doesn't comply with their very own standards and/or the latest edition of Miss Manners or Emily Post. And if their standards exceed those of MM/EP, you will offend by not meeting their standards (see, e.g., imaginary requirement that thank you cards be sent to gift givers who were thanked in person).

Do you mean that in some cultures, it is acceptable to shake down wedding attendees (I won't say "guests" because "guests" are treated/invited) for cash?

I do know my audience (I married into it for God's sake), and I think it's crass and tacky, no matter who is doing the shaking-down.

[Anonymous]

I would give a gift to your co-worker and say you can't make the shower. She shouldn't fault you for being out of town/washing your hair/anything else that makes you unable to attend her tacky shower.

[Anonymous]

I thought giving money was a tradition at Jewish weddings? Much more practical and fewer toasters to return.

[Anonymous]

"(see, e.g., imaginary requirement that thank you cards be sent to gift givers who were thanked in person). "

I myself feel writing a thank you note is the least I could do for someone taking the time to come to a celebration let alone bring something even if I thank them in person.

What is a DOLLAR DANCE?

[Anonymous]

I actually feel a bit sorry for your coworker and wonder if many will decline for the exact reasons you state. How many other coworkers have been invited? Is it "only" coworkers, or a whole mix of family, friends, work colleagues? Very bizarre in any event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"(see, e.g., imaginary requirement that thank you cards be sent to gift givers who were thanked in person). "

I myself feel writing a thank you note is the least I could do for someone taking the time to come to a celebration let alone bring something even if I thank them in person.

What is a DOLLAR DANCE?

http://www.billt.com/dollardance.htm

[Anonymous]

in my country it's a tradition to sell parts of the groom's tie during the reception. the money goes in a jar to help
them put a honeymoon together.
we only leave our parents home when we get married so the bridal shower is only for girls and we get gifts like strainers, can openers, broom stick, dust pan, rags for cleaning, cleaning products, sponges, kitchen towels, sheets, table cloth... and as wedding gifts we get the fancier stuff.
nobody asks for money though... only the guys have a good time dragging the groom around trying to sell the tie in the end of the party when only drunk people are left at the reception LOL
for baby showers the gifts are pretty much like the bridal shower: only must have gadgets... cute, expensive stuff and keepsakes are not expected at all. money? not even dreaming!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this common now? A coworker's sister invited me to a shower the end of this month and the invitation explicity says to bring money for the mom to be's money tree. Am I from a different planet? I was raised that this is rude and any party, even a wedding or birthday party is more about enjoying the company of your guests, celebrating with them and making them feel welcome. For showers, etc I tend to ask if there is a registry or what type of gift the person wants, and if I heard money was preferred I would give it. However, with money made so explicit as the only gift desired, I kind of felt like I was being invited to a pampered chef party.

And what does one do when you see a money tree? Am I supposed to put cash on there or a check? How much do people give for someone you just want to have a pleasant work relationship with, but you aren't close friends?

I forgot to mention we each were asked to bring something and I was assigned the beverage category. Is this common as well? I have helped host the showers of close friends, but had not heard of reaching out to all guests.

I am in my 30s and yet I find myself saying...in my day. we actually thought the true gift was people coming to your party, in my day.......Does anyone else miss social etiquette? Am I the only one who is shocked when an invitation basically says "bring money?" Am I old fashioned to prefer to find out the mom to be wants money by just asking her sister?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all of you knocking the "dollar dance" at weddings, it is very much a cultural thing. Know your audience.

In DC, that means know that everyone will be offended by everything you do or don't do, if it doesn't comply with their very own standards and/or the latest edition of Miss Manners or Emily Post. And if their standards exceed those of MM/EP, you will offend by not meeting their standards (see, e.g., imaginary requirement that thank you cards be sent to gift givers who were thanked in person).

Obviously, you flunked Manners an Social Etiquette 101.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kinda feel like I've got to attend for work politics, otherwise I would definitely decline since it made me feel like a walking wallet.

So usually with any gift I include a card and write a meaningful message. Do I still do this and just put the money in there too and attach that to the tree?

Re:beverage..I'm thinking cheap wine so I have something to get me through the event? JK. I'll bring a jug of soda and be done with it.

Re:the wedding with the money tree. Where was it? In this area?

I am relieved to read this is not the new norm. Bleck!

I'm the PP who mentioned the wedding with a money tree...I'm thinking it was in upstate New York.

[Anonymous]

To 15:47 where they of an ethnic group where this is common?

I wonder if this is a regional thing in the US or actually a cultural thing.

I usually love weddings/showers what have you... with various cultural traditions and this is probably the only tradition (if it is one) I find shocking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm realizing more and more how clueless people are about basic etiquette. I used to think my mom was too hung up on the "rules", but now I appreciate knowing how to properly host things. I was just talking to BIL's fiancee last night about her potluck wedding shower. Her friend is "hosting", her mother is cooking most of the food, and she has asked MIL to bring food as well. Part of her ignorance about etiquette is cultural, but the same can't be said for most people who just don't have a clue.

Who defines etiquette though? I know it's great to be polite but really, it's 2010 not 1940. Sometimes etiquette is as outdated as some of the religious BS of the Catholic Church. Sit, stand, kneel, sit, stand, kneel... Like the blind leading the blind. It's so regional, cultural, and changeable. You etiquette ladies smitten can be classy and far from tacky w/out judging others or following your outdated etiquette books. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

I think the dollar dance is usually an Italian thing, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm realizing more and more how clueless people are about basic etiquette. I used to think my mom was too hung up on the "rules", but now I appreciate knowing how to properly host things. I was just talking to BIL's fiancee last night about her potluck wedding shower. Her friend is "hosting", her mother is cooking most of the food, and she has asked MIL to bring food as well. Part of her ignorance about etiquette is cultural, but the same can't be said for most people who just don't have a clue.

Great SIL you are. Stay home then. They might not have money to do much more but still want to celebrate surrounded by people they love. Who are you to rain in that? And really, part of her ignorance is cultural? So your culture is superior and know more than SIL's culture? You sound racist and way out of line.

[Anonymous]

Not knowing if this is a cultural thing, I'd say it's tacky. Tsk. Tsk. I wouldn't go.