Are all Big 3 alumni this insufferable?

[Anonymous]

Reminds me of when I was a freshman in college and everyone else seemed to have led a more angsty and interesting life and had more writing material and I was like, what can I write for these “personal essay” assignments in English comp classes? I remember writing some cringey, immature stuff about parents divorcing and homesickness. Her mistake was in publishing this, but let’s not forget that she’s 18 and by definition doesn’t have much perspective. Also, is it any wonder kids are so mean to each other online these days given the way adults behave? Or that they stress so much about college when people treat choosing Dartmouth over Yale as a shocking and unbelievable turn of events? The schools are so different, and for all the pressure and privilege that comes with being a legacy, she has probably grown up visiting the school and believed she’d feel comfortable there. I know so many kids who didn’t get into their parents’ alma mater, even with great stats etc., so she really should let that insecurity go. Or try to have a sense of humor about it and own it. I wish someone had kindly said to her, “This isn’t going to make anything better, but it could make things a whole lot worse for you, particularly at school.” She will be less affected by what random people on DCUM think about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reminds me of when I was a freshman in college and everyone else seemed to have led a more angsty and interesting life and had more writing material and I was like, what can I write for these “personal essay” assignments in English comp classes? I remember writing some cringey, immature stuff about parents divorcing and homesickness. Her mistake was in publishing this, but let’s not forget that she’s 18 and by definition doesn’t have much perspective. Also, is it any wonder kids are so mean to each other online these days given the way adults behave? Or that they stress so much about college when people treat choosing Dartmouth over Yale as a shocking and unbelievable turn of events? The schools are so different, and for all the pressure and privilege that comes with being a legacy, she has probably grown up visiting the school and believed she’d feel comfortable there. I know so many kids who didn’t get into their parents’ alma mater, even with great stats etc., so she really should let that insecurity go. Or try to have a sense of humor about it and own it. I wish someone had kindly said to her, “This isn’t going to make anything better, but it could make things a whole lot worse for you, particularly at school.” She will be less affected by what random people on DCUM think about her.

I agree with this answer. She should have had the self-awareness to keep this as a diary entry but she is 18. And she didn’t lie, cheat, steal or kill. As adults we have to let kids make mistakes and suffer the consequences both in not coming to rescue them but also not persecuting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reminds me of when I was a freshman in college and everyone else seemed to have led a more angsty and interesting life and had more writing material and I was like, what can I write for these “personal essay” assignments in English comp classes? I remember writing some cringey, immature stuff about parents divorcing and homesickness. Her mistake was in publishing this, but let’s not forget that she’s 18 and by definition doesn’t have much perspective. Also, is it any wonder kids are so mean to each other online these days given the way adults behave? Or that they stress so much about college when people treat choosing Dartmouth over Yale as a shocking and unbelievable turn of events? The schools are so different, and for all the pressure and privilege that comes with being a legacy, she has probably grown up visiting the school and believed she’d feel comfortable there. I know so many kids who didn’t get into their parents’ alma mater, even with great stats etc., so she really should let that insecurity go. Or try to have a sense of humor about it and own it. I wish someone had kindly said to her, “This isn’t going to make anything better, but it could make things a whole lot worse for you, particularly at school.” She will be less affected by what random people on DCUM think about her.

I agree with this answer. She should have had the self-awareness to keep this as a diary entry but she is 18. And she didn’t lie, cheat, steal or kill. As adults we have to let kids make mistakes and suffer the consequences both in not coming to rescue them but also not persecuting them.

I went to college in the early aughts, during a wild time when we were first learning about the permanency of what one puts on the internet. A girl who is 18, and just finished NCS, with such educated parents, should absolutely have been taught this lesson. Should the girl be tarred and feathered for it? Absolutely not. But, should she have known better? Yep.

[Anonymous]

NP.
I get that the writer is probably legally 18 and an adult but I still feel really uncomfortable with many of these posts presumably by parents criticizing someone's child and her name being public. Can we move on to something else?

These threads make me feel sick and there are way too many of them where people provide identifying information about a child and then proceed to bash them. It's not right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP.
I get that the writer is probably legally 18 and an adult but I still feel really uncomfortable with many of these posts presumably by parents criticizing someone's child and her name being public. Can we move on to something else?

These threads make me feel sick and there are way too many of them where people provide identifying information about a child and then proceed to bash them. It's not right.

LOL. This kid chose to write this article in a public newspaper. She sought out publicity!!!
She also published her college destination in a public way (Instagram profile) the minute she got it.

[Anonymous]

I agree a this is a little overheated on the kid.

To the PPs question is this typical of big 3, the answer is complicated.

These schools are places where many of the kids have grown up w enormous privilege.

They work really hard for sure and should be proud of it. There are easier ways to get thru high school than these schools.
The workload is not for the faint of heart. And it’s still not easy at all to make it to their parents’ alma mater. Most legacies don’t get in.

However there was a thread a week or so back that many (most) of these kids who go to ivies are hooked on some way (urm, athlete, is r legacy). There are lots of legacies) an nsc parent commented that it was true of every nsc 2022 grad at an ivy save one.

It’s not surprising in a world where admit rates in these places have fallen to low single digits. It’s different than even five years ago.

I interview for my ivy and the quality of the kids these days sometimes intimidates me - the ones who make it unhooked are often running their own non-profits )real ones) or came through a much harder set of circumstances than me or my kids (lots of first gen kids).

So does it surprise me that a big 3 legacy kid would arrive on campus and start to angst about the whole system - why are there so many private school kids here - is that fair? And do I belong? Or who does? I’d guess there is a lot of that going on this fall. It might sound inartful and entitled through prism of an 18 year old but is the anxiety uncommon? I doubt it.

I send my kids to a big 3 because our school provides a wonderful education. But do I worry my kids are exposed to a lot of privilege? Yup. It’s incumbent on me to expose them to other parts of the world so it all doesn’t come as such a shock. And what I hope is my kids will use their privilege well - to work hard and to give back and to truly understand how unusual it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:‘I should’ve gone to Yale. Even though I didn’t like it as much, at least no one would attribute my acceptance to my last name.‘

It’s artfully worded. It’s implied but not stated.

Usually the ‘legacy angst’ goes away if you also applied and were accepted to a school that’s even harder to get into.

Don’t get me wrong legacies at ivies are no slouches. Most legacy applicants are rejected. But there is a reason people pick to apply to the school where they have a hook.

No one turns down Yale for Dartmouth.

Calling BS in this.

If you have a cancer center at UVA named after a family member, the name on your degree is meaningless. For that level of wealth, there is no difference between Dartmouth and Yale

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reminds me of when I was a freshman in college and everyone else seemed to have led a more angsty and interesting life and had more writing material and I was like, what can I write for these “personal essay” assignments in English comp classes? I remember writing some cringey, immature stuff about parents divorcing and homesickness. Her mistake was in publishing this, but let’s not forget that she’s 18 and by definition doesn’t have much perspective. Also, is it any wonder kids are so mean to each other online these days given the way adults behave? Or that they stress so much about college when people treat choosing Dartmouth over Yale as a shocking and unbelievable turn of events? The schools are so different, and for all the pressure and privilege that comes with being a legacy, she has probably grown up visiting the school and believed she’d feel comfortable there. I know so many kids who didn’t get into their parents’ alma mater, even with great stats etc., so she really should let that insecurity go. Or try to have a sense of humor about it and own it. I wish someone had kindly said to her, “This isn’t going to make anything better, but it could make things a whole lot worse for you, particularly at school.” She will be less affected by what random people on DCUM think about her.

+1 There is one comment on the article in the Dartmouth paper that makes the point that the editors should have done better by the author. That being said, I don’t share the negative views of the author that so many posters seem to have. Yes, the article is tone-deaf (and I cringed at the shoulda picked Yale bit), but it’s also earnest and thoughtful in some ways. She’s early in her writing career and early in the process of figuring out what kind of person she wants to be. I do not come from a wealthy background or have any experience with elite private schools, and I found the glimpse she offered in both articles of that privileged lifestyle to be interesting. I would very much enjoy reading her thoughts on her Dartmouth experience a few years in to see whether/how much she’s changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:‘I should’ve gone to Yale. Even though I didn’t like it as much, at least no one would attribute my acceptance to my last name.‘

It’s artfully worded. It’s implied but not stated.

Usually the ‘legacy angst’ goes away if you also applied and were accepted to a school that’s even harder to get into.

Don’t get me wrong legacies at ivies are no slouches. Most legacy applicants are rejected. But there is a reason people pick to apply to the school where they have a hook.

No one turns down Yale for Dartmouth.

Calling BS in this.

If you have a cancer center at UVA named after a family member, the name on your degree is meaningless. For that level of wealth, there is no difference between Dartmouth and Yale

She applied (and was accepted) ED to Dartmouth.
It's weird that she even brings up Yale. No one from her NCS class went to Yale although many applied.
The entire article is odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree a this is a little overheated on the kid.

To the PPs question is this typical of big 3, the answer is complicated.

These schools are places where many of the kids have grown up w enormous privilege.

They work really hard for sure and should be proud of it. There are easier ways to get thru high school than these schools.
The workload is not for the faint of heart. And it’s still not easy at all to make it to their parents’ alma mater. Most legacies don’t get in.

However there was a thread a week or so back that many (most) of these kids who go to ivies are hooked on some way (urm, athlete, is r legacy). There are lots of legacies) an nsc parent commented that it was true of every nsc 2022 grad at an ivy save one.

It’s not surprising in a world where admit rates in these places have fallen to low single digits. It’s different than even five years ago.

I interview for my ivy and the quality of the kids these days sometimes intimidates me - the ones who make it unhooked are often running their own non-profits )real ones) or came through a much harder set of circumstances than me or my kids (lots of first gen kids).

So does it surprise me that a big 3 legacy kid would arrive on campus and start to angst about the whole system - why are there so many private school kids here - is that fair? And do I belong? Or who does? I’d guess there is a lot of that going on this fall. It might sound inartful and entitled through prism of an 18 year old but is the anxiety uncommon? I doubt it.

I send my kids to a big 3 because our school provides a wonderful education. But do I worry my kids are exposed to a lot of privilege? Yup. It’s incumbent on me to expose them to other parts of the world so it all doesn’t come as such a shock. And what I hope is my kids will use their privilege well - to work hard and to give back and to truly understand how unusual it is.

What exactly does this mean, though? I hear this a lot, even within my own extended family, and it always rings hollow. So many wealthy, privileged people patting themselves on the back for their magnanimity, but it’s all good as one as they never have to actually rub elbows with the masses. So many paternalistic and/or judgmental attitudes born out of ignorance for the way real people live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP.
I get that the writer is probably legally 18 and an adult but I still feel really uncomfortable with many of these posts presumably by parents criticizing someone's child and her name being public. Can we move on to something else?

These threads make me feel sick and there are way too many of them where people provide identifying information about a child and then proceed to bash them. It's not right.

LOL. This kid chose to write this article in a public newspaper. She sought out publicity!!!
She also published her college destination in a public way (Instagram profile) the minute she got it.

I think this entire thread is horrible. You are calling out a 19 year old publicly. Come on, parents. Please rise above this petty meanness. Imagine if it was your college freshman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP.
I get that the writer is probably legally 18 and an adult but I still feel really uncomfortable with many of these posts presumably by parents criticizing someone's child and her name being public. Can we move on to something else?

These threads make me feel sick and there are way too many of them where people provide identifying information about a child and then proceed to bash them. It's not right.

LOL. This kid chose to write this article in a public newspaper. She sought out publicity!!!
She also published her college destination in a public way (Instagram profile) the minute she got it.

I think this entire thread is horrible. You are calling out a 19 year old publicly. Come on, parents. Please rise above this petty meanness. Imagine if it was your college freshman.

So why do you keep bumping the post?

[Anonymous]

The family member was a prominent va state senator who fought for cancer funding - and was higher profile bc of Katie couric. Not saying there’s not a lot of privilege here but don’t think it was one of those situations where family write last 100m check for the center.

[Anonymous]

At what age are we allowed to criticize a writer's published work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An NCS alum now at Dartmouth wrote this woe-is-me op-ed about how being a legacy is sooooo hard:

https://www.thedartmouth.com/article/2022/10/i-think-ive-seen-this-film-before

I was planning on having my DD apply to NCS and the other Big 3, but this is making me reconsider. Does the extreme privilege of these environments breed students this insufferable?

OP are you jealous much??? I think you are a low class ass for posting this making fun of a still teen. Please get a life and do the rest of us a favor and do not apply to private. I get what she is saying as I went from public to private and there was a very distinct difference and private opened up an entire new world and places people summered together and same clubs and towns and whatnot. Clearly you don’t get it.

She is a legal adult who was stupid enough to publish this with her name attached. Sorry, but consequences.

Oooh you are so scary - what consequences having a bunch of jealous wackos trash her on here? Her writing is excellent I can see why she was admitted to an Ivy and maybe you or your daughter were not and now you find it necessary to trash her on here?

NP: Talk about trashing. Yikes! You sound way more trash talky than PP. Making up insults about her child? Seriously? OP questioned extreme privilege based on a public opinion article. Sounds like a viable question. Your vitriolic response-- Blech.