Kids on a leash

[Anonymous]

Another mom of twins weighing in on the subject. They just turned 2. One is a runner. It's an interesting study of nature vs. nurture. Same parents, rules, even the same womb. They each have their strengths, but for my runner, stopping on command or staying near me is not one of them, though we're working on it. In the meantime, I either have to hold their hands, keep them strapped in the stroller or use the backpacks with leash. I can't always have my hands free to hold theirs (while paying in a store, for example) and we don't always need a stroller for a quick errand, so the backpacks work for all of us.

To the poster who asked if those of us who use the leashes ever feel self conscious - my answer is definitely not. I don't base my parenting decisions on the reactions of strangers. I base my decisions on what is best for my children. In fact, I've received many positive comments - "what a good idea", "they are so cute with their little backpacks". If anyone is scowling at me or thinking I'm a horrible mom, I couldn't care less. My kids are safe and happy and that's what is important to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely tell the mom of this teen that she did the right thing in not using a leash or harness with her child:

http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2009/08/06/4379417-allday-update-paralyzed-teen-still-surfingand-now-his-dog-is-too

Of course, he is doing great, and can do things I can't dream of, but I'm sure both he and his mom would have both preferred his accident not have happened.

Seriously -

Patrick was only a toddler when he wrangled away from is mom in a grocery store parking lot, and in that split second, a car backed up over him. Doctors told Patrick's mom Jennifer that her son was paralyzed from the neck down. It was news that could cripple any parent, but Jennifer considered it a blessing, realizing that her son, who narrowly escaped death, had now been given a second chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another mom of twins weighing in on the subject. They just turned 2. One is a runner. It's an interesting study of nature vs. nurture. Same parents, rules, even the same womb. They each have their strengths, but for my runner, stopping on command or staying near me is not one of them, though we're working on it. In the meantime, I either have to hold their hands, keep them strapped in the stroller or use the backpacks with leash. I can't always have my hands free to hold theirs (while paying in a store, for example) and we don't always need a stroller for a quick errand, so the backpacks work for all of us.

To the poster who asked if those of us who use the leashes ever feel self conscious - my answer is definitely not. I don't base my parenting decisions on the reactions of strangers. I base my decisions on what is best for my children. In fact, I've received many positive comments - "what a good idea", "they are so cute with their little backpacks". If anyone is scowling at me or thinking I'm a horrible mom, I couldn't care less. My kids are safe and happy and that's what is important to me.

Nah, they think you are a freak for dragging your kids on a leash.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read all the posts, but personally, I think a leash is fine. We have to do what works for us as parents to keep our kids safe. Not really a big deal either way.

[Anonymous]

I wonder how you can parent a child who's standing 4 ft from you. Also how do you talk to / Interact with them?
Honestly, how do they behave while leashed? do they run until you push them or they drag you like I see some big dogs doing on the street?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I also think the leashes are waaaay weird. No offense, leashers. But I am curious- don't you leashers feel incredibly self conscious while using it? Most people I know, parents and non parents are horrified when seeing the leash. Also, I know you all want to justify the leash by having "active" children. Well, I have 2 toddler twin boys and they are very active but no, not going to use the leash on them.

Do you feel self conscious when you breastfeed in public? Do you feel self conscious when you drop your kid off at daycare for 12 hours while you work? Sometimes we have to do what *WE* know is best for our child despite what the judgements of other people.

This PP makes a good point, both on the leash issue and for parenting issues in general: whatever you're doing (or considering doing), there's probably someone out there who's going to pass judgement on you for it. I think the leashes look a little funny, but I'd rather see a safe kid wearing something funny than have them get hurt.

[Anonymous]

"And to add on to this (not the PP), one time when I was holding my little runner's hand, she pulled away from me as I tried to pull her back, and she ended up with nursemaid's elbow and a trip to the urgent care facility. So...yeah. Wish I'd had a leash for that one. "

This happened to me to, with my 3yo nephew (many years ago now when I was a teenager): he pulled away from me when I had a grip only on his wrists and popped his shoulder out of socket. It popped right back in (we were at a family gathering with lots of other adults, including his parents) but none of us knew that could happen with small children. I've since learned that you're not supposed to have the full weight of their bodies hanging from their arms or legs until they're (I think) 4yo or older because of the loose joints and ligaments.

He's been fine (he's nearly 20 now), but his shoulder still sometimes dislocates which I of course feel really bad about but he seems to not really care (he rides/jumps dirt bikes, so not all the time but in the context of falls or extreme pressure on the arm).

[Anonymous]

Where are these four- and five-foot leashes that people are referring to? The ones I see are about two feet, and when you take the height difference into account, the kid is standing right next to you.

Anyway, I have a 2.5 year-old who HATES to hold hands. And I don't blame her. I remember hating it as well when I was a kid. It made me feel all trapped and claustrophobic. To hold her hand, I would have to have a serious deathgrip on her, which would make her pull and cry and drop to the ground. She's an only child, so I have done without any kind of restraint. I'm always available to chase after her. If I'd had another child, however, I would have seriously considered it for that little window between the time she got fast (1.5 years old) and the time she started listening to me (about now). We're just now getting to the stage where she voluntarily holds my hand crossing the street, and reliably stops when I say stop. So I AM teaching, and she IS learning. Before now, she was simply too young to know better. That's parenting. To claim that all ambulatory children have the capacity to follow instructions is disingenuous. It's a little phase where the tether is potentially required. Good parents do the best they can, taking their children's development and natural limitations into account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Hold their hands. It's a lot more acceptable in this culture, where tethering anyone with a leash is pretty dehumanizing.

and when they pull out of your hand hold and break away from you, running as fast as they can towards the street while you are still dealing with your other children and cannot just leave them in the stroller or playing while you chase the runner, who just runs faster when you call to them?

Really, you can't sufficiently hold onto your child's hand?

I can hold onto my child's hand just fine. But when my son becomes antsy and drops to ground in the middle of a busy sidewalk (doing the passive resistance move), I can only do so much.

He's two.

Should I sit and reason with him like so many of you "claim" you can do? b/c that really works . . .

You're all fooling yourselves if you think toddlers suddenly can be trained to reason.

And actually, PP, I'm questioning your ability to "sufficiently hold onto" a child's hand. Are you implying that perhaps a bit of manhandling is in order?

You really don't see the difference between restraining a child remotely through a leash and holding his hand? Being in human contact with him so he recognizes the signals given through the change in your grip on him or the way you position your arm? Being able to bend down and tell him he needs to cooperate or stay close or whatever? Rather than trying to wrangle him from 5 feet away?

If your kid drops to the sidewalk, pick him up and carry him. He's two.

You obviously don't have a 2 yo boy. They're feisty and active. And sometimes carrying them can be dangerous. And let me add that I have an older daughter who, although quite calm, shouldn't be pushed aside as I "carry" my boy while he thrashes around.

You are clearly clueless.

I love how when someone has a dissenting opinion, people are quick to call her a troll, idiotic, or clueless. Says a lot for your ability to argue your point.

says a lot about your reading skills, too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold their hands. It's a lot more acceptable in this culture, where tethering anyone with a leash is pretty dehumanizing.

and when they pull out of your hand hold and break away from you, running as fast as they can towards the street while you are still dealing with your other children and cannot just leave them in the stroller or playing while you chase the runner, who just runs faster when you call to them?

Really, you can't sufficiently hold onto your child's hand?

I can hold onto my child's hand just fine. But when my son becomes antsy and drops to ground in the middle of a busy sidewalk (doing the passive resistance move), I can only do so much.

He's two.

Should I sit and reason with him like so many of you "claim" you can do? b/c that really works . . .

You're all fooling yourselves if you think toddlers suddenly can be trained to reason.

And actually, PP, I'm questioning your ability to "sufficiently hold onto" a child's hand. Are you implying that perhaps a bit of manhandling is in order?

You really don't see the difference between restraining a child remotely through a leash and holding his hand? Being in human contact with him so he recognizes the signals given through the change in your grip on him or the way you position your arm? Being able to bend down and tell him he needs to cooperate or stay close or whatever? Rather than trying to wrangle him from 5 feet away?

If your kid drops to the sidewalk, pick him up and carry him. He's two.

You obviously don't have a 2 yo boy. They're feisty and active. And sometimes carrying them can be dangerous. And let me add that I have an older daughter who, although quite calm, shouldn't be pushed aside as I "carry" my boy while he thrashes around.

You are clearly clueless.

I love how when someone has a dissenting opinion, people are quick to call her a troll, idiotic, or clueless. Says a lot for your ability to argue your point.

says a lot about your reading skills, too

Oh really? what part of her calling me clearly clueless am I missing here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I wonder how you can parent a child who's standing 4 ft from you. Also how do you talk to / Interact with them?
Honestly, how do they behave while leashed? do they run until you push them or they drag you like I see some big dogs doing on the street?

So is there a radius that you can go past that you no longer have the ability to parent? Also you do realize that 4' is not far right? And you do realize that THE KIDS AREN'T 4' FEET AWAY! The non-leashers seem to be fixated that the kids will most certainly be far, far away from their parents if they have on the backpack. Where are you guys getting this from????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I wonder how you can parent a child who's standing 4 ft from you. Also how do you talk to / Interact with them?
Honestly, how do they behave while leashed? do they run until you push them or they drag you like I see some big dogs doing on the street?

So is there a radius that you can go past that you no longer have the ability to parent? Also you do realize that 4' is not far right? And you do realize that THE KIDS AREN'T 4' FEET AWAY! The non-leashers seem to be fixated that the kids will most certainly be far, far away from their parents if they have on the backpack. Where are you guys getting this from????

From a pressing need to judge you all as inferior parents. That's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"And to add on to this (not the PP), one time when I was holding my little runner's hand, she pulled away from me as I tried to pull her back, and she ended up with nursemaid's elbow and a trip to the urgent care facility. So...yeah. Wish I'd had a leash for that one. "

This happened to me to, with my 3yo nephew (many years ago now when I was a teenager): he pulled away from me when I had a grip only on his wrists and popped his shoulder out of socket. It popped right back in (we were at a family gathering with lots of other adults, including his parents) but none of us knew that could happen with small children. I've since learned that you're not supposed to have the full weight of their bodies hanging from their arms or legs until they're (I think) 4yo or older because of the loose joints and ligaments.

He's been fine (he's nearly 20 now), but his shoulder still sometimes dislocates which I of course feel really bad about but he seems to not really care (he rides/jumps dirt bikes, so not all the time but in the context of falls or extreme pressure on the arm).

We're in this crowd too. DD tried to pull away from me as we were boarding a plane, and then started crying / couldn't lift her arm / etc. I spent the next few hours of the flight figuring out how we would get to Children's when we landed, but luckily the joint resolved itself before we landed. The next day I went out and bought a doggy backpack leash. Ultimately we never really used it (except around the house where she and another friend would fight for who got to wear it and who got to hold the tail), but I brought it with me for the next couple of trips as a back up safety measure.

[Anonymous]

When my daughter was little, she was a runner. I had an accident when she was about 20 months old and I was on crutches and in a cast for about 6 months. The leash was a neccessity for me, because how else would I keep her with me? I have no regrets about using a leash. If I had to make the choice again, I would still use a leash. If given the choice between looking like a "bad" mom with their child on a leash and being a "good" mom whose child who was not being restrained ran out into a parking lot and got hit by a car, I'd always choose the "bad" mom with a leash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I also think the leashes are waaaay weird. No offense, leashers. But I am curious- don't you leashers feel incredibly self conscious while using it? Most people I know, parents and non parents are horrified when seeing the leash. Also, I know you all want to justify the leash by having "active" children. Well, I have 2 toddler twin boys and they are very active but no, not going to use the leash on them.

You have 2 kids and 2 hands. Assume 1 might be in the stroller and another walking. Or both are walking. How many hands do you have for a third child?

Nice try, buddy. Still not going to use a leash for my children. Good luck on raising yours.[/quote]

At least "buddy's" kids will be alive to raise.

Wait- so only if kids are on leashes they will be safe? Give me a break.