Be honest with your seniors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents did this. HHI of 300k in the early 2000s and didn’t save a penny. And wouldn’t co-sign for private loans. Found out when I’d already gotten in to my dream school.

Similar story here. I got admitted to a T20 and was thrilled. Then my dad got sticker shock (having apparently saved nothing and not paid attention to college tuition prices since he attended in the 70s). He first insisted that I work summers and cover all expenses with a summer job, just like he had. I did the math and showed him this was impossible. He then told me that since women just end up SAHMs he didn't believe in investing in helping me get a college education. He said he needed to save his money to make sure he could afford for my younger brother to go to college, as he'd have to support a family (unlike me).

I didn't have a good in state option because he'd chosen to live in a no income tax state and we didn't qualify for financial aid because of his income so the in state school was more than many private options. I ended up at a tier 3 college on full ride. He didn't agree with my decision to attend college so he cut me off financially. I worked three jobs throughout undergrad to afford groceries and clothes and books. No help from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did this. HHI of 300k in the early 2000s and didn’t save a penny. And wouldn’t co-sign for private loans. Found out when I’d already gotten in to my dream school.

Similar story here. I got admitted to a T20 and was thrilled. Then my dad got sticker shock (having apparently saved nothing and not paid attention to college tuition prices since he attended in the 70s). He first insisted that I work summers and cover all expenses with a summer job, just like he had. I did the math and showed him this was impossible. He then told me that since women just end up SAHMs he didn't believe in investing in helping me get a college education. He said he needed to save his money to make sure he could afford for my younger brother to go to college, as he'd have to support a family (unlike me).

I didn't have a good in state option because he'd chosen to live in a no income tax state and we didn't qualify for financial aid because of his income so the in state school was more than many private options. I ended up at a tier 3 college on full ride. He didn't agree with my decision to attend college so he cut me off financially. I worked three jobs throughout undergrad to afford groceries and clothes and books. No help from him.

I'm actually most bitter that he didn't tell me this until April of my senior year. If I'd known he was going to cut me off, I would have applied to schools known for offering good merit aid. He had a good UMC income, so I'd assumed he'd be willing to pay something to help. I even got a half tuition merit scholarship at the T20, but he really wasn't willing to pay a cent towards educating a daughter. It was one of the biggest shocks of my life. I knew he preferred my brother, but never would have guessed this would happen.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My parents did this. HHI of 300k in the early 2000s and didn’t save a penny. And wouldn’t co-sign for private loans. Found out when I’d already gotten in to my dream school.

Where did you end up? I’m sorry, similar story here. Can’t shake the resentment, years later.

NP here, but this is similar to my story. I was accepted to Brown, ended up going to to UMD, which had awarded me a full scholarship. I have a normal MC life now, so it’s not like UMD plunged me into a life of poverty, but I’m bitter that my parents were so irresponsible and didn’t prioritize my education over designer clothing, vacations, and tithing to our church.

Wow. Entitled much?

You’re angry that your parents have to the church??

I also attempted a state school on a full ride instead of paying for a more ‘prestigious’ college. It worked out fine.

This is all very odd to me, since in my circles people seem to have concluded in their 25 years since graduation that college prestige matters much LESS than they thought. And yet this person is still thinking about it years later? If you didn’t become what you wanted in life, it’s not because you went to UMD instead of Brown.

That’s odd, I don’t share that view at all (graduated in 2006). Employers who give you access to highly paid careers are very picky in their hiring and only consider big name schools. You can’t work your way up from the mailroom anymore. That first job is critically important.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My kid is attending a private that cost $75k a year. She got significant merit scholarships that have us paying about $40k/year out of pocket.

That’s why.

Did you know (through Net Price Calculator or other means) that she had a good chance of receiving a significant merit scholarship BEFORE applying to that school? Otherwise - if $40K was your limit - you could have had a very disappointed kid.

Yeah, I think they just wanted to brag about the scholarship.

+1. Note also they didn’t provide the name. That’s because it’s not an elite school. Elite schools don’t have to give large merit awards in order to compose the class they want

And? So what?

My kid got $34K at Oberlin which enabled her to choose it over in-state options. It is not elite but it is what she wanted and we can afford it.

What is your point?

Do you mind sharing whether the 34K was all merit and what year it was? That would be a good number if available to us, but I had heard that 25K was top merit the last year or so.

Yes, all merit. Graduated from high school in 2020.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the costs of college have not caught up with most of us. We've been expecting our little darlings to go to private colleges like the ones we attended, not noticing that those colleges are only accessible to the very rich and very poor. The middle class can't go to private colleges. No one making <200K can send a kid to a college that costs $85K per year, even if you've saved for the kid's entire life. We tried, and saved $100k per kid, yet it wasn't enough to keep pace with the insanely skyrocketing price of private college. Even with merit aid, private colleges were not available, financially, to us. DCs went to public colleges, and believe me, not one of them was happy about it because they'd heard about the private colleges (much revered on this board) that DH and I attended. But we're neither wealthy nor poor, so public was our only option. We tried to tell our kids, but they really didn't listen, somehow believing that merit aid would get them to a private college. Or that they'd get into a HYP that would give them enough FA to attend. Neither of those things happened.

My mistake was paying off our mortgage. If we hadn't done that, we might have been eligible for FA. But the colleges saw our (modest) house as a bank account, and hence, no FA for us!

It's really hard to tell your kids you can't afford something you had and they want, OP. I tried, and pretty much failed.

It’s mostly about your HHI, not your equity in your house.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My kid is attending a private that cost $75k a year. She got significant merit scholarships that have us paying about $40k/year out of pocket.

That’s why.

Did you know (through Net Price Calculator or other means) that she had a good chance of receiving a significant merit scholarship BEFORE applying to that school? Otherwise - if $40K was your limit - you could have had a very disappointed kid.

Yeah, I think they just wanted to brag about the scholarship.

+1. Note also they didn’t provide the name. That’s because it’s not an elite school. Elite schools don’t have to give large merit awards in order to compose the class they want

And? So what?

My kid got $34K at Oberlin which enabled her to choose it over in-state options. It is not elite but it is what she wanted and we can afford it.

What is your point?

Do you mind sharing whether the 34K was all merit and what year it was? That would be a good number if available to us, but I had heard that 25K was top merit the last year or so.

When your in-state option is $30K, a merit award (discount) of $25k off of an $85k price tag just won't cut it. No way was any private with double the price of our public. And we couldn't afford it, and refused to take out loans.

$78K, not $85k.

[Anonymous]

^^^ https://www.oberlin.edu/admissions-and-aid/tuition-and-fees

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I could afford most of the things I ended up affording. Multiple children, big house in desirable zip code, extensive renovations, very nice vacations. Things have a way of working out. Esp if you’re gainfully employed, have good credit, and are a homeowner. Money is a tool. You just have to know how to move it around to make it work for you. I would never rule out a school upfront just bc of price. You never know what could happen…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is attending a private that cost $75k a year. She got significant merit scholarships that have us paying about $40k/year out of pocket.

That’s why.

Same. Merit aid from Vanderbilt is unlikely, but highly likely from Miami and schools ranked in that range.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My kid is attending a private that cost $75k a year. She got significant merit scholarships that have us paying about $40k/year out of pocket.

That’s why.

Did you know (through Net Price Calculator or other means) that she had a good chance of receiving a significant merit scholarship BEFORE applying to that school? Otherwise - if $40K was your limit - you could have had a very disappointed kid.

Yeah, I think they just wanted to brag about the scholarship.

+1. Note also they didn’t provide the name. That’s because it’s not an elite school. Elite schools don’t have to give large merit awards in order to compose the class they want

And? So what?

My kid got $34K at Oberlin which enabled her to choose it over in-state options. It is not elite but it is what she wanted and we can afford it.

What is your point?

Do you mind sharing whether the 34K was all merit and what year it was? That would be a good number if available to us, but I had heard that 25K was top merit the last year or so.

Yes, all merit. Graduated from high school in 2020.

If your kid has the stats to get into a top 20 university, but doesn’t get admitted to those, they are likely to have quite a few generous offers from lower ranked schools. My 2022 grad was offered $35,000 from several schools ranked in the 50 - 70’s. Not Yale, but very good schools. He could have attended our state flagship for the cost of room and board, and scholarships from other flagships would have brought the cost down at those schools to the $20s.

I’d encourage people to be honest with kids about finances, especially at the very top schools that don’t offer merit aid, but you also don’t know what the answer will be until you try.

[Anonymous]

My parents didn’t pay a cent for my college. I got a mix of scholarships, grants and loans. I went to grad school entirely on loans.

I don’t think a parent should limit a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is attending a private that cost $75k a year. She got significant merit scholarships that have us paying about $40k/year out of pocket.

That’s why.

Did you know (through Net Price Calculator or other means) that she had a good chance of receiving a significant merit scholarship BEFORE applying to that school? Otherwise - if $40K was your limit - you could have had a very disappointed kid.

Yeah, I think they just wanted to brag about the scholarship.

+1. Note also they didn’t provide the name. That’s because it’s not an elite school. Elite schools don’t have to give large merit awards in order to compose the class they want

And? So what?

My kid got $34K at Oberlin which enabled her to choose it over in-state options. It is not elite but it is what she wanted and we can afford it.

What is your point?

Do you mind sharing whether the 34K was all merit and what year it was? That would be a good number if available to us, but I had heard that 25K was top merit the last year or so.

When your in-state option is $30K, a merit award (discount) of $25k off of an $85k price tag just won't cut it. No way was any private with double the price of our public. And we couldn't afford it, and refused to take out loans.

And as long as you had this discussion with your kid before they made their final college list, that is totally ok (actually a good thing---nobody needs major debt for college). That way you develop a list that is majority places you should be able to afford, with maybe 1-2 reach/target schools that have the potential to provide some aide/merit but the kid knows it might not be possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is attending a private that cost $75k a year. She got significant merit scholarships that have us paying about $40k/year out of pocket.

That’s why.

I'm glad you can afford $40k, but we can't.

Our oldest child got a free ride in-state, and there was no way we could turn that down to pay $160k for four years of college.

Smart choice on your part. Free ride vs 160K it's really a no brainer, unless you have the $$$ to pay without loans.
Your kid will be fine---and more importantly debt free!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never thought I could afford most of the things I ended up affording. Multiple children, big house in desirable zip code, extensive renovations, very nice vacations. Things have a way of working out. Esp if you’re gainfully employed, have good credit, and are a homeowner. Money is a tool. You just have to know how to move it around to make it work for you. I would never rule out a school upfront just bc of price. You never know what could happen…

You can take that approach for 1-2 schools, but your kid needs to know they might really not be affordable. And your kid needs a viable list of 7-8 other schools that are targets/reach/safeties that should all be affordable. You can't rule it out, but if you can only afford $25K/year and make over $150K, you are not likely getting any aide. If a school costs $80K, you are also not likely getting enough merit to bridge the difference. So you kid deserve to understand that going in, so they don't have all 10 schools being unaffordable. Much better to have true target and safeties that are also affordable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:My kid is attending a private that cost $75k a year. She got significant merit scholarships that have us paying about $40k/year out of pocket.

That’s why.

Did you know (through Net Price Calculator or other means) that she had a good chance of receiving a significant merit scholarship BEFORE applying to that school? Otherwise - if $40K was your limit - you could have had a very disappointed kid.

No, it was not expected. We learned with our first that the outcomes could be vastly different than predicted, so apply where you want and make the decision based on where you get in and the value proposition of each.

+1
Merit aid is not predictable but does exist and can be very generous. Also estimate that the colleges will estimate how much they each think your ability to pay will be able to stretch out of pocket. There is an expectation that you will be willing to pay a little more for private than required by in-state tuition metrics.

Disagree. The exact amount of merit aid is not predictable, but whether an applicant could qualify for significant merit aid IS predictable. Use the Net Price Calculator, look at where your DC's grades and scores fall within that school's percentile range, check out the Common Data Set information, etc. If your kid is below the 75% percentile for a school and you need significant merit aid to afford it, it is not a viable option so no point in applying unless you're willing to take out loans or can qualify for substantial need-based aid.

This^^^
And within the CDS you can see how many kids get merit awards (what majors/school---several show that engineers get more than LA that my kid applied to, but point is you can find it for each school) and what the average amount is. So you can get a general idea of what is possible