How many people in your social group had family support in buying a house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my mid-30s and grew up UMC. Most of my social circle from childhood/adolescence had their college and downpayment paid for by parents or grandparents (or a combination). Yes, it is a form of wealth transfer and extreme privilege.

To answer the 'how would you know this' question, it becomes pretty apparent when most of your friends are buying houses immediately after graduation or houses that are worth well beyond 4-5x the ballpark of what the person is making. Some talk about it openly, because it is pretty normal among our friends. We know of a few families where kids were given different amounts and it caused drama, so we heard about it there. Others have brought it up while weighing the decision to have a smaller PITI/larger amount down vs. buying more house.

For the "we like to spend our time with adults" person, I fail to understand what you think an 'adult' would do if offered money towards their home purchase. Turn it down? Suffer to prove a point? For plenty of families this is a form of estate-planning, and the 'adult' thing is to maximize the families' financial situation.

It’s only one form of estate planning and you wouldn’t be offered nor would you take the money if you could pay for that stuff yourself. You’re getting it because it’s understood you’re not going to get there on your own.

You're delusional. The thing about families that can afford this kind of help is their kids are also more likely to end up in high-earning careers because of all the ways privilege sets them up for it. Look at the average HHI of the families who produce medical students. The 'kids' would buy a nice house on their own eventually, but their parents have more money than they need and that money is more useful to their children while buying a home and having their own kids than 20-30 years later when the kids' careers are established.

The money is flowing to the same destination eventually either way, but congrats on your high horse and making the poor financial decision to turn down free money if offered it!

Wow that hit a nerve.

Yep, someone couldn’t earn her own way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot more than will admit.

+1 this. All you "no one I know" votes would be surprised if this was shared more openly.

I would say about 2/3 but again, lots of people aren't sharing this or as someone else argued, college help counts indirectly though I would argue is a separate question.

You are deluded... 2/3rds? Are you aware the median household net worth in the US is $121K? For households led by people in their 60s, it is $212K. 2/3rds?

Huh? The question was how many people in your circle had help. I answered 2/3. Yes I realize I love in a bubble...but not sure why I would be deluded about the percentage of my friends who had help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None. Those aren't our people. We have purchased and sold seven homes. We have never had "help" from mommy or daddy. We like to spend our time with adults.

the immaturity of this post 💀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None. Those aren't our people. We have purchased and sold seven homes. We have never had "help" from mommy or daddy. We like to spend our time with adults.

the immaturity of this post 💀

how is it immature? I feel the same way. The only reason you would say this is that you received help and are embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s only one form of estate planning and you wouldn’t be offered nor would you take the money if you could pay for that stuff yourself. You’re getting it because it’s understood you’re not going to get there on your own.

I don't understand this logic at all. What do you think older wealthy people do with their money? Give it all to the circus?

In my family only the siblings who didn’t have high incomes got money for houses. My share will go to my kids. I will not get anything because my spouse and I are millionaires many times over. Yes, I had some help with education but I also paid for my own graduate school.

It’s like that in my family and I am wildly resentful that only the less well off siblings get help and the wealthy ones do not. I’m not talking about special needs trust or something like that. Just those who made poor life choices leading to poor economic outcomes got parental help, but those who have worked hard did not.

[Anonymous]

A mix— maybe half and half.
In my case the transfers go in the opposite direction, out of necessity, and the differences between my house and my neighborhood definitely reflect the difference in our parents living standards.

[Anonymous]

No help for us starting out and we are not wildly wealthy but do ok. We definitely want to help with a modest downpayment on a starter place for our dcs. Is it the million dollar homes that is frustrating to those with no help, or is it the help in general?

We’ve saved for college and so want help in this way as well. Not crazy moneybut just a chance to have a decent life. One of ours will absolutely need it and the other is very financially savvy so will put it to good use. Both great dc with no sense of entitlement.

[Anonymous]

A lot. And it's those people that will think that they are successful and achieved it all by themselves. It's interesting b/c they do not see what an advantage they had over others by getting that financial help. They are delusional. None of the ones that I know would have been able to buy a house on their own just through their own effort.

[Anonymous]

Our local lender and real estate agent were impressed and surprised we didn’t have support from our family. We bought in NW DC at 700k in 2020. Based on that feedback and friends in the area, seems rare to not have help to buy your first house in DMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our local lender and real estate agent were impressed and surprised we didn’t have support from our family. We bought in NW DC at 700k in 2020. Based on that feedback and friends in the area, seems rare to not have help to buy your first house in DMV.

I should also add neither of us got support for college or a wedding which definitely impacts your ability to save so even if your family didn’t gift you $ for a down payment, paying for college gave you a huge leg up. We are also both still paying student loans but prioritized saving for the down payment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: A lot. And it's those people that will think that they are successful and achieved it all by themselves. It's interesting b/c they do not see what an advantage they had over others by getting that financial help. They are delusional. None of the ones that I know would have been able to buy a house on their own just through their own effort.

The ones I know who got help wouldn’t have been able to buy a SFH without help either. And I would guess the posters on this board who were triggered by this suggestion couldn’t afford a SFH (at least not one they would find acceptable) without parental help either.

[Anonymous]

I don't ask bc idc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
On DCUM I learned that a lot of people received downpayments from parents. A lot of that reporting may be the green-eyed monster, honestly, and a self-selecting, wealthy social circle. Most people in the world do not receive help from their parents. We started out in the area in a one-bedroom rental in Silver Spring and went on to a little house in Bethesda. No one in my middle class (not upper middle class DCUM) circle of friends received help from their parents. We are the only ones, and the loan we received was not a gift. We repaid it.

You don't need to be wealthy to do this. Or maybe my definition of wealthy is different. I know middle class (immigrant) families who do help their children. They just happen to be very frugal people who sacrificed for their children and saved for this sort of thing. I am talking about families who make less than 100k a year. They may not give their kid like 80k+ but maybe 10-20k gifts.

[Anonymous]

We had help. Spouse came to relationship with no student debt (had a lot of scholarships but his family paid for living expenses), and I came to the relationship from a LMC home and tons of student debt. ILs paid off about a quarter of my debt and offered us about a third of the total down payment. We had it saved already from living very frugally for a long time, but the gift allowed us to keep more of our savings in reserve. That was a good thing because the small, old house we bought needed a lot of unexpected work right out the gate.

My ILs were not fabulously wealthy people. Maybe $180 HHI at the end of their careers. But they had family help along the way, lived modestly, and when it came to their kids it was never seriously debated they would help out whether we asked them to or not. I hope to repay the favor to my own kids and have even helped out my siblings during tough times. Having been on my own for all things financial I know how stressful it can be.

[Anonymous]

Nobody because most are immigrants. Some are still renting and will be for awhile.
There are only a few kids between this big group. Not sure how it happened. Some were too busy going to school and working and taking care of their own parents with no time to date, marry, or have children. I do think the few kids we have will inherit some money, but they also have to take care of all the elderly childless relatives.