How many people in your social group had family support in buying a house?

[Anonymous]

I know one person - a millennial - who got help with their downpayment in their 20s.

I'm older (GenX) and everyone scraped together their own down payment. But it was easier then and I know lots of high HHI people.

Definitely would be tougher these days - especially if you have a low HHI.

[Anonymous]

I have a couple of circles:

My friends from college: not from the DC area, no rich parents, higher earning jobs - 0 help from family

Group of parent friends from around here: every single one

[Anonymous]

Gen X. Most people recieved some support but generally on the more modest side. When I bought a few years ago, I cashed in some bonds my parents bought for me in the 1980s and that cover half of my down payment. For almost everyone I know with kids at private, grandparents are paying.

[Anonymous]

I think a handful of couples we know had parents gift them a significant amount of money when they got married, and they used that to beef up their down payments. But it's not the majority and I don't think it was the full down payment for any of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a handful of couples we know had parents gift them a significant amount of money when they got married, and they used that to beef up their down payments. But it's not the majority and I don't think it was the full down payment for any of them.

Should have added that we're elder millennial/Xennial/young Gen X age range.

[Anonymous]

My MIL paid for our closing costs - $17K. But that was also to even things up for my wife - MIL had paid a LOT on behalf of DW's older siblings over the previous decade.

We scraped together our 6-figure down payment ourselves from savings.

[Anonymous]

Not sure but it's much higher than I thought at the time.

When we were trying to buy a house, we felt like crap constantly because everyone we knew didn't seem to have any problems. They all just kind of magically wound up with a house after a few months of looking. Some put in a couple offers and were beat out, but eventually got one a few weeks later.

For us it was just a comedy of errors. So hard to find something in budget, then had to stretch our budget by moving to 10% down instead of 20%, then constantly beat out by higher or better offers, and constantly having to reassess our ask list. We got tons of advice from people about how high to reach or what to look for in closing terms, etc. It was stressful and at the time I thought "wow, our friends are all so much more financially savvy than we are." I felt like an idiot.

Then over the years people have quietly disclosed to me the amount of money they got to help with home purchases and it's jaw dropping. I thought maybe some people were getting an extra 5k or 10k to help with closing costs. Nope. People were getting 50k, 60k, sometimes more. I don't even know how the money worked because I thought there were rules about how much of your down payment could be a gift (and then gift tax rules). In a couple cases it was money identified as inheritance from a grandparent, but the grandparent had died years previously? I have no idea.

Anyway, I retrospectively felt better about spending 3 years struggling to buy and winding up in a condo and just generally having a harder time financially than many of our friends. It turns out a lot of them have secret sources of money. And not just for homes. Weddings, vacations, furniture... a lot of the stuff the people seem competitive about and proud of in their 30s? So many people are just being bankrolled by rich boomer parents who are willing to shell out for this stuff. And this is why people you work with who don't seem to make that much more (or more at all) than you often seem more financially savvy or to have more savings. They literally just have more money! It's family money, and sometimes they never see it (like when their families foot the bill for vacations or buy them consumer goods) so they will act like it's not really wealth. It is!

Anyway, buying a home without any financial assistance, especially if you grew up working class or poor and also have education debt, is incredibly hard and hats off to all of us who manage to do it. It requires lots of pinching pennies and compromise and is very emotionally stressful as well. These people who can dial up an extra 30-40k on a moments notice from the Bank of Mom & Dad have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Virtually all except me. I have supported my single mom since I was 16. She lives with me now and I bought the house entirely on my own.

[Anonymous]

I know of one person and they volunteered this information. I haven’t asked anyone else how they financed their homes. Our home was priced well over a million dollars than any of our friends’ homes, and we paid for it without help. Our high income jobs weren’t gained from any social networking or anything like that. Some people are making it on their own- probably a lot of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure but it's much higher than I thought at the time.

When we were trying to buy a house, we felt like crap constantly because everyone we knew didn't seem to have any problems. They all just kind of magically wound up with a house after a few months of looking. Some put in a couple offers and were beat out, but eventually got one a few weeks later.

For us it was just a comedy of errors. So hard to find something in budget, then had to stretch our budget by moving to 10% down instead of 20%, then constantly beat out by higher or better offers, and constantly having to reassess our ask list. We got tons of advice from people about how high to reach or what to look for in closing terms, etc. It was stressful and at the time I thought "wow, our friends are all so much more financially savvy than we are." I felt like an idiot.

Then over the years people have quietly disclosed to me the amount of money they got to help with home purchases and it's jaw dropping. I thought maybe some people were getting an extra 5k or 10k to help with closing costs. Nope. People were getting 50k, 60k, sometimes more. I don't even know how the money worked because I thought there were rules about how much of your down payment could be a gift (and then gift tax rules). In a couple cases it was money identified as inheritance from a grandparent, but the grandparent had died years previously? I have no idea.

Anyway, I retrospectively felt better about spending 3 years struggling to buy and winding up in a condo and just generally having a harder time financially than many of our friends. It turns out a lot of them have secret sources of money. And not just for homes. Weddings, vacations, furniture... a lot of the stuff the people seem competitive about and proud of in their 30s? So many people are just being bankrolled by rich boomer parents who are willing to shell out for this stuff. And this is why people you work with who don't seem to make that much more (or more at all) than you often seem more financially savvy or to have more savings. They literally just have more money! It's family money, and sometimes they never see it (like when their families foot the bill for vacations or buy them consumer goods) so they will act like it's not really wealth. It is!

Anyway, buying a home without any financial assistance, especially if you grew up working class or poor and also have education debt, is incredibly hard and hats off to all of us who manage to do it. It requires lots of pinching pennies and compromise and is very emotionally stressful as well. These people who can dial up an extra 30-40k on a moments notice from the Bank of Mom & Dad have no idea.

I think younger people are maybe more sensitive to this dynamic and are therefore more open about saying "oh yeah, my parents helped us buy this place otherwise we'd never have been able to get it".

I can only speak for myself but we had parents who helped us significantly when buying our first home and it's not something I'm embarrassed by or feel bad about. It's just a fact. For people saying "why would you ever admit to it??" or who make derisive comments involving "mommy and daddy" I wonder what sort of relationship they have with money. I suspect they give it too much power and maybe have a lot of their sense self worth tied up in money or their career. Money is just a tool - you're not a good person for having more of it or a bad person for having less of it. If you have family willing and able to help you buy into a comfortable place to live then be thankful you have that support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure but it's much higher than I thought at the time.

When we were trying to buy a house, we felt like crap constantly because everyone we knew didn't seem to have any problems. They all just kind of magically wound up with a house after a few months of looking. Some put in a couple offers and were beat out, but eventually got one a few weeks later.

For us it was just a comedy of errors. So hard to find something in budget, then had to stretch our budget by moving to 10% down instead of 20%, then constantly beat out by higher or better offers, and constantly having to reassess our ask list. We got tons of advice from people about how high to reach or what to look for in closing terms, etc. It was stressful and at the time I thought "wow, our friends are all so much more financially savvy than we are." I felt like an idiot.

Then over the years people have quietly disclosed to me the amount of money they got to help with home purchases and it's jaw dropping. I thought maybe some people were getting an extra 5k or 10k to help with closing costs. Nope. People were getting 50k, 60k, sometimes more. I don't even know how the money worked because I thought there were rules about how much of your down payment could be a gift (and then gift tax rules). In a couple cases it was money identified as inheritance from a grandparent, but the grandparent had died years previously? I have no idea.

Anyway, I retrospectively felt better about spending 3 years struggling to buy and winding up in a condo and just generally having a harder time financially than many of our friends. It turns out a lot of them have secret sources of money. And not just for homes. Weddings, vacations, furniture... a lot of the stuff the people seem competitive about and proud of in their 30s? So many people are just being bankrolled by rich boomer parents who are willing to shell out for this stuff. And this is why people you work with who don't seem to make that much more (or more at all) than you often seem more financially savvy or to have more savings. They literally just have more money! It's family money, and sometimes they never see it (like when their families foot the bill for vacations or buy them consumer goods) so they will act like it's not really wealth. It is!

Anyway, buying a home without any financial assistance, especially if you grew up working class or poor and also have education debt, is incredibly hard and hats off to all of us who manage to do it. It requires lots of pinching pennies and compromise and is very emotionally stressful as well. These people who can dial up an extra 30-40k on a moments notice from the Bank of Mom & Dad have no idea.

So much of this!!!!!! It has taken me a long time to learn to keep my eyes on my own paper and be thankful for what I have. Those "little things" add up - families paying for vacation, preschool, giving you an "old" luxury car to drive, etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot more than will admit.

+1 this. All you "no one I know" votes would be surprised if this was shared more openly.

I would say about 2/3 but again, lots of people aren't sharing this or as someone else argued, college help counts indirectly though I would argue is a separate question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure but it's much higher than I thought at the time.

When we were trying to buy a house, we felt like crap constantly because everyone we knew didn't seem to have any problems. They all just kind of magically wound up with a house after a few months of looking. Some put in a couple offers and were beat out, but eventually got one a few weeks later.

For us it was just a comedy of errors. So hard to find something in budget, then had to stretch our budget by moving to 10% down instead of 20%, then constantly beat out by higher or better offers, and constantly having to reassess our ask list. We got tons of advice from people about how high to reach or what to look for in closing terms, etc. It was stressful and at the time I thought "wow, our friends are all so much more financially savvy than we are." I felt like an idiot.

Then over the years people have quietly disclosed to me the amount of money they got to help with home purchases and it's jaw dropping. I thought maybe some people were getting an extra 5k or 10k to help with closing costs. Nope. People were getting 50k, 60k, sometimes more. I don't even know how the money worked because I thought there were rules about how much of your down payment could be a gift (and then gift tax rules). In a couple cases it was money identified as inheritance from a grandparent, but the grandparent had died years previously? I have no idea.

Anyway, I retrospectively felt better about spending 3 years struggling to buy and winding up in a condo and just generally having a harder time financially than many of our friends. It turns out a lot of them have secret sources of money. And not just for homes. Weddings, vacations, furniture... a lot of the stuff the people seem competitive about and proud of in their 30s? So many people are just being bankrolled by rich boomer parents who are willing to shell out for this stuff. And this is why people you work with who don't seem to make that much more (or more at all) than you often seem more financially savvy or to have more savings. They literally just have more money! It's family money, and sometimes they never see it (like when their families foot the bill for vacations or buy them consumer goods) so they will act like it's not really wealth. It is!

Anyway, buying a home without any financial assistance, especially if you grew up working class or poor and also have education debt, is incredibly hard and hats off to all of us who manage to do it. It requires lots of pinching pennies and compromise and is very emotionally stressful as well. These people who can dial up an extra 30-40k on a moments notice from the Bank of Mom & Dad have no idea.

I think younger people are maybe more sensitive to this dynamic and are therefore more open about saying "oh yeah, my parents helped us buy this place otherwise we'd never have been able to get it".

I can only speak for myself but we had parents who helped us significantly when buying our first home and it's not something I'm embarrassed by or feel bad about. It's just a fact. For people saying "why would you ever admit to it??" or who make derisive comments involving "mommy and daddy" I wonder what sort of relationship they have with money. I suspect they give it too much power and maybe have a lot of their sense self worth tied up in money or their career. Money is just a tool - you're not a good person for having more of it or a bad person for having less of it. If you have family willing and able to help you buy into a comfortable place to live then be thankful you have that support.

I don’t judge people who have parents that helped them. I’m just not comfortable talking about finances and it surprises me when other people discuss it. That’s the part that I find a bit off-putting. That being said, with home sale prices readily available online, I can understand that people might feel more willing to discuss these things.

[Anonymous]

https://nypost.com/2019/11/22/millennials-most-comfortable-commiserating-about-money-survey-shows/

I don't know how old you are but the younger generations are increasingly comfortable talking about money with friends. I know we don't talk about it often or with everyone (or even many people) but I'm sure we talk about financial stuff far more frequently than my parents' generation who talk about it approximately never.

[Anonymous]

There are rules as to how much money parents can “gift” their kids per year. I don’t think they can just plop down $100K for a down payment on their child’s house. However, they can pay a private school directly and then also gift the appropriate amount to their kids. A lot of wealthy parents do this instead of saving it for inheritance.