Combination of symptoms - could they be connected?

[Anonymous]

OP here.

He came home the next day. Was shaking, sick, very clearly in withdrawal. Told me he had 24 (but it was probably more around 30 given what I knew was in the fridge + what he bought) beers in the course of 24 hours - so he went on an angry bender. He stayed home, didn’t drive or get into anything bad, thank god. I wanted to take him to the hospital but he wouldnt let me. After resting, hydrating etc he calmed down and told me he is indeed and alcoholic and needs to stop. This is the first time he’s ever admitted or acknowledged. I asked him if he’d consider AA and he said “maybe” and found a meeting the next day and attended, which I was proud of him for (yes as far as I know, he did actually go).

Fast forward 2 days. He speaks to his therapist. The next day he tells me he’s not an alcoholic. His therapist thinks he “misuses” not “abuses” alcohol. He tells me he wants to try “drinking healthily” again. That I’m trying to control a narrative of him being an alcoholic. He wants to be able to enjoy a glass of wine by the fire with me. He’s disappointed I’m not supporting him and believing in him.
My response was “do whatever you want. You clearly have no interest in sobriety or acknowledging this issue. I can’t keep trying to control what you do.” We argue, and I tell him we’re never going to see eye to eye on this and i would like to see a marriage therapist to discuss this issue in a safe way. He agreed, and we have an appointment this week.

Fast forward 1 day and he had 2 drinks Sat night, 2 drinks Sun night, and 4 drinks Mon night (football). I’ve had zero drinks as I can’t even think about drinking right now. Yes, that sounds as if I’m still keeping count. I’m not trying to, I just notice as we’re in the same area when this happens. He’s not hiding it and he’s clearly trying to prove “he can do it”.

FWIW, he is the nicest man, is sweet, kind, never raises his voice, would do anything for me. When these conversations happen, he has no attitude or rudeness, he simply feels this way. I’m at a loss. I love him and he’s a wonderful husband, but at this point it’s not even about the alcoholism anymore. I feel just defeated, not attracted, I feel like I can’t emotionally trust him anymore.

I don’t want to focus on this part, but I’m almost 36 and want a family. Even if we find a way to do that (we’re almost positive it won’t happen, based on recent testing he’s done), I don’t even want that with someone like this anymore.
If this issue (the alcohol) wasn’t on the table, I think I would be trying harder to visualize either a child free life or possibility of adoption etc - but at this point I just can’t.
Again, I don’t want to focus on that part. I want to focus on what’s happening with our relationship and finding my own happiness regardless; but it’s in the back of my mind.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the update, OP. How did the marriage therapy session go?

Alcoholics in denial are a tough breed to live with. They will likely make promises they can't keep. You will feel hopeful and then be crushed. It can be very emotionally exhausting.