2 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornjng

[Anonymous]

OP have you thought about natural consequences? Getting chilly out, let her go outside in pyjamas and bare feet for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not a battle to fight. Kid won't get dressed, they go to school in their pajamas end of story. Or try the get dressed at night and sleep in your clothes for tomorrow plan. Really it's not a big deal. I had a kid who wore the same superhero costume to preschool every day for months. What it my first choice? No, but it was what they wanted and it seems like a silly battle to fight when others were more crucial. 2 year olds are just figuring out that they can have their own wants separate from their parents and they want to exert some control over their lives. So you can give them some control over minor things, it's good for their confidence and development.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not a battle to fight. Kid won't get dressed, they go to school in their pajamas end of story. Or try the get dressed at night and sleep in your clothes for tomorrow plan. Really it's not a big deal. I had a kid who wore the same superhero costume to preschool every day for months. What it my first choice? No, but it was what they wanted and it seems like a silly battle to fight when others were more crucial. 2 year olds are just figuring out that they can have their own wants separate from their parents and they want to exert some control over their lives. So you can give them some control over minor things, it's good for their confidence and development.

This.

I don't understand the send them in their pajamas thing. Are all these two year olds night trained? Don't they need a diaper change?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Uh, no, beginning of story.

Universal truth: just because I'm physically bigger and stronger than my child does not mean I should physically wrestle them into clothes against their will every day.

I mean, my DH is bigger and stronger than I am -- if he wants me to do something that I don't want to do, does he get to physically force me to do it?

You think you've figured something out but you're actually just a crappy parent.

NP- wow, this is just crazy. Yes, you as the parent have to wrestle your willful child to do something that is imperative for their health/safety/wellbeing. Wearing clean clothes is one of those things, as is brushing teeth, taking antibiotics, sitting in their carseat. Good Lord, I shudder to think of what flies in your house.

+1 I don't get it - what do you do when they have a dirty diaper they don't want to change, or they won't get in the car seat? You just have to force them to do it. I think if you just do it calmly and don't make it into a game and just show them there's no point in struggling, it stops becoming such a big deal. The wife and husband example is not applicable because you are both adults. A child is a child and you have to take care of them.

Agreed. I came into this thread because I honestly couldn’t understand the scenario that OP describes. If my two year old doesn’t want to get dressed then I scoop him up and take his shirt off. Even the supernanny condones forcing kids to do things from time to time, so I’m not losing any sleep over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instant pajama day. The kid is 2. No one cares.

Some of us care. I don't want my kids wearing clothes they've slept in. It's gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Terrible parent here who does not physically force my toddler to do things. (if DD doesn't want something, she will force she issue by repeatedly taking off the clothing).

OP, I have found that DD complies with certain things at certain times especially if they happen at the same time every day. I always get her dressed as soon as she wakes up when she is too groggy to fight it. I do her hair as she eats her breakfast because that seems to work for us. My tip is find the particular point in the morning when your child will allow you to dress them without a fight.

Wow you have never changed your kid's diaper against their will? Buckled them in their car seat when they don't want to be? You truly are a terrible parent. He admit it!

lol clearly this is a sensitive issue for you. Yes I have done some of these things, particularly when it was a safety issue, but usually I try to find an alternative because she is surprisingly strong and I have some physical limitations (yeah, you're an a-hole, btw). Forcing her into her car seat is often impossible or causes a lot of pain, so I have developed alternative strategies to get her to comply. Occasionally it means bribing her with a snack that she needs anyway but I've realized if I sit in the drivers seat and tell her we can't go anywhere until she gets into her seat, she sits. There is a middle ground between physically forcing a child to do something (which for some families is simply not effective for a variety of reasons) and letting them run wild.

So...you do use physical force when necessary. But shamed the rest of us who do, insinuating you would never do that. Then called me an a-hole do what exactly? Am I supposed to mind read your have physical limitations?

You're an arrogant hypocrite. Yeah, people like you do push my buttons. Mommy martyrs who assume they are better than everyone else but are actually just lying to themselves.

JFC you're aggressively hurling insults at people and wondering why they call you an "a-hole"?

If calling out a self-righteous, mommy shaming liar makes me an a-hole I'll wear that proudly.

Wow, you are a piece of work if you think someone saying they don't physically force their toddler to do things equates to "mommy shaming". Your insecurity is showing, and it honestly makes me wonder how you are treating your child. Are you regularly causing bruises? Are your child's teachers asking you where those marks came from?

Cute deflection but my issue isn't with OR saying she doesn't physically force her toddler to do things. She does physically force her toddler to do things! Saying you, as a parent, NEVER do that is just totally false. Pretending you never do that is parent shaming. And just lying! Why are we attacking other parents for this? It's definitely parent shaming and not helpful to anyone. To then imply that by forcing my kids to do anything is AKIN TO ABUSE?! Do you hear yourself? How are you lifting up women and mothers right now? How is this helping us as a tribe?

-marriage and family therapist, I might actually know what I'm talking about here. And I'll give you some grace because we all have our moments but to put that in writing to a fellow mom is really low and disgusting.

Actually you genuinely sound off. You are really going off on my for describing how I parent my child, I never even remotely shamed anybody. That is not normal. If me pissing you off makes you go back to your child and rethink whether you are using too much force, then I think that's a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Uh, no, beginning of story.

Universal truth: just because I'm physically bigger and stronger than my child does not mean I should physically wrestle them into clothes against their will every day.

I mean, my DH is bigger and stronger than I am -- if he wants me to do something that I don't want to do, does he get to physically force me to do it?

You think you've figured something out but you're actually just a crappy parent.

NP- wow, this is just crazy. Yes, you as the parent have to wrestle your willful child to do something that is imperative for their health/safety/wellbeing. Wearing clean clothes is one of those things, as is brushing teeth, taking antibiotics, sitting in their carseat. Good Lord, I shudder to think of what flies in your house.

+1 I don't get it - what do you do when they have a dirty diaper they don't want to change, or they won't get in the car seat? You just have to force them to do it. I think if you just do it calmly and don't make it into a game and just show them there's no point in struggling, it stops becoming such a big deal. The wife and husband example is not applicable because you are both adults. A child is a child and you have to take care of them.

Agreed. I came into this thread because I honestly couldn’t understand the scenario that OP describes. If my two year old doesn’t want to get dressed then I scoop him up and take his shirt off. Even the supernanny condones forcing kids to do things from time to time, so I’m not losing any sleep over it.

We all parent the child that we have. For us, physical force doesn't work. It will make things take longer. In the case of getting dressed, she takes the shirt and pants off if she doesn't want it. Of course, I can force it back on over and over and over, but that doesn't really solve the problem. Especially as she gets older - at 2.5 it is much, much harder to simply force an issue. So we find ways to do things without physical force.

Physical force is not going to work forever, I'm not sure why folks think using it makes them better parents. It's working for you now but you're going to need a different approach long term.

[Anonymous]

We were having an issue with this, so last Sunday we started a new routine. DS gets up, we make his bed, he goes pee, he gets dressed, and then we brush teeth. Then, he gets to leave this part of the house and go eat breakfast. Before we were eating in pajamas (fine on a weekend but too leisurely on a weekday). We have a little picture chart and just say after we do those things we get breakfast (like 100 times). This worked this week. It wasn’t perfect but we followed through and got out the door with less stress. (DS is 2.5.)

[Anonymous]

We dressed DC1 in her next day clothes instead of PJs for probably a year around 2-3. Made a huge difference! She woke up dressed for daycare.

[Anonymous]

For us, each day can be different. At 2 we were more lenient. At 2.5 we tried to be a little more structured. We try to do a “no food or going downstairs before you get dressed and brush teeth.” 80% of the time that works. The 20% of the time where it really really won’t work and the kid says they are going to die if they can’t go downstairs before getting dressed, we roll with it and use other techniques (distraction, getting dressed song, etc). She always ends up dressed, although it sometimes does take 30-45 minutes from start to finish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Terrible parent here who does not physically force my toddler to do things. (if DD doesn't want something, she will force she issue by repeatedly taking off the clothing).

OP, I have found that DD complies with certain things at certain times especially if they happen at the same time every day. I always get her dressed as soon as she wakes up when she is too groggy to fight it. I do her hair as she eats her breakfast because that seems to work for us. My tip is find the particular point in the morning when your child will allow you to dress them without a fight.

Wow you have never changed your kid's diaper against their will? Buckled them in their car seat when they don't want to be? You truly are a terrible parent. He admit it!

lol clearly this is a sensitive issue for you. Yes I have done some of these things, particularly when it was a safety issue, but usually I try to find an alternative because she is surprisingly strong and I have some physical limitations (yeah, you're an a-hole, btw). Forcing her into her car seat is often impossible or causes a lot of pain, so I have developed alternative strategies to get her to comply. Occasionally it means bribing her with a snack that she needs anyway but I've realized if I sit in the drivers seat and tell her we can't go anywhere until she gets into her seat, she sits. There is a middle ground between physically forcing a child to do something (which for some families is simply not effective for a variety of reasons) and letting them run wild.

So...you do use physical force when necessary. But shamed the rest of us who do, insinuating you would never do that. Then called me an a-hole do what exactly? Am I supposed to mind read your have physical limitations?

You're an arrogant hypocrite. Yeah, people like you do push my buttons. Mommy martyrs who assume they are better than everyone else but are actually just lying to themselves.

JFC you're aggressively hurling insults at people and wondering why they call you an "a-hole"?

If calling out a self-righteous, mommy shaming liar makes me an a-hole I'll wear that proudly.

Wow, you are a piece of work if you think someone saying they don't physically force their toddler to do things equates to "mommy shaming". Your insecurity is showing, and it honestly makes me wonder how you are treating your child. Are you regularly causing bruises? Are your child's teachers asking you where those marks came from?

Cute deflection but my issue isn't with OR saying she doesn't physically force her toddler to do things. She does physically force her toddler to do things! Saying you, as a parent, NEVER do that is just totally false. Pretending you never do that is parent shaming. And just lying! Why are we attacking other parents for this? It's definitely parent shaming and not helpful to anyone. To then imply that by forcing my kids to do anything is AKIN TO ABUSE?! Do you hear yourself? How are you lifting up women and mothers right now? How is this helping us as a tribe?

-marriage and family therapist, I might actually know what I'm talking about here. And I'll give you some grace because we all have our moments but to put that in writing to a fellow mom is really low and disgusting.

Actually you genuinely sound off. You are really going off on my for describing how I parent my child, I never even remotely shamed anybody. That is not normal. If me pissing you off makes you go back to your child and rethink whether you are using too much force, then I think that's a good thing.

I would implore you to try to listen to what others are actually saying to you instead of hurling misogynists insults.

[Anonymous]

It's been no long my memories are blurred as to what happened at what age, but there was a stretch where I'd put the clothes in the dryer for a few minutes before. Getting into toasty warm clothes went better.

I mostly remember coat battles, and sometimes I'd just carry the coat and as soon as we got outside and kid was cold he would let me put it on. Later they taught him a method in preschool where the kid puts the coat on the floor with the neck facing him, bends down, sticks his arms in, then flips the coat over his head. He thought it was so much fun he was fine doing it himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Terrible parent here who does not physically force my toddler to do things. (if DD doesn't want something, she will force she issue by repeatedly taking off the clothing).

OP, I have found that DD complies with certain things at certain times especially if they happen at the same time every day. I always get her dressed as soon as she wakes up when she is too groggy to fight it. I do her hair as she eats her breakfast because that seems to work for us. My tip is find the particular point in the morning when your child will allow you to dress them without a fight.

Wow you have never changed your kid's diaper against their will? Buckled them in their car seat when they don't want to be? You truly are a terrible parent. He admit it!

lol clearly this is a sensitive issue for you. Yes I have done some of these things, particularly when it was a safety issue, but usually I try to find an alternative because she is surprisingly strong and I have some physical limitations (yeah, you're an a-hole, btw). Forcing her into her car seat is often impossible or causes a lot of pain, so I have developed alternative strategies to get her to comply. Occasionally it means bribing her with a snack that she needs anyway but I've realized if I sit in the drivers seat and tell her we can't go anywhere until she gets into her seat, she sits. There is a middle ground between physically forcing a child to do something (which for some families is simply not effective for a variety of reasons) and letting them run wild.

So...you do use physical force when necessary. But shamed the rest of us who do, insinuating you would never do that. Then called me an a-hole do what exactly? Am I supposed to mind read your have physical limitations?

You're an arrogant hypocrite. Yeah, people like you do push my buttons. Mommy martyrs who assume they are better than everyone else but are actually just lying to themselves.

JFC you're aggressively hurling insults at people and wondering why they call you an "a-hole"?

If calling out a self-righteous, mommy shaming liar makes me an a-hole I'll wear that proudly.

Wow, you are a piece of work if you think someone saying they don't physically force their toddler to do things equates to "mommy shaming". Your insecurity is showing, and it honestly makes me wonder how you are treating your child. Are you regularly causing bruises? Are your child's teachers asking you where those marks came from?

Cute deflection but my issue isn't with OR saying she doesn't physically force her toddler to do things. She does physically force her toddler to do things! Saying you, as a parent, NEVER do that is just totally false. Pretending you never do that is parent shaming. And just lying! Why are we attacking other parents for this? It's definitely parent shaming and not helpful to anyone. To then imply that by forcing my kids to do anything is AKIN TO ABUSE?! Do you hear yourself? How are you lifting up women and mothers right now? How is this helping us as a tribe?

-marriage and family therapist, I might actually know what I'm talking about here. And I'll give you some grace because we all have our moments but to put that in writing to a fellow mom is really low and disgusting.

Actually you genuinely sound off. You are really going off on my for describing how I parent my child, I never even remotely shamed anybody. That is not normal. If me pissing you off makes you go back to your child and rethink whether you are using too much force, then I think that's a good thing.

I would implore you to try to listen to what others are actually saying to you instead of hurling misogynists insults.

I see absolutely no misogynistic insults or implied shaming in what she initially posted there, and the further detail about her own physical limitations explained things more. And anyone who has had a kid who physically resists (amazing how strong they suddenly become) figures out pretty quick that exerting physical control is the hardest way to handle resistance. The person hurling the insults is the one accusing her of hurling insults.

[Anonymous]

Whew, so many people in this thread who cannot imagine a different parenting experience than they had!

I had the kind of kid who could not be forced to get dressed, and definitely not in clothes she didn't like. If you approached the situation from an angle of "this is what we are doing, it's not up to you," you were in for an epic battle. And it's not like that battle would end with the clothes, either. She felt so strongly about getting dressed that going into conflict over clothes would lead to more tantrums generally, more push back on everything from food to leaving the house to baths and bedtime. Everything.

But if we just let her wear what she wanted (which, yes, some days were her pajamas with seasonally appropriate layers on top), you short circuit all of that and we can have a great day.

For some kids, clothes are really, really personal and very closely tied to their sense of personhood. Our DD has always been that way. She's very visual -- obsessed with color and pattern, really into drawing and painting, a tiny interior designer with very specific ideas for how she wants to arrange her room. This stuff is really important to her and how she expresses who she is.

As she's gotten older, it is possible to get her to wear clothes that she didn't pick (she has to wear a uniform for school, and she's accepted that even though she does always try to sneak in her personal touches). If I bring the "wrong" clothes for her to change into after dance class she'll put them on with no fanfare even as she'll calmly note to me that she doesn't like them, for future reference. So it's not like letting her dress herself has turned her into a rude, impossible child. On the contrary, she's very well mannered and emotionally mature. And she also has a very clear sense of herself and how she wants to look and the image she wants to project to the world.

It works out. You really do not have to wrestle your kids into clothes, I promise. Some kids will let you dress them, others won't. It's fine. Work with the kid you have. If your child is screaming bloody murder about something, that's an indication that this is a really important issue for them and it is probably worth it to try and work with them on it instead of drawing a hard line, provided it's something like getting dressed that doesn't really matter at all in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Terrible parent here who does not physically force my toddler to do things. (if DD doesn't want something, she will force she issue by repeatedly taking off the clothing).

OP, I have found that DD complies with certain things at certain times especially if they happen at the same time every day. I always get her dressed as soon as she wakes up when she is too groggy to fight it. I do her hair as she eats her breakfast because that seems to work for us. My tip is find the particular point in the morning when your child will allow you to dress them without a fight.

Wow you have never changed your kid's diaper against their will? Buckled them in their car seat when they don't want to be? You truly are a terrible parent. He admit it!

lol clearly this is a sensitive issue for you. Yes I have done some of these things, particularly when it was a safety issue, but usually I try to find an alternative because she is surprisingly strong and I have some physical limitations (yeah, you're an a-hole, btw). Forcing her into her car seat is often impossible or causes a lot of pain, so I have developed alternative strategies to get her to comply. Occasionally it means bribing her with a snack that she needs anyway but I've realized if I sit in the drivers seat and tell her we can't go anywhere until she gets into her seat, she sits. There is a middle ground between physically forcing a child to do something (which for some families is simply not effective for a variety of reasons) and letting them run wild.

So...you do use physical force when necessary. But shamed the rest of us who do, insinuating you would never do that. Then called me an a-hole do what exactly? Am I supposed to mind read your have physical limitations?

You're an arrogant hypocrite. Yeah, people like you do push my buttons. Mommy martyrs who assume they are better than everyone else but are actually just lying to themselves.

JFC you're aggressively hurling insults at people and wondering why they call you an "a-hole"?

If calling out a self-righteous, mommy shaming liar makes me an a-hole I'll wear that proudly.

Wow, you are a piece of work if you think someone saying they don't physically force their toddler to do things equates to "mommy shaming". Your insecurity is showing, and it honestly makes me wonder how you are treating your child. Are you regularly causing bruises? Are your child's teachers asking you where those marks came from?

Cute deflection but my issue isn't with OR saying she doesn't physically force her toddler to do things. She does physically force her toddler to do things! Saying you, as a parent, NEVER do that is just totally false. Pretending you never do that is parent shaming. And just lying! Why are we attacking other parents for this? It's definitely parent shaming and not helpful to anyone. To then imply that by forcing my kids to do anything is AKIN TO ABUSE?! Do you hear yourself? How are you lifting up women and mothers right now? How is this helping us as a tribe?

-marriage and family therapist, I might actually know what I'm talking about here. And I'll give you some grace because we all have our moments but to put that in writing to a fellow mom is really low and disgusting.

Actually you genuinely sound off. You are really going off on my for describing how I parent my child, I never even remotely shamed anybody. That is not normal. If me pissing you off makes you go back to your child and rethink whether you are using too much force, then I think that's a good thing.

I would implore you to try to listen to what others are actually saying to you instead of hurling misogynists insults.

Which insults are misogynist? Please quote directly, instead of making up things I obviously did not say.