2 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornjng

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. You take clothes out of the drawer and put them on. My two year old doesn't get a say in getting dressed. Are you expecting your two year old to dress themselves?

+1

Listen, I get it. If you have a 2 year old who just allows themselves to be dressed, this probably sounds really foreign to you. But some kids fight it. Hard. Mine started when she was even younger, basically as soon as she had the verbal skills to argue with me about it. "I don't want to wear that, I don't want to get dressed, I don't like clothes, I don't like that color" etc.

And guess what? One of the best ways to address it turned out to let her get dressed on her own. I'd put out a few options, tell her she had five minutes, and leave the room. Sometimes she'd make me stay but not let me help. Sometimes she'd ask for help. But literally the only way to get her in clothes was to let her take control. Plus side: she developed the ability to physically dress and undress herself really early, which helps with potty training and lots of preschool activities where they are expected to be independent in those areas.

The funny thing is that she's 4 now and I pick out her clothes again. It happened gradually, but I could see it was stressing her out to have to choose and I started removing more and more choice from the process. Now I go in the her room while she eats breakfast and pick out a whole outfit including socks and underwear, she doesn't choose any of it. She does put it on herself, though.

Kids are weird and they develop different things at different times. You just have a different kind of kid.

I'm the original PP. My two year old absolutely does not allow herself to get dressed, it's a huge battle. She screams and runs and it's a headache. But I'm the parent, and I'm bigger than her, and I get her dressed. I really just don't understand the mechanics of an hour long struggle here. Pick out clothes, put them on.

Some kids rip the clothes off the minute you get them on. Some throw epic tantrums that will take an hour to recover from if you try to force the clothes onto them. Sure, lots of kids resist getting dressed. But some kids REALLY resist it. If it's taking an hour, this is why. OP obviously understands the mechanics of dressing her child, who I am sure she has dressed from infancy. The issue is that this becomes a major battleground for some kids and they don't acquiesce to the usual methods for getting through it. Your child was different than my child, and from OP's child.

If you don't understand something, often it's because you lack the necessary experience or information to understand it. It's not "well you must be an idiot." Trust me, you will run into challenges with your kid at some point and someone will say to you "I don't understand, I never have this problem," and then you'll get it. Not all parenting experiences are universal. Kids are different, families are different.

Some things are universal truths. We are bigger and stronger so put the clothes on and he’ll will stop fighting it when he realizes he can do it or you can, but the clothes are going to be put on. End of story.

Uh, no, beginning of story.

Universal truth: just because I'm physically bigger and stronger than my child does not mean I should physically wrestle them into clothes against their will every day.

I mean, my DH is bigger and stronger than I am -- if he wants me to do something that I don't want to do, does he get to physically force me to do it?

You think you've figured something out but you're actually just a crappy parent.

I would argue the person who lets their kid do whatever they want because they're afraid of being the bad guy is the crappy parent but you do you I guess.

Working with your 2 year old so that they develop the skill to select and put on clothes on their own, instead of simply pinning them down and shoving their bodies into clothes, is not "letting your kid do whatever they want."

The fact that you think the only two options are brute force or doing nothing indicates that you do not have a ton of parenting skills and does not bode well for the future. It sucks having to figure out how to get a 2 year old to agree to getting dressed. Like it's the absolute pits and requires lots of creativity, patience, communication skills, and flexibility. But in the end, it is better than physically forcing them because they learn some skills and gain some independence, plus it forces you to find ways to work with them and helps to refine your parenting. Yes, it would be faster to just force them into clothes, and now and again you really don't have a choice and that's what you do. But if that's what you do every morning, there will come a day when it doesn't work anymore. And then what?

Some people just get to "and then what?" sooner because they have particularly independent-minded kids.

I'm sorry but I just really can't take seriously the opinion of a person who compares physically forcing my child to do something to my husband physically forcing me to do something. You don't sound very bright.

I knew this woman who let her young children dress themselves because of this logic. It was painful to see these children in stained, mismatched, ill-fitting clothes and this clueless lady grinning from ear to ear because her darling children “arE sO creATIve“. People have this existential terror of being too authoritarian, so they invent fictions about how Larlo is so independent and then chase him around the grocery store yell-whispering “now let’s make good choices“.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. You take clothes out of the drawer and put them on. My two year old doesn't get a say in getting dressed. Are you expecting your two year old to dress themselves?

+1

Listen, I get it. If you have a 2 year old who just allows themselves to be dressed, this probably sounds really foreign to you. But some kids fight it. Hard. Mine started when she was even younger, basically as soon as she had the verbal skills to argue with me about it. "I don't want to wear that, I don't want to get dressed, I don't like clothes, I don't like that color" etc.

And guess what? One of the best ways to address it turned out to let her get dressed on her own. I'd put out a few options, tell her she had five minutes, and leave the room. Sometimes she'd make me stay but not let me help. Sometimes she'd ask for help. But literally the only way to get her in clothes was to let her take control. Plus side: she developed the ability to physically dress and undress herself really early, which helps with potty training and lots of preschool activities where they are expected to be independent in those areas.

The funny thing is that she's 4 now and I pick out her clothes again. It happened gradually, but I could see it was stressing her out to have to choose and I started removing more and more choice from the process. Now I go in the her room while she eats breakfast and pick out a whole outfit including socks and underwear, she doesn't choose any of it. She does put it on herself, though.

Kids are weird and they develop different things at different times. You just have a different kind of kid.

I'm the original PP. My two year old absolutely does not allow herself to get dressed, it's a huge battle. She screams and runs and it's a headache. But I'm the parent, and I'm bigger than her, and I get her dressed. I really just don't understand the mechanics of an hour long struggle here. Pick out clothes, put them on.

Some kids rip the clothes off the minute you get them on. Some throw epic tantrums that will take an hour to recover from if you try to force the clothes onto them. Sure, lots of kids resist getting dressed. But some kids REALLY resist it. If it's taking an hour, this is why. OP obviously understands the mechanics of dressing her child, who I am sure she has dressed from infancy. The issue is that this becomes a major battleground for some kids and they don't acquiesce to the usual methods for getting through it. Your child was different than my child, and from OP's child.

If you don't understand something, often it's because you lack the necessary experience or information to understand it. It's not "well you must be an idiot." Trust me, you will run into challenges with your kid at some point and someone will say to you "I don't understand, I never have this problem," and then you'll get it. Not all parenting experiences are universal. Kids are different, families are different.

Some things are universal truths. We are bigger and stronger so put the clothes on and he’ll will stop fighting it when he realizes he can do it or you can, but the clothes are going to be put on. End of story.

Uh, no, beginning of story.

Universal truth: just because I'm physically bigger and stronger than my child does not mean I should physically wrestle them into clothes against their will every day.

I mean, my DH is bigger and stronger than I am -- if he wants me to do something that I don't want to do, does he get to physically force me to do it?

You think you've figured something out but you're actually just a crappy parent.

I would argue the person who lets their kid do whatever they want because they're afraid of being the bad guy is the crappy parent but you do you I guess.

Working with your 2 year old so that they develop the skill to select and put on clothes on their own, instead of simply pinning them down and shoving their bodies into clothes, is not "letting your kid do whatever they want."

The fact that you think the only two options are brute force or doing nothing indicates that you do not have a ton of parenting skills and does not bode well for the future. It sucks having to figure out how to get a 2 year old to agree to getting dressed. Like it's the absolute pits and requires lots of creativity, patience, communication skills, and flexibility. But in the end, it is better than physically forcing them because they learn some skills and gain some independence, plus it forces you to find ways to work with them and helps to refine your parenting. Yes, it would be faster to just force them into clothes, and now and again you really don't have a choice and that's what you do. But if that's what you do every morning, there will come a day when it doesn't work anymore. And then what?

Some people just get to "and then what?" sooner because they have particularly independent-minded kids.

I'm sorry but I just really can't take seriously the opinion of a person who compares physically forcing my child to do something to my husband physically forcing me to do something. You don't sound very bright.

I knew this woman who let her young children dress themselves because of this logic. It was painful to see these children in stained, mismatched, ill-fitting clothes and this clueless lady grinning from ear to ear because her darling children “arE sO creATIve“. People have this existential terror of being too authoritarian, so they invent fictions about how Larlo is so independent and then chase him around the grocery store yell-whispering “now let’s make good choices“.

Many of the kids I know who've been raised this way suddenly have "behavioral issues" in K, fwiw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. You take clothes out of the drawer and put them on. My two year old doesn't get a say in getting dressed. Are you expecting your two year old to dress themselves?

+1

Listen, I get it. If you have a 2 year old who just allows themselves to be dressed, this probably sounds really foreign to you. But some kids fight it. Hard. Mine started when she was even younger, basically as soon as she had the verbal skills to argue with me about it. "I don't want to wear that, I don't want to get dressed, I don't like clothes, I don't like that color" etc.

And guess what? One of the best ways to address it turned out to let her get dressed on her own. I'd put out a few options, tell her she had five minutes, and leave the room. Sometimes she'd make me stay but not let me help. Sometimes she'd ask for help. But literally the only way to get her in clothes was to let her take control. Plus side: she developed the ability to physically dress and undress herself really early, which helps with potty training and lots of preschool activities where they are expected to be independent in those areas.

The funny thing is that she's 4 now and I pick out her clothes again. It happened gradually, but I could see it was stressing her out to have to choose and I started removing more and more choice from the process. Now I go in the her room while she eats breakfast and pick out a whole outfit including socks and underwear, she doesn't choose any of it. She does put it on herself, though.

Kids are weird and they develop different things at different times. You just have a different kind of kid.

I'm the original PP. My two year old absolutely does not allow herself to get dressed, it's a huge battle. She screams and runs and it's a headache. But I'm the parent, and I'm bigger than her, and I get her dressed. I really just don't understand the mechanics of an hour long struggle here. Pick out clothes, put them on.

Some kids rip the clothes off the minute you get them on. Some throw epic tantrums that will take an hour to recover from if you try to force the clothes onto them. Sure, lots of kids resist getting dressed. But some kids REALLY resist it. If it's taking an hour, this is why. OP obviously understands the mechanics of dressing her child, who I am sure she has dressed from infancy. The issue is that this becomes a major battleground for some kids and they don't acquiesce to the usual methods for getting through it. Your child was different than my child, and from OP's child.

If you don't understand something, often it's because you lack the necessary experience or information to understand it. It's not "well you must be an idiot." Trust me, you will run into challenges with your kid at some point and someone will say to you "I don't understand, I never have this problem," and then you'll get it. Not all parenting experiences are universal. Kids are different, families are different.

Some things are universal truths. We are bigger and stronger so put the clothes on and he’ll will stop fighting it when he realizes he can do it or you can, but the clothes are going to be put on. End of story.

Uh, no, beginning of story.

Universal truth: just because I'm physically bigger and stronger than my child does not mean I should physically wrestle them into clothes against their will every day.

I mean, my DH is bigger and stronger than I am -- if he wants me to do something that I don't want to do, does he get to physically force me to do it?

You think you've figured something out but you're actually just a crappy parent.

I would argue the person who lets their kid do whatever they want because they're afraid of being the bad guy is the crappy parent but you do you I guess.

Working with your 2 year old so that they develop the skill to select and put on clothes on their own, instead of simply pinning them down and shoving their bodies into clothes, is not "letting your kid do whatever they want."

The fact that you think the only two options are brute force or doing nothing indicates that you do not have a ton of parenting skills and does not bode well for the future. It sucks having to figure out how to get a 2 year old to agree to getting dressed. Like it's the absolute pits and requires lots of creativity, patience, communication skills, and flexibility. But in the end, it is better than physically forcing them because they learn some skills and gain some independence, plus it forces you to find ways to work with them and helps to refine your parenting. Yes, it would be faster to just force them into clothes, and now and again you really don't have a choice and that's what you do. But if that's what you do every morning, there will come a day when it doesn't work anymore. And then what?

Some people just get to "and then what?" sooner because they have particularly independent-minded kids.

I'm sorry but I just really can't take seriously the opinion of a person who compares physically forcing my child to do something to my husband physically forcing me to do something. You don't sound very bright.

I knew this woman who let her young children dress themselves because of this logic. It was painful to see these children in stained, mismatched, ill-fitting clothes and this clueless lady grinning from ear to ear because her darling children “arE sO creATIve“. People have this existential terror of being too authoritarian, so they invent fictions about how Larlo is so independent and then chase him around the grocery store yell-whispering “now let’s make good choices“.

This is such a great point. I agree with ya so much.

[Anonymous]

Some of us use “gentle” parenting tactics and don’t let our kids do whatever they want and don’t spend an hour getting our kids dressed. All without being authoritarian.

If you weren’t so busy making fun of us, predicting our kids will “have problems in K”, and pouting, we’d share our secrets. But you do you! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of us use “gentle” parenting tactics and don’t let our kids do whatever they want and don’t spend an hour getting our kids dressed. All without being authoritarian.

If you weren’t so busy making fun of us, predicting our kids will “have problems in K”, and pouting, we’d share our secrets. But you do you! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

You couldn't even give OP some advice? You had to come in to this thread just to snipe at the PPs and leave? I feel bad for OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of us use “gentle” parenting tactics and don’t let our kids do whatever they want and don’t spend an hour getting our kids dressed. All without being authoritarian.

If you weren’t so busy making fun of us, predicting our kids will “have problems in K”, and pouting, we’d share our secrets. But you do you! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

That's great for you. Since it's working for you, it sounds like you are not the type of parent that poster is talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. You take clothes out of the drawer and put them on. My two year old doesn't get a say in getting dressed. Are you expecting your two year old to dress themselves?

+1

Listen, I get it. If you have a 2 year old who just allows themselves to be dressed, this probably sounds really foreign to you. But some kids fight it. Hard. Mine started when she was even younger, basically as soon as she had the verbal skills to argue with me about it. "I don't want to wear that, I don't want to get dressed, I don't like clothes, I don't like that color" etc.

And guess what? One of the best ways to address it turned out to let her get dressed on her own. I'd put out a few options, tell her she had five minutes, and leave the room. Sometimes she'd make me stay but not let me help. Sometimes she'd ask for help. But literally the only way to get her in clothes was to let her take control. Plus side: she developed the ability to physically dress and undress herself really early, which helps with potty training and lots of preschool activities where they are expected to be independent in those areas.

The funny thing is that she's 4 now and I pick out her clothes again. It happened gradually, but I could see it was stressing her out to have to choose and I started removing more and more choice from the process. Now I go in the her room while she eats breakfast and pick out a whole outfit including socks and underwear, she doesn't choose any of it. She does put it on herself, though.

Kids are weird and they develop different things at different times. You just have a different kind of kid.

I'm the original PP. My two year old absolutely does not allow herself to get dressed, it's a huge battle. She screams and runs and it's a headache. But I'm the parent, and I'm bigger than her, and I get her dressed. I really just don't understand the mechanics of an hour long struggle here. Pick out clothes, put them on.

Some kids rip the clothes off the minute you get them on. Some throw epic tantrums that will take an hour to recover from if you try to force the clothes onto them. Sure, lots of kids resist getting dressed. But some kids REALLY resist it. If it's taking an hour, this is why. OP obviously understands the mechanics of dressing her child, who I am sure she has dressed from infancy. The issue is that this becomes a major battleground for some kids and they don't acquiesce to the usual methods for getting through it. Your child was different than my child, and from OP's child.

If you don't understand something, often it's because you lack the necessary experience or information to understand it. It's not "well you must be an idiot." Trust me, you will run into challenges with your kid at some point and someone will say to you "I don't understand, I never have this problem," and then you'll get it. Not all parenting experiences are universal. Kids are different, families are different.

Some things are universal truths. We are bigger and stronger so put the clothes on and he’ll will stop fighting it when he realizes he can do it or you can, but the clothes are going to be put on. End of story.

Uh, no, beginning of story.

Universal truth: just because I'm physically bigger and stronger than my child does not mean I should physically wrestle them into clothes against their will every day.

I mean, my DH is bigger and stronger than I am -- if he wants me to do something that I don't want to do, does he get to physically force me to do it?

You think you've figured something out but you're actually just a crappy parent.

I would argue the person who lets their kid do whatever they want because they're afraid of being the bad guy is the crappy parent but you do you I guess.

Working with your 2 year old so that they develop the skill to select and put on clothes on their own, instead of simply pinning them down and shoving their bodies into clothes, is not "letting your kid do whatever they want."

The fact that you think the only two options are brute force or doing nothing indicates that you do not have a ton of parenting skills and does not bode well for the future. It sucks having to figure out how to get a 2 year old to agree to getting dressed. Like it's the absolute pits and requires lots of creativity, patience, communication skills, and flexibility. But in the end, it is better than physically forcing them because they learn some skills and gain some independence, plus it forces you to find ways to work with them and helps to refine your parenting. Yes, it would be faster to just force them into clothes, and now and again you really don't have a choice and that's what you do. But if that's what you do every morning, there will come a day when it doesn't work anymore. And then what?

Some people just get to "and then what?" sooner because they have particularly independent-minded kids.

I'm sorry but I just really can't take seriously the opinion of a person who compares physically forcing my child to do something to my husband physically forcing me to do something. You don't sound very bright.

I knew this woman who let her young children dress themselves because of this logic. It was painful to see these children in stained, mismatched, ill-fitting clothes and this clueless lady grinning from ear to ear because her darling children “arE sO creATIve“. People have this existential terror of being too authoritarian, so they invent fictions about how Larlo is so independent and then chase him around the grocery store yell-whispering “now let’s make good choices“.

This is such a great point. I agree with ya so much.

+1 this is so well put that I can see this in my head. I know exactly what kind of parent is being described. And their kids are holy terrors when they finally show up at school having never learned boundaries or how to follow rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of us use “gentle” parenting tactics and don’t let our kids do whatever they want and don’t spend an hour getting our kids dressed. All without being authoritarian.

If you weren’t so busy making fun of us, predicting our kids will “have problems in K”, and pouting, we’d share our secrets. But you do you! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

That's great for you. Since it's working for you, it sounds like you are not the type of parent that poster is talking about.

I mean, the posters complaining about non-authoritarian parents are just throwing up straw men. “I know a woman with messy kids!” “I’ve heard kids raised this way do terrible in K!” Etc. It’s not a real argument.

I know parents across the spectrum of authoritarian and their kids all seem to be doing fine. I really can’t think of any kids who I think have been over-accommodated. I know kids with behavioral issues but the don’t have “gentle” parents.

I think y’all are tilting at windmills here. Maybe it makes you feel good to imagine parents who make other choices having a terrible time with their kids? Seems weird if you are actually happy with your choices.

[Anonymous]

My youngest went to preschool many a time with pajamas on under his clothes.

Fine by me, let's go. Find the clever compromise OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of us use “gentle” parenting tactics and don’t let our kids do whatever they want and don’t spend an hour getting our kids dressed. All without being authoritarian.

If you weren’t so busy making fun of us, predicting our kids will “have problems in K”, and pouting, we’d share our secrets. But you do you! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

You couldn't even give OP some advice? You had to come in to this thread just to snipe at the PPs and leave? I feel bad for OP.

PP here. I gave her advice upthread. There's actually a lot of good advice in this thread that doesn't involve forcibly wrestling your child into their clothes every morning. But it has been ignored by people hell bent on asserting that anything other than "respect my authoritAY" style parenting is useless. It's not. It actually works really well.

[Anonymous]

This has really gotten derailed. I didn't read every single post, but does your child want to pick out their own clothes? My daughter has wanted to pick out her own clothes since she was 2, or maybe even younger. I don't love it if the clothes don't match, but it doesn't matter. I try to buy things that are fun to wear (she loves tutus) and would match a lot of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of us use “gentle” parenting tactics and don’t let our kids do whatever they want and don’t spend an hour getting our kids dressed. All without being authoritarian.

If you weren’t so busy making fun of us, predicting our kids will “have problems in K”, and pouting, we’d share our secrets. But you do you! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

That's great for you. Since it's working for you, it sounds like you are not the type of parent that poster is talking about.

I mean, the posters complaining about non-authoritarian parents are just throwing up straw men. “I know a woman with messy kids!” “I’ve heard kids raised this way do terrible in K!” Etc. It’s not a real argument.

I know parents across the spectrum of authoritarian and their kids all seem to be doing fine. I really can’t think of any kids who I think have been over-accommodated. I know kids with behavioral issues but the don’t have “gentle” parents.

I think y’all are tilting at windmills here. Maybe it makes you feel good to imagine parents who make other choices having a terrible time with their kids? Seems weird if you are actually happy with your choices.

Who is imagining anything? We witness parenting all the time: at the store, in the waiting room, at the playground. And the can-we-make-a-good-choice-Larlo? mother impotently wrestling her purse and dignity from her wild preschooler isn’t helping him at all. The worst part is that spending 20 minutes offering Larlo useless choices at Starbucks only serves to make other adults secretly despise him, which will be much, much worse for his life outcomes than forcing him to just eat the damn string cheese or nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of us use “gentle” parenting tactics and don’t let our kids do whatever they want and don’t spend an hour getting our kids dressed. All without being authoritarian.

If you weren’t so busy making fun of us, predicting our kids will “have problems in K”, and pouting, we’d share our secrets. But you do you! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

That's great for you. Since it's working for you, it sounds like you are not the type of parent that poster is talking about.

I mean, the posters complaining about non-authoritarian parents are just throwing up straw men. “I know a woman with messy kids!” “I’ve heard kids raised this way do terrible in K!” Etc. It’s not a real argument.

I know parents across the spectrum of authoritarian and their kids all seem to be doing fine. I really can’t think of any kids who I think have been over-accommodated. I know kids with behavioral issues but the don’t have “gentle” parents.

I think y’all are tilting at windmills here. Maybe it makes you feel good to imagine parents who make other choices having a terrible time with their kids? Seems weird if you are actually happy with your choices.

Who is imagining anything? We witness parenting all the time: at the store, in the waiting room, at the playground. And the can-we-make-a-good-choice-Larlo? mother impotently wrestling her purse and dignity from her wild preschooler isn’t helping him at all. The worst part is that spending 20 minutes offering Larlo useless choices at Starbucks only serves to make other adults secretly despise him, which will be much, much worse for his life outcomes than forcing him to just eat the damn string cheese or nothing.

Thank you. Here's the thing: if you don't know EXACTLY the type of parent were talking about, you are probably that type of parent.

[Anonymous]

"I could NEVER force my toddler to do anything, that would be like my husband forcing me to do something!" isn't quite the argument you think it is.

[Anonymous]

I just make it happen. If they flail, I just smile and keep pulling on clothes. I'm over the top nice about it. "I know you don't want to get dressed, but this is just going to happen." Kids stop flailing if they realize that it's a foregone conclusion. No matter what they do, they're getting in those clothes. Kind of like how they HAVE to sit in a carseat or brush their teeth.