Why wouldn’t this person just SAHM for a year or two?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think it's odd and would be interested to hear why this woman chose this, just out of pure curiosity. But I also know it's none of my business. I wouldn't come right out and ask her about it.

OP here and this is literally why I asked on here. It struck me as a surprising and uncommon choice and I was curious, but this is a person like and don’t know well and I wouldn’t ask. I should have guessed how it would be received here (I was not judging her or people who do admin/clerical jobs, though I can see how the way I wrote it was not clear on that point.

A bunch of PPs have offered thoughtful responses and I appreciate that, though I wish I’d never posted the thread because I’ve also been called disgusting and gross.

Lots of rich people work on their family foundation of board for the foundation… there are completely meaningless jobs. But it’s something to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being with young children is a hard job. Many women are not able to handle it. I prefer that these women work then be at home and create a toxic environment for their children.

That’s like saying some women that stay at home we’re just unemployable. And it’s sad that they’re home with their children because they probably suck at that too.

DP what? Where do you see that in what PP said?

She said that people work they can’t handle being at home And being with their children is toxic. Did you miss that part?

yeah, you're nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being with young children is a hard job. Many women are not able to handle it. I prefer that these women work then be at home and create a toxic environment for their children.

That’s like saying some women that stay at home we’re just unemployable. And it’s sad that they’re home with their children because they probably suck at that too.

DP what? Where do you see that in what PP said?

She said that people work they can’t handle being at home And being with their children is toxic. Did you miss that part?

yeah, you're nuts.

Many women are not able to handle it. I prefer that these women work then be at home and create a toxic environment

^^^ this is in her post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's problematic that you think admin people "don't have careers." It might not be up to your standards, but it's a career. How ridiculous.

Some people just have no interest in being a stay-at-home-mom. And that's ok. I do have a higher paying career, but even if I didn't...I'm almost certain that I'd still work. I enjoy having somewhere to be every day, interacting with my colleagues and being part of a team, having something that is for "me" outside of the home, feeling like I'm contributing financially to the partnership with my husband, knowing I have a cushion in terms of financial security...the list goes on and on.

OP here and I’m sorry if I gave this impression— I know many admins have careers. My own job/career could be considered admin as it’s back office, not client facing.

It’s just this particular person does not have a career oriented job. She had a career in another field, had a baby, and then took a very low paying clerical job at a retail-level organization and I’m confused as to why someone would do this.

There are often very private, none of your business, type reasons.

I have one friend whose husband makes lots of money and does not SAHM because their marriage is not great.

I have another friend whose husband makes a lot of money and is in a happy marriage but works a low paid state job with good benefits because her husband has a health issue that could kill him. They have savings and life/accident insurance but she feels safer this way.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you would have liked the responses better if you had asked something like,

What are the reasons why a mother of young children would choose to WOHM if her income is not even enough to cover the cost of childcare while she works [and her current job does not offer room for career growth].

Then no one can call you names because you're asking a fair question with no obvious judgment....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she likes the work and the opportunity to get out of the house. Maybe she likes knowing she still has some financial independence. Maybe she gets a discount where she works. Maybe she hates diapers and would lose her mind changing them all day.

So many reasons!

Does anybody like changing diapers? If she would "lose her mind changing diapers" then perhaps she needs a psych? I don't care why anybody chooses to stay home or work, but let's not pretend that some people are more suited to such drudgery.

I don't know that many people enjoy changing diapers, but I think there's a spectrum in terms of tolerance for it. My tolerance for the drudgery of day-to-day infant care is low enough that it detracts from my enjoyment of the fun parts of it when I don't get a break. I know others for whom it's just another thing you have to do. Every task/job has drudgery associated with it...and I don't think it's unusual that some people prefer some forms of drudgery over others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think it's odd and would be interested to hear why this woman chose this, just out of pure curiosity. But I also know it's none of my business. I wouldn't come right out and ask her about it.

OP here and this is literally why I asked on here. It struck me as a surprising and uncommon choice and I was curious, but this is a person like and don’t know well and I wouldn’t ask. I should have guessed how it would be received here (I was not judging her or people who do admin/clerical jobs, though I can see how the way I wrote it was not clear on that point.

A bunch of PPs have offered thoughtful responses and I appreciate that, though I wish I’d never posted the thread because I’ve also been called disgusting and gross.

Speculating about other peoples' finances IS disgusting and gross. Worry about your own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being with young children is a hard job. Many women are not able to handle it. I prefer that these women work then be at home and create a toxic environment for their children.

That’s like saying some women that stay at home we’re just unemployable. And it’s sad that they’re home with their children because they probably suck at that too.

DP what? Where do you see that in what PP said?

She said that people work they can’t handle being at home And being with their children is toxic. Did you miss that part?

yeah, you're nuts.

Many women are not able to handle it. I prefer that these women work then be at home and create a toxic environment

^^^ this is in her post

What does that have anything to do with calling someone "unemployable"?

[Anonymous]

How about this one, OP. You are working full-time at daycare or preschool as a lead teacher. You have a toddler and receiving a 50 percent discount. You bring in a few hundred dollars per MONTH. I have interviewed for these jobs, and the directors seriously think it's a fantastic offer. It makes me sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Umm ... because domestic labor is labor, and maybe "this person" would rather work in an office with adults, than be home all day doing domestic labor?

I don’t get this point. Of course taking care of a child is labor— no one has argued otherwise. It’s just a practicality argument. Why would someone take a job that looks pretty unappealing if they didn’t have to, especially if doing do necessitates paying someone else more than you make?

People are being coy, so let’s make this stark:

If you knew someone with a high earning spouse who chose to work at McDonalds and hire a nanny rather than SAHM, wouldn’t you think that was odd? Or would you still argue that “being around adults” is sufficient reason to do this?

No, I would not think it was strange. I worked in food service for years (including fast food) and there was a lot I enjoyed about it. As a shy introvert, having a role in which I could interact with a lot of other people in a very specific way (which reduces anxiety) for short amounts of time was a huge plus, and it provided a much easier way to get in some socialization than the often-exhausting cultivation of long-term adult friendships requires. So I can readily understand why someone might enjoy that kind of work and want to continue doing it instead of staying at home with small children, which isn't everyone's cup of tea.

Also, DCUM really needs to get over this mindset that "her" salary is what pays for childcare. Childcare is a household expense that comes out of the entire household income. The question is not does the mom make enough to cover childcare; it's do both spouses working together make enough, and here they clearly do.

This!

[Anonymous]

This is a strong myob

[Anonymous]

Lol at everyone bashing on OP. The truth is she probably doesn't want to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you would have liked the responses better if you had asked something like,

What are the reasons why a mother of young children would choose to WOHM if her income is not even enough to cover the cost of childcare while she works [and her current job does not offer room for career growth].

Then no one can call you names because you're asking a fair question with no obvious judgment....

This is literally what was asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol at everyone bashing on OP. The truth is she probably doesn't want to stay home.

And?

[Anonymous]

Why do you care? It's none of your business what anyone person does with their lives. I suppose you're unfulfilled with your own life.

Seriously people who are happy don't give a shit what anyone else does.