Phones - Am I being reasonable?

[Anonymous]

my DD is 12 and going into 7th grade in MoCo. She claims that ALL of her friends already have smartphones and that she absolutely NEEDS one so that she isn't left out. I wanted to wait until high school to get her a phone because I personally don't think age 12 is old enough for a phone. I also don't really have proof that her friends all have smartphones; kids rarely ever come to our house so it's not like I've ever seen any of her friends' phones. Do you think she is lying to me about this? My sister has 2 girls. She got them flip phones when they were 8 and smartphones when they were 10. I've always scolded her for doing it, but she insists that I should get my daughter a phone already. So, should I get her a phone? Do your kids have phones? When did you get them their phones, and what brand/model do they have?

[Anonymous]

Most kids where we live (including my own) have them in middle school. iPhone or whatever Samsung cheaper phones there are.

[Anonymous]

Grade 8 parent here and no my child doesn’t have a phone. Waiting for high school.

[Anonymous]

You scold your sister for getting her kids cell phones...uggg.... my 8 year olds has a gizmo. By 12, he'll probably have an old iPhone and we'll upgrade one of ours. You can restrict the apps so its not fun. We go to places with big crowds and much easier to have one if we get seperated.

[Anonymous]

My 13 yr old soon to be 8th grader just got one last month. He told me he and one other boy were the only 7th graders who didn't have phones. This was verified by his 7th grade homeroom teacher. Students are required to put their phones in the phone box in their homerooms so the teacher knows who has one and who doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. DD is 7th grade and has a flip phone, and its a long-running argument in our house. She claims "everyone" has one but if I go through her list of friends and ask specifically, I do find that a few have flip phones or no phone. So she is in the minority, but definitely not the only one.

[Anonymous]

I used to be like you. But then I finally realized that kids are going to make mistakes with phones and social media and they are pretty much the same kind of mistakes in middle school up until early college years - being mean or sending/receiving/posting inappropriate content. So if you are holding out on some moral high ground, don’t. And the only kids I came across in my kids 7th grade class that didn’t have phones or had flip phones were being punished. Also as your child is older and will want to be more independent she will do more and more without an adult glued to her side. The parents don’t want you to text them to text their kid to tell your child something nor do you want to be in a situation we’re you can text your child’s friends if they are out together but you can not directly contact your own child.

[Anonymous]

My son didn't get a flip phone until 9th, then a smart phone on 10th. But he was almost the last kid, and it was socially isolating. Texting is how kids connect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my DD is 12 and going into 7th grade in MoCo. She claims that ALL of her friends already have smartphones and that she absolutely NEEDS one so that she isn't left out. I wanted to wait until high school to get her a phone because I personally don't think age 12 is old enough for a phone. I also don't really have proof that her friends all have smartphones; kids rarely ever come to our house so it's not like I've ever seen any of her friends' phones. Do you think she is lying to me about this? My sister has 2 girls. She got them flip phones when they were 8 and smartphones when they were 10. I've always scolded her for doing it, but she insists that I should get my daughter a phone already. So, should I get her a phone? Do your kids have phones? When did you get them their phones, and what brand/model do they have?

She is right. She will be left out. It sucks, but it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

OP, has your sister told you to eff off? She should have.

[Anonymous]

Why do you want her to wait until high school? So bizarre and out of step with parenting norms.

[Anonymous]

I have an old iPad. No phones. Grade 8. They don’t need it in school and I have no plan of getting a smart phone with any data plan.

I actually have two free spare smart phones kept in the cupboard but have no intention on passing it to them just yet. They were from att prepaid. $30 plan, free zte smart phone.

[Anonymous]

Both of my middle schoolers have phones. They are in two different schools with two different schedules and after school activities. Neither is allowed to use their phone in school. In fact one is required to leave the phone in her locker while the other one is required to hand the phone over to his homeroom teacher. They use their phones to contact me after class or practice after school to let me know where they are. I did this because iPhone has thing wher certain features are locked before your 13. I felt it was a better way to teach my kids how to use the phones and be responsible with their phones.

[Anonymous]

Do what is best for your family. But, your child isn't exaggerating. At least not by much. I would say by 8th grade, 90% of the kids in my DC's schools had smart phones and it can be socially isolating not to have one.

[Anonymous]

Can you find out? Around here, most kids have smart phones by the end of elementary, and a sizeable number actually get them younger. Our kids got them when they started middle school, before that they had flip phones.

My kids plan their entire social lives on their phones. Kids who don't have phones are at a serious disadvantage, because impromptu chats will be created to plan going to a movie, and if a kid isn't part of that chat, he won't be invited to the movie. Not maliciously, just because that's how they do it. Kids who don't have phones have to work much harder to maintain their connection with the other kids.