Phones - Am I being reasonable?

[Anonymous]

We're in FCPS. My older kid has been using her smartphone in class since 7th grade - things like quick research, Quizlet, Kahoot, etc. According to her every kid had a phone and the teachers really never had to provide school issued devices to anyone. She herself isn't much into social media but a lot of her classmates are and I can see how a kid would feel left out if they wanted to participate but couldn't. My 6th grader is huge on texting/FaceTiming with her friends. She uses an iPod since she doesn't have a phone yet, but having that capability is a big deal for her socially. Half of the girls in the grade are all on some giant group chat and there have already been issues related to some kids who weren't included. I personally could do without the drama, but I as long as my kid is being respectful and responsible I wouldn't want her left out because this is how the girls are staying in touch and handling their social lives right now.

[Anonymous]

FCPS, and my kids got our used iPhones in 7th— start of MS. That was common among her friends. And it was helpful to communicate with us— ready to be picked up from ECs, etc.

Younger kid has been incredibly responsible with phone use. Got into a text spat with a friend the first month she had the phone and that’s it. She lost the phone of a couple weeks (as did her friend) and we put them fact to face to work it out. Now a HS freshman, and no limits on when and where the phone can be used. Because responsible use. She doesn’t even want social media yet.

Older DC (ADHD boy) has had non-stop problems. Mostly using the phone for hours on end and not doing class work, etc. and downloading porn. He was returned to a flip phone for the last quarter of 10th grade and last summer. Now he has a smartphone “brick”. All internetbrowsers removed, and not allowed to downloadanything . Can use for phones, text, camera and a few apps, like Spotify and Uber for emergiencies and ParentVUE for grades/ blackboard. FB Messenger because his school group projects and ECs use it, but no FB proper or social media.

He can try again with fewer restrictions next year.

[Anonymous]

We gave our older kids iphones in 6th grade. Kids don't need a smartphone, but they should have something that they can use to call you and something that they can text with. A handful of DD's 7th grader friends do not have phones and they are left out of a lot of iphone group chats and google hangout chats. None of them are on FB or instagram, so these group chats and texts are the way they can communicate as a group. If they didn't have them, they'd be social outcasts. DS is a bit of an introvert and has trouble making friends. He would have zero friends if he couldn't keep in touch with them by iphone.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 teens and a 6th grader. Youngest dd is going to have to wait until she’s 13. She tells me that most kids in 6th grade have them already too. What works for everyone else isn’t what works for us. I refuse to buy her a phone earlier than I’m comfortable with just because everyone else is doing it.

[Anonymous]

You could always get her one with strict rules - since she wants one so badly, don't miss the chance to get it with limitations that she will readily agree to accept.

[Anonymous]

My child just started 9th grade at Madison (in Vienna). She has a phone (but it's a cheap smart phone with tracfone service). Yesterday after school, the bus was not at the school and the kids were getting worried about where their bus was. Two kids asked my DD if they could use her phone to call their parents. So, even at a high school that is in a relatively wealthy area, there are kids who don't have cell phones.

Get her one if you want. But, don't believe that she is THE ONLY ONE who doesn't have one.

[Anonymous]

Almost all of DD's friends had phones by 5th grade. Usually their parents' old smart phones. Though some had the newest version. Yes, it can be socially isolating not to have one, unfortunately.

We gave our DD an old smartphone. And I have to say, it hasn't been that bad. She has made some mistakes with it (small stuff like using ALL CAPS on texts and stuff) but she is learning etiquette and the rules in a relatively low profile way. And we talk about it a lot (including some of the more serious lapses we have heard about by some of her friends or kids in the school). I guess I'd rather have these discussions early and often (and esp when she is more compliant) than later on.

Although earlier than we had planned to give her the phone, it hasn't been negative. And, in fact, it has been a good way to teach responsibility, digital citizenship, etc. Bonus points for her being happy and being able to communicate with friends.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, once kids get to middle school the majority will have smartphones. Our kids take public transportation to middle school so they need the phones to be able to communicate, tell us when they get on bus, etc. And yes, there are loads of group chats that are used for both social events and group projects at school. We have limited what can be accessed on phones and they are used primarily for texting and phone calls.

[Anonymous]

Started w flip phone in 6th grade; DD got her smartphone at end of 7th but we locked down the browser and get alerts on any apps she downloads (thank you, Apple). She was most excited about getting to pick out a fun phone case and the fact that she doesn't have to push buttons multiple time to text. She and our son (who is going in to 6th and got a dumb phone) developed a set of rules for use which has been great to refer to over the summer. She was one of the last if not THE last of her friends to get one but it wasn't a big issue. I do think in certain circles this is a bigger deal than others. We pay 100% and it is clear that the phones are ours and they just have the privilege of using them. They are plugged in downstairs (may shift to our room if/when it becomes too tempting for them to sneak down after bedtime) and no phone 30 mins before bedtime.

[Anonymous]

10 yo 5th grader has DH’s old iPhone 6. He isn’t allowed to take it to school. No issues. He texts and talks to friends frequently. We restrict and monitor what he does.

[Anonymous]

I think it's both reasonable and unpopular to wait until hs. Really depends on your dd. Mine is going into 7th grade and will get a smart phine because her sister did. Not an expensive one. Most friends have phones. Many smart, some not. She's had nothing until now and will have to be responsible to keep it.

[Anonymous]

My daughter has to wait til 8th grade because that''s when her brother got one. I'd like to have her wait longer still.

[Anonymous]

I think the age has decreased as technology has marched forward. I believe high school is too late nowadays. DD got an iPhone on her 13th bday, but doesn’t have social media and Internet access on it yet (although she does have Internet access on our computer). She texts people, and has learned the rules, gradually proving that she is ready for more trust and responsibility.

[Anonymous]

I would say by middle school about 75% of kids have a smartphone 15% have a flip or slider phone and the rest don't have one at all.Most of the phones are samsung or Lg,there's some iphones thrown into the mix,and about half of the phones are hand me downs from parents.By high school nearly all kids have a smartphone or at least an iPod touch with them and by then a good form of communication is nearly required for most social activities.

[Anonymous]

My daughter said last year (grade 6), that she was the only one in her class without a cell. She does not want one. If we can hold off until high school, I'd be thrilled.