Teen pregnancy drama

[Anonymous]

This is going to sound like a lifetime movie but I promise it’s not!

My best friends 18 year old son got his high school girlfriend of 3 years pregnant. She is currently almost 5 months along and she/her family decided that they want to put the baby up for adoption. My best friend and her son (father of the baby) are very upset by this and want to be in the baby’s life. My best friend is considering asking her sons girlfriends parents if they can *adopt* the baby and they will raise it and not expect anything from the mom or her family financially, etc. She’s pretty good friends with them as her son and their daughter have been dating for a little over 3 years now and they’ve spent lots of time together, gone on trips together, etc. She’s just worried about bringing this up and if they say no, she doesn’t know what else to do as her and her husband AND her son want to keep the baby and not have her adopted off. Both families are very well off so money would never be an issue and again, they wouldn’t expect or want any financial help from the mom. She was planning on going to college in MA next year (she’s going into her senior year of high school) and he graduated in June and is attending school locally. My friend thinks that this would make it easier on the mom as she will be going away and can be as involved or uninvolved as she’d like. I can’t imagine what she’s going through and want to give her advice but I don’t even know what she’d do in this situation. Her son is the sweetest kid and while he understands he’s young and has his whole life ahead of him, he knows this is his baby and wants to be in her life. The whole situation is a mess. Anyone have any thoughts or advice in this situation? If she’s going to have this convo with the family, I told her it needs to happen asap as the pregnancy is halfway through.

[Anonymous]

Not sure it’s legal for mom to put baby up for adoption without dad’s consent. Dad should be able to assert right to parent child. Grandparents can be involved as well but dad is the one with the important set of rights not to have child of his given away without consent.

[Anonymous]

If the mother wants to relinquish custody and the father doesn’t, wouldn’t the father get custody? The father has to consent to the adoption, so that shouldn’t be an issue.

[Anonymous]

Um the father of the baby does not need to adopt the baby. She needs to be prepared to block the adoption on grounds that her son wants to parent the baby.

[Anonymous]

I'd advice her to get legal counsel stat.

[Anonymous]

PS you need to be wary of inserting yourself into their drama. If they want help, they’ll seek it. But they’re capable of researching the issue and getting a lawyer. Grandma probably needs a listening ear more than a problem solver right now.

[Anonymous]

The father's rights vary by state-he and his family should consult with a lawyer. He may have an easier case if he shows that he had interest in showing emotional/financial support for the mother while she's pregnant and that he is actively preparing for the baby (obviously he can't make her accept that support, but he should have a record that he is offering and invested in the baby).

[Anonymous]

There is no real issue here. If the boy is the child's father, he has a legal right to the child. The mom cannot put the child up for adoption without the father's consent. The mom can simply relinquish her parental rights if that's what she wants to do. Or, she can give legal custody to the father.

[Anonymous]

Have they considered an open adoption? The son could still be part of his child's life. The girlfriend may have an easier time consenting to that.

[Anonymous]

The boy would have to agree to terminate his parental rights. He won't, so there's no issue.

[Anonymous]

OP here- from what I understand, his girlfriends dAd is trying to push him into agreeing to the adoption which he hasn’t wanted to do from day one. He’s been actively involved in her pregnancy and has gone with her to all but one appointment and has been paying her co pay for her too out of his own money for each appointment. The girlfriends dad is a big time lawyer so that’s why my friend isn’t sure how this is going to go down and is worried about it getting nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- from what I understand, his girlfriends dAd is trying to push him into agreeing to the adoption which he hasn’t wanted to do from day one. He’s been actively involved in her pregnancy and has gone with her to all but one appointment and has been paying her co pay for her too out of his own money for each appointment. The girlfriends dad is a big time lawyer so that’s why my friend isn’t sure how this is going to go down and is worried about it getting nasty.

It may get nasty. Your friend needs a lawyer. She and her son need to be on the same page, but if her son doesn't consent, this child is not available for adoption. You might want to consider suggesting that the son never sign anything without an attorney present, and that the son is never alone with the girlfriends parents without at least his mom present. And keep records of all he is doing for the girl right now. Pay for what he can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- from what I understand, his girlfriends dAd is trying to push him into agreeing to the adoption which he hasn’t wanted to do from day one. He’s been actively involved in her pregnancy and has gone with her to all but one appointment and has been paying her co pay for her too out of his own money for each appointment. The girlfriends dad is a big time lawyer so that’s why my friend isn’t sure how this is going to go down and is worried about it getting nasty.

This is a lot of very specific information about someone else's child.

Jeff should delete this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- from what I understand, his girlfriends dAd is trying to push him into agreeing to the adoption which he hasn’t wanted to do from day one. He’s been actively involved in her pregnancy and has gone with her to all but one appointment and has been paying her co pay for her too out of his own money for each appointment. The girlfriends dad is a big time lawyer so that’s why my friend isn’t sure how this is going to go down and is worried about it getting nasty.

This is a lot of very specific information about someone else's child.

Jeff should delete this thread.

Teenage pregnancy is not that rare. There is nothing identifying in op's story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PS you need to be wary of inserting yourself into their drama. If they want help, they’ll seek it. But they’re capable of researching the issue and getting a lawyer. Grandma probably needs a listening ear more than a problem solver right now.

+1 from a former conflict resolution consultant/mediator

(point them to the lawyer so they know what they can and cannot do)