Teen pregnancy drama

[Anonymous]

He just tells her he is keeping the baby, there’s nothing she can do about it and he makes her pay support for a kid she doesn’t want.

That’s what would happen if the roles were reversed, fair is fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pro lifer here.

And this is why I tell my boys to only have sex with women who share their views on abortion and pregnancy.

Pro-lifers' views on abortion have a way of miraculously changing when their daughter gets knocked up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- from what I understand, his girlfriends dAd is trying to push him into agreeing to the adoption which he hasn’t wanted to do from day one. He’s been actively involved in her pregnancy and has gone with her to all but one appointment and has been paying her co pay for her too out of his own money for each appointment. The girlfriends dad is a big time lawyer so that’s why my friend isn’t sure how this is going to go down and is worried about it getting nasty.

“The girlfriend’s dad is a big time lawyer ...”.

99% of “big time” lawyers don’t know diddly-squat about family law. His huge aviation, antitrust, securities or bankruptcy practice won’t mean a thing when he’s asked about parental rights in [state]. He’ll be googling just like you and me, and a small family law specialist will run rings around him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The boyfriend and his family sound like assholes. Who tells a mother who to give their baby up to adoption to? She should have threatened an abortion. The mom has every right to choose the adoptive parents and it makes sense she doesn’t want her boyfriend’s elderly parents raising the kid.

Well you sound, um, nice.

This teenager sounds more concerned about having fun in college than about caring for a human life she co-created. Yet she should be making this decision by herself without the approval of the other parent? You’re nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To add a different perspective, maybe the girlfriend and her parents don't want your friend to adopt because they live in the same town. Putting a child up for adoption is a painful decision for most and if that child lived in the same town that would make things tough for the girlfriend and her parents.

Of course that’s why!If he keeps the baby it basically forces her to be the mother. They’re in the same social circles so one family keeping the baby means both kids are parents.

Also, there seems to be a huge disconnect between what the boy is telling his mother and his girlfriend. I don’t see how the couple is still dating and on good terms if the girlfriend has a completely different view of what’s going to happen with the baby than he does. As a wealthy, smart, healthy girl I can imagine she would have her pick of any adoptive family she wants for her baby. It’s weird that this process hasn’t started yet. And if it has, the boyfriend has either stayed silent or supportive of her decision.

Something doesn’t add up. He’s telling his family and his girlfriend two different things. It’s like he just goes along with whoever he’s talking to without taking time to decide what he actually wants.

If the teenagers are still a couple then they probably know what they are going to do already. At the moment, the are both telling their respective parents what they want to hear in the hopes of keeping peace...at least for the time being.

[Anonymous]

OP here-
I sent my friend the link to this post so she could read what everyone is saying. Apparently they are having a sit down with the girlfriend and her parents tomorrow morning and my friend is hoping things remain civil and they can come to some sort of agreement.

To answer a few questions-

Yes, they are still together/dating however my friend said this adoption/no adoption issue has caused some friction between her son and his girlfriend, especially since her dad is pushing for the adoption.

Neither family is trashy as a PP posted. Far from it actually. My friend is a dermatologist and her husband is in engineering and they make very good money. They’d have no issue helping their son raise his baby. The girlfriends family is well off too so if she decided to keep the baby, both families would be in good positions to help out if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here-
I sent my friend the link to this post so she could read what everyone is saying. Apparently they are having a sit down with the girlfriend and her parents tomorrow morning and my friend is hoping things remain civil and they can come to some sort of agreement.

To answer a few questions-

Yes, they are still together/dating however my friend said this adoption/no adoption issue has caused some friction between her son and his girlfriend, especially since her dad is pushing for the adoption.

Neither family is trashy as a PP posted. Far from it actually. My friend is a dermatologist and her husband is in engineering and they make very good money. They’d have no issue helping their son raise his baby. The girlfriends family is well off too so if she decided to keep the baby, both families would be in good positions to help out if needed.[

They may have good jobs, but Both families need to provide emotional as well as financial support, and it sound like GF’s dad doesn’t want a grand baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
They may have good jobs, but Both families need to provide emotional as well as financial support, and it sound like GF’s dad doesn’t want a grand baby.

Oh for heaven's sake. WHAT dad or mom wants their child to spend senior year of high school raising a baby he or she isn't remotely ready for?

Grandfather is to be credited for wanting his grandchild to be raised by a loving, mature, stable couple, (perhaps in their late 20s or even early 30s?) who are prepared to be parents and who can give this child, his grandchild, the best upbringing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pro lifer here.

And this is why I tell my boys to only have sex with women who share their views on abortion and pregnancy.

Pro-choicer here. I tell my sons the same thing. But mostly I’ve made sure their friend group consists of kids who are all on the same path: college, grad school, job, marriage, kids. It’s usually the case that kids with something to lose act more like kids with something to lose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pro lifer here.

And this is why I tell my boys to only have sex with women who share their views on abortion and pregnancy.

Pro-lifers' views on abortion have a way of miraculously changing when their daughter gets knocked up.

Not the ones I know, including those in my own family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pro lifer here.

And this is why I tell my boys to only have sex with women who share their views on abortion and pregnancy.

Pro-choicer here. I tell my sons the same thing. But mostly I’ve made sure their friend group consists of kids who are all on the same path: college, grad school, job, marriage, kids. It’s usually the case that kids with something to lose act more like kids with something to lose.

Teens are gonna teen and lots of them have sex, whether or not they have something to lose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pro lifer here.

And this is why I tell my boys to only have sex with women who share their views on abortion and pregnancy.

Pro-lifers' views on abortion have a way of miraculously changing when their daughter gets knocked up.

Not the ones I know, including those in my own family.

+1

There’s been a lot of in-family adoptions and informal foster care in both my family and other families in my social circle. Especially with many older couples struggling with infertility, it’s usually easy to find a relative who can take a baby. And there are empty-nesters who have taken in a baby or mom and baby until mom is on her feet. We might have DH’s relative’s tween in a few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To add a different perspective, maybe the girlfriend and her parents don't want your friend to adopt because they live in the same town. Putting a child up for adoption is a painful decision for most and if that child lived in the same town that would make things tough for the girlfriend and her parents.

OP said this: My best friend is considering asking her sons girlfriends parents if they can *adopt* the baby and they will raise it and not expect anything from the mom or her family financially, etc.

So, the boy and his family have not even told the girlfriend and her family that they want to adopt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He just tells her he is keeping the baby, there’s nothing she can do about it and he makes her pay support for a kid she doesn’t want.

That’s what would happen if the roles were reversed, fair is fair.

EXACTLY what I was thinking. Funny how when the shoe is on the other foot if SHE is the one who doesn’t want to keep the baby.

When a guy doesn’t want a child he helped create but the girl does, he still has to pay support. Why wouldn’t it be the same if you swap pronouns?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He just tells her he is keeping the baby, there’s nothing she can do about it and he makes her pay support for a kid she doesn’t want.

That’s what would happen if the roles were reversed, fair is fair.

EXACTLY what I was thinking. Funny how when the shoe is on the other foot if SHE is the one who doesn’t want to keep the baby.

When a guy doesn’t want a child he helped create but the girl does, he still has to pay support. Why wouldn’t it be the same if you swap pronouns?

The thing is, this actually does happen a lot. When I worked with parenting adolescents in Appalachia, boys frequently told the girls they were going to fight for custody and block an adoption. So the girls abandoned adoption plans. Six months after baby arrives, the boy has visited a few times, hasn't paid any support, or filed for custody. And the girl is now attached to the baby. We weren't allowed to give any legal advice, but I always wanted to tell them to go ahead with their plans and let the boy get a lawyer to block it.