Lifelong Catholic, thinking of leaving church -- how to deal with moving children to new faith?

[Anonymous]

I am a lifelong Catholic, thinking of leaving. The latest priest abuse report is putting me over the edge. Yeah - I know. It's nothing new. But I guess everyone has their own point where they can't rationalize things any more or their own breaking point. I'm heartbroken to think I am at that point, but I am. A topic for another post I suppose. If were just about me, I'd probably just stop going for a while and take it slow to figure out where I might belong in the future, spiritually. But I have two kids - both baptized as Catholics, one has gone through the sacraments of Reconciliation and Communion. I am trying to figure out what to do with the older one when school starts this fall. Do I put her in CCD classes (as planned) or ... do I hold her out, and figure out another option, either quickly or later? We are an interfaith marriage - Catholic/Jewish - and so the idea of respecting different religions and faiths and heritages has always been important to us. For this reason (as well as for the promotion of social justice and advocacy), Unitarian Universalism have always been intriguing to me. From my understanding, the values that they affirm fit very closely with those I hold. I am definitely planning to go to some services this fall to check it out and learn more. I am also thinking I should go to an Episcopalian church as well to explore it, since I am not sure I am ready personally to give up the more "Christian elements" of the Catholic mass (though I do absolutely understand the differences between RC And Es).

The question I have is -- If I do decide not to enroll my DC (3rd grade) in CCD, how do I explain this to her? For anyone who has gone through this with your kids, how have you approach a change in religion? It's not exactly a conversion, but it still feels pretty big. I don't want to get into the specific details of abuse with her, beyond what is age appropriate. But religion is so tied up in family and history for me, it's hard to explain that I have willingly brought her to an institution that allowed this to happen to children. (I guess that sentence alone sort of answers it for me, but.... am looking for some answers). Be kind. I am struggling - and want to do what is best for my children, while also respecting a faith that has been meaningful to my parents/me (acknowledging that the worst of this faith has let so many people down - to put it mildly).

[Anonymous]

Episcopalian or possibly Lutheran is what you want. Start this Sunday by visiting a few and so by late September you will have chosen one.

[Anonymous]

You do understand that the stats on priest abuse are very similar to abuse in leadership in other faiths? It isn't just a "Catholic" issue. It is a human issue.

[Anonymous]

Being Catholic are your beliefs about God. Priests abusing others is not a part of our faith. Why not stay and be a part of the solution?

[Anonymous]

I am in the same situation and I have only sympathy for you. My husband and I are both lifelong Catholics and we are deeply struggling with what to do. As you point out, our faith decision is so much harder because we are parents. I have 3 kids in Catholic schools who are much older than yours. My oldest has been confirmed and my second would be confirmed this year. My faith has always been so important to me and to both our families. My husband’s father’s family immigrated to the US to escape the persecution of Catholics in their homeland. I believed that I was giving my kids the precious gift of the Catholic faith. Now I am shaken to the core and just don’t know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Fellow Catholic here. I think that given your child has already been enrolled in CCD classes/has gone through first communion, etc she should have some say in this decision. While young, she may (or may not) already feel a connection to the faith based on her own experiences, in which case you should support her continuing with CCD if it is something she wants to do. At the same time I think it's okay to share that you are not sure of your own feelings about the faith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being Catholic are your beliefs about God. Priests abusing others is not a part of our faith. Why not stay and be a part of the solution?

I'm not the OP, but I have family members who were sexually abused by priests. My grandfather beat my grandmother close to death, and her priest told her she would go to hell if she left him because marriage is a sacrament. Abuse and terrible advice are certainly not exclusive to the Catholic Church, but they are propped up by the authoritarian and hierarchical structure of the Church. I've not seen the level of self-examination, acknowledgement, and apology that I would need to come back to the Church. I feel like I would be doing something immoral to raise my own child within an institution that inflicted trauma on our family for generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do understand that the stats on priest abuse are very similar to abuse in leadership in other faiths? It isn't just a "Catholic" issue. It is a human issue.

This is why you have to leave OP.
The people who stay will keep normalizing abuse and the leadership will keep covering it up. Nothing will change until a mass exodus forces change. Be a part of the solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do understand that the stats on priest abuse are very similar to abuse in leadership in other faiths? It isn't just a "Catholic" issue. It is a human issue.

So isn't that a reason to leave all together?

OP find faith in your own way. You don't need a church to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Episcopalian or possibly Lutheran is what you want. Start this Sunday by visiting a few and so by late September you will have chosen one.

This. You'll find a similar liturgy and pace to worship. Confirmation and communion are still rights, though approached differently than Catholics do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do understand that the stats on priest abuse are very similar to abuse in leadership in other faiths? It isn't just a "Catholic" issue. It is a human issue.

Except plenty of other faiths are not spending ample time condemning gay people, or divorced people, or women who seek abortions all while sheltering and protecting child sexual predators.

Please show me the data on priests of other faiths molesting children and the massive cover ups going on the bureaucracy of those churches.

[Anonymous]

Episcopal would be fine for my kids.

I personally attended Lutheran school briefly and suffered a lot of abuse for being a Catholic. Maybe that school was an outlier. Maybe it wouldn’t be the same since your kids were converting. I just wouldn’t take that chance with my kids.

Best of luck with your spiritual journey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do understand that the stats on priest abuse are very similar to abuse in leadership in other faiths? It isn't just a "Catholic" issue. It is a human issue.

So isn't that a reason to leave all together?

OP find faith in your own way. You don't need a church to do so.

While I don’t agree with OP’s reasons for leaving, she certainly has to follow her own conscience. She also has a very normal desire for a community of believers and to not just “be spiritual” on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do understand that the stats on priest abuse are very similar to abuse in leadership in other faiths? It isn't just a "Catholic" issue. It is a human issue.

The cover up, lying, obfuscating and hiding pedophiles and rapists is very much a Catholic Church issue. The hierarchical structure has facilitated all of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Episcopal would be fine for my kids.

I personally attended Lutheran school briefly and suffered a lot of abuse for being a Catholic. Maybe that school was an outlier. Maybe it wouldn’t be the same since your kids were converting. I just wouldn’t take that chance with my kids.

Best of luck with your spiritual journey.

Well they won't be Catholic anymore. But yes, NOT being Catholic is pretty much the founding basis of Lutherans. Martin Luther saw abuses within the Catholic church and he spoke out and publicly left the Catholic church. This is exactly what OP is going through, so really it makes sense to check it out.