Husband falls off radar when he goes to visit family

[Anonymous]

He and DS go for around 4 weeks a year (in shorter blocks). I usually do not go because of work. When they go, DH barely calls or speaks to me and is abrupt if I call. He doesn't have a secret girlfriend or anything, but does get stressed by his parents. I still find this so annoying and rude. I have raised it and he says I don't know how much stress he is under with his mom and dad. I'm calling once a day to see how DS is, FWIW.

[Anonymous]

OMG—no wonder he married you. You’re as stressful as his parents. Why do you need to check on your son every.single.day? He is with his parent.

Text him instead so he can answer when he’s available. The more you relax about this, the more open he will be. Pressuring him to be “on” and chatty when YOU want him to be is a recipe for disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He and DS go for around 4 weeks a year (in shorter blocks). I usually do not go because of work. When they go, DH barely calls or speaks to me and is abrupt if I call. He doesn't have a secret girlfriend or anything, but does get stressed by his parents. I still find this so annoying and rude. I have raised it and he says I don't know how much stress he is under with his mom and dad. I'm calling once a day to see how DS is, FWIW.

Honestly let it go. What do you mean how DS is doing? He’s with his dad and family. He’s fine. You sound hovering and he’s told you it’s stressful enough. Leave him in peace. Enjoy yours.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with PP. Once a day call is not overkill, esp given he is there for a month


But that leads me to ask: if his parents stress him out, why does he go for that long? Do you ever come for part of it?

[Anonymous]

PP here, whoops misread that. I see how doesn't go for a month.

Well, personally I like to stay in touch and vent, but if he is not up for it, just ask to talk to DS. Problem solved

[Anonymous]

You know he doesn't have a girlfriend because...? Why does he go for 4 weeks if he hates his parents?

[Anonymous]

Just tell your son to call you before bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know he doesn't have a girlfriend because...? Why does he go for 4 weeks if he hates his parents?

OP is saying he goes for a total of four weeks throughout the year. Not a one month block.

[Anonymous]

Texting should suffice most days, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG—no wonder he married you. You’re as stressful as his parents. Why do you need to check on your son every.single.day? He is with his parent.

Text him instead so he can answer when he’s available. The more you relax about this, the more open he will be. Pressuring him to be “on” and chatty when YOU want him to be is a recipe for disaster.

Yes, just text.

It drives me crazy when DH travels for work and then wants to call and chat. Especially FaceTime. Hello, I am here doing all the work for the kids by myself because you are traveling. I don't have time to stare at you over the phone. The kids don't want to talk, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He and DS go for around 4 weeks a year (in shorter blocks). I usually do not go because of work. When they go, DH barely calls or speaks to me and is abrupt if I call. He doesn't have a secret girlfriend or anything, but does get stressed by his parents. I still find this so annoying and rude. I have raised it and he says I don't know how much stress he is under with his mom and dad. I'm calling once a day to see how DS is, FWIW.

You might as well have titled this thread "The Whole World Ought to Revolve Around Me."

OP, he's dealing with a stressful family dynamic, and is kind enough to do it without involving you. Instead of appreciating that, you're putting additional demands on him and making the experience even worse. You are being exactly the opposite of a loving, kind, supportive spouse. If it's that important to you to have daily check-ins, perhaps you could ask him the easiest way to make that happen (e.g., could you check in by text after he goes to bed).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG—no wonder he married you. You’re as stressful as his parents. Why do you need to check on your son every.single.day? He is with his parent.

Text him instead so he can answer when he’s available. The more you relax about this, the more open he will be. Pressuring him to be “on” and chatty when YOU want him to be is a recipe for disaster.

Yes, just text.

It drives me crazy when DH travels for work and then wants to call and chat. Especially FaceTime. Hello, I am here doing all the work for the kids by myself because you are traveling. I don't have time to stare at you over the phone. The kids don't want to talk, either.

Lol! Right?!!! And we take turns. If I’m on travel for work for a few days I don’t care what they’re doing at home! I can take a bath in peace and I have absolute control over the remote. Heaven in hotel form.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG—no wonder he married you. You’re as stressful as his parents. Why do you need to check on your son every.single.day? He is with his parent.

Text him instead so he can answer when he’s available. The more you relax about this, the more open he will be. Pressuring him to be “on” and chatty when YOU want him to be is a recipe for disaster.

Yes, just text.

It drives me crazy when DH travels for work and then wants to call and chat. Especially FaceTime. Hello, I am here doing all the work for the kids by myself because you are traveling. I don't have time to stare at you over the phone. The kids don't want to talk, either.

Lol! Right?!!! And we take turns. If I’m on travel for work for a few days I don’t care what they’re doing at home! I can take a bath in peace and I have absolute control over the remote. Heaven in hotel form.

Same here. I (DH) travel a lot for work. I know DW is busy. I'll email her about my day, and text (iMessage) a video saying hello to the kids and she can show it to them when she has time.

[Anonymous]

I sent my 6 year old with my husband to visit his parents this summer. I sent DS with my iPad to watch movies on the plane. I didn’t anticipate that he’d use iMessage to text me. It took the pressure off DH to stay in touch (we both are ok with staying in close touch when we travel) and the texts were absolutely adorable. He discovered emojis and the ability to draw pictures and send them. Could you do something like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sent my 6 year old with my husband to visit his parents this summer. I sent DS with my iPad to watch movies on the plane. I didn’t anticipate that he’d use iMessage to text me. It took the pressure off DH to stay in touch (we both are ok with staying in close touch when we travel) and the texts were absolutely adorable. He discovered emojis and the ability to draw pictures and send them. Could you do something like that?

Sorry, NOT staying in close touch when we travel.