Having DD repeat 2nd grade.

[Anonymous]

DD is 8 and was born in March. She has a rare brain disorder meaning her brain just develops slowly. She is 2 years behind her class. Due to her disability, she will never be on the same level as the rest of the class. I was thinking about having her repeat 2nd grade. I am worried she will feel embarrassed about being the oldest in the class. On the other hand if I don't retain her she will be embarrassed that she is struggling and behind.

[Anonymous]

No, she will be more embarrassed that she is a grade behind her peers. That is a guarantee. Kids never forget something like this. Do not do this.

[Anonymous]

If you hold her back to avoid academic embarrassment, isn’t the same thing just going to happen in a year or two when she is behind again?

[Anonymous]

To me it would depend on the degree of impairment she’s expected to have as an adult. If she’ll always be behind, but simply on the lower end of normal (say, an IQ of 85) I would probably hold her back. But if she’s intellectually disabled to the point she won’t be getting a normal high school diploma someday, I’d probably keep her with her class for social reasons. Do the professionals in her life like her teachers, therapists, and pediatricians have opinions on what would be best for her?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't in less you have no other option. She's already on the older side. I'd supplement with tutors and therapies instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me it would depend on the degree of impairment she’s expected to have as an adult. If she’ll always be behind, but simply on the lower end of normal (say, an IQ of 85) I would probably hold her back. But if she’s intellectually disabled to the point she won’t be getting a normal high school diploma someday, I’d probably keep her with her class for social reasons. Do the professionals in her life like her teachers, therapists, and pediatricians have opinions on what would be best for her?

How can you justify the social implications? For 3 years now, she’s been with a cohort of kids. Her identity is sealed as their classmate, and in a few weeks she will be a third grader. To be in the same school and watch that group of kids go on while she stays in the same grade will have devastating effects on her self-esteem. That’s the last thing someone who already struggles with academics needs. Additionally, she will be turning 9. Nine year olds belong in third grade. They have different developmental needs.

[Anonymous]

Can she repeat it in another school? I wouldn’t have her repeat it in her current school. And I presume she’s getting special services.

[Anonymous]

I’d consider repeating at another school.

[Anonymous]

Isn't it a bit late for this? Is this something that her school would even allow? Have you discussed it with the school, or with her therapists/doctors? What is their recommendation?

[Anonymous]

Repeating a grade is one of those things that sounds like a good idea at the time and makes adults feel like they’re doing something to address deficits. But the long-term positive effects are few and far between.

If this was something her teachers and principal thought was warranted, they would have brought it up. My guess is that you’re panicking, OP, and grasping for a solution you can control.

[Anonymous]

If she is 2-3 years behind in maturity level, then it might be a good idea. Parents sell their 5 year olds on repeating kindergarten and that can work well. This might be similar to that.

How do other children with her condition do in school?

[Anonymous]

What does the teacher/principal recommend? Did she pass second grade with a kindergarten intellect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Repeating a grade is one of those things that sounds like a good idea at the time and makes adults feel like they’re doing something to address deficits. But the long-term positive effects are few and far between.

If this was something her teachers and principal thought was warranted, they would have brought it up. My guess is that you’re panicking, OP, and grasping for a solution you can control.

Public schools don't care about development--they don't want kids repeating for financial reasons. Private schools will recommend it more readily.

SN schools always have a range of ages b/c kids have repeated. Some don't specify grades especially b/c this might happen.

Op, you'll have a tough sell if you're in a public school even with an IEP. A different school is unnecessary just get the input of professionals who know your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me it would depend on the degree of impairment she’s expected to have as an adult. If she’ll always be behind, but simply on the lower end of normal (say, an IQ of 85) I would probably hold her back. But if she’s intellectually disabled to the point she won’t be getting a normal high school diploma someday, I’d probably keep her with her class for social reasons. Do the professionals in her life like her teachers, therapists, and pediatricians have opinions on what would be best for her?

I agree with this but will say that at this age it's probably really hard to tell. My youngest will be in 7th grade and I wish we'd held him back a year but in K-2, we didn't know where he'd end up. My oldest (now in HS) caught up but, of course, we didn't know that would be the case back in the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does the teacher/principal recommend? Did she pass second grade with a kindergarten intellect?

OP here. They suggested we hold her back but said the decision is ultimately ours.