Did you marry "down"?

[Anonymous]

Women who marry men from a lower socioeconomic class are rarely happy it seems. The happiest women I know feel like they"won" the marriage game and ended up with a guy with many assets/ higher status etc.

If you married someone who didn't have all that are you happy?

[Anonymous]

I know many women who technically married down and seem happy.
My college roommate who was counsel at a major Wall Street investment firm has been married 15 years to a guy who works on sailboats. He has a HS diploma.
The AP at my MS is married to a retail manager.
Several friends who are AA professionals with multiple degrees married AA men with blue collar jobs and little to no education beyond a GED or HS diploma. They are definitely the breadwinners.

[Anonymous]

Are you talking just degrees or what he does with them? My DH has a sterling resume but hasn't done what he really expected with it and I out earn him considerably. Did I marry down?

[Anonymous]

I married down and am happy. It was never a factor for me when dating. I’m not very materialistic and live pretty simply. My husband is very intelligent but grew up poor in a 3rd world country. He came here in his late teens not speaking a word of English so kind of missed the college boat and was not encouraged to go to college as he was needed to work to help support his family. Got a woman pregnant in his 20s and “did the right thing” by marrying her and supporting their family, further missing the college boat. He does have regrets about not going to college.

I do not ever wish he was someone else.

[Anonymous]

My very traditional mother used to regard “unequal” wedding announcements (local paper) with horror. The ones where the bride has a PhD from MIT and the groom is a part time ferret groomer.

She was a part-time preschool teacher while my dad was a c-level exec, but to her, that was as it should be.

Whatever works.

[Anonymous]

" The postwar phenomenon of “marrying up” is becoming as archaic as the curtsy the Duchess of Cambridge is still expected to do before her mother-in-law. These days, women tend to marry men from the same socioeconomic class, recent statistics from the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development suggest. (Indeed, a growing proportion is marrying down.)"

https://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/13/world/europe/13iht-letter13.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My very traditional mother used to regard “unequal” wedding announcements (local paper) with horror. The ones where the bride has a PhD from MIT and the groom is a part time ferret groomer.

She was a part-time preschool teacher while my dad was a c-level exec, but to her, that was as it should be.

Whatever works.

And what is wrong with ferret grooming? Or being a random paper-pusher who pays the mortgage?

[Anonymous]

Thanks OP, I'm definitely looking for insights on this topic, as I'm seriously dating someone who does not have a college degree (early 30s). He's wonderful, driven, and I care about him a lot, but I do have concerns about socioeconomic and intellectual differences. I have a Master's degree and am a GS-13 fed. He works for a small business and does real estate on the side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks OP, I'm definitely looking for insights on this topic, as I'm seriously dating someone who does not have a college degree (early 30s). He's wonderful, driven, and I care about him a lot, but I do have concerns about socioeconomic and intellectual differences. I have a Master's degree and am a GS-13 fed. He works for a small business and does real estate on the side.

If you do a search you'll see this topic has been discussed here, at length, many times. I believe as recently as a month ago for the last one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks OP, I'm definitely looking for insights on this topic, as I'm seriously dating someone who does not have a college degree (early 30s). He's wonderful, driven, and I care about him a lot, but I do have concerns about socioeconomic and intellectual differences. I have a Master's degree and am a GS-13 fed. He works for a small business and does real estate on the side.

If you’re using the word “socioeconomic” in your head or griping with your girlfriends, cut the poor bastard free. Even if he’s an economist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks OP, I'm definitely looking for insights on this topic, as I'm seriously dating someone who does not have a college degree (early 30s). He's wonderful, driven, and I care about him a lot, but I do have concerns about socioeconomic and intellectual differences. I have a Master's degree and am a GS-13 fed. He works for a small business and does real estate on the side.

I think your bigger problem is your view that there is a “marriage game” that needs to be won.

[Anonymous]

My parents are doctors and I married a fireman. I am a teacher. What peoole didn't expect is that my husband would start a painting b uisness on his off days and over 12 years it's grown into an extra 200k a year for our family. We now have 3 crews. I wonder to myself if that didn't happen (bc we truly didn't expect it) would I still be happy? I think so but I do find myself relived that we can afford some of the comforts I had growing up. Mostly in reference to my kids...competitive sports for example. However because our careers are middle class our social circle is too and I find these people much much more down to earth and genuine then the upper middle class circles I grew up in. Even my mom commented on the fact we have better friends!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are doctors and I married a fireman. I am a teacher. What peoole didn't expect is that my husband would start a painting b uisness on his off days and over 12 years it's grown into an extra 200k a year for our family. We now have 3 crews. I wonder to myself if that didn't happen (bc we truly didn't expect it) would I still be happy? I think so but I do find myself relived that we can afford some of the comforts I had growing up. Mostly in reference to my kids...competitive sports for example. However because our careers are middle class our social circle is too and I find these people much much more down to earth and genuine then the upper middle class circles I grew up in. Even my mom commented on the fact we have better friends!

Wow you really married down. It must be a big struggle for you....seeing what your parents have and what you could have. I can feel the tension in your post.

[Anonymous]

Deifnitely married down... he runs an appliance repair business and makes a lot of money but is still low class. Refuses to let me join a country club even though we can afford it. Makes us go to public pool. So embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Deifnitely married down... he runs an appliance repair business and makes a lot of money but is still low class. Refuses to let me join a country club even though we can afford it. Makes us go to public pool. So embarrassing.

A non-country-club pool: oh the shame.