What would you do in this nut allergy situation?

[Anonymous]

I was so upset this afternoon, but have calmed down somewhat.

Today my husband handed my son a food which contained nuts (a Pad Thai sample outside a store), when he knows that DS is allergic to most nuts to varying degrees, including anaphylaxis. I was inside the store and did not see it happen. He did not stop to think and ask whether the sample contained nuts. Luckily, DS felt nauseous and ill but did not swell up. We have epipens at school and I carry one in my purse when out and about with him. My husband attended the latest allergy appointment where all the specifics were spelled out.

This is the 3rd time my husband has done this while knowing DS was allergic to nuts. The second time was a few months ago at a potluck, with a baclava containing pistachios, which neither of them thought to check. I looked afterward, there was no ingredients list, so the correct move would have been to avoid it - I happened to recognize pistachio fragments on my son's lips. DS swelled up and had an anaphylactic reaction. The first time was years ago at a Vietnamese restaurant when he gave DS some of his own dish, not realizing it had peanut shreds on top. DS projectile vomited within 5 seconds in a spectacular manner inside the restaurant.

My son is now 13, and I've done my best to train him to always ask the restaurant server or party host if there are nuts in the food, and when in doubt, to read the ingredients list, and when in doubt, to NOT EAT. He has asked systematically and acted responsibly all year. However, he automatically eats anything his father hands to him, because he trusts him. It's really hard for my son to think of second guessing his own father.

What can I do? It boggles my mind that a parent would casually forget such a life and death matter. His reaction today? He apologized in a defensive manner and said "it may happen again".
?!?

[Anonymous]

I think it's time to tell your son to stop taking food from his father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's time to tell your son to stop taking food from his father.

+1 At 13 your son is more than old enough to be responsible for his own food intake. He needs to always ask.

[Anonymous]

At 13 your son is old enough to be of equal blame as dh

[Anonymous]

Yep, DH can’t be considered a safe person to accept food from. Drill that home.

[Anonymous]

At 13 most kids manage allergies on their own. Teach you kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's time to tell your son to stop taking food from his father.

+1

[Anonymous]

Your son needs to learn to accept NOTHING that is not packaged. You simply cannot take someone's word for anything - even if they prepared it without nuts, there could be cross contamination or nuts unknowingly in ingredients. Yes your husband is a boob, but your son has to lie with this so he needs to take charge.

[Anonymous]

My husband and ai both did this when our teen was little.

OP, your 13 year old son is 100% responsible for this.

He MUST be able to turn food down from other people and avoid foods without labels or he runs the risk of killing himself in high school or college.

The teen years are when kids are most likely to have anaphylactic reactions because they are on their own so much and mom is not around to check labels.

They also have a risk of impaired judgement once they get to the age when drinking occurs (late high school and college). There is also the risk of kisisng a gurl who has just eaten something he is allergic to, or drinking alcoholic drinks derived from nuts

It is past time for you and your husband to have frank conversations with your son about HIS responsibility for managing his allergy.

You son is also old enough to be trained in and carrying his own epis. If he does not remember them, he loses privileges. It is that important.

[Anonymous]

[youtube][/youtube]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and ai both did this when our teen was little.

OP, your 13 year old son is 100% responsible for this.

He MUST be able to turn food down from other people and avoid foods without labels or he runs the risk of killing himself in high school or college.

The teen years are when kids are most likely to have anaphylactic reactions because they are on their own so much and mom is not around to check labels.

They also have a risk of impaired judgement once they get to the age when drinking occurs (late high school and college). There is also the risk of kisisng a gurl who has just eaten something he is allergic to, or drinking alcoholic drinks derived from nuts

It is past time for you and your husband to have frank conversations with your son about HIS responsibility for managing his allergy.

You son is also old enough to be trained in and carrying his own epis. If he does not remember them, he loses privileges. It is that important.

100% this. Your son HAS to take responsibility for his allergies, and both his parents are responsible for teaching that to him.

[Anonymous]

OP, I sympathize with you because no mother wants to see her children hurt. The mama bear comes out in us. However, I would agree that your son needs to be responsible because in a few years he will be off to college. Secondly, DH doesn’t seem to do it intentionally but probably doesn’t think and wants to share evening with DS. Remind DH about the allergies but don’t offend him or fuss him out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[youtube][/youtube]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and ai both did this when our teen was little.

OP, your 13 year old son is 100% responsible for this.

He MUST be able to turn food down from other people and avoid foods without labels or he runs the risk of killing himself in high school or college.

The teen years are when kids are most likely to have anaphylactic reactions because they are on their own so much and mom is not around to check labels.

They also have a risk of impaired judgement once they get to the age when drinking occurs (late high school and college). There is also the risk of kisisng a gurl who has just eaten something he is allergic to, or drinking alcoholic drinks derived from nuts

It is past time for you and your husband to have frank conversations with your son about HIS responsibility for managing his allergy.

You son is also old enough to be trained in and carrying his own epis. If he does not remember them, he loses privileges. It is that important.

100% this. Your son HAS to take responsibility for his allergies, and both his parents are responsible for teaching that to him.

PP here.

My now 16 year old ended up in the ER and epi'd around 13 when he as a joke grabbed a cookie from a friend and took 1 bite of it. He had asked the friend if it had nuts and the friend said no.

That was the beginning of him really taking responsibility of his allergies.

He is dating now and we are having those uncomfortable conversations about kissing, drink ingredients, and bsic conversations about not eating unwrapped foods at parties unless he is 100% certain of the ingredients. He will ask host to pull wrappers out of the trash to check ingredients. You kid might need a scare to get him where he needs to be on this, along with regular reminders.

Our next talks will be similar to the date rape drug talks girls get about only bottled be3es that he opens, don't get drunk enough that you can't take care of yourself, etc. Avoid gin, frangelico, ameretto.... because they qre made from nuts. Those talks will start as he begins to drive and continue through college.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,
My tween son has multiple allergies, including nuts. One thing that has helped him make better choices is to always carry with him a safe protein bar. That way he isn’t choosing between eating an unknown/unsafe food and going without.
It’s expensive, but I feel like it’s worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's time to tell your son to stop taking food from his father.

Same here. I'm ultra careful and my husband is clueless. But my kid, who's 11, questions us both and often reads the labels anyway, even if I tell him I checked.

And that is completely fine with me. Your son is old enough to take responsibility for his allergies. And please remember, the teen years are the most dangerous because they have increased independence and think they are invincible.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Thank you all.

I am still very angry at my husband, despite your cooling words. I feel strongly he should take this more seriously. He never reminds my son about his allergies, probably doesn't remember where the epipen is, and would never think of taking it with him, or remind DS to carry one. It makes me furious that he takes this allergy so lightly.

However, you are right, this is the impetus for my son to take charge.