New STA parent seeking advice, suggestions, or just plain "I wish I had known X" info

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any impressions of 2021? My son, god willing, will be a member of that class next year as an entering 9th grader.

The 2021 class seems to be made up of a nice group of kids. The parents as a whole are also not of the insufferable variety that we have encountered with another son's class.

One person's perspective. Here is mine. There is a core group of pretty boy, jocks and popular boys. They are friendly enough. But if you are not athletic, do not expect to break into the inner circle. Things like parties and dances are just starting up for this grade. So the tension below the calm surface is about to erupt in spades.

Here's another perspective. The classes are small. Even in upper school, there will be fewer than 90 boys in a graduating class, in my son's class, substantially fewer than 90. If only the "pretty boy, jocks and popular" boys hung out together, you'd be talking a group of no more than 10 in each class. That gets boring fast. Because of the small numbers, and more to the point, because of the sense of brotherhood that STA instills, high school cliques like the ones you may have experienced simply do not exist as firm lines of demarcation between the boys. Within the class, and really within the school, the lax bros for instance embrace the less athletic mathletes. It is as advertised, a "brotherhood" for life. That alone leaves me comfortable in the fact that we are spending a boatload of money for this opportunity.

I find the truth somewhere in the middle. There's a lot of interaction and relationships that cross over various activities, and the family-style lunch with assigned seatings helps with breaking up the sort of school-day cliques that are featured in Breakfast Club type movies or many of our own memories. But it's still high school. It's easier to be "popular" if one is a handsome athlete. But that's not the only path to being respected and liked, by any means. Good place overall.

Agree with prior poster that the 2021s are made up of some very nice boys. Also agree that there is a strong sense of brotherhood, and that Breakfast Club cliques are not as perceptible as perhaps from your experience. But also agree that there is a "popular type" boy in that class, as is true throughout the school, of the handsome athlete.

What is happening now within the class of 2021, in other words the current 8th grade class, is a handful of boys who have never been a good fit for the school are, on the verge of graduating middle school and entering upper school, jockeying with increasing intensity for more acceptance and popularity. Hence a lot of name calling, social bullying and even physical altercations.

My prediction is there will be quite a few boys in that class, who will finally persuade their parents that being able to put that STA logo on their cars is just not worth all the pressure of that environment, and will depart for better fit pastures.

Let me understand, you're saying these troubles are because boys don't fit in ... So the boys who fit in have the right to mistreat those you supposedly don't fit??? I'd love to know how the boys of color in the class of 2021 are surviving? We are applying for 9th grade so this is all very interesting.

That's right: the mother of the previous post dismisses the nasty attitude of her "popular" son toward those who look like they may be finally coming into their own as warranted. The truth is, her once "popular" son is shaking in his boots as he realizes that not everything in life will continue to be handed to him on a silver platter. Trust me, there is a handful of boys in this grade with very wealthy parents and no clue of exactly what they have earned versus what's simply been handed to them. Their king of the hills status is on the rocks and mom thinks the best way to help is to get those boys who may be threatening it "counseled out" "for fit." Please.

Holy Moly. Are there really parents (mothers) who think like this? I know: What rock did I just crawl out from under.

I'm amazed! I didn't want to believe that's what the poster was saying. Seems like STA has a great deal of work to do! I hope they're able to get this under control before children are harmed physically and mentally!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people need to get out of the middle school mindset (who is popular, who isn't) and think like parents again. Try to remember your own challenges in 8th grade -- were you your "nicest self" at that age? (If you were, God Bless.) One of the reasons great middle school teachers are worth their weight in gold is that 8th grade is a tough time for kids as they are in the midst of adolescent changes. Active hormones, changing ideas of self, doubts about fitting in, etc. And not everyone will be hitting adolescence at the same time, either.

St. Albans doesn't do a lot of "counseling out" students and there's generally not a great deal of attrition even from the Lower School to the Upper School. Some families will use what is a natural transition point to consider co-ed, public, boarding school options, and that is healthy. Many, after looking into other options, decide to stay put.

+1

[Anonymous]

Competitive parenting is alive and well at STA -- just like most of the public and private school options. Some classes at STA will have more drama than others, but as the boys get older, the issues caused by the parents seem to abate and the issues precipitated by testosterone tend to increase. The middle school years, regardless of the school, are not a great period for most teenagers and their parents.

[Anonymous]

The recent posts prompted me to inquire of my son this afternoon. He actually said there was a second physical altercation recently!. He also says he likes the 2021 class but it is his class (2022) that is full of psycho bullies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The recent posts prompted me to inquire of my son this afternoon. He actually said there was a second physical altercation recently!. He also says he likes the 2021 class but it is his class (2022) that is full of psycho bullies.

So helpful!

[Anonymous]

There has been very little attrition in the class of 2021. If memory serves, the only boy who left was the one who grabbed his female teacher's bottom, so that was not exactly part of the natural attrition process. Almost every year that I am aware for the last 6 years had much higher attrition rates by 8th grade. In some cases up to a quarter of the original entering 4th grade class. This may be part of the problem with that class. Not so good fits staying on despite the writing on the wall. These things have a way of correcting course. Expect a large exodus of boys before the beginning of 9th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There has been very little attrition in the class of 2021. If memory serves, the only boy who left was the one who grabbed his female teacher's bottom, so that was not exactly part of the natural attrition process. Almost every year that I am aware for the last 6 years had much higher attrition rates by 8th grade. In some cases up to a quarter of the original entering 4th grade class. This may be part of the problem with that class. Not so good fits staying on despite the writing on the wall. These things have a way of correcting course. Expect a large exodus of boys before the beginning of 9th grade.

Did you really just out a child ?

And again with the if you don't fit get to stepping attitude! I would expect the school to adjust to make the culture fitting for all!

[Anonymous]

Give it a rest lady. Search for STA boys gone wild on DCUM. There is a whole thread touching on this subject (pun not intended) and other St Albans boys' shenanigans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There has been very little attrition in the class of 2021. If memory serves, the only boy who left was the one who grabbed his female teacher's bottom, so that was not exactly part of the natural attrition process. Almost every year that I am aware for the last 6 years had much higher attrition rates by 8th grade. In some cases up to a quarter of the original entering 4th grade class. This may be part of the problem with that class. Not so good fits staying on despite the writing on the wall. These things have a way of correcting course. Expect a large exodus of boys before the beginning of 9th grade.

Oh how I hope so, so Johnny can keep his starting position on the ice hockey team and control over his minions. If not, hopefully these awful misfits will remember their true place at STA.

[Anonymous]

You gals may be missing the point. In years' past, most of the boys who left were counseled out for behavior issues mainly, and sometimes academic. The point maybe that too many boys with behavior issues have been allowed to stay whereas in years past they would have been asked to leave. Perhaps the moral of the story is that these tough calls need to be made, that trying to work through problems may sound compassionate, but in the end be shortsighted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The recent posts prompted me to inquire of my son this afternoon. He actually said there was a second physical altercation recently!. He also says he likes the 2021 class but it is his class (2022) that is full of psycho bullies.

Wha???? As an STA parent with a 2022 student I think you are really off base here. Its a nice class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son is in lower school and we are seeing this to, To the prior poster, would you share what grade (or range of grades?)? I wonder whether it is his grade in particular (certain grades do tend to be more cliquey); or maybe it is something that happens in a certain grade and then changes over time?

Lower school

Is someone willing to say which Form(s) aren't friendly? We are applying and I'd really like to know. We are leaving a K-8 with a similar issue and I'm very concerned about this issue.

If your son is applying for 9th, I wouldnt worry about it. 9th is a game changer - the entire class dynamics shift tremendously by half way through that year with the influx of boys and the additon of dormers and frankly, the slight calming of pubescent hormones.

If your son is applying for 7th (leaving his K-8 early), I would say do it regardless of that class (2023) - a class I only know a little bit about but all good. Boys who start in 7th have an advantage academically - time to adjust and its a big adjustment - over those who come in 9th. I say this as the mom of a current STA student who came from a local K-8.

Even though you say all good about 2023, is there something about that class that is on point with the PP's post?

Not in that class but have been on sports teams with many of them and have heard the grade has changed for the worse. Some kids this year feel very excluded socially, as apparently the grade has changed and become a very cliquey grade, with one or two of the boys trying to dictate the social groups by socially bullying other boys and deciding who gets to be in a group or not. Add in a few cliquey moms to the mix makes it worse. School has been informed but has not taken action against the boy(s) in question.

2023 is a pretty nice class. Many are friends with different groups. The main complaints involve the same one or two boys that are engaging in social bullying stuff but I think that may change, as it sounds like it is becoming a pattern with them so eventually someone will speak up and tell the school so they can tell the parents.

It is twice as difficlt when you are in more than one grade with insufferable parents. Feel like you can't escape their behavior.

[Anonymous]

The problem dealing with the very small handful of disruptive/bullying kids in each class (and it really is a small handful, sometimes just 1, and they really do exist in each class)...is the parents.

Usually the insufferable parents are the ones who spawned the disruptors/bullies. More often than not, the Insufferables are the crazy rich or crazy connected, and the STA Admin. themselves are impotent to truly and effectively deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any impressions of 2021? My son, god willing, will be a member of that class next year as an entering 9th grader.

The 2021 class seems to be made up of a nice group of kids. The parents as a whole are also not of the insufferable variety that we have encountered with another son's class.

One person's perspective. Here is mine. There is a core group of pretty boy, jocks and popular boys. They are friendly enough. But if you are not athletic, do not expect to break into the inner circle. Things like parties and dances are just starting up for this grade. So the tension below the calm surface is about to erupt in spades.

Here's another perspective. The classes are small. Even in upper school, there will be fewer than 90 boys in a graduating class, in my son's class, substantially fewer than 90. If only the "pretty boy, jocks and popular" boys hung out together, you'd be talking a group of no more than 10 in each class. That gets boring fast. Because of the small numbers, and more to the point, because of the sense of brotherhood that STA instills, high school cliques like the ones you may have experienced simply do not exist as firm lines of demarcation between the boys. Within the class, and really within the school, the lax bros for instance embrace the less athletic mathletes. It is as advertised, a "brotherhood" for life. That alone leaves me comfortable in the fact that we are spending a boatload of money for this opportunity.

I find the truth somewhere in the middle. There's a lot of interaction and relationships that cross over various activities, and the family-style lunch with assigned seatings helps with breaking up the sort of school-day cliques that are featured in Breakfast Club type movies or many of our own memories. But it's still high school. It's easier to be "popular" if one is a handsome athlete. But that's not the only path to being respected and liked, by any means. Good place overall.

Agree with prior poster that the 2021s are made up of some very nice boys. Also agree that there is a strong sense of brotherhood, and that Breakfast Club cliques are not as perceptible as perhaps from your experience. But also agree that there is a "popular type" boy in that class, as is true throughout the school, of the handsome athlete.

What is happening now within the class of 2021, in other words the current 8th grade class, is a handful of boys who have never been a good fit for the school are, on the verge of graduating middle school and entering upper school, jockeying with increasing intensity for more acceptance and popularity. Hence a lot of name calling, social bullying and even physical altercations.

My prediction is there will be quite a few boys in that class, who will finally persuade their parents that being able to put that STA logo on their cars is just not worth all the pressure of that environment, and will depart for better fit pastures.

Let me understand, you're saying these troubles are because boys don't fit in ... So the boys who fit in have the right to mistreat those you supposedly don't fit??? I'd love to know how the boys of color in the class of 2021 are surviving? We are applying for 9th grade so this is all very interesting.

Pp, have your son apply to the SJC Scholars Program. There is a significant AA population at SJC (whites may be minority, not sure) but they need more AA males in the Scholars Program. No one needs this crap that's being described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The recent posts prompted me to inquire of my son this afternoon. He actually said there was a second physical altercation recently!. He also says he likes the 2021 class but it is his class (2022) that is full of psycho bullies.

Wha???? As an STA parent with a 2022 student I think you are really off base here. Its a nice class.

I would take the opinion of an actual student in the class over the filtered opinion of a STA parent.