Annoying sis-in-law - please help

[Anonymous]

So I'm pregnant, due around New Years and my sister-in-law (my youngest brother's wife) is pregnant and due in about 1 month. My parents are crazy about getting 2 new grandkids this year. We all live in different cities and my parents are dying to be at the birth of each of the grandkids. HOWEVER, my brother's wife is being super lame and they have asked not to have any visitors at the birth. My parents are really upset, hurt and angry about this. And now they are choosing to focus all their attention (for better or worse) on me and my pregnancy and childbirth. It's feeling like a lot of pressure and is starting to drive me crazy (and I have 2+ months to go). Should I tell my brother to "grow a pair" and talk his wife into letting our parents be a part of his kid's birth?

fyi - my brother's wife is the kind to make mountains out of mole hills and she always finds a way to be "insulted" by my parents. I'm just sick of hearing about it from my parents and dealing with their "new" obsession over my pregnancy and childbirthing experience. I'd love to hear any and all ideas! Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I can sympathize with your sister-in-law - I did not want to be swarmed by visitors at the birth, either. AFTER baby is born, fine, but I hated the feeling of people hovering over me while I was in labor (even if that meant they were merely hovering in the waiting room). It was a bizarre level of pressure added to an already intense situation. Maybe your sister-in-law feels more like me - that she needs her space for this event. If you want your parents there when your child is born, great, but that doesn't mean your sister-in-law needs to make the same choice. Suggesting your brother "grow a pair" is pretty ridiculous - maybe he's supportive of his wife, and that's not a bad thing. It doesn't sound like she's banning them from seeing the baby forever - just asking them not to hover while she labors.

Frankly, if anyone needs to "grow a pair" in this situation, it might be you. You could stand up to your own parents and tell them you need a bit more of your own space. You're thrilled they are excited, but you need them to talk about it a bit less because you're feeling pretty pressured at this point.

Good luck to all involved, and I hope you and your sister-in-law both have healthy, successful pregnancies.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't even think of having my inlaws at the birth of my child. Are you kidding? I'm only at 16 weeks so it hasn't come up yet, but I will set my inlaws strait, point blank, if they think they are going to be there. I don't even want my parents there.

We live in the same city as DH's family and they are present for everything. This is something that is between me and DH and our new baby. period.

I can't tell from your post if your parents are backing off from her and focusing on you because they sense that your SIL wants the space or if it is more punitive. I certainly hope it's the former.

I would just keep your issue centered to your discomfort with the new surge of extra attention from your parents and deal with them yourself on that issue. As for your SIL and your parents, it's not really any of your business.

[Anonymous]

Your SIL may be more mature and wiser than you. Frankly, you sound like an obnoxious teenager from your post. I hope its just your writing style.

Birth is not a spectator sport. Some women want to have extended family members present and others do not. Its perfectly reasonable for your SIL to not want visitors in the first few weeks.

You need to quickly realize that your family and your brother's family will likely have different ideas and approaches on many things. Neither is correct or incorrect but you need to respect each other's choices. If you plan on maintaining an adult, mature relationship with your brother and SIL then you also need to realize that trying to become between the two of them (grow balls and tell your wife to behave and do what we say comment) is very inappropriate. YIf you don't, you will become one of the "evil" and "idiotic" SILs we all read and laugh about on this board.

[Anonymous]

WTF? This has got to be a joke. Your SIL wants to keep her child's birth a private affair and you and your family are pissed off b/c of that? I didn't want ANYONE but my DH with me. You all need to relax and respect her decision. And, your parents need to dial down the pressure.

Regardless of their relationship with each other, they have to respect her choice for the birth of her baby.

And the poster who said this is right on:

" If you plan on maintaining an adult, mature relationship with your brother and SIL then you also need to realize that trying to become between the two of them (grow balls and tell your wife to behave and do what we say comment) is very inappropriate. YIf you don't, you will become one of the "evil" and "idiotic" SILs we all read and laugh about on this board."

[Anonymous]

Totally agree with the PPs. You're the one that needs to "grow a pair" and tell your parents to back off. Your SIL is completely within her rights to ask for no family during the birth.

Why do so many people want to attend the birth, anyways? I just plan on having me & DH. When my sisters gave birth, I didn't know until the phone call the next day. Who wants to wait around a hospital waiting room for hours?? I thought it was just something that happened on TV.

[Anonymous]

I would be quite shocked if any one in my family suggested attending my labour and delivery, even in the waiting room!
It is such a private moment for me. I don't think I even want my mother. Just DH, who is a doctor, and can advocate for me.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm.... So you're feeling the insane pressure from your parents and you've come to this message board to figure out how to deal. Hello?!?! Maybe your SIL sensed that your parents are a tad intrusive and overbearing and that's why they don't want them at the birth. And I say "they" because I'm sure your BIL feels the same way. From your post, YOU even feel that way about your parents. OMG, for the love of Christ, someone needs to "grow a pair" and tell your parents to back the eff off!

If you want your parents to back off from you, by all means TELL THEM! And as for your SIL, mind your own business!

[Anonymous]

And the poster who said this is right on:

" If you plan on maintaining an adult, mature relationship with your brother and SIL then you also need to realize that trying to become between the two of them (grow balls and tell your wife to behave and do what we say comment) is very inappropriate. YIf you don't, you will become one of the "evil" and "idiotic" SILs we all read and laugh about on this board."

And your parents also sound like the "evil" and "idiotic" in-laws we read and laugh about on this board!

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. I completely agree with PPs. I would not want in-laws (or my parents) visiting when I could go into labor at any moment especially since I plan to labor at home as long as possible. I'd rather they plan to visit after the baby has arrived. Since your SIL is the one going through labor and childbirth, I think it's great for your brother to respect her wishes.

[Anonymous]

You and your parents are the ones who are being difficult and dramatic, not your SIL. At least not in regards to the information that you've shared here. I adore my in-laws, but I would have died before I would have had them at the birth. No way, no how. No. Not a chance.

[Anonymous]

omg i cannot fathom the idea of my control-freak of a mil being involved in my baby's birth. jesus, she would sit there and make comments about how i am doing it all wrong.

i think we're going to go the route where we tell all friends and family when the baby has entered the world safe and sound.....

[Anonymous]

My out of town MIL is actually being wonderful in recognzing that I wouldn't want her here for the first few days after the birth (they will be staying at a hotel but will need to be driven around to get anywhere, including our place or the hospital), whereas having my parents in town (who will stay with my sister and have their own car) is just what I will need, as I can tell them to go away if the situation warrants or ask them to run errands without feeling guilty.

And with all that, the thought that when they come, they will be just sitting in our living room for five days within a week of the birth is giving me more than a little agnst.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm not sure if you're talking about your parents being at the actual birth of your SIL's baby or if you're talking about them visiting at that time and waiting outside the hospital room/at home, but either way, I have to support your SIL on this one. Sorry. For some of us, it's a lot of pressure to have people around and that time, and an unnecessary distraction. If your SIL wants to have the baby, get home and settle in before your parents visit them, I think that's completely reasonable. Birth mother gets to make the call on that one, in my opinion!

[Anonymous]

I feel like I would be the one in your SIL's position. There is NO WAY IN HELL I would want my in-laws at the birth of my baby. For one thing, I firmly believe in having at least 2 weeks just as husband, wife and new baby for the adjustment period.
Agree with PP's that it is YOUR responsibility to confront your parents about their overbearing nature on YOUR pregnancy, instead of meddling into the live's of your brother and SIL. It is HER perogative as to who and when she wants in-laws or any other visitors. I really hope that you gain insight and realization on this particular concept so it does not become a reoccuring theme in your lives. It sounds like since you are not getting your way you want to impose something (ei: your parents) onto her.
I am not trying to be mean, it's just that I (and from the looks of this post many others) do not consider your sis-in-law to be "annoying".