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Annoying sis-in-law - please help
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Anonymous
I agree. |
Anonymous
| Wow. OP here. Thanks for the feedback. I guess I really did need a reality check. Some of you didn't need to be so agressive about it, but nonetheless, I appreciate it. You are right. It's hard not to get caught up in old patterns of family drama. I need to get up the nerve and tell my parents to back off. It's just not something that they do very well. At least they live out of town. Thanks again. This board really works sometimes! |
Anonymous
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OP, would you want your inlaws there when you're naked, spread-eagled and yelling "Get it out!"?
If so, you may be alone in that. Childbirth is probably the least modest moment of your life - I didn't want anyone there but my spouse for the first one, and the same will happen for this baby. |
Anonymous
Yikes, you all are harsh. I am assuming the OP meant the parents would be in the waiting room, not the delivery room. And if that is the case, what's the harm? You of course can set limits that you are comfortable with but would it kill you to have your parents wait in the waiting room, peer in through the nursery window, give their daughter/son a hug, take a few pictures and then exit? You ladies sometimes take yourselves a little too seriously. Someday YOU may be that excited, proud grandmother - treat your parents as you will want to be treated 
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Anonymous
| It might have killed me to know that people were in the waiting room while I was in labor for 40 hours. It definitely would have stressed me out for weeks beforehand thinking that I'd have to worry about them and that my husband would have to update them throughout, etc. And if my daughter or DIL needs me at the hospital one day when she gives birth, I guess I'll go... but please, please, future daughter or daughter-in-law... just call me after it's over! |
Anonymous
I just don't get why this would be enjoyable for anyone. Why would anyone WANT to wait in a waiting room for hours? Is it really that important to see a new baby within hours? It doesn't make any sense to me. To each their own, I suppose. |
Anonymous
22:40 poster here. My parents, my sister and inlaws waited in the waiting room until both of my children were born. I loved that our two families were bonding together as a unit that would always be there for my children and us as parents. And they had fun too - chatting our our births, laughing and just being excited. It was the equivalent of Christmas Eve for them. I loved that my husband was SO PROUD as he walked out and told everyone we had a new baby. I loved telling them in person what we chose as names. I love that they have special stories to share with my children about the day they were born. Maybe I'm spoiled that my family has pretty good sense to establish boundaries and if they are getting to be too much we can be honest without feelings being crushed, but the day they were born was so much more then just the day they met their parents - it was the day they met the 7 people who love them unconditionally for as long as they live. |
Anonymous
| OP - the problem isn't this pregnancy or this situation, its the fact that your SIL was able to do something you really want to do but feel you can't - that is tell your parents NO and have them respect it. It will only get harder once your baby is here so take a cue from your SIL, and start learning to stand your ground now and not get caught up in your parents drama. |
Anonymous
| even if they are in the waiting room it's a lot of added pressure - esp. if you're planning on breastfeeding. With all of the bf'g I was pretty much topless for much of the time I was in the hospital. If my in-laws were there visiting in my room for extended periods, I would never have been able to do that and maybe those initial important days for starting bf'g would not have gone well. |
Anonymous
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From a BTDT mom of two:
I didn't want anyone in the actual delivery room except my husband. My parents (who were local) stayed in the waiting room. My mom said she justed wanted to hear right away that I was okay (and quite frankly, I really appreciated that --- b/c newsflash: once the baby comes, everyone is focused on the baby, and no one is really focused on the Mom). The inlaws (who were about 6 hours away), drove down once I was in labor and visted the next day. They stuck around to help out for a couple weeks once I came home -- and that was WONDERFUL. Newsflash: It is WONDERFUL to have someone do the laundry, clean the house, go grocery shopping, cook meals, etc. And it is WONDERFUL to have someone watch the newborn while you shower or nap. I honestly don't get the two-week family bonding line. Just wait, newbies: the sleepless nights will have a tremendous impact on you and you will welcome help from whoever offers it. Take it while you can. |
Anonymous
| I both agree and disagree with the PP - I think it all depends on what your home and family situation is. My husband was home on paternity leave with me at first, so it was really more helpful to me just to have him -- and not my parents or in-laws -- until we had become a little more settled in. But if I hadn't had him home with me, I definitely would have wanted/needed help from them. And of course a lot depends on how good or bad your relationship with your parents and inlaws is. I can see that if you have hyper-critical parents/in-laws -- or the kind that insist of doing everything their way -- like letting the baby sleep on their stomach bc/ that's how they did it 30+ years ago -- then it would be more trouble than it was worth to have them help out. |
Anonymous
I agree with this post. In fact, I'm going to predict, OP, that you'll be Off Topic forum in 6 months asking how to get overbearing grandparents to back off and not nit-pick your parenting style or choices...b/c this seems (the pregnancy) to be the tip of the iceburg. You don't even enjoy the extra gloating from the attention so what makes you think that you're SIL enjoys hearing it from your parents |
Anonymous
Wow! There are alot of assumptions in your post! You assume that everyone's ILs would be so helpful! You assume that that they would come to see the DC and then automatically grab the vacuum and do the laundry. Many parents come for the birth and feel their role is to hang out and be guests (this has been covered in other threads) Don't assume everyone else will have your great setup. The 2 week bonding period many times is code for not wanting to have ILs/parents around who will be more work than help. You might not be a newbie but you seem to have a narrow range of experience. |
Anonymous
I'm glad you enjoyed the reality check It's definitely good for you to realize that you have 100% control on who you want at your labor, childbirth, and after, and they may be different people for all 3! My in-laws asked that I schedule an induction so they could travel from California for the birth, and not only did I not schedule an induction, I wouldn't have had my own parents or sister at my birth. I needed people who were going to be 100% supportive of my birth choices and both sets of parents are very controlling -- not good birth partners!
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Anonymous
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It is your sister-in-laws personal decision as to whether she wants her in-laws at the birth, or immediately after, the birth of her first child. You perceive to be negatively affected by your description of your parents now giving you too much attention in regards to your pregnancy? Get over it. Your brother(her husband) should stick up for his WIFE in this case. He is about to become a new father and his first priority is the health and happiness of his wife, not his sister or his parents.
Don't make your SIL the scape goat for your parents smothering. |