MIL's cousin died
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Anonymous
| She wants me to take my 3 and 5 year old kids to the funeral to meet her cousins. My kids ha.ve never met the cousin who passed. I have met once. I do not go correct? Husband can go to support, but it's weird to take my kids right. They have never been to a funeral. |
Anonymous
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No, too many degrees of separation. You don't go, kids don't go.
Sounds like your MIL is grieving and feeling nostalgic, which is understandable, but she needs a better way to deal with her grief than to live out her "meet the cousins" dream on young children who really have nothing to do with the deceased. |
Anonymous
| Husband can go and take the kids if he wants to. You don’t have to go. |
Anonymous
| Can you bring the kids to the reception (or whatever it's called after a funeral) and skip the service. I think that would be a nice compromise. Bring a casserole. |
Anonymous
| Are the services local? |
Anonymous
About an hour away on Memorial Day. |
Anonymous
| Funerals are for the living, not the deceased. You often go to support your loved ones when they are grieving a loss. Which isn't to say you have to go, but the fact you didn't know the cousin isn't the reason not to. |
Anonymous
| I would not go, but then my MIL wouldn't dream of asking me. She's a reasonable person. |
Anonymous
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Totally inappropriate. Your DH should go if he wants.
Inappropriate to expect you or the kids there. |
Anonymous
| Your husband's call. You should go to support him. |
Anonymous
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It's not innapropriate to go or to ask you to go.
It's not innapropriate for you to send DH instead but MIL isn't doing anything wrong. Children are frequently a happy light in a funeral. They dont understand enough to feel sad and generally make the old people happy. I would send your kids. Mine are 2 and 10 months. My 2 year old has been to 3 funerals (two of my grandparents and one uncle) and they were nothing but positive presences. I would try to make it sound a bit less like you're making a decision to preserve your memorial day weekend fun though regardless of what it is. Someone is dead and MIL is grieving. No one cares or should care about your ruined bbq plans. |
Anonymous
| Also op. Frequently as families age the times they see each other are, unfortunately and sadly, only funerals and weddings. It is normal to want to take advantage of that. |
Anonymous
I get what you're trying to say, but were I the MIL, I would totally care about whether I disturbed my DIL's plans and whether my DIL was close enough to *me* that I could request her presence to a funeral she didn't have to go to. |
Anonymous
| Are they also your husband's kids? Would he like them to attend and meet some of his extended family? |
Anonymous
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Of course you should go - and it is for the living and your living are not only your MIL but the extended family. Unless this was a tragic death the service itself will be boring but the 'reception' (again - whatever its called) will most likely be a luncheon where your DH's family take an interest in your kids (their blood relatives.) Funerals and weddings are where family bonds grow and are a good way to teach your kids about where they belong in the continuum of family.
You would not take kids to the funeral home the night before (most like night - but no matter what - that would be hard with that age. But geez OP - your MIL thinks enough of you that she wants you as well as her grandkids to be welcomed into the family in one of the few very extended family rituals left. (Weddings just aren't that anymore.) It will be solemn on some level but almost all funeral for older people become comfortable low key gatherings. |