Custody Issue While Separated - Please Help!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is very costly to go to trial. You can file for custody and divorce on your own at the courthouse and represent yourself. Tell wife either sell the house or she pays the entire mortgage.

She is being unreasonable she won't agree to selling the house and she says she doesn't care where I go as long as I pay the mortgage on the house until daughter is grown. She can't afford to pay the house on her own.

No judge is going to have you pay the mortgage and child support. Grow up. Go to court and file for joint custody and divorce. 50% of assets and sell the house or she buys out your share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop asking her and have her served with the papers. That should force the ball rolling and help avoid issue of abandonment.

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My lawyer already sent her the separation agreement. Cant serve the divorce papers until we have been separated for a full year.

[Anonymous]

Please think of your daughter. What is the best way to get to your wife? Cry, beg, compliment her, show that you understand she is suffering, do whatever you need to do for your poor daughter. Your wife is clearly unstable and a bad parent (and person). Perhaps she is not very smart or does not love her daughter enough to put her needs first. How about you? Can you help your daughter in any way? Protect her from this hell, please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop asking her and have her served with the papers. That should force the ball rolling and help avoid issue of abandonment.

\

My lawyer already sent her the separation agreement. Cant serve the divorce papers until we have been separated for a full year.

Move out. You can get a hearing on temporary custody and support while you wait out the separation.

Or take the locks off the door and go sit in the room with them.

[Anonymous]

What has your wife accused you of doing? What is she afraid of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk to a divorce attorney in your jurisdiction about what your options are.

I have retained a lawyer. Lawyer put together the separation agreement and sent it to my wife but she's refusing to sign it.

OP, your story is eerily familiar, in my personal experience engaging with a narcissistic ex-spouse had similar interactions. It’s tough. Document, play fair, keep your distance. Don’t stoop to the other abusive parent’s level. I’m really sorry and hope you have strong representation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop asking her and have her served with the papers. That should force the ball rolling and help avoid issue of abandonment.

\

My lawyer already sent her the separation agreement. Cant serve the divorce papers until we have been separated for a full year.

Move out. You can get a hearing on temporary custody and support while you wait out the separation.

Or take the locks off the door and go sit in the room with them.

You will have to move to start the clock and boundaries should be better enforced between you two because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep a diary. Document all the times and activities. Talk to a lawyer before you file anything and before you move out.

Do not move out unless your attorney agrees. This might be a good situation for a custody evaluation. Document. Try emailing spouse to set up specific days you could pick up DD and take her to dinner, game, something she’d like. Document effort and rebuffs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop asking her and have her served with the papers. That should force the ball rolling and help avoid issue of abandonment.

\

My lawyer already sent her the separation agreement. Cant serve the divorce papers until we have been separated for a full year.

Move out. You can get a hearing on temporary custody and support while you wait out the separation.

Or take the locks off the door and go sit in the room with them.

+1. I would have either pulled the locks off or taken the doors off the hinges in this situation to see my kid.

It also sounds like you need a better lawyer. You didn't say what jurisdiction you're in but I am really surprised that your lawyer can't come up with a better option than just passively trying to get her to sign the papers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop asking her and have her served with the papers. That should force the ball rolling and help avoid issue of abandonment.

\

My lawyer already sent her the separation agreement. Cant serve the divorce papers until we have been separated for a full year.

Move out. You can get a hearing on temporary custody and support while you wait out the separation.

Or take the locks off the door and go sit in the room with them.

+1. I would have either pulled the locks off or taken the doors off the hinges in this situation to see my kid.

It also sounds like you need a better lawyer. You didn't say what jurisdiction you're in but I am really surprised that your lawyer can't come up with a better option than just passively trying to get her to sign the papers.

In Maryland at least, this is pretty much the way it works. Can’t do much other than go to mediation/try to get a signed agreement but even that doesn’t mean much until you can actually file after one year separation. There is no “legal” separation and you’re essentially at each other’s mercy if you’re acrimonious. These threads come up a lot and everyone’s advice is to speak to a lawyer, which is absolutely true, but other than drafting the agreement and pressuring the other party to sign and thus abide by it, you’re SOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop asking her and have her served with the papers. That should force the ball rolling and help avoid issue of abandonment.

\

My lawyer already sent her the separation agreement. Cant serve the divorce papers until we have been separated for a full year.

Move out. You can get a hearing on temporary custody and support while you wait out the separation.

Or take the locks off the door and go sit in the room with them.

+1. I would have either pulled the locks off or taken the doors off the hinges in this situation to see my kid.

It also sounds like you need a better lawyer. You didn't say what jurisdiction you're in but I am really surprised that your lawyer can't come up with a better option than just passively trying to get her to sign the papers.

In Maryland at least, this is pretty much the way it works. Can’t do much other than go to mediation/try to get a signed agreement but even that doesn’t mean much until you can actually file after one year separation. There is no “legal” separation and you’re essentially at each other’s mercy if you’re acrimonious. These threads come up a lot and everyone’s advice is to speak to a lawyer, which is absolutely true, but other than drafting the agreement and pressuring the other party to sign and thus abide by it, you’re SOL.

I'm just really surprised that being the one that leaves would put you at a significant disadvantage in court. Alternatively, what if one takes the kids and leaves, is that the same? I'm not a family law lawyer but I'm really surprised a relatively progressive state like MD would have such an archaic framework for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Leave. Let her file at-fault on the grounds of abandonment. Your defense will be your documented attempts to negotiate a separation agreement, and her alienating you from your child for 7 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop asking her and have her served with the papers. That should force the ball rolling and help avoid issue of abandonment.

\

My lawyer already sent her the separation agreement. Cant serve the divorce papers until we have been separated for a full year.

Move out. You can get a hearing on temporary custody and support while you wait out the separation.

Or take the locks off the door and go sit in the room with them.

+1. I would have either pulled the locks off or taken the doors off the hinges in this situation to see my kid.

It also sounds like you need a better lawyer. You didn't say what jurisdiction you're in but I am really surprised that your lawyer can't come up with a better option than just passively trying to get her to sign the papers.

In Maryland at least, this is pretty much the way it works. Can’t do much other than go to mediation/try to get a signed agreement but even that doesn’t mean much until you can actually file after one year separation. There is no “legal” separation and you’re essentially at each other’s mercy if you’re acrimonious. These threads come up a lot and everyone’s advice is to speak to a lawyer, which is absolutely true, but other than drafting the agreement and pressuring the other party to sign and thus abide by it, you’re SOL.

I'm just really surprised that being the one that leaves would put you at a significant disadvantage in court. Alternatively, what if one takes the kids and leaves, is that the same? I'm not a family law lawyer but I'm really surprised a relatively progressive state like MD would have such an archaic framework for divorce.

I mean I’m not a lawyer so I don’t know this for sure, but moving out in MD *should* not constitute abandonment. I’m not sure why people think this but maybe I’m misinformed. You have to be separated for a year and no one expects you to live in the same house, especially not the courts. Because they are still married AND there is no signed agreement in place, there ISN’T a presumption of custody either way. Most people, I think, in this situation start living out their preferred (separation agreement or verbally agreed upon) custody/visitation arrangements during the separation period at different houses and then merge that into the divorce settlement. Again, I can’t speak to this with any sort of authority, but I went through some of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave. Let her file at-fault on the grounds of abandonment. Your defense will be your documented attempts to negotiate a separation agreement, and her alienating you from your child for 7 months.

She can’t file at fault for abandonment unless it’s been 2 years. There’s nothing she can do at this point.

[Anonymous]

I lived in MD, moved out without legal agreement because Ex would not sign. No major legal problems with the verbal agreementin my circumstance, no negative ramifications for leaving the marital propert if you don’t want to live there. Talk to an attorney. You can get a consult for a flat hourly rate. Or attend a divorce workshop or info session through a community program like the women’s center. They have a DC office.